“Beer?”
I hear him ask and I just nod my head as I carry on scanning my eyes everywhere.
“T... This is all yours?”
The words leave my mouth before I can put my brain into gear.
Of course, this is his place, he wouldn’t have brought you here if it wasn’t. I think to myself after I’ve opened my mouth.
Coming to sit on the stool next to me, he hands me a beer. We both lean back on our elbows against the counter.
“Yeah, this is all mine.” he laughs as he takes a sip of his beer.
“But it’s huge, just for one man.”
“Maybe so, but I can’t stand to be in a cramped space, so when I found this place, it was everything. Plus, when the guys come over, there’s enough space, so I don’t have to sidle up to Zak. Believe me that guy stinks when he’s eaten prawns. We both laugh and instantly I start to relax a bit more. Pointing his beer in front of him, gesturing to the large grey sectional sofa, I agree and we both go and get comfy.
“Right, Pink. What are we eating? I have menus in the drawer, if you want to take a look?”
“Nah, no need, I want Chinese if that’s okay with you?”
In a dramatic performance, he holds his hand over his heart and falls to the ground in front of me.
“A woman who gets me, Chinese is the best food New York has to offer. Well… Mr. Chows on 5th has to offer.”
I laugh at his over the top performance for Chinese food. Not for the first time since he turned up at my apartment, I feel safe and happy.
If I’m not careful, I can see myself being dependent on him.
Trey goes and orders our food, when he comes back and sits down close to me, he wraps an arm around my shoulders. He pulls me in close to him as he hands me the remote to his flat screen TV, that’s mounted on the wall above a log fire. At first, I tense, and I feel him start to pull away from me. Taking his hand that’s hanging over my shoulder, I grab it to stop him. Slowly I start to relax into him and rest my head against his chest, as I flick through Netflix and settle on some teen vampire show.
Sitting here with him now, my mind is telling me that I should tell him about what happened to me. To explain to him why I am the way I am. Then the fear that he will think I’m just that too broken and I’m not worth it, is stopping me.
Halfway through the second episode of the show we’re watching, the buzzer for the door sounds out through the apartment. Trey gets up, making me groan in protest.
“Was someone comfy?” he states as he walks away to answer the door. Smirking as he goes, and I watch his perfect butt go with him.
He really is gorgeous.
I hear him thanking the delivery person and moments later he’s back on the sofa with a bag of food in his hand. Pulling out cardboard cartons, containing chicken noodles, spring rolls and beef chop suey. I spot the packets of chopsticks and open us both some up, before handing him his.
Thanking me, we sink back into the sofa and eat in a comfortable silence. That is until the thought of telling him and showing him my scars, takeover my brain.
What if he finds me repulsive?
What if he thinks that I deserved what I got?
What if my abuser was right and that I'm too damaged to be wanted by anyone?
What if…
What if…
They just keep coming one by one and before I can stop it, I can feel the panic attack take over my body. My heart starts to race, dizziness makes the room start to spin. My hands start to sweat and tremor, causing me to drop my food to the floor. Trey is off the sofa and in front of me in a flash, I didn’t even see him move from the space next to me.
“Pink.” He takes my hands in his and rubs his thumbs over my skin, “Daisy, I need you to breathe for me sweetheart.”
I can hear what he’s saying to me, but I can’t seem to get a handle on it.
Leaning up onto his knees so we’re eye level, his hands leave mine and he takes my face in his hands. He starts to take deep breaths in and out, encouraging me to do the same. Eventually, I keep pace with him, and the attack subsides.
“I… I’m…”
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry. It’s fine, it’ll clean. I just want to know that you’re okay and if you want to talk about it, then I’m here, always.”
I want to believe him like I have so far, he’s not once showed me that he isn’t there when I need him.
“Whatever it is, I know you’re a strong woman, so I want you to hold on to that. Stand up and be the person I know lives in here.”
He taps my top above my chest, where my heart is and as I look into his eyes, I know he means everything he’s saying.
“There’s nothing that you can do or say that will stop me from being with you, you don’t have to be alone. You don’t always have to rely on Zoe, not anymore. I want to be the one that you feel safe with. The one that gets to carry your demons with you, to help you beat them. One day I hope you feel confident enough to trust me with your secrets.”
Right there and then, I know without a doubt that I have to tell him. If he so happens to find me disgusting, then so be it. I’ll just move on and carry on being me.
Standing from the sofa, I don’t respond vocally to everything he’s just said to me. Instead, I walk around him and the coffee table, so there’s some space between us. Inhaling and exhaling deep breaths, as I go.
I can do this; I am not weak.
He won’t think I’m ugly when he sees what a mess my body is.
Standing in front of the fire, I keep repeating these thoughts over and over again in my head. With my head bowed, unable to look at him, I start to pull my clothes off, until I’m standing in just my bra and panties.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Trey
I have so many things I want to say, so many things I want to ask her.
When she started to tremble, I knew something wasn’t right, the panic attack had already taken over though. I was too busy stuffing noodles in my mouth, before I had even noticed.
Something set her off, but I don’t know what and I feel helpless. As I watch her get up and walk past me as if I’m not there, I’m convinced she’s gonna leave. As I turn on my knees, I’m shocked to see that she’s taking her clothes off. She’s now standing in front of me in just a cotton white bra and panties, with her head bowed.
I should say something, but I don’t know what to say, as I take her all in. She is absolutely breathtaking. Her breasts are just a handful and pert. Her flat stomach leads to curves that should be illegal on a woman's body. It’s not until I reach her thighs, I see the scars. They cover the top and the inside of the skin. Some are raised, some are sunken in and zig zagged, like someone took a butcher's knife to her legs.
I can’t help the gasp that leaves my mouth and as I do, her hands come around to the front of her body, as she tries to cover herself up and hide from me.
“No.” I shout, making her jump and look up at me.
As if I’ve finally woken up from the shock, I’m on my feet and in front of her a flash. I can see she’s waiting for me to reject her, to tell her that I think she looks abnormal.
Well if she thought she could shock me, then I’m going to shock her right back.
“You are beautiful, you are strong, you are mine and I’m not going anywhere.”
She has tears trickling down her cheeks. Sensing that I want to know how she got them, but not wanting to ask her directly, she says in a soft voice.
“I was raped from the age of thirteen, for two years by my stepfather on a daily basis. The only reason I’m alive is because of Zoe. Oh, and the cherry on the top of it all, is that I had to abort his baby when I was fourteen.”
Anger like I’ve never thought I was capable of, rushes through my veins. Why would someone do this?
In this moment, I want to go and find the bastard that did this to her and blow his brains out. He’s nothing but a
n animal, that doesn’t deserve to breathe. My rage makes my hands shake and I make them into fists to try and stop it. The last thing I want is for her to be scared of me when we’ve come this far.
Practicing what I’ve preached to her about being strong, I close my eyes and breath slowly to calm myself down. Now isn’t the time to go on a rampage, now is the time to be there for her, like I promised I would be. The uncertainty I see still marring her features, kicks my brain into gear. I decide that if she’ll let me, I want to show her that no matter what, the scars are on the outside. They don’t define her as a person if she doesn’t let them. To me, she’s the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.
She’s changing me.
She’s changing everything I thought I wanted.
She’s showing me that even though she’s a little damaged, she can be put back together, piece by piece. I’m going to start the process right now, because so far, it’s been about getting her used to me and the guys. Even though, I get that it’s not just about being around men that freaks her out. It’s when they touch her and for so long, I couldn’t figure out why.
I’m gonna show her that a man's touch doesn’t always mean you’re gonna get taken against your will. That it can be nice and enjoyable. I’m not gonna ask her to let me fuck her, I’m not that much of an insensitive prick.
Holding my hands out at the side of her hips, I silently ask if I can touch her. To which she nods her head and sucks in a breath between her teeth.
“If it’s too much, just say, then I’ll stop, okay?”
I make sure she knows that she’s in control here. Her tongue pokes out, wetting her lips, before she clamps down onto her bottom lip with her teeth.
Dropping to the floor, I stay holding onto her hips as I lean forward and one by one, I lay small open-mouthed kisses over her scars. The first kiss makes her jolt and stiffen at first, I stop to look up at her making sure she’s okay. With her eyes on me, I go back to her thighs and repeat my actions.
“You.” Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “Fucking amazing.” Kiss.
We stay like this for god knows how long, my knees have gone numb, but I don’t give a shit. She’s worth it.
Her shoulders have slumped, and they are no longer tense. The more I kiss her thighs, the more she becomes like jello in front of me. Her hands go to my shoulders and grip the material of my t-shirt. When I think her knees about to give way, I stand back to my full height, so we’re standing flush against one another.
“Thank you.” she whispers.
At every turn, she surprises me. She’s the one thanking me, when it should be the other way around. She’s just put her biggest secret in my hands and is trusting me with it. She’s the one that deserves all the gratitude.
“There’s so much more to say, Trey. I just don’t know if I can relive it all again.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist, encouraging her to wrap hers around my neck, I pray to god that my cock co-operates and doesn’t make an appearance. It’s the last thing she needs right now. It’s just, being this close to her while she’s in just her underwear, is not good for my blue balls' situation.
“Baby, you can tell me everything else in your own time. How about I get you something to put on, we’ll curl up and watch this shitty show, you’ve put on?”
The uneasy atmosphere that had started when she first laid herself bare for me, vanishes with my comment about the vampires, that are currently occupying my TV. I have her back with me, the woman who’s showing me that your past doesn’t have to consume you. That to share it with someone else, lightens the load that little bit more.
Lifting her up so her feet are off the ground, I carry her as she throws her head back and giggles. I can honestly say I have never heard something so fucking perfect in my life.
Letting her slide down my body, I let her go and grab a blanket, that I keep on the back of the sofa and wrap it around her bare shoulders.
“Have this, I’ll be back in a second.”
I head for my bedroom and pull a t-shirt from my drawers for Pink and throw it onto my bed. Then I strip off my jeans and swap them for some grey sweatpants. Them fuckers are just too tight, when I’ve got her pressing against me. Whilst I’m making my way to where she’s huddled up on the sofa, I realize that if she can tell me something that big, then I can be a man. I can tell her why Cam died and the events leading up to the moment he died.
It’s now my turn to be strong. It’s my turn to man the fuck up and hope to the heavens, that she doesn’t think the worst of me afterwards.
It’s time that I move on and pray that together we’re strong enough to put back the broken pieces of each other, back in place. Piece by piece.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Daisy
Sitting on Trey’s sofa in my underwear and with the softest blanket I’ve ever had cover my skin, I feel like I’ve had the biggest weight lifted from my shoulders.
He doesn’t find me repulsive.
He doesn’t find me ugly.
He hasn’t walked away or told me to leave.
I think the shock that I let him see me like that, is finally wearing off and is being replaced with something else. Something I can’t quite figure out, but I feel light and uplifted for the first time in forever.
I’m not going to deny that I didn’t freak slightly when he first got to his knees and kissed my scars, because I did. The entire time though, he made it clear that if I wanted him to stop, then he would.
I’ve never been called beautiful and amazing before. All these things that he’s saying and showing me, are all new to me. Up until him, my self-worth was so low, that I thought I would always feel that way.
He’s making me see that I am worth so much more and that I am wanted.
Emerging from behind the wall on the other side of the apartment, Trey comes into view and he has a white t-shirt in his hand. I notice that he’s changed into sweatpants and if I was just that little bit more confident, I’d jump on him. He really can make anything look sexy. The brooding look; sexy. The way he laughs; sexy. Jeans, sweatpants, the man could wear a fucking garbage bag and still be sexy.
“Here you go, baby. Put this on before you catch your death.”
I look up at him as if to ask if he’s being serious, it’s red hot in this place. He should really turn his thermostat down, but I’m not going to complain. He scoops my clothes up from the floor where I left them, folds them up neatly and places them on the coffee table.
“I’ll leave them there, and if you want to leave, you can, and you put them back on.”
The way he’s thinking about my needs all the time, makes me feel like I’m being selfish and unfair to him. Dropping the blanket from my shoulders, I stand and pull the t-shirt over my head. I look down and see that it hits me mid-thigh, leaving some of my scars on show. Quickly getting back on the sofa, I pull the blanket over my legs to hide them. I may have voluntarily shown them to him, and he kissed them so gently, I thought I was going to collapse on the floor right next to him, but that doesn’t mean he wants to see them all the time. When I’ve finished messing with the blanket, I stop. It’s as if I can sense he’s watching me, I turn my head and see that he’s staring right at me. Edging his way back from the coffee table, he gets back on his knees in front of me once again and pulls the blanket from my legs.
“I’ve seen them now; you don’t need to hide them. They tell me that you survived and that you’re really here.”
Placing his hands on either side of my legs, he pushes up from the floor, leans over me and kisses me. Taking away any doubt I had, with each stroke of his tongue against mine.
As he sits back down next to me, he pulls me back against him, puts his arm around my shoulder. I sigh in contentment and smile.
My life isn’t a total fuck up after all.
As the night draws on, I can sense a shift in his mood. He’s gotten more fidgety; he’s drank three beers to my one and I can
tell something is bothering him. I want to ask him what it is, but I’m scared of his answer. Just in case he’s changed his mind and no longer wants me here. Eventually he gets up from the sofa and declares that he wants to pee. I take this opportunity to grab my clothes from the coffee table. I don’t want to stay if I’m no longer welcome. Just as I’m about to step into my jeans, I hear.
“Where are you going?”
I stop what I’m doing and let my jeans hang limply by my side.
“I… I’m going home. Y... you…” I try to tell him what I’m thinking, instead I just stay quiet in the end.
“I want you here, Daisy.”
He comes further over to where I’m standing and places his hands on the side of my arms. His forehead meets mine in the middle.
“I know I’ve not been the best company the last couple of hours. It’s just I’m trying my damned hardest to try and be strong like you have been. I want to tell you about Cam and my story. Yet, just like you I’m also scared, and I don’t want you to hate me after I’ve told you everything. Please stay?”
His voice is almost pleading with me and it’s not something I’ve ever heard from him before. It doesn’t take me a minute to make my decision.
“I’ll stay.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Trey
In all the years I’ve been living in New York and fucking about with women. I never thought for one second that I would feel the way I do, I come to a halt on my way back from the bathroom and see her about to step into her jeans. Disappointment in myself weighs heavy on me and regret that me acting like a pussy, has made her want to leave. With someone like Pink, you can’t go into yourself and close off. Doing that will only make her retreat into her own shell and blame herself for my selfish behavior.
When I’ve begged her to stay and explained why I’ve been acting the way I have. She relents to my pleas and relief like I’ve never felt before washes over me.
Taking the jeans that she still has in her hand from her, I throw them back onto the coffee table.
Piece By Piece (The Ink Nation Series Book 1) Page 11
