“Don’t go getting cocky, Quigley. It doesn’t become you.”
“Sure it does. Cards, please.” I tapped the table.
“Whatever. Here.” He removed two triple-sleeved cards from his deck bag, stopping just short of bending them as he slapped them down. “Don’t think you’ll get me to play you again.”
“Don’t imagine I’ll want to.” I shrugged, remaining sitting even as George packed up his stuff and beat a hasty retreat.
“Oh, my God, that was spectacular.” Kellan launched himself out of his chair as soon as the door shut behind George and his friends.
“You were such a badass.” Milo rubbed my head as he came around the table. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“Bold, Jasper, bold.” Professor Tuttle smiled. “That was a professional player move. Championship spirit.”
“Hey, I learned from the best.” I moved so that he could pass with his cane. I went ahead and unfolded myself from my chair. My shirt stuck to my back. I’d started sweating at some point and hadn’t even noticed.
“So, how are we celebrating?” I asked Milo as I handed over the cards. Kellan and the professor were still nearby, so I figured anything racy was off the table, but I couldn’t resist shooting him a sexy look.
“Wanna come for a drive with me?” His look was too shy to mean back-seat action was imminent, but still, this was a guy I’d follow anywhere. Especially in this mood where I felt like…a hero at last. His hero. I’d saved the day.
“Sure.” I beamed at him as we waved goodbye to the professor and Kellan. As we made our way out of the student union, I turned back to Milo. “You know, now that we’ve got the cards, you don’t have to sell.”
“Yeah, I do.” Milo gave a solemn nod, which was pretty much what I’d been expecting.
“I get it.” Maybe I hadn’t saved the day as much as given him options. Which was okay. I didn’t have to do the huge save to still help Milo and to still be a good boyfriend.
“I agreed to terms right before the match. I’m taking it tomorrow morning.”
“So soon.” I couldn’t help the wistful sigh. I understood that he needed to do what he thought was best, but I still felt bad.
“It feels right. Feels like time. This way I can pay Bruno back for some of what he spent after the accident. Clean start. And having a little nest egg for the future… That’s huge. For the first time in forever, I feel like I have choices.”
“You do. Did…did the win help with that?” Maybe I was a praise junkie but I kind of wanted to hear it.
“Absolutely. And that you were willing to risk so much…”
“I’d do it again.”
“I know. So, come with me?” Milo stopped by his car, which was gleaming under a parking lot light. All his boxes were currently stored in my parents’ garage, and he’d washed and cleaned it so carefully I was almost scared to get in. “One last drive.”
“Okay.” I cautiously settled into the front seat. Milo didn’t head for the highway, and I wasn’t at all surprised when his drive took us a few streets over from my parents’ house.
“New family seems settled in.” I gestured at his old house where two kids were riding scooters in the driveway. It was early evening still and the night air had lost almost all of its winter bite. Spring wasn’t far off now.
“Yeah, they do.” He stared for a long moment before driving on. He turned toward our old school. “I’m going to tell Bruno everything. Everything. He deserves the truth and he deserves to hear it from me.”
“He does,” I agreed as he passed the school, heading for a narrow park where we’d learned to ride bikes together. I waited until he’d pulled into the nearly empty parking lot before adding, “I’m proud of you.”
“I’m proud of me too.” His bashful smile made me melt.
“Did you bring me here to seduce me? Because I’m good with that plan.”
“I spent three hours detailing this car. You’re tempting, though.” He gave me a fast kiss that was all too light.
“No butt prints, got it.” I grinned at him.
“Goof.”
I didn’t tell him that he loved that about me because the emotion was already there in his eyes, waiting for me to say it back. And even now the words felt too big for my mouth. Bigger than maybe my brain and my heart could hold. I felt them, but speaking them was scary, an admission of how very much I was trusting Milo, how much I stood to lose, and how much I wanted that forever with him. Instead, I kissed him again, this time getting the lingering kiss I craved, and hoped he knew what I couldn’t yet say.
“I never taught you to drive a stick,” he said mournfully as we broke apart. “And now I can’t risk the clutch—”
“It’s okay.” I silenced him with another kiss. “There will be other cars.”
“Yeah. There will.” He met my gaze, eyes glowing in the evening light. We’d get more chances. More adventures. “I’m ready now. Ready for whatever happens with Bruno.”
“You are. You’re inspiring.” I stroked his prickly jaw. I was super into his scruff, and the fact that he’d been too busy cleaning the car to shave was a nice bonus.
“Me? An inspiration? Nah.” Grinning sheepishly, he shook his head.
“You are. I didn’t think I was ready to move on after college. Didn’t think I wanted what came next. But now I do. And a lot of it is because of you. Especially this last week or so, watching you be brave.”
“If I’m brave, it’s because you’ve shown me the way. And you believed in me, even when I didn’t entirely believe in me.”
“I’m never going to stop believing in you.” The words rose in my throat again, the scary ones that wanted to come out, but then he claimed my mouth in another soft, sweet kiss and the words fled. I’d get there. Eventually.
And I was starting to believe that we’d get a future filled with chances. But first, Milo had one more mountain to conquer and I was going to be right there, cheering him on. Whatever happened with Bruno, he’d have me, but I really hoped his big brother didn’t break his heart.
Chapter Forty
Milo
This was going to be hard. Jasper might believe in me, but right there on the front step of my mom’s little apartment, I wasn’t sure whether I agreed. Brave. Jasper had said that about me more than once, but he was the truly fearless one as far as I was concerned. And my courage was in short supply as I raised my hand to knock.
“Milo!” The door swung open before I finished the knock. Bruno stood there, a weird mix of military haircut and posture and civilian sweats and bare feet. His hair was damp and he had a huge smile for me. He looked both exactly like I remembered and completely different.
“You made it.” I gave him a back-slapping hug.
“Yup. A little while ago. Caught a transport flight up from Virginia then had to battle traffic. I’m still catching up to the luxury of having easy hot water.” Chuckling, he finished drying off his hair with one of Mom’s good towels with the angel print. “How are you, man?”
“I’m good.” It surprised me how much I meant it. I was. I still had some uncertainty about my living situation, but I’d had a promising interview that morning. Yesterday, I’d taken care of business with the car and handled the money aspect with the professors’ help. I felt lighter. Free. Ready, like I’d told Jasper.
When we’d been parked at the playground, he’d offered to come with me tonight, but as much as I’d come to rely on him being my emotional support human, I’d wanted to do this part on my own. I’d told Mom that I was bringing a friend tomorrow when more friends and family would be stopping by for a homecoming party for Bruno. But I wasn’t the type to do a big public announcement at the party, and it didn’t seem fair to ambush Bruno or put Jasper on the spot. No, this way we could talk first. The mature choice, Jasper had called it, even though his eyes had said
he wanted to come. But then he’d kissed me, warmed me in places I hadn’t even known were chilly, and my plan had seemed smart.
But now I was actually here, missing that warmth, stomach doing its usual rumba routine, and I wouldn’t have minded having Jasper’s hand to hold as we made our way to the kitchen where Mom was pulling ingredients out of the fridge. Setting her armload on the counter first, she had a huge hug for me.
“What’s the plan for dinner?” I tried to sound upbeat, not wary.
“Tacos. Easy and you guys always loved those growing up.” She gave a sheepish smile that looked an awful lot like the one I saw in the mirror each day. “I got all your favorite toppings too.”
“I can help.” Draping my jacket over the back of a kitchen chair, I rolled up my sleeves. Opening the fridge, I added an onion and a head of garlic to the collection on the counter. “Do you have canned tomatoes? Fresh is better, but it’s the wrong season.”
She blinked at me before handing over a can. “Who are you, and what did you do with Milo?”
“I’m both impressed and scared.” Bruno laughed as he took a seat at the table. “But I might trust you with a knife more than Mom.”
“None of that. I can cook. I kept you both fed.” She waved a package of cheese in our direction. “I spent all day picking up stuff for the party tomorrow. Rolls from that new bakery. The cold cuts from the deli with that ham Bruno said he can’t get in Virginia. Cake from the place that did your graduation cakes. Oh, and brownies for dessert tonight from the pizza place Milo told me about. The house is stocked for my boys.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Working together, she and I made the dinner. My onion dice wasn’t as perfect as Professor Herrera’s, but I was getting there. Her eyes got wide when I deftly drained the beef. Her new kitchen was tiny—barely enough room for all the appliances and a small dining nook—but we made a good team. It was fun surprising the two of them with my new skills, and Bruno kept up a steady conversation about being stationed abroad.
“And then our SEALs came in—”
“I love how you claim ownership of the SEALs,” I teased as I warmed tortillas.
“Hey, I save their bacon all the time. Highly classified stuff, but you’d be amazed at how much the support personnel does. And I’m up for an advancement in rank later this year. Might get even more responsibility then.”
“That’s awesome.” I gave him a high five. Mom had lots of questions about what the new rank would be and what he’d be doing, and his answers took us most of the way through eating. Afterward, Bruno and I cleaned up like old times while she made herself a cup of tea.
“Mom got a case of Sam Adams for tomorrow’s party thing. You want a cold one?” Bruno took two bottles out of the fridge.
“Nah. I…uh…I don’t drink anymore.”
“Like, at all?” Bruno put a bottle back. “Good for you, though. Will it bother you if I have one?”
“No. I can be around it. It’s more that I don’t have to have it now. I like who I am better sober, that’s all. I make dumbass mistakes drunk, and I’m done with that.”
“I like you better sober too.” Mom kissed the side of my head before heading to the living room with her tea. “I’m going to find a movie for later. You two catch up.”
Bruno put the second beer back and returned with two sodas. My stomach didn’t really need carbonation right then, but I appreciated the gesture a lot.
“To no more dumbass mistakes.” He clinked cans with me. “Proud of you for making that change. Now if you could just convince those idiot friends of yours to give up drinking too, then you might actually get somewhere.”
“Well…” I wasn’t going to get a better opening than that. “I’m done with them too. But first I did make another dumbass mistake. That’s why I stopped the drinking. I can’t keep making the same mistakes over and over.”
“What’d you do?” Bruno sounded much more guarded now, which I hated.
“It’s a long story, so let me finish before the inevitable lecture?” I asked as I took a deep breath. Now or never. Time to be brave.
“I’m listening.”
Slowly, I told my story of what happened with the cards and the quest to get them back. Retrieving my backpack, I spread the four out as I explained. I kept thinking about the way Jasper had played the final round yesterday, the way that he’d left it all on the table. Fearless. This story wasn’t the same without him in it, and I wasn’t the same without him in my life.
“I seriously had no idea the cards were worth that much.” Bruno chewed the edge of his lip as he considered the cards in front of him.
“What?” I hadn’t considered that possibility, although maybe I should have.
He made a dismissive gesture. “Would I have kept a ten-grand item with my other cards? I’m not stupid. I won them off a guy. I knew they were ultra rares, but not that much money. You could have told me what happened, saved yourself some hassle.”
“I know that now.” I fiddled with the cracked edge on the little dining table. He might not be stupid, but I was. “I messed up, though. Again. And I didn’t want to admit it to you. At the time, that seemed like the worst thing in the world.”
“Well, I’m not happy,” Bruno admitted. “And it was an idiot mistake. But I could have added it to your tab.”
“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. I owe you too much as it is.” Fumbling with my pocket, I withdrew the check I’d stashed there earlier and handed it to him. “Here. I told you, I’m done making mistakes like that and I’m trying my best to make up for past ones.”
“What the hell?” Bruno held the check like it might burst into flames at any second. “Did you sell a kidney? You’re not making this kind of money at your job.”
“No. I’m not.” I had to pause, let my pulse slow and tell my roiling stomach to deal. I couldn’t hurl. Not now. “I sold my car.”
“No.” Bruno tried to hand the check back to me. “You’re not doing that. Dad wanted you to have it.”
“He wanted a lot of things.” I let that hang between us.
Bruno’s expression hardened further. “He wasn’t that bad.”
“For you, maybe. You were the perfect son.” An edge crept into my voice that wasn’t there before. I’d tried not to think about that too much, but Bruno being so freaking perfect hadn’t made it any easier to be myself.
“Maybe he was a little…rough on you. I’ll grant you that.” Retrieving a beer from the fridge, Bruno cracked it open. Apparently we were done with the solidarity part of the evening. “But was he bad enough for you to spit on his legacy like this? You can repay me eventually. It’s just money.”
“It’s just a car,” I countered. And it was. I’d been sad, saying goodbye to it the day before. I’d gotten choked up and had to look away as the new owner drove it away. He was a friend of Professor Tuttle who’d only tried to shave a little off the asking price and who’d looked at the car like Jasper did double chocolate doughnuts. Nice guy. And a weight had rolled off me as he left, even through my tears. I’d been free. It wasn’t simply the money, but rather everything that car represented. And in the end, it was a car. Only a car. Like how Dad had been a man. Not a giant. Not a guardian angel. Just a flawed, human man, and it had been time to say goodbye to him and the car both.
“Why couldn’t you tell me? About the cards and now this. You say you want to stop messing up, but you’re not stopping to think, and that’s a problem.”
“I’m gay.” The words had been there the whole conversation and now they flew out, another level of freedom reached. Not holding them in any longer had me weirdly giddy.
“What?” He sputtered around a mouthful of beer. “No, you’re not.”
“I am. I’ve got a boyfriend now, and like I said earlier, I’m good. Better than I’ve ever been.”
“And
this is why you couldn’t talk to me?” The hurt and pain in his voice were palpable. I wanted to reach for him, but I couldn’t bear it if he yanked his arm away.
“Part of it,” I admitted, drumming my fingers on the table. “I’m sorry.”
“Fuck. This… It’s a lot.” He scrubbed at his short hair. “You sure you’re not shitting me?”
“No. It’s Jasper. My boyfriend. You remember him from when we were kids?”
“Of course. You guys lived in each other’s pockets…oh.” His eyes went wide, and I swore twenty-two years of history passed between us. He kept staring at me as if he’d never seen me before. And maybe he hadn’t.
“He helped me get the cards back. He’s pretty incredible. And I want you to meet him.”
“I…” Bruno pushed away from the table, taking his beer with him. “I need to think. This is…”
“A lot.” I echoed his words from earlier. We weren’t that different, he and I. Running from hard conversations. Thinking we needed to be alone to make sense of things. I understood him, but his dismissing me still stung, made me feel raw and exposed.
“It is. The cards. The car. The boyfriend. The boyfriend. Hell. I’m gonna go lie down.”
“Okay.” My voice was small. “Do you want me not to come tomorrow?”
“Just let me think.” With that, he left the kitchen, heading for the spare room. I put my head in my hands as I heard the door shut. I had no idea how long I sat there before a gentle hand landed on my shoulder.
“You’ll come tomorrow.” Ruffling my hair, Mom plopped into Bruno’s empty chair, regarding me with sad eyes.
“He doesn’t want me here. I don’t want to make it worse. I already ruined his homecoming.” I dropped my head onto the cool wood of the table.
“You didn’t. At least you didn’t hit him with all this while he was deployed. Thank you for that.” Voice as weary as it had been in the days after my accident, she rubbed my back.
I turned my head so I could look at her. “More like I was too chicken to do it sooner, but yeah, I didn’t want to distract him in the field.”
Out of Character Page 27
