With Zoe not leaving my side the entire time I was in the hospital; I was unable to talk my way out of getting them to discharge me, with my usual bullshit. She stuck to me like glue, taking in everything the doctor was saying. Agreeing that she would drag me to my therapist appointments, if she needed to. The day they finally allowed me to leave, Zoe went to my dump that I called home. Packed the few things I had into garbage bags and moved me into her place. I tried arguing with her about it, but if I was being honest with myself, I was sick of fighting on my own.
Zoe is the only person who has stood by me for all these years and hasn’t looked at me with pity in her eyes. She saw the horrific mess I was in that day on the kitchen floor. She’s done nothing but try to help me ever since. Even when I was taken by social services, she still kept in touch. When I told her, I was in New York; she was on the next flight out of there, to attend NYU and getting bitched at by her parents for still wanting to be my friend. I understand her predicament, I mean if I were her, I would have turned away and never looked back. I’m not strong enough like her. I’m nothing but a fucked up, damaged, crazy person.
Standing butt naked, I stare at myself in the mirror that Zoe has above the vanity unit in her bathroom. I take in the image that stares back at me and that’s when all the memories come back tenfold…
“Daisy, you be a good girl now and no-one will ever get hurt, okay? If you’re a good girl, then your mum will be happy, and I’ll treat her the way she wants to be treated. Do you understand me?”
With my back pressed up against the wall and with my knees tucked up to my chest as I sit on my bed, I nod slowly. My whole body starts to shake in fear. The man in my room is supposed to take care of us, protect us from all the bad things. Instead, he’s a monster and as I watch him lock my bedroom door. I know I can’t scream, because no-one will hear me. We’re alone in this big house and I’m starting to think that was the way he planned it.
“Come here, Daisy.”
I don’t want to go to him, he’s going to hurt me just like he did three nights ago, when my mother was out at a fundraiser.
“Daisy, do as you’re told young lady. Remember, I’m the master around here.”
Digging my nails into the palms of my hands until I can feel the skin break, I look up into the eyes of the man who vowed he would never hurt us. Only, he broke that vow three nights ago, when he took my virginity against my will, right on this bed.
Right now, isn’t going to be any different, as he prowls from the door, back to my bed. He un-buckles his belt with the evilest glint in his eyes, that no girl my age should ever see…
“D… D? Where are you girlfriend?”
I hear Zo shout as the door to the apartment slams shut and it brings me back out the darkness.
“I'm in here.” I shout through the closed door.
I grab my robe off the hook, that’s on the back of the door and slip it on to cover the hideous thing that is my body.
Closing the bathroom door behind me as I leave, I head down the hall. My feet slapping against the hardwood flooring as I go. Entering the kitchen, the first thing I hear is Zo whistling along to, Def Leppard's - Pour Some Sugar On Me that’s playing on the small digital radio we have on the window ledge, while she unloads the grocery bags, she’s dumped onto the kitchen counter.
“Going for a bit of old Def today, I see?”
It’s not very often I make jokes or laugh. So, the smile on her face when she spins around and sees me sitting there, is one of pure, genuine delight.
“Yeah.” She shrugs. “I thought it was fitting, seeing as I just bumped into Zak, you know the hottie from Ink Nation?”
Of course, I know who he is, she’s been going la la over him for a while now.
“My god, that man can pour some sugar all over me any day and lick it off my naked body.”
I laugh at her crassness, but I am yet to meet this Zak. All I know about him is that he’s a tattoo artist. He runs a studio with some guy called Trey and they have two other guys working for them. I couldn’t tell you their names though. I don’t get out much, I’m not a social butterfly like Zoe is.
In fact, I'm starting to feel like I’m a burden. Since I moved in here with her, she hardly goes out, unless it’s to the store or to work. She’s tried on numerous occasions to get me to go with her, but I won’t go. Unless it’s to my counseling session or unless Zoe asks me to go to the store, then I don’t leave the apartment.
Fear cripples me that I’m being watched, and people can see the fucked-up woman that I am. I’m one massive heap of damaged fuckedupness. My scars don’t just mark my skin, they run so much deeper. Sometimes I think I would have been better dying, but I fight the urge to pick up a blade and cut every single day. So far, I’ve managed not to do it.
I also have a fear of people I don’t know, especially men. I don’t trust easily either, the only person I trust one hundred and ten percent is Zoe. So, when she speaks about Zak, my body freezes but thankfully, she doesn’t notice.
To me, men are monsters.
To me, men are the enemy.
To me, men are sexual predators.
Women who have children and let them get hurt, are just as bad.
Mothers are supposed to protect their children. No matter what.
So, you can see why I don’t trust easily and why I’m socially awkward.
I was always told that I had a bad attitude when it came to holding down jobs. What they didn’t get, was that I wasn’t going to take any shit from some asshole, who thought it would be okay to get a little grabby with his hands, in my workplaces. I had one man think it was perfectly okay to take what he wanted from me; I won’t let another man think he can do the same to me, ever again.
In fact, I've come to the conclusion that I will always be on my own now. I’m unsteady, mentally and emotionally. The moment a man's hand comes into contact with any part of me, my fist would either come into contact with their nose, or I would run off and end up crying in a corner. Like the deranged person I’ve become.
It’s all down to him.
I crave to be normal, not to be scared of life and be more like Zoe.
I wanted to go to college, get my degree in Art. My dream was to paint and draw for a living. To have my pieces shown in galleries, all around the world, one day.
Unfortunately, my dream died the first time that I let that bastard lay a finger on me.
“I’m lovin’ the new hair by the way, it suits you.”
Zoe snaps me out of my thoughts, about my dreams. She brings me back to the here and now, as she glides past me and ruffles my short, pink hair with her fingertips.
“It was time for a change.” I tell her. “The blonde was the old Daisy; this is the new me… I think.”
Yesterday, after I had been to see my therapist, her words kept going around in my head.
“You’re not that girl anymore, Daisy. You’re stronger than you think, it’s time to find who you are and embrace it.”
So, with that being said, as I walked past the store, I had this mad idea to start the new me process, starting with my hair. I picked up a pink hair color, in a box and came straight back to the apartment. I cut it the best I could, as I stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom. So now, it’s just sitting on my jawline and I applied the pale, pink color to my natural blonde, coloring.
“Well, that’s good, D. I mean I know it won’t be easy for you and you know I’m with you all the way, no matter what. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just want you to be happy.”
A lump forms in my throat at her continued support.
It’s not easy being my friend, but Zoe has been through it all with me. The nightmares, the several suicide attempts and even the termination I had to have at fourteen, when the fucker got me pregnant. I had to lie through my back teeth to get it done. She’s held my hand through it all. She really is one in a million.
I am damaged beyo
nd repair, nothing and no-one is gonna fix me, no matter how hard they try. The therapy sessions, the new hair. It is all just a way of ghosting through my life. Zoe bless her, tries her fucking hardest every day to keep me alive and her own busy life on track. She graduated from NYU with honors in accounting and business and is making her way up the corporate ladder, very quickly. I’m proud of her, she’s achieving her dreams and living life for the both of us.
I’m just not meant to have the fairytale life.
Chapter Three
Trey
“Mornin’ sugartits. You shit the fucking bed or something? You’re never here this early.”
Continuing to unlock the studio door, I give Zak my best friend and business partner, the finger, before walking in and closing the door in his face.
Ha, assface, take that.
“Now, now. There was no need for that now was there? I only asked you a simple fucking question.” He says, as he reopens the door and walks in behind me.
“Yeah well I’m not in the mood for your fucking sarcasm today.” I snap.
Last night I slept for shit and the chick I had sucking my dick, stopped mid deepthroat, to throw up. Which made my dick softer than a slice of bread in seconds. Leaving me frustrated and unsatisfied, when she declared she was too unwell to carry on, before slipping her shirt back on and leaving my apartment. So yeah, I’m grouchy because of it. Fucking sue me, see if I give a fucking damn.
“Oh, before I forget, that chick Zoe I told you about, might call in later today. So, give me a holla when she does.”
Looking at him over my shoulder as I round the counter, I smirk at him and try not to laugh. Zak is a proclaimed manwhore just like me, he never dates, only fucks. I’m almost certain he’s more fucked-up than I am, but that’s his story, I don’t get involved unless he wants me too.
“What? Don’t look at me like that, I said I would design her first tattoo for her, that’s all.”
Something tells me that that my best friend has a little crush on little Miss Zoe, this isn’t the first time he’s mentioned her. I guess people do change. Well except for me, that will never happen. I’m happy exactly the way I am, thank you, very fucking much.
Making our way back to our stations, we start setting up for the day. I decide to get my own back for his comment, when we first got here.
“Does someone want to give little Zoe a little more than a tattoo? I’m thinking that Zakary wants to insert body part, A, into body part B and make sweet luurrvveee.”
I start to laugh, when he throws a roll of paper towels at my head.
“Shut the fuck up, douchebag. She’s cool and I said I would be her first. That’s it.”
Raising my eyebrows at his words, he soon realizes his mistake.
“Her first tattoo, dickhead. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Yeah… I’m sure.”
“Whatever, asshole.”
Laughing at his reaction, we soon get back to what we were doing, when we hear the door to the studio open and then slam shut. Looking at each other, we both say together.
“Smith.”
“I swear to god that stupid woman is gonna be the death of me.”
He comes barreling through to the back, with sweat dripping from his brow.
“And which woman would that be? Diana, Molly or Tiffany?” Zak says sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Ha, you’re not funny. To answer your question, neither. My fucking Mom, I love her to pieces, but I swear some days she tests my patience.”
Me and Zak look at each other, both of us confused as fuck.
“Please enlighten us then.” Zak asks him.
“Well, I made the monumental mistake of taking Emily home with me last night. Only to find her at the table this morning, with my mom, having coffee. I mean fucking coffee. What’s that about? She couldn't just have shown her to the door, could she? Now Emily thinks we’re more than what we are, well she can think again. I’ve tapped it, we both got we wanted, end of. I’ve had two showers and I can still smell her on me.”
It’s only nine-thirty and today is shaping up to be a funny one.
Both me and Zak stop doing what we’re doing, as laughter just erupts from us. Through the tears that are streaming down my cheeks from laughing so much, I manage to get out.
“Dude, rule number one in one-night stands, you never take the chick back to your place. Especially when you still live with your mom, the girl has back up and you’re never gonna get rid of her.”
I have to feel sorry for him… sort of. The guy is only twenty-one and is still learning. He had a rough start; his dad is a deadbeat and his mum has practically raised him alone. I stumbled across him two years ago, graffitiing on a subway wall. His artistic skills were off the chain, so I offered him a job on the spot. It was either that, or chances are he would have ended up in Ryker’s, doing time for some shit, that he would later regret.
“Yeah well, thanks to my mom, I’m now going to have to flee the city and quick. I’ve got a feeling she’s a clinger.”
Zak is still laughing at Smith and his drama.
“You’re not gonna have to leave, stop being a drama queen and get your ass to work.” I tell him.
“Please tell me, you didn’t tell her you worked here, because if you did, then that would be fucking priceless. I’ll even buy your plane ticket out of here.” Zak finally pipes up but is still laughing.
The look on Smith’s face tells me that this chick knows exactly where he works.
“Oh fuck, I didn’t tell her, but she did have my Ink Nation t-shirt on this morning.”
Zak cracks up even more and I have to admit I joined in right along with him.
“Oh, this gets fucking better by the minute.”
Zak who’s now bent over his chair and can hardly breathe, slaps the leather seat as he speaks.
“Mornin’ fuckers, what’s so hilarious?”
Looking up at the archway that leads to our workstations, I see that Levi has now joined us.
“This dickhead here…” Zak points at Smith as he continues to say, “Has got himself in a bit of a pickle, haven’t you now lover boy? You best say your goodbyes now, because he’s heading to JFK, in roughly ten minutes.”
Levi looks between the three of us with a look of utter confusion on his face. Me and Zak are still laughing, and Smith looks like he’s about to literally shit his pants.
“You pair aren’t funny; this is my life we’re talking about here.”
“What have you done now dickface?” Levi asks.
Glancing up at the clock on the wall, I see I have fifteen minutes until my first client of the day turns up. So, leaving the three of them standing there and for Zak to tell Levi about Smith’s antics. I go into the small kitchen we have and make myself a coffee, before I start my day.
There really is never a dull moment at Ink Nation.
Chapter Four
Daisy
“I’m off to see Zak about my tattoo, you fancy coming with me?”
Zoe asks me, as she comes out of her bedroom, smacking her lip gloss, coated lips together. I’m still in my robe and really don’t fancy going out into the world today. She can tell just by the look I give her from under my lashes, as I flick through the magazine I’m pretending to read, lying on the sofa.
“Oh, come on D, it’ll do you good to get out and it’s not like we’re going far. It’s a block or few away, I promise.”
She puts her hands together in a pleading motion and juts out her bottom lip. Sighing, knowing I’m not gonna win until she gets her own way, I close the magazine and throw it down onto the coffee table, and get up from my current position.
“You’re so buying me a Starbucks for this.” I warn her, as I round the sofa and head to my room. “Just let me get dressed.”
“Yay. I’ll even buy you a muffin.” She says, excitement clear in her voice, as she bounces up and down.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Ten minutes later, I’m exiting my room in my ripped jeans and an off the shoulder, oversized t-shirt, with my pink Converse on my feet.
“I’m ready, let's get this over with, shall we?” I say to Zoe as I put my keys and phone in my pockets.
Like I’ve said before, if I can avoid going out, I will, so Zoe knows what a big deal this is for me. I start to feel on edge as we leave the apartment and my hands start to get fidgety, to which she notices.
“You’re okay, D. You’re with me, nothing is gonna happen to you. I promise.”
Linking my arm with hers, she leads me down our street and we walk in a comfortable silence. Even though my eyes are darting around, searching for any signs of danger.
“Not far now, you’re doing great.”
Okay, so maybe I wasn’t hiding my apprehension as well as I thought. Then again, nothing ever gets passed Zoe. This woman could sniff out a first world problem from less than a mile away. Turning down Bowery Street, we come to a halt on the corner, when Zoe says.
“We’re here.” Her voice is now shaky.
“Zo? Are you okay?”
I come to stand in front of her and take her shoulders in my hands.
“What’s going on? You were excited about this not only ten minutes ago, what’s changed?”
She looks at me, then to the store front and it’s then when I look over my shoulder. I see the amazing building that is Ink Nation. The entire brick work is covered in paint, not just any paint though. It’s been specifically designed to entice people in with amazing graffiti artwork. The bright colors that cover it are turned into a sensual woman, enjoying getting a tattoo. Whoever did it, has some mad skills.
“Oh, wow.” I breathe out. How have I never seen this before?
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” Zoe asks, bringing me out of my trance, as I stare at it.
“Yeah, it is.”
Piece By Piece (The Ink Nation Series Book 1) Page 2
