I’d never forgive myself if he lost his son over this.
I felt stuck. Torn in different directions. No decision would be easy. Both would lead to some kind of hurt.
An hour later, the front door closed, and Emery came back to the bedroom.
“Cason?”
“In here,” I said from the bathroom.
He came around the corner, confused. “Why are you sitting in the tub?”
“Just in case Ryan opened your door or something.” I stood and approached him. “I don’t know. I freaked.”
Emery touched my jaw before going to sit on the edge of the bed. He ran his hands over his face and breathed deep. “That was a close one.”
“Tell me about it.” I sat beside him, both of us looking at the floor. “What did he want?”
“Just to talk,” Emery said, smiling before letting it fade. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I think he’s finally coming around. He asked if I wanted to go to campus with him next weekend when he moves into his dorm.”
Ryan was moving in early because of baseball. He’d driven back and forth to Fayetteville for the previous practices that summer, but he was able to get a room in the dorm now, so he’d officially be living on campus.
“That’s great,” I said. As happy as I was for Emery, I also felt sad. Ryan was putting forth effort to get close to him again. All of that progress would be ruined once Ryan found out about me. “Maybe we should end this.”
“What?” Emery looked at me.
“If we stop now, Ryan won’t ever know. We can go our separate ways.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Do you want to lose your son, Emery?” I got off the bed to put space between us. Because if I looked into his blue eyes I wouldn’t be able to hold myself together. “If he finds out about us, he’ll hate us both. You guys are rebuilding your relationship, and the last thing you need is another secret that—”
Emery shot off the bed and backed me up against the wall, his hand sliding along the side of my neck. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“I’m just a guy you’re fucking,” I said, my chest tight. Saying goodbye to Emery was going to shatter me. But I had to do it. I refused to be selfish and keep him when it would only cause him heartache later.
“No, you’re not.”
My heart soared at his words but fell when I realized I couldn’t keep him. I was such an idiot to chase my best friend’s dad.
What did I expect to happen? That Ryan would be okay with it and me and Emery would live happily ever after? It was a disaster from the start, like a roller coaster missing the end of its track. The ride was fun for a while, but the damn thing would crash and burn in the end.
“It was fun, and I care about you, but we can’t do this anymore,” I said, trying to weasel out of his hold. He placed an arm on the wall beside my head, caging me in. It reminded me of the night in the hotel when I’d tried to stop him from leaving.
“Stop trying to leave me.” His nostrils flared, and I thought he was pissed. But when I saw the pain shining in his eyes, my sternum physically hurt, like someone was yanking it out. “Goddammit, Cason, I love you.”
They were the words I had kept inside for so long, and now he was the one saying them.
“Y-you love me?”
“I do.” Emery traced the line of my jaw with his thumb. “I know it’s too soon to say it, but I can’t hold it back anymore. I love you, and I don’t want you to leave. We can figure this out. Just… stay. Please.”
It no longer felt one-sided. I had felt selfish for complicating Emery’s life, but he didn’t see me as a complication at all. This crazy, amazing connection between us was real. Not just in my head.
“I don’t want to be the reason you and Ryan have another falling-out.”
“Cason?” Emery grabbed my face with both hands and tilted my head up. His lips were inches from mine. “I’m a grown-ass man and can make my own decisions. Stop worrying and kiss me already.”
I closed the gap between our mouths, softly whimpering as my emotions finally broke through. My worry. My fear. But most importantly, my love.
“I love you too,” I panted, breaking from his lips.
“Show me,” he said, wrapping his arm around my lower back.
And then I took him back to bed and did exactly that, kissing him deeply while I pumped into his ass nice and slow.
The nerve-racking start to the day faded as we got lost in each other between the sheets. Everything meant so much more now—every kiss, stroke, and gentle embrace. By midafternoon, we finally pulled apart and showered before finding something to eat.
As much as I didn’t want to, I left around ten that night to go back to the apartment. Emery had asked me to stay, but we weren’t living together, and it didn’t feel right to invade his space so much.
Mom and Steve were in the small kitchen when I walked in, smoking up the whole damn place because they didn’t open a window before lighting up their cigarettes.
“Look who’s alive,” Steve said, curling his upper lip at me. “Disappear for days at a time without a damn word. It’d be nice if you could pay your half of the bills, you ungrateful little fuck.”
The drastic change of mood was staggering.
With Emery, I had felt loved and wanted. Like nothing could touch me. Walking through the front door to my mom’s place, though, the warmth and happiness fled and left nothing but emptiness and a cold chill that settled deep in my bones.
Shutting myself in my room, I locked the door and plopped down on the bed. Steve’s loud voice came through the paper-thin walls, shit-talking me and calling me lazy. I scoffed at the ridiculousness.
Only one more month and I’ll be living at the dorm.
I’d finally be away from that hellhole.
I texted Emery good night before putting the blanket over my head and closing my eyes.
Chapter 20
Emery
Have fun today.
I smiled at the text from Cason and put my phone back in my pocket. Ryan walked beside me, staring at the buildings we passed and looking a bit intimidated.
“You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He scratched at the side of his head before sweeping another gaze around us. “Just not sure how I’ll ever find my classes. I need a map or something.”
“We can walk around and check it out after moving you in. I was nervous going to college too.”
“I don’t see how you survived law school,” Ryan said, shaking his head. “I heard it’s intense and everyone does drugs to get through it. I remember you coming home sometimes stressed the hell out.”
Having Ryan so young hadn’t stopped me and Amber from pursuing our careers. We’d made it work, and I had supported her in her decision to go to college too. I might not have been the best husband, but I had no regrets about how I’d raised Ryan.
“You made it better,” I said, squinting against the sun. “No matter how stressed I was, I loved coming home and seeing you.”
Ryan looked at the sidewalk. We passed a clock tower and walked through a courtyard where people were sprawled out on blankets enjoying the hot summer day. Guys threw a football back and forth, and in a field a ways away, I saw groups of people wearing cloaks and running with brooms.
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said, stopping beside a fountain and meeting my gaze. “For everything. I’ve been a shithead lately. That’s why I wanted you to come with me today. I don’t want to go off to college still so mad at you.”
“I understand why you were mad,” I said, feeling a fluttering of hope in my chest. “But I want you to know I didn’t keep it from you to hurt you. Coming out is different for each person, and I spent so long fighting with myself. I needed time.”
Ryan bumped my shoulder with his knuckles. “Okay, enough of this emotional crap. Let’s move in my shit so we can eat. I’m starving.”
I felt a shift in Ryan’s attitude after that conversation. He was really
trying to make amends, and while it made me happy, it also worried me. I hated keeping yet another secret from him.
After finding his dorm, we carried the boxes up, and I helped him get settled in. His roommate was another player on his team named Milo, who had already moved in. The room was divided into two sections, with a bed, desk, and dresser for each of them. They shared a bathroom that connected to another room. At least they had some privacy.
“Dad, don’t make my bed,” Ryan said as I grabbed the sheets. “I can do it myself.”
“Okay.” I dropped the sheets and stepped back.
With his cheeks pink, he finished making it and tossed the comforter on top. Messily. My eye twitched a little, and I looked away, fighting the urge to fix it. He unpacked his laptop next and set it up at the desk as I hung up his clothes in the closet.
“Thanks for your help,” Ryan said, once we were finished moving him in. “I’m sorry again for…well, you know. Being such an asshole.”
“I don’t hold anything against you. You’re my son, and I love you no matter what.”
“I still don’t know how I feel about everything. With you being how you are.” Ryan sat on the bed and looked at the floor. “I hoped spending time with you would help me.”
“Has it?”
His gaze lifted and he shrugged. “Cas told me I shouldn’t treat you like shit because of it, and he was right. I don’t always do the right thing, Dad, but I’m trying to do better. Trying to be the kinda man you raised me to be.”
Emotion clogged in my throat, and I cleared it. “You ready to eat lunch?”
Ryan nodded, seemingly relieved at the change of topic. “Yeah.”
We still had a ways to go, but we were getting there. Ryan wasn’t blocking me out anymore, and it felt great to have my son back in my life. I just hoped he didn’t shut me out again once learning the truth about me and Cason.
“Any fun plans for tonight?” I asked Ryan, once we were at the restaurant. He’d wanted Chinese, so we’d gone to a place not far from campus.
“Party in my new dorm room.” Ryan bit into an egg roll. At my unamused stare, he rolled his eyes. “I’ll probably invite Cas over and we’ll game and eat junk food.”
I’d had plans with Cason that night. He was supposed to come over once he got off work. Not wanting him to have to choose between me and Ryan, I sent him a text.
Me: Ryan wants you to hang out at his dorm tonight. You can go if you want. We can reschedule.
Damsel: Yeah, it’s been a while since I saw him. You don’t mind?
Me: Of course not. When you leave his dorm, you can come over to my place. Doesn’t matter what time it is.
Cason replied with a smiley face and a heart, and I smiled at it before putting my phone away. When I looked up, Ryan was staring at me.
“Who were you texting?”
I hid my panic well. So many years in my profession helped with that. I had trained myself to keep a straight face when I was stressed.
“A friend.” It wasn’t a lie exactly, just not the full truth.
“Is this friend blond?” Ryan asked, before taking a bite of his chicken fried rice.
“No,” I said, knowing who he was referring to. “How is baseball going?”
“A lot different than high school.” Ryan’s eyes sparkled with excitement. “But I love it.”
As he started talking about his practices and all he had to do, I released a small breath of relief. I had dodged a bullet.
***
After I took Ryan to the grocery store and picked him up a few things for his dorm, I stopped being such a helicopter parent and left the college. I left with a smile, though. It had taken months, but I was finally seeing signs of the old Ryan again—not the angry son who loathed the very sight of me.
Fayetteville was roughly a fifty-minute drive from my house, so I had a lot of time to think on the way home. Not seeing Cason that night was going to suck, but he said he’d stop by once he left the dorm. I couldn’t wait to taste him again. His lips, his cock—every part of him was addicting.
I needed a distraction. Staying at home would make me too restless. So, I called the one person I knew who’d be down for a night out.
“Hey, Cross,” Jay answered on the third ring.
“What are you doing tonight?” I asked, bouncing my knee.
“Hanging out with you, of course.”
I smiled. “I could use a few drinks.”
“Meet me at the 906 around eight?” he asked. “I heard a band’s supposed to play tonight.”
“I’ll be there.”
When I got home, Cason’s car was in my driveway. I parked and walked over to the driver’s-side door. He glanced up at me with the most heartwarming smile and got out of his car. He had gotten off work about fifteen minutes ago and must’ve come right over.
“Hey,” he said, refraining from embracing me although I saw the urge in his eyes. My neighbors could be pretty nosy sometimes. “I wanted to see you real quick before heading to Fayetteville.”
“Come inside,” I said, before walking to the front door.
Once we were in the living room, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against the wall. Just as he started to speak, I kissed him, his words turning to a moan. Our lips moved together slowly, and his hands traveled to my lower back.
“That will have to hold me over until later,” I said, pressing my head to his.
“I doubt I’ll be gone all night.” Cason brushed his lips to mine again. “I’ll text you when I leave the dorm.”
I kissed his temple before stepping away from him. “I’m going out with Jay tonight. I hope that’s okay.”
Cason snorted. “You don’t need my permission.”
“It’s just for some drinks. A jazz band is playing tonight.”
“Jazz?” Cason arched a brow.
“It’s not my thing, I admit. But Jay enjoys it, and it’s not too bad.”
“I hope you have fun.” His gaze dropped to my mouth.
“Same to you.” I touched his chin. “Don’t get too wild with all the pizza and zombie games.”
He grinned. “I’ll try not to. Guess I better go.”
“Text me when you make it to the college. So I know you made it safely.”
“Will do.”
We kissed again before he left. I changed from my casual clothes to something a little nicer—a pair of jeans and a button-up shirt. I had a quick bite to eat and then left to meet Jay.
The street was crowded, and I had to park in a lot several buildings away from the cigar bar. The muggy air clung to me as I walked down the sidewalk. A group of girls laughed as they passed, one of them talking about having sex with a guy who had a Tic Tac–sized penis.
I grinned and went inside the 906. Jay sat at the same table as last time and waved me over. He didn’t have a drink in front of him yet.
“You look hot,” he said, eyeing me up and down.
“Thanks.” I sat across from him and told the waiter I wanted a beer.
Jay ordered the same as me, being sure to hold contact with the waiter long enough to send the poor kid away from the table in a flustered mess. Satisfied with himself, he smirked and leaned back in his chair.
“You’re such a playboy.”
“And proud of it,” Jay responded, before looking toward the stage where the band was preparing their set. “What made you want to go out with me tonight? Boy troubles?”
“No.” The waiter brought our beers, and I took a swig. “Not exactly.”
“Well, that’s a yes,” Jay said, before taking a drink of his beer. “Tell me.”
“I told Cason I love him.”
He’d been about to take another drink and stilled his hand, his brows shooting upward. “Do you? Love him?”
I nodded.
“Kinda soon for that, don’t you think? It’s been, what, a month?”
“Almost two months,” I corrected and then rubbed the back of my neck where it’d become
suddenly tense. “But, fuck, I know. It’s soon. And complicated. Ryan is just now talking to me again after the blowup with you. I don’t want to lose him again, but I’m in too deep with Cason to turn back now.” I released a sharp breath before meeting Jay’s curious gaze. “Tell me what to do.”
“Okay, first of all, chill out.” Jay nodded to the bottle in front of me. “And drink more beer.”
I took a drink and waited for him to say more, bouncing my leg. Damn, I was a nervous wreck. I normally kept my problems to myself, so it was strange talking to someone about them.
“Ryan loves you,” Jay continued, ignoring the busty brunette that walked way too slowly past our table to get his attention. “He might be a moody teenager who’s cold one second and hot the next, but he loves you. He got so pissed at you because of how he found out about us.”
“Thanks for the recap, Foley, but I know all of that.”
“Then hear what I’m saying, you bastard,” he said, his green eyes pinned to me. “If you keep this lie going, it’s going to bite you in the ass. Because he will find out, and when he does, he’ll feel betrayed and hurt just like last time but only worse, because this time you’re with his best friend. You need to tell him before that happens.”
“He won’t take it well,” I said, before downing more of my beer. I’d need several more before the night was over. “Cason isn’t out. That’s another hurdle. I can’t exactly tell Ryan we’re together when I’d be outing Cason in the process. This is so fucked-up.”
Did I regret hooking up with Cason?
At the thought, a memory of him laughing entered my mind, followed by the warmth in his brown eyes when he smiled. No… I didn’t regret him.
“You need to talk to your boy.” Jay pulled a cigar from his front pocket and lit it up. “This shit is between you and him.”
“You’re right.” I took another drink, feeling the coil of nerves in my gut begin to unwind a bit.
“I know I am.”
The band started to play, and Jay looked at the stage. He seemed more interested in them that night.
His Temptation Page 20
