by T. Styles
“I…I’m not looking at you I…”
I took another sip of liquor and pulled my cap down over my eyes. As bored as I was, this scene was too pathetic to watch.
“Look at him stuttering,” one of Blue Jean friend’s added. “He look like he about to melt, Vince. I say we beat him down right here for his disrespect.”
“How many people think I should kick his ass?” Blue Jean shirt asked everybody around him. “Just say the word and I’ll do it.”
I fucking hated this dude. If you gonna hit him just do it already. He reminded me of Antwan Bolden. He use to come behind me in elementary school when I lived in Texas, and smack me in the back of the head with this big encyclopedia. He did it every day, until I showed him I wasn’t scared of him anymore and hit myself repeatedly in the forehead. I opened an old scar I had on my head at the time and blood poured everywhere on my face. He knew that if I could hurt myself, nobody else could hurt me.
Yeah, this mothafucka was definitely bringing up bad memories.
“Can you please leave my son alone,” the white woman asked Blue Jean Shirt. “He didn’t mean to stare at you.” She was so scared her teeth rattled. “He was just nervous that’s all.”
“He might not have meant to but he did it anyway right?” he responded. “If you ask me he got a problem with his eyes that I might have to fix.”
“Is there anything I can give you to leave us be?” the woman pleaded. “Money or anything?” She raised her purse and he snatched it. “You can have whatever’s inside. Just please leave us alone.”
Lady, what are you doing? I thought. He didn’t even ask for money.
Blue Jean Shirt went through the purse and I don’t know what happened, but suddenly I was standing behind him. The two dudes who were with him moved out of the way, leaving him exposed. He turned around and looked directly into my eyes. I could smell fear all over him. I don’t have any weapons and I have no idea what I’m about to do next but why does he look at me as if I’m the devil?
He said, “What the fuck do you—”
Before he could finish, I gripped his shirt and slammed his face into the glass window of the subway. I did it once, twice, and then so many times until I lost count. He dropped her purse on the seat and he seemed confused. Why am I doing this shit? It’s none of my business.
When I was done his blood was splashed all over the window, seat and floor.
Instead of stopping I thought about my drunk mother again. I thought about my evil sister. I thought about not having my son. I thought about living underground, in the worst conditions you could ever imagine. I thought about missing my friends, the original Mad Max and I wondered if they thought about me too. I thought about every painful thing I could and when I stopped he was unconscious.
When I released him, I realized that his friends were on the far end of the train now. I guess they are scared of me too and wanted to move further away.
When I focused back on the lady, who’s son was just being bullied, she was holding her son tightly. Instead of being scared of Blue Jean Shirt, they now seemed scared of me. When the train slowed down, and I saw two cops on the outside, I knew I had to bounce.
I raised my bloody hands to show both of them that I meant no harm. “I’m sorry”— I backed up toward the door— “I really am so sorry.” When the train stopped I rushed out.
****
I was lying in Gage’s cubby on my bed. I was thinking about the day and how I reacted on the subway. I snap like that all of the time, and I never know when it’s coming. Sometimes I scare myself more than I do anybody else. It could’ve been bad if the cops were paying me any attention. I don’t want to go to jail.
My thoughts were stopped when I felt Gage ease into my bed. She had a bed in here too so why she in mine?
She rubbed my arm and I said, “Gage, can you get out of my bed please?”
Her hand felt as if it stiffened. “Mad, I need this. Please.” Her voice was hard, and I could hear the pain.
“I can’t, Gage. We friends.” I told her while I faced the grungy cardboard wall in front of me. I couldn’t look at her. “I had a friend like this before and—”
I can’t remember the last time I got slapped in the face, but I’ll remember this time for as long as I live. Gage came down on my mouth so hard with her hand, that my lips felt flat on my face. After hitting me she hopped out of bed and rushed out of the cubby. Gage cries easily, so I could already hear her.
When she was gone, I turned around and sat up in bed. And when I did I saw Pickles walk into my room. Pickles was the youngest resident of The Catacombs. I don’t know who he belonged to but lately he took to me like we shared the same blood.
He’s about five years old, and he never had any shoes on. He’s a cute little kid, and I think he might be mixed because he got a head full of wild curly hair. Since we don’t know who he belonged too, we all took care of him and gave him food.
“What you doing in here, Pickles?” I asked looking over at him. “Why you in my cubby?”
“I’m scared,” he said hopping up and down on Gage’s bed. “Its too many bugs down there.”
“Who you staying with tonight?”
“Uncle Spirit,” he said jumping higher. “But he put me out so they can put needles in they arms. But it don’t look like it hurt. Why they do that?”
Although I like my drink, I never got off on heroin or crack. If you want to pass a Jay, you can count me in, but anything else I’m not with.
“Uncle Spirit is a grown ass man so you don’t need to worry about all that. Did you eat tonight?”
He nodded his head up and down. “Yes, Uncle WB brought me some chips and a soda. I wanted some more but he didn’t have any money, and now my tummy growling.”
“I’ll see if I can get you some tomorrow okay?”
While I watched him hop around the room, just like I thought, Wicked busted inside of the cubby.
“Fuck you do to Gage huh? Why she out there crying?”
I stood up so that he couldn’t catch me slipping. “Wicked, you better get out my face. What goes on between me and Gage ain’t none of your business. As a matter of fact ain’t shit I do none of your business.”
“If I don’t get out of your face what you gonna do, bitch?” he smirked. “Give me some of that pussy? Because I’m sure it’s tight as shit now since nobody fucked it.”
I moved to hit him when Spirit pulled him out of the cubby by snatching his arm, and yanking him backwards. “What the fuck is going on?” Spirit asked both of us. “Why ya’ll in here fighting? It’s one o’clock in the morning.”
“This nigga got Gage crying, Spirit,” Wicked told him. “I keep telling ya’ll mothafuckas not to trust her. But nobody listening to me. I think she hit her or something the way she was acting.”
“I know Gage didn’t run to you and tell you that shit, Wicked,” Spirit said. “I just saw her a minute ago. So what you doing down here in the East anyway? At this time of night? Snooping?”
“I was…I was…” I guess he couldn’t think of a good lie because he stopped talking.
“Wicked, we agreed that you wouldn’t come down here unless you leaving the tunnel. And we wouldn’t come down there unless we let somebody know. So just bounce, okay?”
Wicked looked as if he wanted to hit me until Pickles threw a rock at his head. Wicked moved toward him like he was going to hit him and I blocked his path. “Get the fuck out my room,” I told Wicked. I pointed at the exit. “Bounce.”
Wicked looked at Pickles once more and said, “Yeah aight.”
When he left I sat on the bed and Pickles sat next to me. When he put his feet over my legs, I knew immediately why they called him Pickles. His feet smelled like a large bottle of white vinegar.
“You gonna be good, man?” Spirit asked. “I know you wanted to kill him when he came in here but I’m glad you kept your cool.”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Fuck that nigga. Anyway, what you doing dow
n here?”
“I was coming to tell you that we found another body in The Catacombs. They don’t know who it is or where it came from. But you already know what I think.”
“Yeah, that Wicked had something to do with it,” I said. “Just like I think he had something to do with Rose.” When I realized I was preaching to the choir I said, “Anyway, where Gage?”
“She’s in my cubby. She’s not coming back tonight so don’t expect her.”
“Can you tell her I’m sorry? I didn’t mean to go at her like that. It’s just that, I mean, I’m not feeling her in that way.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Shoot.”
“Why don’t you look at her like that?” he asked me.
“I don’t have a lot of reasons outside of us being cool. I think she took some of the things I did for her as a friend and assumed that it was more than what it was.”
“Do you think she’ll ever look at me like that? Like somebody she’d want to be with?””
“I think you should come out and tell her how you feel. Other then that, man, I can’t call it. I mean, you a cool dude and all and I don’t see why not.”
He doesn’t seem convinced. “Okay, well, I’ll get up with you later okay?”
I gave him some dap and he walked out, leaving Pickles and me alone. When I saw Pickles looking down at something, I asked him what he had in his hand.
“A book,” he said holding it up. “I’m going to read you a bedtime story, okay?”
I grinned. “What you know about bedtime stories?”
“Nothing,” he shrugged. “But lay down and close your eyes.”
Although I knew he couldn’t read, I laid down anyway. He sat Indian style right next to my pillow and the stank of his skin burned my nose. I made mental notes to get him cleaned up tomorrow. Outside of my crew, not many people cared much about hygiene down here. And even they thought I went overboard because I wiped dirt off of my shoes every hour and kept fresh boxers.
“Once upon a time a mean old lady left the baby by himself and never came to see him again…”
I drifted off to sleep while listening to the story that resembled my life.
CHAPTER 8
MAD
I sat in Gage’s cubby squeezing my legs tightly together. I don’t know what’s going on but earlier today I went to the restroom to pee and it hurt so bad I screamed. I hope that bitch I fucked didn’t burn me. A lot of people at The Catacombs had contracted everything from crabs to HIV and I didn’t want to be like them.
“Mad, watch this shit,” Fish said to me.
He was on the outside of the cubby and I was on the inside but from where I was I could still see him. When I finally saw what he was doing I felt like punching him in the back of the head. This dude had a sling shot and he was putting rats into it. Then he flung them against the wall.
“Aye, Fish, take that shit down to the West, man,” I pointed to the right, “I ain’t trying to see that shit right now. I don’t feel good.”
“Why?” he asked with wide eyes. “They all over the place. This way we can get rid of some of them and have fun too. You wanna try it?”
“The shit gross, man. I’m not trying to see you slam no nasty ass rats against the wall. Fuck is wrong with you anyway? Get from in front of my cubby with that bullshit. I’m not going to tell you again.”
He exhaled. “But we ain’t got nothing else to do around here, plus these mothafuckas are everywhere. I figure we might as well make a sport out of it.”
“Man, take it down west before I get up and go the fuck off.” It’s bad enough I’m in pain and he outside of my cubby doing dumb shit.
You know what this nigga does? He scoops the dead rats up and stomps toward the West Wing. I just shook my head and laid back on my bed. I don’t understand what the fuck is going on with my body. I don’t have health insurance so what was I going to do?
I’m about to lose my mind when all of the lights go out in The Catacombs. Without light you’re submerged into pitch-blackness. And the longer the lights are out the quicker the rats and bugs would take over.
“Remain calm, remain calm,” E1 yelled into the tunnel. I didn’t know where he was but I could hear his voice clearly. “I got this under control and we’ll have the lights back on in no time.”
It wasn’t until I saw him walk past the front of my cubby with a flashlight that I knew where he was. I walked behind him and his son who was carrying a ladder, wondering what they were about to do to get the lights back on.
“What’s wrong, E1?” I asked following them. “Why the power go out?”
“They probably cut us off upstairs,” he said as he stomped hurriedly toward the crossroads. “Whenever the lights go off like that, the electric company detected a surge not accounted for and they do a reset we lose electricity. It’s not a problem though, I got it.”
I don’t know why, but for some reason I feel like something bad is about to happen. Maybe it’s this pain I have rushing between my legs that I’m sure is some funky STD. Or maybe it’s the darkness that secretly creeps me out.
When we made it to the middle of the crossroads E2 set up the ladder so that E1 could climb to the top of the light pole. He shined the flashlight up so that his father could see what he was doing. When I turned around into the darkness of the tunnel I saw Spirit and Gage moving toward me with a flashlight.
“Mad, you okay,” Spirit asked. “I didn’t see you in the cubby so I’m glad you down here. Fish said you were in pain.”
“Yeah, man, I’m good. Just gotta see if Old Man Young got something for me.” I looked at Gage again. She was still mad at me for not fucking her.
Instead of giving her any attention, I focused on E1 on the ladder. I wanted to learn how he did what he did. He was up there for a few minutes before power was restored.
When I turned around to look at Spirit and Gage again, I heard Gage scream. “Oh my, God, Everest! I can’t believe you’re back! You’re finally back!”
I knew something bad was going to happen. And there she was.
****
We were all in Spirit’s room and this Everest chick wouldn’t stop talking. Her long black braids hung over her right shoulder and she reminded me a little of my ex-girlfriend Glitter. The only difference is that I hate this Everest bitch.
Everest told Gage, Spirit, WB and Fierce about all of her fake ass adventures, and they hung onto everything she said as if it were true. What made me even madder was that she kept looking over at me every time she said something.
When she told them how she went to the top of the Eifel tower, I noticed that Spirit seemed out of the conversation. Maybe he didn’t believe her either. So I walked over to him and said, “You wanna talk, man?”
He stood up and left the cubby without answering me. I took it as a cue to go with him into the hallway. Even then I could feel Everest’s eyes on me. Why is she always watching me?
We stood by the doorway, but out of earshot of everyone inside. In a low voice I asked, “What’s up, Spirit? You not feeling good either?”
I was thinking of my own pain too.
“What’s wrong with me Old Man Young can’t fix. So I’ll be fine.”
“So you gonna lie to me? Everybody knows you the most levelheaded person out of all of us, so I can tell something’s wrong. You not alright.”
He sighed. “It’s my sister.”
Although I knew Spirit did something to avenge his sister, because he was on the run too, I never knew what because he would never talk about it. “What about her?”
“She died in a fire five years ago,” he looked down at his feet. “It was because of an arsonist…some dude she fucked with back in the day. I don’t like talking about it because it makes me want to start doing things I shouldn’t.” He looked into my eyes and I saw murder. “You know?”
My heart thumped. “I’m sorry, man. I experienced loss but I didn’t lose a sister to death. Is there anything I ca
n do?”
He shook his head. “Naw, I got a bump back in my cubby. I’m going to shoot up when everybody leaves. Want some?”
“You know I don’t fuck around.” I paused. “How did your sister die?” I asked. “I know it was a fire but how did it start?”
“Come on, Mad, you know we don’t ask questions about the past life unless somebody volunteers information.”
“I know, man,” I said looking down at my fingers. “I just figured that since you bringing it up, that you’d—”
Spirit interrupted me by waving at Fish who passed us on his way to the exit of The Catacombs. When he was gone Spirit took a deep breath, looked down at the ground and back into my eyes. “I never told anybody this before.”
“And you don’t have to now if you don’t want to, man. I just extended the invite so you could get it off your chest.”
“My sister’s name was Hui Chen, and she was my twin.”
Wow, I never knew he had a twin sister before now. We had more in common than I realized.
“She was an artist, and loved painting murals on the sides of buildings around New York. She was pretty good too, and one day someone recognized her work and wanted her to do something for a movie project. I think it was a documentary on street based artists.” He sighed. “Well, she met this man and he was way older than her. He was the director in charge of the project and he fell for her. They fell for each other I think.
“My sister was 17 at the time and he was 40. I was upset because I thought he was taking advantage of her since he was younger. Before I knew it my sister got pregnant and he tried to force her to get an abortion. Turns out he was married, and didn’t want his wife finding out about her. But my sister refused, because it goes against our beliefs. She broke up with him and moved. He couldn’t leave her alone and he eventually caught up with her, tied her to the passenger seat of her car, drove her to a secluded area and set the car on fire.”
