by B N Miles
Whatever context was going on behind this conversation was over Sam’s head. Silence followed Mode’s statement and hung around them. The scratching quill was the loudest thing in the room.
Without looking up from his work, Mode said, “That's all for now, Sam. Read the book. Come to me if you have any questions. And remember, this is classified. Not a word.”
“Yes, sir,” Sam said. He hated keeping things from his crew, but if his headmaster said he would dissolve them in a pit of vessar acid, then Sam had no issues with keeping this particular thing to himself.
“You’re dismissed as well, Apelles,” Mode said, “I have much more work that needs to be done. Starting with our little double-agent.”
“Yes, sir,” Apelles said. “Should you need me, you know where I will be.”
“Indeed.” Mode shooed him with a flick of his wrist.
Sam stood and walked wordlessly from the room, following Apelles. He gave a final glance to the vessar, who trained his slitted yellow eyes on Sam. Eerie. Sam trailed out of the room with the assumption that he would simply go back to his room and take the rest of the day off with the girls. It appeared that Apelles had other plans.
The spymaster suddenly halted and spun around. The movement was so quick that Sam almost couldn’t stop himself from walking right into the man.
“That won't be the last attempt on the Codex by the Meerans,” Apelles said. “The front lines are heating up again, which means that they're creating a national distraction. Once the front lines break out into heavy fighting, most of our resources will be redirected to support our troops and make sure the death toll is minimized as much as possible. The Academy needs to be on high alert. You need to stay alert. Because Franklin got away, he’ll report to his superiors and your name will come up. And if they get a chance, they'll come after you.” He clapped Sam on the shoulder and smiled. “Stay diligent. I have no doubt that you can handle it.”
He didn't even wait for a reply before he patted Sam like a child and turned away, walking leisurely down the hall with his hands stuffed into his pockets. Sam stood there and blinked at the wall for a few moments before he took a deep breath and continued on the journey to his dorm. He was intent on getting to his room so he could crack open the book in his hand and figure out what in the world the two men were talking about.
The Meerans would be after him. Never in his life did he think he would be important enough to be attacked by a foreign government. While it wasn't the sort of infamy he'd dreamed up as a child, he supposed it was something.
Sam smiled. The infamous Samson Croft, they would say in Meera. Somebody needs to get rid of him before he ruins all our plans.
29
Sam thought he might have been done with the forest after yesterday, but when the girls wanted to go for a stroll with him, he couldn't refuse. It was a beautiful day anyway. Autumn was slowly ebbing away and making way for winter’s chill. He didn't like winter when he lived in the city. But now he had food, a roof, and a warm fireplace. Maybe winter would be nice this year. Maybe the snow would be fun to play in when he wasn’t worried it might kill him.
Drina skipped through the leaves, grabbing saplings as she went, swinging around the slim trunks and goading Rosin into frolicking with her. Although the blonde probably felt silly acting like a child, Drina’s elation was contagious, and she ended up doing it anyway.
Mattie seemed content to just hold his hand and walk, their feet crunching gently through the leaves. Eventually they arrived at their clearing and Sam stopped abruptly.
“Are you alright?” Mattie asked.
“Yeah,” Sam said, looking around. “I just realized that all this time, we've been so busy with our watches and studies in class that we never really got to talk about us.”
He didn’t realize the other two were listening until Drina skipped to him, dragging Rosin with her, and skidded to a stop before him. She gave him a bright smile. “No better time to talk about it than now!”
Sam smiled and grabbed her waist, pulling her and Rosin to him at once. The girls pressed into him, wrapping their arms around him, around each other.
He rested his chin atop Rosin’s head, gathering his thoughts, savoring in the warmth surrounding him. “It doesn't even feel like it's been a semester,” he said. “It feels like we’ve just begun, like I'm just getting to know you. Like I’m just now getting to explore what it means to love you.”
“To love us?” Rosin peeked up shyly through her lashes.
Sam kissed her forehead. Love was a powerful word. It wasn’t something to fling around, but what other word existed for this? It was more than sex with them. They were his crew, his family, his best friends, his lovers, the people he would die to protect, the people he wanted in his life until the day it ended.
Mattie nuzzled into his shoulder and for once, Drina didn’t have a smart comeback, only a sweet, dreamy smile.
“I feel the same way.” Rosin sighed, closing her eyes and resting her head against his chest.
“Yeah,” Drina said. “Me too.
“Does that mean we're together? All of us?” Sam looked at each of them, searing their content smiles into his mind so that he never forgot them.
“For such a smart man, you can be incredibly dense sometimes. Of course we’re together,” Drina murmured. “It didn’t even have to be said.”
“But it does,” Sam said, “I would never just assume it. What kind of man would that make me?”
“But do you want to be with us, Sam?” Rosin asked. “People will talk, you know.”
Mattie snorted. “Let them.”
Sam didn't answer, not because he had to think about it, but because he just wanted to step back and look at all three of them and recognize the individuals that they were, the strengths they brought to the crew, the way they supported him and stood beside him, even when he was being ridiculous.
“This is something more than just a crew,” Sam said. “We're in this together, now. You’re my girlfriends, and I'm your boyfriend…if you'll have me, that is. As for me, I’m the luckiest man who has ever lived, and I don’t deserve any of you, but I’m going to do my best every day to be the sort of man who does.”
Drina made a rare, girlish sigh and stood on her toes to kiss him. Rosin and Maddie were quick to do the same, and in seconds, the four of them dissolved into one incoherent mass of kisses and laughter. Sam closed his eyes and rested his cheek on top of Mattie’s head, inhaling the mixed scents of their hair, absorbing the sounds of their intermingling giggles and sighs. He wished he could stay in this moment for all of eternity, but of course, he couldn't.
They had to keep going. They had more semesters to go, more life to live, but he hoped they would always be this way. Maybe that was painfully optimistic and ignorant, maybe it was childish, but he couldn't imagine his life without all three of them. He couldn’t imagine ever tiring of holding them, being with them in moments like this.
He pictured them old and gray, the girls still beautiful and full of life no matter how many wrinkles they had. The four of them would live together in a small cabin, somewhere along the Pel Mountains. They would be too old to be spies, but not too old to stand like this, underneath the sun together for the rest of their days.
That was the silent wish he sent to the spirits, anyway.
30
“Sam!”
He sighed and closed his eyes, praying for patience when the sound of Delcan’s voice echoed somewhere behind him, demanded his attention.
“You go ahead,” he said to the girls—his girlfriends. “I'll be along in a minute.”
He opened his eyes.
Mattie was glancing past his shoulder with a cocked eyebrow. “Are you absolutely sure about that, Sam?”
He nodded. He had to face the blonde sooner or later, he supposed.
“All right,” Mattie said. “I'll hear you if you call for us.”
“I know.” Sam cupped her cheek.
“I'll always
hear you.” Mattie kissed the inside of his wrist.
Sam smiled. “I know.”
He dropped his hand from her face and she gave him a last, lingering look before she and the other two girls turned away, heading to Drina and Mattie’s room.
Sam counted to ten for patience, then counted to five for understanding before he swiveled on his heel and faced Delcan, who was nearly upon him.
“I don't know what the hell happened the other day, and frankly, I don’t give a shit. We weren't finished. I want a rematch.”
Sam shook his head. “Sorry, I can’t help you there. I'm tired. And honestly, the tourney wasn’t that important to begin with. Maybe we can have a rematch…way later, but not right now. In fact, Delcan, I'm surprised they haven't hauled you off yet.”
The blonde frowned and for once, he didn’t fire back a retort. Instead, a genuine look of confusion crossed his face. “What do you mean?”
Maybe he didn't know what June was up to, but Sam wasn't going to assume the best in him. He may just be a good actor and have a solid alibi.
“Well, June was your crewmate…”
Delcan’s expression of profound confusion didn’t lessen.
“You know…she was caught stealing things from the administrative building…Meeran spy…no? Nothing rings a bell?”
Surely the news got out by now. The handful of students who found Sam and his crew must have gossiped about it by now. Or…surely Delcan was notified that his crewmember was no longer his crewmember?
From Delcan’s face, Sam could almost believe that the blonde hadn’t noticed her absence. That was highly unlikely, given that she had been with him every day.
“Right,” Sam sighed. Didn’t matter anyway. As Apelles would say, Delcan was nothing but a gnat in his eye. That’s what Sam told himself, anyway, to practice apathy. His temper needed a great amount of work if he wanted to be successful in his career, and there was no better time than now to start practicing.
“You know more than you let on.” Sam shrugged. “I don’t personally care whether you were in on it or not, but the administration will find out one way or another.”
That triggered the blonde. Delcan’s face turned down into an angry snarl. “Did you just accuse me of being a traitor?”
Sam shrugged. “I’m not accusing you. I’m telling you that if you were, I wouldn’t care either way, and that if you were, then Mode will catch on eventually. But, again, that isn’t my problem.”
“I'm not a traitor, you bloody idiot,” Delcan hissed. “My mother was killed by the Meeran government, my father is the supreme commander of the steelrunner detachment. I’m as much a Meeran spy as Mode is. I don’t know what in the hells you’re talking about, but if June did something against the Varin Empire, then she’s the traitor, not me. And what’s more, Sam, is that anybody who spits on my country is as good as dead to me. And if you ever accuse me of being a traitor again, I’ll make sure my next fireball doesn’t miss.”
Delcan’s fists furled at his sides, his shoulders a rigid line. For a moment, Sam saw him as he saw him that night in the mirror. There was something fragile and vulnerable underneath his twisted scowl. Maybe it was in the sharp angle of his defensive body language. Maybe it was in the slight crack in his voice or the intensity of his eyes.
Sam believed him.
“Alright,” Sam said quietly, extending a temporary peace in the form of agreement.
“…Alright.” Delcan crossed his arms and tried to look patronizing, but Sam could see underneath his skin now. All it took was one little glimpse. Underneath that sneer was relief, gratitude that somebody believed him, and an inability to surrender his dominant, ‘strong’ identity.
“I'm going back to my room,” Sam said. “Have a good day, Delcan.”
Sam didn’t wait for the blonde’s response. Instead, he turned around, gave Delcan his back, and strode down the corridor, toward the three beautiful women waiting on him to come back to them.
31
It had been a month since June had been caught and taken to justice. In that time, Sam’s academic life became much easier. School work wasn't as difficult when he slept the night before, when he could actually study. Mode’s unmarked book called to him like a siren’s song from inside the drawer of his bedside table, but he was never alone for long enough to read it. He told himself that he would read it after the exams anyway, so he wouldn’t get distracted while he was supposed to be studying for the test that would be the deciding factor on whether he would be able to continue his education, or if he had to say goodbye to his dreams.
Not reading the book—not quenching his insatiable curiosity—was for the best right now.
Outside of that, Delcan had backed off, for the most part. Sam liked to think that the blonde had been unsettled by their last meeting. He did, after all, reveal something quite vulnerable to Sam. It wouldn’t be right to use it, though. Sam may have insulted Delcan’s mother in their first fight, but he wouldn’t use a man’s pain against him unless somebody’s life depended on it. Even if that man was his enemy.
Everything was so peaceful and quiet, he allowed himself the illusion that it would last.
It wouldn’t, because today was the day. They were going to take their exit exams for the semester. Only some of them would move on to the next year. The rest would have to move on with their lives and forget about any ambitions they had for the Varin Shadow Force.
Fifty of them stood in a tight cluster outside of the exam room. The vast corridor swelled with nervous chatter. Sam stared at the door and remained quiet while his girlfriends talked quietly amongst each other. He would pass. He had to. There was nothing to be nervous about.
The doors swung open, and an eerie silence cut through the din, quashing it like a pest. The entirety of the first-year group seemed to take a collective inhale before slowly meandering into the room. Sam swallowed and shuffled with the group at the very back of the line.
He liked the back of the line. His entire life was one long rush out the door. Taking his time when he could was a rare treat. However, it also meant that he was easy to catch at the most inopportune times.
There was a tap on his shoulder. Sam turned around to see Apelles, his arms folded and his eyebrow cocked. The spymaster inclined his head for Sam to follow.
This was the absolute worst time for a chat. Sam was already jittery with nerves. He really just wanted to get the test over with.
But Apelles never sought Sam out unless he needed to.
Sam took a step away from the classroom and followed Apelles around the corner of the inverted entryway. The spymaster leaned against the wall, obscuring his presence in the shadow of the sharp angles of the stone wall.
Apelles scanned Sam and when he spoke, it was almost a whisper. “Don’t be nervous. You'll pass your exam, that I can promise you.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Sam said, pushing his hands into his pockets so that he didn’t fidget. “Did you need something?”
“Yes, actually,” Apelles said. “When I told you that you had potential, I meant the sort of potential that I don't see in any of the other students. I'd like to offer you an…internship of sorts. To learn more advanced tradecraft. My tradecraft. During the summer, of course, that way you won’t have to sacrifice schoolwork for training.”
“Really?!” Sam blurted, his eyes widening. He forgot himself momentarily, but when he realized how overeager he must have seemed, he cleared his throat and straightened his spine. “I mean, that sounds beneficial.”
“Indeed.” Apelles smothered a small smile.
Wait. He’d said the summer months. He and Mattie would have to go back to the city during the long break, while Drina and Rosin stayed with their families hundreds of miles away. He hadn’t been looking forward to the break for that very reason, so maybe this could also be an opportunity to stay with them rather than be parted for months. “I’ll do it…if my crew can come with me.”
Apelles’ st
oic expression dropped momentarily, and he stared at Sam as if he’d grown a second head. When Sam crossed his arms, the spymaster rolled his eyes and muttered. “You've got to be kidding me. Do you drag them around everywhere you go?”
Sam nodded. “Just like they drag me around everywhere they go. They're my family. I'm theirs. Where I go, they go.”
Apelles expelled a long breath and didn’t say anything, letting a tense, pregnant pause hang between them. Maybe he hoped Sam would get nervous at the prospect of losing the opportunity and take it back.
Fat chance of that.
“Alright,” Apelles finally said, “under one condition.”
“Name it,” Sam said
“The first time Drina touches me, she gets sent home for the rest of the summer.”
Sam laughed. “Are you scared of her?”
Apelles glowered at him and didn’t answer, which made Sam laugh harder. When his laughter died down, Sam caught his breath and shook his head. “Yeah, fine. Sounds fair.”
“Lovely,” Apelles deadpanned.
Sam thrust his thumb behind him, unable to hide his cheeky grin. He couldn’t wait to tell the girls later on. “I've got to go take my exams now.”
Apelles waved Sam off. “By all means.”
Sam smiled and turned to leave, but he paused and turned back. “Thank you, really. This is an amazing opportunity, one that I never thought I’d ever have. It means a lot to me, so just…thank you, for taking a chance on me.”
“Yes, yes, you’re very welcome. Now leave before you’re barred from the exam.”
Sam’s eyes widened. He didn’t realize they could bar him for being too late, so he scurried around the corner and darted for the exam door.
He grabbed the large knob and paused for a fraction of a moment. The spymaster of the Varin Academy was his mentor. He couldn’t quite believe it, but at the same time, he shouldn’t be surprised by these things anymore.
