“Are you jealous of George?” Jasper studied me more intently, parking-lot lights glinting off his eyes. “Because I can tell you that he’s a piece of slime with zero appeal to me.”
“Not helping. I don’t want you having to associate—”
Buzz. Jasper’s phone clattered around in the console. “I better check.”
“Fine.” I didn’t blame him for grabbing the excuse, but I didn’t have to like it.
“Good news!” He shook the phone like it might shower us with glitter confetti.
“It better not involve George.” I glowered.
“It doesn’t.” Jasper patted my knee. “Professor Tuttle put Arthur in contact with this retiree looking to offload their whole collection. There might even be some Frog Court cards in the lot.”
“Sounds good, but what’s the catch?” There was always a catch.
“The entire collection is unsorted. Just boxes of cards all mixed up. Arthur says if I stay late tomorrow and help sort, I can have dibs on an ultra rare if we find one.”
“I could help too.” Anything was better than Jasper playing George, even cataloging cards.
“I was hoping you’d say that.” He hadn’t lost any radiance from his smile even with our earlier argument. “See? Things are looking up!”
“Maybe.” I wasn’t going to count on anything right then.
“Still mad at me?” Jasper let his head fall onto my shoulder before giving me a puppy-dog smile that had me laughing despite myself.
“I can’t seem to stay mad at you,” I admitted, putting an arm around him. “I still think you should have told me.”
“And that’s a fair point. I’ll try to do better at keeping you in the loop.” His earnest tone went a long way to making more of my upset vanish, but the deeper unease at the idea of letting him play George lingered.
“Good.” I kissed the top of his head.
“Things will work out, Milo. You’ll see.”
I wished I believed him, wished I could channel even half of his endless optimism. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of doom that had plagued me the last few days. What I could do, however, was kiss him, my mouth finding his right there in the front seat of his car. He tasted sweet, like the chocolate shake, and his mouth was soft and giving as he melted into me. Moaning quietly, I tried to bottle up this moment when he believed so surely in me, in us, in our chances.
“Race you to your room?” I asked when we reluctantly pulled apart.
“You’re on.” He beamed at me, lips still shiny from the kiss. This was all probably still going to collapse, but I wasn’t going to waste time arguing with him now. There’d be time enough for that later.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jasper
In the end, no one raced up to my room. We walked. I wasn’t going to let Milo strain his leg again. But we did turn the speed on by the open door of my RA. Last thing I needed was him noticing that Milo had stayed over consecutive nights. I wasn’t sure what the max was for visitors, but I probably needed to look that up soon.
Later.
Because right then, my door was shutting behind us and Milo’s lips were on my neck and all I could think about was the precise number of steps to my bed. Our coats and shoes made an inelegant heap on the floor as even Milo forgot to be a clean freak for once.
But as he tugged me the four-and-a-half steps to the bed, my inner good-guy nudged my shoulder.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“Uh-huh.” Milo seemed to have a thing about my neck right then, and I’d need a shirt with a collar tomorrow. Which I didn’t care one bit about, but Mr. Good Guy wasn’t done lecturing me yet, and I ducked another kiss.
“Last night—”
“Was last night. And I’m sorry.” Milo landed his next kiss right in the center of my throat, making me give a happy sigh.
“You don’t have to be sorry. You had an awful day yesterday. And you don’t have to—”
“I want to.” Milo cut me off by tumbling me onto the bed. “Can’t you tell how much?”
“Maybe a little.” I wiggled so that our torsos were aligned, and yeah, there was no mistaking that he was into this. That inner Good Guy of mine breathed a sigh of relief as I told him to go take a hike. I had this. And for right then, I had Milo, and I was going to enjoy every ridiculous moment.
“Who are you calling little?” Laughing, he kissed the tip of my nose.
“Definitely not you.”
“Good.” He sat up enough so he could pull off his shirt. And I probably should have removed my own clothes, but all I could do was marvel at the wonder that was Milo naked.
“It’s too bad we weren’t together when I accidentally took that poetry class sophomore year. I could have written my final portfolio all about your muscles. One of each type of sonnet.”
“Ha. More like a limerick. There once was a jock from around the block…”
“Dork. But I’d read that.” I laughed and went ahead and removed my shirt.
“Maybe we’re both dorks.” Milo dropped a kiss on my bare shoulder in between us scrambling out of the rest of our clothes.
“Totally.” I gave a happy sigh as we settled back onto the bed together, skin to skin.
“Jasper?” Milo sounded serious, even for him, and I hoped we weren’t about to renew the George debate.
“Yeah?” I said warily.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t around your sophomore year.”
Regret was way easier to navigate than irritation, and I’d been doing a fair bit of thinking on this myself.
“I’m not.” My voice was firm.
“No?” Frowning, his face creased with way more hurt than I’d intended.
“I wasn’t ready. Not for you. Not for this. You weren’t the only one who needed to grow up.” I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I needed every breakup and hookup that went nowhere, but that time post–high school to discover who I was truly meant to be had been key, had led me here to this place where it was possible to forgive, to move on, and to build something real and solid and distinctly more lasting than a teenage fling.
“Yeah. I get that.” Milo held me close, his chest hairs tickling my back. “But I can still wish I’d been there for you.”
“You’re sweet.” I sagged against him. “I could stay exactly like this the rest of the night.”
“And you’re stealing all my best lines.”
“That’s the best you’ve got?” I pretended to scoff.
He turned me slightly in his embrace so he could peer into my eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
My next breath strangled in my throat, and I made a choking noise. “Okay. That’s…”
“Too much?” His cheeks took on a bright-pink stain and he sounded like he’d been running.
“No.” I stretched to give him a gentle kiss, trying to put my awe and appreciation into it because God knew I lacked the words. And courage. “Never too much.”
“Good.” Milo soundly kissed me back, putting what felt like his whole heart into it. Mine was so full I wasn’t sure I could stand it. I’d wanted to hear this. Needed it. And still this fluttery voice kept saying it wouldn’t last. He’d change his mind or take a different Jasper-less path out of his current situation. He’s just grateful, the voice added, a chill racing up my spine. He was undoubtedly waiting for me to say it back, but my worries kept coming instead.
“But this is what I meant earlier. About the future—”
“Which we are not thinking about right now.” Voice commanding, Milo pulled back to hold me by the shoulders.
“But—”
He silenced me with a kiss that was less sweet and more ravenous. It was like a campfire threatening to leap out of the fire circle, heat licking at the base of my spine, warmth spreading through all my limbs. We
kissed until I was a fire hazard waiting to happen, no more thinking about the future or about Milo’s declaration or anything other than how much I needed him right that minute.
“Okay. Brain officially off-line.” I groaned as he kissed his way down my neck, more purposeful now.
“Excellent.” He leaned over the edge of my bed, fumbling for his backpack and coming up with the supplies we’d used the other night. He handed them to me before falling back against the pillows, grinning up at me.
“Wait.”
“Brain.” He danced a finger down the side of my face. “Go away.”
“No, I meant we don’t have to do it that way. If you want to change it up…” My neck heated. Felt polite, offering to switch since he still hadn’t experienced both sides, and I didn’t have my usual trepidation where bottoming was concerned. I wanted to share that with Milo, give him that first too.
“I don’t need different. I know what I like.” Grinning wickedly, he tugged me on top of him. “And what I want.”
The last of my reservations rolled away. I knew what I liked, and him wanting that too was beyond sweet and perfect. He kissed me like he was trying to inhale a piece of my soul, and the hunger in his kiss and roving hands made my whole body thrill. I met him need for need, both of us moaning and moving together until I almost forgot the plan.
But Milo hadn’t. He pulled back, breathing hard and eyes glassy. “And what I want is you. Now.”
“Bossy,” I chided even as I reached for the stuff.
“You love it.”
“Maybe.” Maybe my brain and all those insidious voices weren’t going to let me say the words, but I tried to put all my racing emotions into our next kiss. And it must have worked because his head fell back, eyes closing as he groaned.
“Hurry.”
“Slow, remember?” I wanted every time with him to be as good as the first time, never wanted to rush him even if his head was more impatient than the rest of his body.
“As long as you keep kissing me like that, you can go whatever speed you want.”
“Good answer.” Taking him at his word, I made a five-course holiday meal of kissing my way down his torso.
“Maybe not that slow—” His voice trailed off on a groan as I lightly raked my fingers against his ribs. “Hey. That tickles.”
“Serves you right for complaining.”
“Not complaining. Requesting.” He made big, pleading eyes, and I was torn between laughing and giving him everything he ever wanted.
Indulging him won out as I added slick fingers into the mix of exploring his magnificent body. I loved how responsive he was, how his movements and low moans showed me exactly what he liked.
Milo groaned as I pushed a single digit inside, still going slow. “Oh. Wow. I’m not sure how it gets better, but it does.”
“I can do even better.”
“Brag—” Milo’s whole body arched as I crooked my finger in a particularly deliberate way. “Okay. Yeah. That. Now.”
“This?” I withdrew my finger and took care of the condom in record time.
“Yes.”
I was going to suggest again that Milo flip, but he looked particularly debauched like this, sprawled on his back, eyes hot and needy, mouth slack. I wanted him exactly like this, forever. Slowly, I pushed in, watching his expression to gauge how fast to go. He felt incredible, but even more than that was the way he made me feel. Like I was the one who was the sea god or maybe a rock star. A hero. Someone powerful and adored, and someone who was worthy of sharing this with someone as amazing as Milo.
“Say it again,” I demanded and he nodded, a little smile tugging at his lips even as his body surged with mine.
“I might love you.”
Even the might was endearing, the way Milo qualified it as his eyes still bared his soul. The words spurred me on, and we moved faster and faster together. Our bodies were in perfect sync, like a complex equation with a singular solution, running on an infinite loop. Urgency built and I reached between us, knowing what he needed and loving how his body tensed further, back bowing.
“Jasper.” He said my name like both a question and a prayer.
“Yes.” I would have promised him anything in that instant, and while the power of speech rapidly slipped away, my soul crowed with the words I couldn’t say aloud yet. My body moved like this was a song I’d heard a thousand times, like I knew exactly what to do and when. The physical pleasure wasn’t entirely new, but it was different somehow, tinged with everything I felt for him.
Watching him feel it, too, was a new level of pleasure for me, and I reveled in Milo’s reactions as the silent melody guiding us swelled and peaked. We both went over the edge at almost the same instant, and I was left drained, emotionally as well as physically spent.
“Wow.” He sounded all dreamy and I loved knowing I was the reason why.
But I was also still me, and I needed to hear him say it. “Okay?”
“You need me to write you a sonnet?” He cracked one eye open.
“No. Just be you. And be okay.”
“Always.” He pulled me close enough for a tender kiss, soft and sleepy and everything.
“Always,” I agreed.
I was a smart guy. I knew that always could be a rather finite amount of time. Short. But in that moment, I didn’t want to think about that or any of my worries from earlier. I wanted to pretend that always meant forever and that meant having everything I’d ever wanted, even if it wasn’t going to be easy. And as I rested my head on his chest a few minutes later after we’d cleaned up, snuggling in to drift off, I tried to ignore the way his heartbeat sounded suspiciously like a ticking clock.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Milo
There was a certain weird energy that the world took on after midnight. And I’d seen midnight enough to know, especially lately. Being in the game store this far after closing time was weird, especially as all the other downtown lights flickered off one by one, even the bars hitting closing time. Arthur’s bulk card haul had ended up being boxes and boxes of assorted cards in apparently random order, and we’d spent hours trying to make sense of them, taking over the private game room at the back of the store with our sorting.
“If I see another scroll card, I might scream.” Jasper, who usually was such a fountain of cheerfulness, sounded exhausted, and I rounded the table so I could rub his neck.
“You? Getting frustrated? Never.”
“Hey, you don’t have the market cornered on brooding and bad moods, you know.” He stretched into my touch like a cat demanding more. His funk was far faster to fade than the one I’d been fighting for days now.
“Sorry. I don’t mean to be so down.” I kept rubbing his neck because it felt like the least I could do since he was putting up with me and this seemingly endless quest for the lost cards.
“You’re going through a lot. I get it.” Of course he did because he was like the most understanding person ever, which simply made me feel guiltier.
“I don’t think I could be as nice as you,” I admitted. He was in all respects the better person, and I remained in awe that he’d decided to turn all his wonderfulness in my direction again.
“Many have tried. Few have succeeded.” He gave a regal nod, adopting his Frog Wizard persona for a beat, which earned a laugh from me.
“Goof.”
“You love it.” Moving away from my massage, he preened on his way back to his pile of cards.
“Maybe,” I said cagily. He’d never said it back the night before, so I wasn’t about to make another grand declaration right then while surrounded by piles of cards and Jasper’s boss being in and out of the room. This thing between us was still relatively new. Fragile. I understood why he probably wasn’t ready to say the words, but that didn’t make having been the one to blurt it out easier.
&n
bsp; Jasper, though, was not deterred. “You do.”
Neither wanting to start an argument nor to put myself out there again, I tried to dodge my way out of that line of conversation, busying myself with my own sorting. “What I’d really love is to find one of the cards.”
“Or anything of value,” Jasper agreed as he separated out still more scroll cards. Unless they were a few select rare types, scrolls in Odyssey were penny cards, something experienced players bought in stacks to flesh out their deck. They might make the game go, but they were too common to offer much value to collectors. In the past few hours, I’d received quite the education on the types of rares and what cards actually fetched a decent price. And we’d uncovered precious few of those in this lot.
“I lost to this card in Philly.” Jasper held up a card. “But it’s a cheap common. Worthless unless it’s in the right deck. I’ll leave Arthur a buck for it, but it’s sad that that’s the best card I’ve seen in hours.”
“See? Even you’re discouraged.”
“Jasper? Giving up?” Jasper’s boss, an ex-military guy named Arthur who reminded me of some of Bruno’s buddies, came into the room. He had that same sort of intimidating attitude as the special forces types I’d met, but he did seem to have a soft spot for Jasper. “He never quits.”
“Thanks.” Jasper offered him a weary smile.
“I’m heading out soon.” Absently shuffling a stack of cards, Arthur rolled his neck. “I’m not up to all-nighters anymore.”
“You’re not that old,” Jasper teased because Arthur wasn’t Professor Tuttle’s age by any means. “I’m pretty sure there are some mountain ranges with a few years on you.”
“Ha. Can you and your boyfriend lock up when you’re done? Triple-check the alarm.”
“Okay, boss. Will do.” Jasper glanced at me, clearly expecting some objection from me at the label. But it wasn’t inaccurate. At least I hoped it wasn’t. And ever since coming out to James and Luther, I’d felt strangely at peace. I wanted to be brave, like the singers in the revue the night before. To that end, I simply nodded and told the fluttering in my stomach to behave.
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