“I…uh…might take you up on that. You sure?” Jasper shifted in his seat. Maybe he was cold. Wishing I had a more fun way to warm him up, I adjusted the heater again.
“It’s the least I can do. You’re saving my bacon. One card down. Three to go.” Optimism wasn’t my strong suit, but I tried to channel my inner Jasper.
“Hmm. We’ll see.” Jasper sounded more like me for a change, pragmatic and guarded. “After this cold snap clears, maybe. I’d hate to ruin your clutch though.”
“Let me worry about that.” I wanted him excited about this prospect. And if it meant more time together, well, there wasn’t really a downside I could see. It would be worth a repair if it meant doing something for him after all he’d done for me.
“Okay. Deal.” Jasper nodded then stretched his neck. A rogue thought about what I’d like to do to that neck danced through my brain, but I forced my eyes back on the road. A couple of miles passed in silence before Jasper said, “Milo?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry you had it so crappy. I wish I’d known.” His voice was soft and a little uncertain and warmed me more than the unreliable heater.
“Thanks.” Keeping my eyes on the road, I had to swallow before continuing. “I wish…lots of things.”
“Yeah.” Jasper’s sigh held an entire library’s worth of meaning. We drifted into another silence, this one less tense but still potent. Our conversation had left us in a strange place. He now knew more about me than almost anyone else, but I still had no idea if we were friends again, or if such a thing were even possible. And I’d lived with regret so long that my hope muscles were all atrophied to the point that I didn’t know what exactly I wanted here. Learning to hope again only to fall flat on my face would suck.
And yet, as we neared Gracehaven, something kept fluttering inside me. Not hope maybe, but its restless, more anxious cousin. I wanted…something.
“Is your group doing the cosplay thing again this Wednesday?” I kept my voice casual, distant even.
“We are. It’s not always all of us every week, but those of us who can, try to go at least weekly.”
“Cool. I… Cool.” I wasn’t quite sure how to move the conversation to where I wanted to nudge it without seeming overeager.
“Are you asking because you want to join us?” Direct. And this time I appreciated that quality in him that much more because it saved me a lot of waffling.
“‘Want’ is a strong word.” I tried to keep my eyes on the increasingly slushy road even as my brain felt equally difficult to navigate. “But we’ve got more cards to track down. And the weather’s supposed to be bad most of next week, so teaching you to drive a stick might have to wait. If showing up as the toga guy gets me more of your Google-wizard searching skills, then I’ll be there.”
“Sure.” Jasper sounded as carefully indifferent as me. “Prince Neptune is always popular with the kids. I was planning on only making you do the command appearance thing for the costume ball, but sure, you should come Wednesday. If the weather’s bad, I’ll drive you home so you don’t freeze at the bus stop.”
“Sounds good.” Actually, it sounded terrifying, but I now had a guaranteed time this week to see Jasper, so win. Also, we finally reached the Gracehaven exit, which I took slowly. “No sudden moves” seemed like a good motto right then. The campus was relatively dead for a Saturday night, everyone probably huddling indoors, but the lights of the library and the dorms added a certain warmth to the winter scene.
“It’s neat that you get to go here. I know how much you wanted it as a kid.” Most of the students at the near-Ivy college were from out of state. Townies like Jasper getting big scholarships were relatively uncommon.
“Yeah. I got lucky. If I hadn’t won the scholarship, I still would have stayed local. I couldn’t see going too far from my family.”
“You’re a good guy,” I said as I pulled even with the sidewalk near Jasper’s dorm. The parking lot was deserted, most cars covered with a thin blanket of snow like they’d been there all day. “And you’re the opposite of me. I couldn’t wait to get out of this place. Thought college would be a fresh start.”
“What happened?”
Part of me wanted to spill the entire tale right then, but the other part of me was still recovering from having my emotions scraped raw earlier. I already felt too exposed. No way could I air all my dirty laundry at once.
“Guess I couldn’t outrun my issues.” I shrugged. “Team wasn’t that different from high school. A top-rated Division I program like that…it comes with certain expectations. Don’t know why I was expecting anything different.”
“It’s okay to want to be someone different, Milo.” Jasper’s face was unusually tender, and I had to look away quickly.
“Yeah.”
“Guess I better go.” He shifted in the seat, gathering his stuff. “Don’t forget about the card in the back.”
“Like I could. Thanks again.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, wasn’t ready to head back to Luther and James and that chilly apartment, but I wasn’t sure how to make Jasper linger without looking desperate. Or like I was angling for another kiss. Which I wasn’t. Okay, maybe I wanted that, but I also wasn’t going to ask.
“Hey, what’s this?” Jasper reached down to his feet and came up with one of my sketchbooks. “This must have come loose from under the seat when we stopped so fast.”
“Sorry.” I reached for the book.
“Don’t be.” Jasper didn’t seem to be in any hurry to hand it back. “What is this anyway? Drawings?”
“Kind of,” I admitted, but kept my hand out. “Give it here.”
“You still draw? You always were the best at detailed Lego plans. And I remember the teachers all loving your art projects in elementary.” Jasper moved like he was going to open the book, and I plucked it from him.
“Yeah. Art time was cool and all, but you don’t need to see my scribbles.”
“You’re twenty-two now. I doubt they’re scribbles.” Laughing, Jasper shook his head, then brightened. “Wait. Are they like naughty drawings? Nudes? Because now that you told me that you’re—”
“Good night, Jasper.” Forget lingering. I’d forgo my chance at another kiss if it meant avoiding this conversation topic.
“Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t want to share. But I’m just saying that if you’ve got that whole Tom of Finland erotic art vibe going, I’d be interested in taking a peek.”
“Great. Now I’m going to have to google who that is.”
“I think search engines have gotten you in enough trouble. I’ll send you some links as inspiration. For your scribbles.”
“Thanks.” My teeth dug into my lower lip because Jasper was being nice and cool, and I was back to being a dick all because I didn’t want to show off my drawings. “Maybe sometime I can show you one of my better doodles.”
Jasper’s slow smile was worth the way that offer made my stomach revolt. “I’d like that. Night.”
He opened the car door, letting in a gust of cold air. No kiss good night, and I couldn’t help but wonder if letting him see my sketches would have made a difference there. We seemed to be in a weird space where we had definite plans to see each other again, weren’t actively enemies, and yet weren’t friends either.
“Night.” I stopped biting my lip as Jasper got out of the car. Maybe…
Nope. He left the car without a second glance. But right when I was about to put the car back in gear, he stuck his head back in.
“Just so we’re clear…”
“Yeah?” Heck. Maybe undefined limbo land was better than some warning I wasn’t ready for.
“I’m not going to tell. Not anyone. That’s your business. And I’m not out for payback.”
“I appreciate that.” My throat went tight like a water balloon, trying to contain emotions I had n
o idea what to do with. I didn’t deserve his kindness, but I also wasn’t stupid enough to turn it down.
“See you Wednesday.” Slamming the car door, he then jogged up the path to the dorm, deck bag flapping behind him. I watched him the whole way to the door because I was worried he might go flying on the slick sidewalk. But when he swiped a key card to enter the dorm and slipped inside the heavy wooden doors, it wasn’t relief that rushed through me.
It was weird, missing someone moments after we’d spent over twelve hours together, and yet there I was, driving away, feeling like I was leaving something precious behind. I parked carefully in the covered spot that was the one positive to this arrangement with Luther and James. My leg was so stiff from the hours of driving that I had to suppress a groan as I unfolded myself from the front seat. After some deliberation over whether to lock the card in the glove box, I ended up hiding the bulky case in my jacket along with my sketchbook. Considering that I’d left pieces of my soul all along the interstate, I so was not up for another tense encounter with my roommates.
And damn it. Luther and James weren’t alone. The two sorority sisters who lived in the apartment beneath us were perched on the couch, holding beers. A recent comedy was on the TV.
“It’s fu—freaking cold out,” Luther said by way of greeting as he paused the movie. “The ladies had to cancel their plans to go out because of the weather, so we thought we’d kick back and see how much snow we actually get. Beer in the fridge if you want one.”
I had zero desire to be a fifth wheel, and James’s glare as he scooted closer to the brunette said that he didn’t want me horning in on his conquest. As if. “Nah. I’m tired. Gonna go crash.”
“Aww,” the blond whose name might have been Brittany said. “Luther, turn the volume down.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got headphones.”
“Where were you all day, anyway?” Luther fiddled with the remote.
“There you go, playing Mom again,” James snarked, saving me from a reply as I retreated to the kitchen. My stash of soup cans was getting low, and someone had eaten my bread again, but I quickly made a packet of instant noodles while the movie started back up in the living room.
Not wanting more interrogation, I snuck the food back to my freezing room. I didn’t want to lie to the guys, but there were certain conversations I wasn’t ready to have. Jasper was right. I needed better friends. Stat.
Jasper. Setting the noodles aside, I pulled out my sketchbook and settled on my bed. A few quick lines and I had Jasper’s expression when he’d won against that girl in his second-to-last match. I added a flashy vest in the Frog Wizard style. The more I sketched, the more my muscles loosened back up. I wasn’t anywhere close to the person I wanted—needed—to be. However, looking at my drawing next to the rare card, I felt like maybe I’d at least found the path. And for better or worse, Jasper was key.
Chapter Fifteen
Jasper
“Your prince is here again.” Kellan laughed as the elevator dinged. He lounged on a sofa in the waiting area near the bank of elevators as we waited for the others on Wednesday.
“He’s not…” My voice trailed off because Milo was indeed striding toward us in his Prince Neptune costume, which I’d handed him in the downstairs lobby. His bus had been late, so he’d arrived after I’d changed, but he’d made fast work of getting ready. He looked fantastic, all the gold accessories glinting in the bright light, dark hair tamed under the crown, and muscles flexing under the toga as he moved. His limp was more noticeable than it had been on Saturday, and I had a feeling he’d raced too fast from the bus stop.
“Hey.” He nodded at the group of us, coming to stand near Kellan and me.
I wasn’t entirely sure how to greet him. Everything had changed on Saturday, and not simply because of the kiss. We’d been through something together, and that deep conversation had lingered in my head all week. Milo was gay. And maybe not as big a jerk as I’d assumed. But I also wasn’t sure that we were friends, and I sure as heck wasn’t asking him his thoughts, even though we’d been texting the past few days. I’d spammed him with various drawings I found of both fan art of Neptune and the Tom of Finland–style drawings that I’d teased him about. He still hadn’t shown me his stuff, but we’d had several funny conversations about what I’d found. I wouldn’t call our conversations flirty, but I also wouldn’t call them not. Thus, I stood there, uncharacteristically short on words.
Kellan didn’t share my internal dithering and stuck out a hand for Milo. “How’s it going?”
“Not bad.” A muscle worked in Milo’s jaw, and he glanced around the waiting area. He’d never been the best at small talk, but right when I was about to save him, he turned to Kellan. “So…uh…is there a spring show at the college?”
I half groaned and half laughed. “Now you’ve done it. We’ll be here all afternoon.”
“Funny you should ask.” Kellan grinned broadly and ignored my crack. “I’ve been busy all week on the costumes for our musical revue coming up.”
“Cool.” Milo’s mouth quirked like he wasn’t entirely sure what that was but didn’t want to ask.
“It’s a bunch of music numbers from various Broadway plays. Kind of like a mash-up or remix,” I explained for him, having already heard all the details from Kellan multiple times.
“It’s super fun,” Kellan added, stroking his beard. “You should come.”
My eyes went wide. Hold up. I wasn’t so sure about my worlds colliding like that. And sure, I’d been the one to tell Milo that Kellan wouldn’t make a bad friend, but that was a little different than my current bestie inviting my former friend to a non-cosplay event. It wasn’t a terrible idea, but my neck prickled regardless.
“Maybe.” Glancing at the elevators, Milo looked more ready to escape than to agree to see the show. “How bad are ticket prices?”
“Do you have a student ID?” Kellan asked.
Milo shook his head, face shuttering.
“No problem.” Oblivious to the minefield he’d wandered into, Kellan continued on, cheerful as ever. “I get a certain number of comps, and this is the rare performance that my folks aren’t coming up for.”
“Um. Thanks,” Milo said right as the elevator dinged again.
“I’m here.” April rushed ahead of my mom, voice muffled by her mask. “Sorry we’re late. Mom had a call.”
“You’re right on time.” Kellan gave her a smile.
“Good. And Neptune made it again. Nice job.” April nodded at Milo, who shrugged.
“I’m here. Still a little chilly though.”
“You’ll adapt.” She was nothing if not pragmatic. She’d make a good leader someday, and there wasn’t much I wouldn’t give to see that she got the chance.
“Okay, are we ready?” Kellan asked, and the group murmured agreement. We all headed to the same lounge as the week before. The same medical assistant was on duty, and there was a mix of new and old faces to greet us.
“That was nice of you,” I said to Milo in a low voice as we entered the room. “About Kellan, I mean.”
“You said to make friends. Was that okay?” Milo offered me a crooked smile, but his eyes were worried. Vulnerable even. “I mean, I don’t have to take the tickets.”
“Take them.” Strangely his uncertainty made me surer.
“Okay. Maybe.”
“I’ll be going to at least one show. Maybe we can sit together,” I offered before it hit me that I was being awfully chummy with a guy I was supposed to still have a grudge against. And being nice and making sure he didn’t have to sit alone was a far cry from an actual date, but that didn’t stop my pulse from revving.
“That might be cool.” Milo shifted his weight from foot to foot, almost like he was doing fast internal math about how likely any of his buddies would be to see him at a show consisting of musical numbers from hi
t Broadway plays. “I’ll check my work schedule.”
“You do that.” I put the odds of us actually going at subzero.
“Prince Neptune came!” Chase had a weak smile for Milo as his dad pushed him over.
“Hey, Chase! How’s it going, buddy?” Milo crouched next to the wheelchair, and some soft place inside me pinged.
“Okay.” Chase’s voice was lethargic, and I exchanged a worried look with my mom. “I had a new infusion today. Sleepy.”
“Are you up for a game?” Milo asked, voice as gentle as I’d ever heard it.
“I can try.”
“Good.” Milo’s smile was as tight as my chest felt. After rising from his crouch, he followed me as I set my deck bag on the rear table. He lowered his voice to a bare whisper. “Give me your two easiest decks. Don’t want to exhaust the little guy further.”
“I can do that.” I picked the decks from the box and handed them over. “Pretty cool how you remembered his name.”
“He’s a hard kid to forget.”
Maybe I’d accidentally skipped lunch. It had to be the only reason for why I was suddenly all fluttery. Milo getting into the whole reason behind our cosplay should not have been enough to have my heart going all soft and gushy.
“You’re…” I swallowed, trying to get it together. “Give him a good game.”
“I’ll try.” Milo took the decks and headed over to a table with Chase and his dad.
Before I could find a game of my own, my mom wandered over from talking to one of the other dads. “I’m going to go grab a coffee. Long day today for me. Do you want anything?”
“A soda?” I asked hopefully, knowing full well her opinion on junk food. She worked from home in the accounting department for the college, and on days with more activities for April or family stuff, she often got up way early. Maybe she’d be too bleary-eyed to protest the soda.
“How about a nice refreshing water?” Laughing, she shook her head at me before her expression turned more somber. “And what’s up with you and Milo?”
Out of Character Page 10
