by Pru Schuyler
I’ve never been more thankful for James than I am at this moment. I’m glad he is here for her, so he can help keep her levelheaded.
“Thank you.” I look up to him.
“No need for that. You know, the police told us what you did. You’re very brave, Stella.” James sits in the chair next to my bed. “Brady will have a hell of a storm to face at this trial. You will probably have to testify, but he is looking at some serious time, especially if the other girls come forward.”
I nod my head, unsure of what to say.
I try to sit up, but sharp, excruciating pain lights up my entire body. James’s arms shoot out to steady me and help me up.
“You have a few severely bruised ribs, a broken wrist, and a concussion. That boy is lucky he is in jail right now, or he’d be in a bed down the hall.” His tone is serious, and his eyes show he means every word. He helps me to my feet just as my mom comes back into the room, the doctor in tow.
He checks me over and says all of my vitals are good. They want me to stay for a few more hours to make sure there are no issues, and then I am free to go. I’m just supposed to take it easy for the next couple of weeks and then go in for a follow-up.
By the time we walk out of the hospital, I’m craving my bed. And when we hit the fresh air, I feel like I can breathe for the first time in a long time. Weight lifts from my shoulders, and pressure releases from my lungs. It’s finally over. Brooke knows who hurt her, and hopefully, she’s figured out my involvement and what I did. And maybe she can forgive me.
We drive home in silence. My head is killing me, and all I can think about is my bed.
We pull into the driveway, and I’m so relieved to be home. James and my mom help me up the stairs and stop in front of my room. My mom pulls me into a hug, careful not to squeeze too hard. But my ribs throb anyway. I sit in her grasp for seconds, maybe minutes. This is the first hug I haven’t counted down to get out of.
James surprises me and pulls me into a hug too. I never really had a dad, but the idea of James sticking around sounds pretty good to me. They say their good-byes and head back downstairs. Finally, I can get some sleep.
I open my door and flick the light on.
“Don’t scream.” Cade’s voice finds my heart.
I stutter-step, shocked, but then fully walk into my room and close the door behind me. “What are you doing here? How’d you get in?”
“They wouldn’t let me see you at the hospital—family only. I, uh … I used your window.” He looks over to my curtains, wafting in the slow breeze.
My vision finally focuses, and his eyes are bloodshot, stained red. He’s been crying.
He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and starts reading. I recognize the first words immediately. “Cade, I hope you can forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you or keep you away. I’m sorry we had to do this on your birthday, but it’s the only time it fit perfectly.” His voice breaks, but he pushes on. Tears stream down my cheeks. “You mean the world to me. I never planned on liking or even falling for you. But that first night, when your eyes looked into mine, I was hooked and forever yours. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you.
“I hope you can understand why I did what I did. I had to get him to admit it; it was the only way she would ever be free from him. I’m so sorry you are losing your best friend.” He looks up to me, and he recites the rest from memory. “I love you, Cade. I have for a while now. I love you, and I want to plan my future and my life with you, only you. I’m forever yours. Love, Stels.”
My heart is in his hands when he finishes. My face is soaked from all the fallen tears. He stands up, and my breath catches as I freeze in the moment.
He takes off toward me, closing the distance fast. “I’m going to kiss you.”
Before I can respond, he takes my face in his hands and crashes his lips onto mine. Fever, desire, and love flow through him. When we come up for air, our breaths are heavy and loud.
His deep emerald eyes gaze into mine. “I love you, Stella. I love you.” He pulls me up and presses his warm lips back down, claiming my mouth with his.
Time vanishes. We are lost in each other. No more barriers, no more lies, no more complications. We lose ourselves in our kisses and in our touch.
When I drift off to sleep in his arms, no demons are waiting in the dark.
TWENTY-TWO
My bed beneath me starts shifting. And breathing. It’s warmer than it normally is. Weird. My eyes flutter open, and my head is lying on Cade’s bare chest. Last night floods back. My face blushes, spreading down to my toes.
“Good morning.” His voice is low, raspy, and oh-so sexy.
I bat my eyelashes up to see his gorgeous green eyes. “Good morning.”
Oh my God. My mom. I sit up fast—much too fast. My ribs and sides remind me to take it a little easy.
Cade opens his arms for me to curl into them. I don’t waste a second.
He snakes his hand between my hair and my cheek, directing my face to his. “Hey. Your mom already stopped by. She didn’t say anything. She just closed the door and left. I don’t think she knew I was awake.”
My heart calms. She probably didn’t say anything because I’d gotten the crap beaten out of me last night.
Cade’s thumb strokes my cheek, sending light shivers up my spine. “Come on. We gotta get ready for school. I’m driving.”
I bite my lip. We’re riding together to school. Everyone will know Cade and I are together.
I gently shift off the bed and head into the bathroom to start getting ready. I didn’t plan on going to school today. I didn’t want to have to face everyone. But I’m done hiding.
I brush my teeth and run my fingers through my hair before giving it a loose curl.
I turn to the mirror to put a little makeup on. I go cold when I catch my reflection. The entire left side of my face is covered in deep purple and blue bruises. A cut about an inch in length lies on my cheekbone from Brady’s hand, right underneath the scar Austin left behind. Tears well in my eyes. I lift my shirt, and a sharp breath sucks between my teeth. Almost my entire torso is marked black and blue from Brady’s kicks.
Cade’s knuckles rap on the door before he opens it. “Hey, you almost—” He cuts off when he sees me. His eyes darken, seeing what Brady did. But they soften when he reads my face. “Stels, you’re always beautiful. With the battle wounds you’re rocking right now, I’d say, you’re sexy as hell.” He turns me away from my reflection and faces me toward him. Taking my cheeks in his hands, he says, “You risked your own self to prove who he really was for my sister. You are the most incredible person I have ever known, Stella. I mean that. I love you.” He leans down and places a kiss on my forehead.
I exhale a heavy breath. “I love you too. I’d do it all again for her. I hope she can forgive me.” my eyes drop to his chest.
He pulls me into a hug, his head settling onto mine. “She will, Stels. Of course she will. She’s probably just still in shock from last night. It’s a lot to take in.”
I forget how much he towers over me until I’m in his embrace. My favorite place in the world, wrapped up in his arms.
He pulls away and places yet another gentle kiss on my head. “Come on. Get changed, and we’ll go.”
I head to the closet and strip out of my PJs. I feel like I want to wear the world’s biggest hoodie and sweats to school today to hide all the marks. I walk over to the full-length mirror and take in the extent of my bruises. My right side is one big blue-and-purple mark. My left side is slightly less affected but colorful nonetheless. I have patches of bruises that coat my entire torso, front and back. Brady really went to town.
I take a moment more to really look at myself. To look at all I’ve been through. Look what I did, look what I’ve survived. If I had to do this over and over to save his next victim, I would in a heartbeat, every time. Pride beams in my chest. You know what? Screw him and screw any guy who ever took an ounce of power from someone.
I head out to meet Cade, and when he sees me, that sexy smirk finds his lips. And his eyes scan me head to toe. I went with a pair of tight black jeans that outline every curve of my legs. They have distressed holes in them, showing some of my blue-and-purple marks through the gashes. I paired it with a light-blue fitted tank top with lace straps, the hem tucked into my jeans. A little cleavage, bare arms, and a whole lot of black and blue. Perfect.
“Stella, you look …” He blows out a steady breath and steps right up to me. His hands find my waist, and my stomach tightens for all the right reasons. “You look absolutely perfect, bruises and all. But if a single guy so much as looks at you too long today, I’m kicking his ass.” Cade smirks as he turns out of my room.
We head downstairs and walk over to his house to get his car. When we enter the garage, we are no longer alone. Brooke is sitting on the steps of her garage, clutching her backpack to her chest. My heart breaks for my best friend, for the horror she is going through. Her gaze finds us as the door behind us clicks shut.
I need to fix this, fix this distance between us. And I know just how to do it.
I pull Cade aside and whisper low, “Head to school without me. Don’t count on me or her showing up today. I love you.” With my palms flat on his chest, I lean up and place a kiss on his cheek. My mom won’t mind a bit, and I’m certain Mrs. Carver won’t either.
His eyes soften at my words. “You have no idea how much I love you, Stella Sullivan,” he whispers in my ear before grabbing his keys and heading to his car. His use of my full name does crazy things to my heart.
Once the door closes behind him, I wordlessly make my way to Brooke and sit down next to her. It’s her move; I’m out of pieces to play.
After a few minutes of just breathing together, she pushes the backpack away from her chest and unzips the main pocket. A little laugh escapes me when I see what she pulls out. In her hand is my leather journal.
I laugh as a tear slides down my cheek. “Well played, B.” I’m over crying about everything right now. But sometimes in life, the only way your body can handle so much emotion is to expel it, and crying is my body’s favorite way of doing just that.
She turns to me, and a new kind of darkness lurks in her eyes. I expected it, but nothing could’ve made me ready to see it, to feel it. Her eyes scan the dark marks covering my body, and she winces every time she gets to a new one.
She whispers so quietly that I almost can’t hear it, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be.” I raise a half-smile.
It’s going to be a very long time before she moves past this. But she will. As much as it feels like forever in her mind right now, it will end.
Her frail voice draws me in. “I guess I should return this. I kind of read it this morning.” She hands the journal out to me, and I take it. “I don’t know what to say. You did all of this for me.” She hesitates, finding the right words. “I read all of it, the whole thing. I can’t believe you put yourself at risk like that, Stella. But thank you.” Her tears fall, drop by drop into her lap. “I never would’ve known without you. I would probably still be with him. I’m so sorry you got hurt.” Her body shivers.
The pain in her eyes is hard to look at. She’s not wearing a mask; she’s completely exposed. I envy her strength. I always have.
“Don’t be. I would do it all again in a heartbeat, B. You never deserved any of that. You deserve to know your own truth. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Except I wish it had been me who broke his nose.”
At that, she smiles. A small, quiet laugh slips past her lips.
“Want to go inside? I don’t think I’m going to go to school today. You?” I meet her pained eyes, and she shakes her head.
We head straight to the living room, not wanting to go anywhere near her room right now. For my sake and for hers.
“My mom’s getting a restraining order against him today,” she tells me.
“Good,” is all I manage to get out.
She shakes her head in frustration. “How did you figure it out, Stella? I tried for months, you know? But I could never get a lead.” She begs me for the truth of her own story.
And I give it to her—good, bad, and ugly. I tell her all about my trap for Callum. How he really is a nice guy and one of my closest friends, which Cade is going to have to learn to love. I laugh to myself. I recount about how I spoke to my mom about this “hypothetical case” and how my mom told me the victim must have known him for him to have eliminated her senses. I tell her how, with Cal’s help, I tried to get Marty to admit that it was him, but it ended up being a dead end. When I get to Brady’s part, she stiffens. We go over everything—from the break-in to his house and to the setup at her party.
She knew almost all of this from my journal. But I think hearing me say it out loud is a whole different thing. It makes it real.
Her eyes have stayed locked on mine the entire time. I can see her old demons fighting the new ones for the spotlight.
Her mouth opens to speak, and a soft, broken voice spills out. “Thank you.”
I throw my arms around her, and everything in her breaks loose, all the pent-up fear of not knowing, all the disgust and rage and embarrassment of dating him this whole time. She sobs into my shirt until it’s soaked. She lets all her pain and sorrow pour out of her. I hold her up and rub her back as she faces some of her biggest demons.
I don’t know exactly what she’s feeling, I know that it’s all she believes she will ever feel again. That she’ll never get past this.
But I guess that’s the wicked truth about sexual assault. The pain doesn’t just live in the attack. It doesn’t end when the attack is over. It lives in each breath you take for the rest of your life. It lives in every decision you make from that point on, like whether you step into an elevator with a guy or take the four flights of stairs just to avoid a potential situation. It makes you read every situation as a potential danger or threat. Every corner you turn, you prepare to be grabbed. Every guy who stares or smiles a little too hard causes your anxiety to flare up or maybe causes a panic attack. You analyze escape routes and the closest item you could use as a weapon. It forever changes every moment of your life.
Eventually, you cope, and you learn to live with the anxieties and fears that it instilled in you. But it never fully goes away. It goes dormant, and years from now, it might flare up when you smell something that takes you back to that time. Someone might say something that pulls you back there. But the one thing you can do to make sure your attacker never steals another second from you is to take some power back.
Austin lost all of his power when I admitted in the mirror what he did to me. That was the moment he lost his grip on my life. He will forever be a ghost of my past. But he will never take a minute from me that I won’t take back. I have the power now, and nothing is ever going to change that.
Once Brooke’s eyes dry up and her breathing slows, she pulls out of my embrace. Her voice shakes. “I’m sorry I—”
I cut her off, “Don’t apologize for anything, B. Seriously.”
She smiles back at me. It’s time for her to know why I got so involved and the truth about my own story.
“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while.” I direct my eyes at the ground. I can’t see her pain-filled eyes right now, or I’ll never be able to get through this. “Last year, when I was dating my ex, Austin—the guy in the journal—we started messing around, and we were going to have sex, but I changed my mind.” I take a deep breath. “But he decided I wasn’t allowed to do that and that I ‘owed’ it to him since we were dating, and he took me out. I told him no, but he didn’t like that. He f-forced me anyway. He knocked me out and left me in a park near my house when he was done. I couldn’t accept it or even talk about it. Cade’s actually the only other one who knows.”
I look up to meet her eyes, and they are water
y.
“I love you, Stella,” is all she says and all I need.
We spend the rest of the day lounging in the living room, bingeing MTV’s Teen Wolf. We pig out, eating ice cream, chips, and as much junk food we can get our hands on. I tell her how I got accepted into school. She fills me in on how she has no clue what her future looks like now. But she says she is going to go back to school with us tomorrow.
The front door opens, and Cade steps in, sporting his black leather jacket—my all-time favorite. He kicks his shoes off and walks over to the back of the couch Brooke and I are snuggled in.
He bends down behind us, a hand on each side of us. “Hello, ladies. Productive day, I see.” He laughs and plants a kiss on each of our heads.
I turn to find his emerald eyes already looking my way. A flush creeps onto my cheeks.
“Are you guys going to be doing this all night, or am I going to be able to steal my girl away for a bit?” Cade runs his fingers along the base of my neck, shooting devilish shivers down my spine.
“After this episode, you can have your girlfriend back.” She laughs, like really laughs, and my heart swells at the simple pleasure of hearing it again.
“Deal. I’ll be upstairs, Stels.” He kisses my cheek and stalks away.
Brooke turns to face me, voice full of warmth. “You know, you guys really are perfect together.”
“Thanks, B. You’ll find your match too,” I assure her.
“Oh, I’m not focusing on that anytime soon. It’s all about me from now on.” She starts listing off her me-time to-dos. “Massage, nails, hair, shopping, online shopping, more shopping.”
I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her in as the episode comes to a close. “Sounds perfect.”
She throws the blanket off her, putting herself back into reality. “I have to go meet my mom soon to give my statement to the cops.”
“Do you want me to come with you? I don’t mind, really.” I don’t want her facing this alone.
She shakes her head. “You’ve done plenty, Stella. I’ll be okay. My mom will be there.”
