To Ivan, Matthew, Halli, Amanda, Beth, and everyone at AEB/ Putnam and Penguin Publishing, thank you for believing in this from the beginning. It's been an absolute pleasure working with you.
To my editor, Amy Einhorn, you are a million percent amazing. I'm lucky to know you and even luckier to work with you. You're something very, very special, Amy.
To everybody at William Morris Endeavor, especially Cathryn Summerhayes, Tracy Fisher, Raffaella DeAngelis, Michelle Feehan, Laura Bonner, Lauren Heller Whitney, Janelle Milanes, and the one and only superwoman, Erin Malone, thank you for changing my life. I am more grateful than you can know.
To Louis Sachar, thanks for writing Sideways Stories from Wayside School and getting a kid excited about writing.
To folded, scrunched-up jackets, thanks for propping up my head when I take illegal naps all over the place.
To Guy Ottewell, thank you for permission to use your Thousand-Yard Model with the bowling ball and peppercorns. For those who like Guy's science experiments, check out http://www.universalworkshop.com.
To Conan O'Brien, Craig Ferguson, David Sedaris, Jerry Seinfeld, Oprah and Ellen, I admire your genius and passion.
To the Webby Awards, thank you sincerely for the recognition. I'm massively flattered and appreciative.
To Jim Davis, Bill Watterson, and Gary Larson, thanks for giving a nerdy kid with a bad haircut laughs before school.
Thank you to Reenah and Dina Kim for your support during this process. And to Chris, rest in peace my friend. We'll all see you soon.
To anyone adding positive energy to the world, whether you're helping folks in trouble, teaching kids to love life, or making strangers laugh, I admire you tremendously.
Thank you, Mom, Dad, and Nina. You gave me everything I've got and this is for you.
Finally, thank you to you. Thank you for reading this sentence. And this one. And this one. Thank you for this great trip together. Please feel free to send me your awesome anytime at [email protected] or PO Box 361, Station B, Toronto, ON M5T 2W2.
Take care, everybody.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Neil Pasricha works an office job in the suburbs, eats frozen burritos for dinner, and needs to go to the gym more. He's just a regular guy who loves the smell of gasoline, sleeping on the cool side of the pillow, and peeling an orange in one shot.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
So what's this all about?
The other side of the pillow
When cashiers open up new checkout lanes at the grocery store
Wearing underwear just out of the dryer
Old, dangerous playground equipment
Intergenerational dancing
Strategic trick-or-treating
Seeing a cop on the side of the road and realizing you're going the speed limit anyway
Illegal naps
When you get the milk-to-cereal ratio just right
High-fiving babies
When you're awkwardly standing by yourself with a full cafeteria tray of food ...
Having a whole row to yourself on the plane
Popping Bubble Wrap
Being the first table to get called up for the dinner buffet at a wedding
When someone lands on the hotel you just built in Monopoly
Finding a mix tape given to you by an old boyfriend or girlfriend
Picking the perfect nacho off someone else's plate
The moment at a concert after the lights go out and before the band comes onstage
Finding out your birthday is on a Friday or Saturday next year
Fixing electronics by smacking them
Hitting a bunch of green lights in a row
When you push the button for the elevator and it's already there
Bakery air
Tripping and realizing no one saw you
The Universal Fry-Sharing Policy
Sleeping in new bedsheets
Using hotel lobby bathrooms when you're out walking around
Taking your bra off after wearing it for hours
The sound of scissors cutting construction paper
Waking up before your alarm clock and realizing you've got lots of sleep time left
When the socks from the dryer all match up perfectly
When there's still time left in the parking meter when you pull up
The smell of crayons
Peeling an orange in one shot
Using all the different shampoos and soaps in someone else's shower
When the vending machine gives you two things instead of one
Licking the batter off the beaters of a cake mixer
Being the first person into a really crowded movie theater and getting the ...
Waiters and waitresses who bring free refills without asking
The final seconds of untangling a really big knot
The Five Second Rule
When the thing you were going to buy is already on sale
Peeling that thin plastic film off new electronics
Finding your keys after looking forever
Eating the extra fries at the bottom of the bag
The feeling of scrunching sand in your feet
Scraping all the lint off an overflowing lint trap
The thank-you wave when you let somebody merge in front of you
When you're really tired and about to fall asleep and someone throws a blanket ...
Getting your ID checked when you're way over the legal age
The smell of rain on a hot sidewalk
That friendly nod between strangers out doing the same thing
Really, really old Tupperware
Getting gas just before the price goes up
The pushoff
Wearing sandals when you shouldn't be wearing sandals
Getting off an airplane after a long flight
Picking up a q and u at the same time in Scrabble
Old folks who sit on their porch and wave at you when you walk by
The first scoop out of a jar of peanut butter
Hearing a stranger fart in public
Perfectly toasted toast
When someone unjams the photocopier for you
Reading the nutritional label and eating it anyway
When you're watching one of your favorite movies and you realize you don't ...
The smell of the coffee aisle in the grocery store
That pile of assorted beers left in your fridge after a party
Staring out at calm water
Blowing out all the candles on your first try
Sneaking McDonald's and hiding the evidence
Your family car growing up
Eating a free sample of something you have no intention of buying
Sneaking under someone else's umbrella
Finally remembering a word that's been on the tip of your tongue for so long
When someone offers to toss your dirty clothes in with their load of laundry
The moment at a restaurant after you see your food coming from the kitchen but ...
Terrible businesses run by children
Frozen walls of air conditioning hitting you on hot days
Catching somebody singing in their car and sharing a laugh with them
Snow stepping
Taking off your shoes on a long car ride
Getting the eyelash out of your eye
Finally figuring out how your hotel shower faucet works
Talking about how much the meal you're eating at home would cost in a restaurant
When you arrive at your destination just as a great song ends on the radio
Saying the same thing a sports commentator says just before they say it
Orange slices at halftime
Putting potato chips on a sandwich
When you didn't play the lottery and your numbers didn't come up
The smell of frying onions and garlic
Nailing a parallel parking
attempt on the first try
The Perfect Chicken Wing Partner
Discovering those little tabs on the side of the aluminum foil box
Your favorite old, comfy T-shirt
The smell of freshly cut grass
A long hug when you really need it
A good floss after a tough steak
Dangling your feet in water
Salt
When you know all the buttons to speed through the automated telephone system
Laughing so hard you make no sound at all
When you nudge the person snoring next to you and it makes them stop
The sound of ice cubes cracking in a drink
Solving the Wheel of Fortune puzzle before the people on the show
When the guy at the border doesn't ask any questions
Really, really selling it while barbecuing
Locking people out of the car and pretending to drive away
The sound of rain from inside the tent
When you arrive at the bus stop just as the bus is coming around the corner
That last crumby triangle in a bag of potato chips
Bowling celebrations
Slicing open a taped-up box with a set of keys or a pen
Sitting next to someone good-looking on a plane
When you manage to squeeze out enough toothpaste for one last brush
Using Q-tips the way you're not supposed to use them
Watching The Price Is Right when you're at home sick
That one square in the waffle that's the most loaded with butter and syrup
Rain hair
Neighbors with pools
When you actually remember the name of someone you met earlier at the party
Somebody flashing their high beams at you to warn you about the cops
The Man Couch
The shampoo head massage you sometimes get at the hairdresser
Finding the TV remote after looking forever
Adrenaline
Getting a trucker to blow his horn
When there's leftover cake in the office kitchen
Hanging your hand out the car window
Getting served breakfast in bed
Finally clipping your fingernails after you've been meaning to do it all week
Coming home after a long day to the smell of someone cooking dinner
Big crowds enjoying big fireworks
Sleeping with one leg under the covers and one leg out
Building a stack of pancakes that looks just like the front of the box
When your sneeze stalls for a second and then suddenly comes booming out
Wordless apologies
The smell and sound of a campfire
When your suitcase tumbles down the luggage chute first after a long flight
Peeling off your wet bathing suit and putting on warm clothes after swimming ...
Bedhead all day long
Successfully moving all your clothes from the washer to the dryer without ...
Backseat car windows that go down all the way
Getting grass stains
When you know your TV remote so well you don't need to look at the buttons
When you hear someone's smile over the phone
Returning to your warm and comfy bed after getting up to pee in the middle of ...
Moving up a shoe size when you're a kid
Perfectly popped microwave popcorn
That one really good pen that never gets lost
When you're driving late at night on an empty gas tank and a gas station ...
Remembering what movie that guy is from
Using Rock-Paper-Scissors to settle anything
Pushing those little buttons on the soft drink cup lid
Your colon
The day you first realize you can drive
Crap job shoes
Celebrating your pet's birthday even though they have no idea what's going on
Waking up and realizing it's Saturday
High tens
Seeing somebody laugh in their sleep
When there's ice cream left at the bottom of the cone
Sweatpants
Multitasking while brushing your teeth
The Parking Lot Pull Through
The three-paycheck month
The smell of books
Getting in a line before it gets really long
Getting into a bed with clean sheets after shaving your legs
The Gas Arrow
Snow falling on Christmas Eve
Playing with a baby and not having to change its diaper
Squeezing a little more juice out of dying batteries
Falling asleep in the backseat of a car late at night on the drive home
Ordering off the menu a t fast food restaurants
Paying for something with exact change
The first shower you take after not showering for a really long time
The smell of gasoline
Your pillow
Getting something with actual handwriting on it in the mail
Building an amazing couch-cushion fort
Gym pain
Squeezing through a door as it' s shutting without touching it
Snow days
The first time you fly alone
When you spill something on your shirt and it doesn' t leave a stain
Finding the last item of your size at the store
When the boss goes out of town
Getting out of the car and stretching at the highway rest stop
Planning for snoozes
New Socks Day
Watching your odometer click over a major milestone
Mastering the art of the all-you-can-eat buffet
Finding money in your old coat pocket
The Laugh Echo
Crying
Driving through your old neighborhood and stopping to see the house you grew up in
The last day of school
When you're right near the end of the book
Smiling and thinking of good friends who are gone
Remembering how lucky we are to be here right now
Acknowledgements
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The Book of Awesome Page 21
