As we eat our food, the thing that’s plaguing me the most is that he’s gonna want sex from me eventually and I’m just not ready for that. To me sex is a weapon. A way of getting what you want and so fucking painful. I don’t think I could subject myself to that pain, ever again.
As I swallow some of my pancake with the blueberries, I spit out…
“I can’t sleep with you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Trey
“I can’t sleep with you.”
Those four words make me choke on my steak, as I try to swallow the piece I’ve just put into my mouth.
She thinks I’ve just said all of that to get her to sleep with me…
What the actual fuck?
The words just left my mouth without me even thinking about them and I find myself not regretting them. The fact she thinks I said it all to get into her panties, wounds me. If I wanted to just fuck her, then I wouldn’t have taken the time to bring her to lunch, to even tell her any of what I just did.
Finally, when I stop choking, I take a sip of my coffee and wash the chewed meat away before I speak.
“I’m not gonna lie to you, Pink. I would love nothing more than to slide between the silky skin of your thighs. From what I’ve seen so far though, that is that last thing you want for some reason. Hopefully one day, you might trust me enough to tell me. So, no. If you’re thinking that I’ve only just said all that to sleep with you, then you’re sadly mistaken.”
I watch as her eyes bug out of their sockets and the moment, she realizes that I’m not bullshitting her.
To be honest, I’m in shock myself at what keeps coming out of my mouth. If the guys could hear me right now, they would be ripping me to shreds for it.
I watch as her throat bobs up and down from swallowing some of her food, before she takes another sip on her milkshake.
Please don’t suck on that straw like you did before. I silently beg. My pleas go unanswered, as I watch her wrap her lips around the plastic straw and suck. A groan leaves the back of my throat and my dick stiffens in my pants. Causing me to shuffle uncomfortably, to rearrange my current state.
Zak’s naked ass.
Smith’s wrinkly mom.
Levi’s farts.
All these thoughts run through my mind, as I will the fucker in my pants to go down. Gradually it works and just in time for her to look at me again.
“Trey… I really don’t know what to say. You’re you, and well… I’m me. I’m not exactly what you would call dating material.”
A small smile creeps up on my face at how oblivious she is to her beauty, and her self-worth. Whoever damaged this beautiful woman, has a lot to answer for.
Pushing my plate away with the last bit of my uneaten food away from me, I do the same to her plate and take her hands in mine again.
“Pink, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you actually are? Has anyone apart from Zoe, ever actually took the time to get to you? The real you?”
She shakes her head from side to side.
“We can just do this if it makes you comfortable, lunch and hand holding could just be my new favorite thing.”
I smirk at her and run my thumb along the inside of her wrist, under her shirt. When I do, it’s then I can feel the ridges in the skin there and she freezes on me. Trying to pull her hands away from me, I tug her back softly so she can’t hide.
“I’m not gonna ask you why they’re there, Daisy, but please, all I ask is that you don’t hide from me. I won’t pretend I’m not intrigued either.”
“I’m damaged beyond repair, Trey. Even you can’t fix me, I’d love for you to try but I’m not fixable. Believe me, many shrinks have tried. Every day is a struggle, but there’s something about you that wants me to be a better person. To be not so broken I’ve been shattered into pieces for so long, I no longer know if I can be put back together… by anyone.”
Running my thumb along the scarred skin again. I’ve come to the conclusion that is the most open and honest thing she’s ever said to me.
“Well, with my issues and yours, we probably make one whole person. So how about we learn to trust each other and maybe, just maybe, we can put each other back together piece by piece. One day at a time.”
Another smile plasters her face and this time it reaches the depths of her eyes, that I can’t seem to take my focus off.
“Come on, Pink. That’s enough deep talk for one day. Do you fancy doing something, or shall I walk you back to your apartment?”
I can see the contemplation on her face and before I can convince her to spend the rest of the day with me, she says.
“Sure, why not?”
Settling the bill for our lunch, I take Pink’s hand in mine and lead her out of the diner. Back down the 9th, with one destination in mind.
Daisy loves art, just like me. There’s only one place to go.
The New York Met.
Standing at the bottom of the Mets steps, I watch closely as Pink’s head tilts all the way back, taking in the enormous building. The entire way over here, she kept asking where we were going, but I wouldn’t tell her. Instead, I pulled funny faces to make her laugh.
“Have you never been here?” I ask her.
Surely, she has. If she’s a New Yorker.
“Nope. With my issues I’ve never ventured far from my apartment, only to work or my shrink's office.”
Well fuck me.
Turning us both so we’re facing each other, I slowly let go of her hand and take her face in the palms of my hands.
“Think of today as a new start. Today is the day you start fighting back to regain the life you deserve. If at any point you think you’re gonna fall, then I’ll be there to catch you.”
I hear her breath hitch as she nods her head. Taking her hand back into mine, I lead us up the steps and to the entrance. Now to the outside world, I don’t look like the type of guy who belongs here, the type of guy who appreciates good art when he sees it. With my height and broadness, throw in my skin that’s covered in Zak’s handy work and I come across as a scary motherfucker these days. The security guard looks at me as if I’m gonna grab a piece of valuable artwork and run with it. Asshole.
Has he never heard of the saying ‘Never judge a book by its cover?’
Over the next two hours, we take in the sights of all the paintings and just generally enjoying each other's company without much being said. Apart from Pink’s oooo’s and ahh’s as she inspects each masterpiece.
When we leave, she looks up at me and smiles.
“I really enjoyed that, thank you for taking me.”
Letting go of her hand for the first time since we left the diner, I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into me giving her a small squeeze as we walk.
“That was my dream you know. Before my life went to shit, I always wanted to paint, draw and have my work hung in an art museum.”
She’s opening up to me, so I don’t say anything in case she closes off.
“I’ve always found peace when I’m lost in my paints or pencils, it calms me and the thoughts that run through my head. The day you found that drawing of mine, I’d been anxious about being in your studio because you were all men. So, when I saw the paper and pen, I just sketched something to take away the knot of anxiety that was in my stomach, until Zoe was ready to leave.”
I want to jump up and down in glee because she’s trusting me enough to tell me this. Instead, I just decide that if she’s opening up to me, it’s only fair I do the same for her.
“My best friend died when I was eighteen, it was my fault. Stacey, who you met the other day… she’s his sister.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Daisy
If I could describe my day to anyone, I would have to say that it’s been surreal. I still can’t wrap my head around it all. The way Trey was honest with me, yet kind at the same time. The way he held my hand all day around the Met, it’s
as if he was worried that I was gonna run away if he let go. Then the way he held me closely as we walked back to my place and I told him about what my dreams used to be.
Now, for as much as I was scared of him at first, he’s never given me the impression that he’s a murderer. So, when he tells me that his best friend died and it was his fault, I find that very hard to believe. I want to push him and ask him what he means by that, because surely if he had killed him, he’d be in prison and not taking me to the Met and walking me home. I look up at him in confusion, hoping that he will elaborate a little more.
“Hungry for more information, Pink.”
It’s not a question, he’s clearly pointing out what I’m thinking.
“Up until last night, I had never told anyone what happened. Not even the guys. They always knew Stace was someone from back home, but that's all. Anyway, yesterday when she came to the studio, some things got said. She called me out on my bullshit in front of the guys, so I ended up at Zak’s after we all finished at the studio. I told them everything over beers and whiskey. That’s when Zak lost his shit with me and ripped me a new one; Mainly for the way I had been carrying the guilt around with me all these years. I will always blame myself though for him getting killed that night.”
I stop short and look at him, even though he was the one that put himself in the firing line.
“He was shot?”
He turns me back into the crook of his arm and carries on walking.
“The night Cam died; we had just graduated high school back in Texas. We were high on life and what the next chapters of our life held for us. Just like every weekend, I threw a party at my parents’ house. You see me and Cam were the Princes of Texas, our dads were the Kings. We were popular, we both played football, everyone wanted to be us. We were supposed to be ruling Texas by now. Instead, I’m here and Cam is six-foot underground, being worm food.”
I want to ask him to tell me more, but he’s shared more than I have with him, so I don’t want to push him further. I can hear the pain in his voice as he talks about Cam and Texas. So instead, I just casually say.
“You’re a Texas chump then?”
That makes him stop in the middle of the sidewalk and laugh so loud, that people stop and stare at us.
“Yeah, Pink. I’m a Texas chump.”
He wraps his arm around back around my shoulders and we carry on walking.
“I didn’t think you were an original New Yorker, that southern drawl you’ve got going on, isn’t exactly unmissable.”
“Do you know what, Pink?”
“What, Trey?”
“You’re something else and I think I like it.”
We walk the rest of the way to my apartment in a comfortable silence and by the time we reach my door, it’s almost dark.
“Pink…”
Trey goes to speak but my apartment door bursts open and there stands Zoe, looking like her world has ended.
“Where fuck have you been? I’ve been worried sick; I’ve been texting and calling you, but it’s just gone to voicemail.”
“I text you and told you I was going for lunch with Trey.”
“Yes, I got that, but that was hours ago. You never go anywhere without telling me and I started to panic.”
She finally looks at Trey and I can see that they’re both confused as to what’s going on right now. Zoe has every right to be worried. I do usually text her if I’m going to be longer or going anywhere that’s not normal for me. I always tell her, but time just got away from me today.
“I’m sorry, Zo. It was my fault, after lunch I took her to The Met and we just got lost in the art. Next time, I’ll make sure she keeps in touch.”
His thoughtfulness softens Zoe’s expression and melts my heart that little bit more. With an oomph, Zoe goes back into our apartment, leaving the door open for me.
“I’m gonna get going, I had fun today.”
I see something in his eyes that tells me he doesn’t know what to do next. Taking the choice away from him, I make the first move. For me that’s something I never would do, but for him, I will and just hope it doesn’t backfire on me. Standing on my tiptoes, I lean in and kiss him lightly on the cheek. It’s mild compared to what he’s probably used to but it’s all I can offer him right now.
Shifting on the doorstep when I pull back from him, I can see that his eyes are closed, and I can’t tell if he liked it. Or if I overstepped the mark.
“Trey… I… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t…”
I’m cut off when he leans down into me and replicates what I just did to him.
“Don’t apologize, Pink. Never apologize. I’ll see you tomorrow at the studio.”
With those final words, he turns away from me and leaves my building. As he goes, I just stand there like some daft fucker with a massive smile on my face and glowing cheeks. I can feel them getting hotter by the second.
“Stop standing there like a love-struck puppy and get your ass in here woman.”
I hear Zoe shout from inside our apartment.
I should have known she’d want the details of my afternoon with Trey, thing is I don’t know if I want to share it just yet. This thing, whatever it is with us, doesn’t seem real to me. I can’t get the fact that I just let a man kiss me, even if it was just my cheek and I didn’t freak out about it.
I think I’m finally learning that not all men are dangerous.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Trey
I’m twenty fucking eight years old and I feel like a damn teenager, who’s just got his first crush to kiss him.
The softness of her lips against my cheek still lingers as I walk away from her. I didn’t want to leave but once again, I’m not gonna push her too quickly. When she leaned up and kissed me, I was shocked but happy that she came to me first. I have to take this at her pace.
When she tried to apologize for kissing me, I could see her retreating back into the shell she keeps herself locked in. That’s why I repeated her actions and kissed her cheek. I didn’t want her to think that I didn’t want her to kiss me. If anything, I want her to do more than that but she’s not ready. For as much as my cock protests, he’s going have to make do with my hand and the images that I conjure up in my dirty mind of her. For now.
I head back towards my sanctuary, the one place that keeps me sane.
Ink Nation.
As I arrive outside the studio, it’s now completely dark, but New York is the city that never sleeps, so there’s people still about. The lights of Times Square, light up the sky and the horns of passing cabs, make me appreciate the city that I’ve called home for the last ten years.
I pull my keys out to unlock the door, just as it swings open.
“What time do you call this? Don’t you check your fucking phone?”
I’m greeted with Zak in my face, whose face looks like it’s going to pop with anxiety at any minute. Pushing past him, I bite back…
“I’m sorry, but since when did you become my mom?”
“Since when did you cancel appointments, to spend time with a woman?” he fires back rather quickly.
Ignoring him, I go through to the back, and into the kitchen to grab a beer, I keep some in here for when I don’t feel like going home. Taking two out, I hand one off to my friend, that’s currently staring at me from the doorway, waiting for answers.
“You’re worse than, Zoe. You know, that right?”
Confusion creeps across his face as I walk straight past him and go and sit in the chair I use for my clients.
“What the fuck has Zoe got to do with any of this?” He asks as he follows me and sits in the chair across from me, that he also uses for his clients.
Taking the cap off my beer, I throw it across the room and smile when it lands in the trash can.
“I’ve just walked Pink home and she was there, waiting at the door with the exact same expression on her face as you. Only hers was because she was
concerned for her friend. Yours is because you want to know what the fuck is going on.”
I point my beer bottle at him and smirk, daring him to say anything different. When he doesn’t, we both sit in total silence, drinking our beers. When just like I knew he would, he breaks before I give in and tell him anything.
“So… what is going on? Because the Trey I know wouldn’t do what you did today,” he questions as he looks at me over his bottle, as he takes a mouthful.
Draining my beer in one, I get up and get us another two. This conversation is a mind fuck for me, so god knows what he’s going to think. He’s more of a manwhore than I’ve ever been, and I’ve put my dick in some questionable pussy over the years. Sitting back in the chair, I pull the handle at the side, so it reclines back and make myself comfortable.
“I like her.”
That’s all I say and then silence again.
I know he’s mulling those words over in his head, when he pipes up.
“Like her? As in like her enough to dip your dick and run or…”
“No. I mean, I really like her. I know I shouldn't. She works here for Christ sake and she’s admitted she’s damaged. Normally that shit would have me running at high speed in the other direction. It’s just, for some reason that I can’t wrap my head around, I want to be the one that fixes her. Before you even say it, I know I’ve lost my fucking mind.”
Without even looking at him, I know he’s drinking his beer, because the gulping sounds that he’s making is something that should never come from a human.
“You’re a pig.” I laugh.
“Yeah, well my best friend just told me in not so many words that he’s a changed man. It’s a lot to take in.”
We both practically drain our second beers in one go and before we know it, we’ve drank a third and then a fourth. I’ve also told him all about my afternoon with Pink.
Piece By Piece (The Ink Nation Series Book 1) Page 9
