by T. Styles
She rolled her eyes.
Fuck this bouige ass bitch.
“I’m offering you an escape. It’s not like it’s different from what you’re doing here. At least there you’ll be safe and clean.”
“I can’t.”
“Well I’m going to ask you one more thing,” she said.
“What?”
“To stay away from him. I’m going to tell Kali that you are gone for good, and I’m going to convince him to go back with me to Atlanta. I don’t want you reaching out to him. I need you to stay out of his life. Can you do that? Please.”
I thought about what she was saying. Who was she to tell me when or how I talked to my father? I could tell she loved him though.
“You got my word. You can tell him that I’m dead, and I’ll never bother him.”
CHAPTER 17
MAD
I’ve been in the drunk zone for the past few days. Ever since Antoinette came over and told me my father was looking for me. I felt wrong for agreeing to do what she wanted. I don’t know if I made the right decision. Maybe it would have given me a better chance to stay out of jail and get my son. Even if I wanted to change my mind I don’t have any way to get in contact with her. I fucked up.
When I walked down the East Wing toward the Crossroads, I heard Motor Angel and Blazer having sex again. Although I usually get mad, this time I stayed and watched. Motor Angel was leaned against the wall while Blazer had her off of her feet. Her legs wrapped around his waist. I was horny so I stuffed my hand down my pants to rub my joint.
I’m filled with anger and pleasure at the same time. I’m mad that I haven’t fucked in a minute, and even angrier that I was about to rub off to two people I couldn’t stand. I really hit bottom. I took my hands out of my pants.
I was just about to go to my room and drink the rest of my bottle when I heard Pickle’s voice. I hadn’t seen him in about two days because I needed to be alone. Fortune, Gage and Everest took care of him, giving me the space I needed to think. As far as I knew he was supposed to be with them now, so what was he doing down here in the darkness?
Because it was so black down here and I couldn’t see down the hall where he was, so I just listened. “Please leave me alone,” Pickles said again.
I felt chill bumps rise up on my skin. What the fuck was happening to my little man? When I moved closer toward his voice I saw Wicked’s white skin. He was pulling Pickles pants down. I lost it. At least that’s what it felt like.
I rushed up to Wicked, stole him in the face and slammed him against the wall. He had something in his hand that resembled a knife and was about to stab me until Pickles yelled. “Help, please!”
Immediately Motor Angel and Blazer stopped fucking and rushed over toward us. Right behind them was Spirit, Gage, WB, Fierce and Everest.
“What’s going on,” Spirit asked looking at me, Wicked and Pickles.
By this time The Crossroads was filled with everyone who lived there. I guess they were trying to figure out what the fuck was going on too.
“This nigga was doing something to Pickles.” I pulled Pickles behind me to protect him from Wicked. “And I caught him. I thought you were supposed to be watching him, man?”
“I’m sorry, I…we had a dope bag and—”
“You wasn’t watching him,” I yelled. “This dude was about to rape my man.”
Everybody gasped and looked at him.
“This bitch is lying,” Wicked said, as his eyes moved quickly from left to right. He was off that heroin. I could tell.
“I wouldn’t lie on my enemy about something like that.” I said. “Even you.” I focused back on everybody else. “This mothafucka was just messing with Pickles. If you don’t believe me ask him.”
“First off I believe you,” Spirit said. “But I want everybody else to believe you too.” He bent down in front of Pickles who was shivering. “Pickles, how you doing, lil man?”
“I’m fine,” he said wiping his face with the back of his hand.
“That’s good, that’s real good”— Spirit looked up at me and then back at him— “Can you tell me what happened just now?”
Pickles was quiet.
“Tell them, lil man,” I said looking down at him, “don’t worry about Wicked. I won’t let him hurt you again.” I meant that shit.
“Like you could stop me if I wanted to hurt him,” Wicked said preparing to approach us.
“If you take another step you gonna get a glimpse of my past and what I’m capable of.” He stopped in his tracks. “Don’t let this curly hair fool you.”
Spirit focused back on Pickles. “Did he hurt you, Pickles?”
Pickles cried softly.
“Answer him, lil man,” I said. I couldn’t lie I was getting frustrated with Pickles. Why was he scared when I told him he was safe? “Everything is going to be okay. Talk to Uncle Spirit.”
“Did he do anything to you, Pickles?” Spirit asked. He sounded annoyed. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”
Pickles looked up at me, Spirit and everyone else. I knew he was scared and all I wanted to do was take him away from everything. I wanted to take him away from his problems.
When he was finally ready to talk in the lightest voice he said, “No, sir, he didn’t bother me. He didn’t bother me at all.”
My little man failed me.
Damn.
CHAPTER 18
MAD
Pickles sat on the edge of my bed holding onto his favorite book Cinderella. I knew what the book said because last week Spirit asked him why does he like Cinderella so much, since he makes up his own stories anyway. That’s the one thing I regret more than anything, not learning as much as I could in school. I guess it wouldn’t make a difference if someone like me knew how to read because I’ll never amount too much in life anyway.
As I watched Pickles play with the pages of the book, I really wanted to talk to him about what happened with Wicked. I needed him to know that I was there for him and even though I was mad I still fucked with him. I also wanted to tell him that I was sorry that I was too drunk to look after him and that if he trusted me again. I would never let him down.
Instead I said, “Pickles, how you doing?”
“Can I read you a story?” he asked looking up at me with his big brown eyes.
I sighed. The book shit was blowing me especially since I was trying to have a conversation with him. “You can read me a story after you tell me how you are.”
In a low voice he said, “I want to read you a story first. Can I please?”
Hoping that after he finished, he would tell me how he felt I said, “Go ‘head, lil man, afterwards we gotta talk though. About some real shit. Okay?”
He lit up. He pushed the book open and started spitting out words I’m sure were not in the book. “Once upon a time lived a little boy. He was sad most of the time but nobody liked him. One day a man he didn’t like took him away. And he tried to…he tried too…”
As Pickles’ words drifted off I understood what he was doing. He was trying to tell me what happened in his own way.
“…And then his friend came and saved him when the man pulled his pants down. The little boy was scared when his friend asked him what happened because he thought the man would hurt her. The little boy’s friend looked sad and he hoped she wasn’t mad at him. The end.”
He slammed the book closed and looked up at me. Tears filled his eyes and I decided that he told me all I needed to know.
“That was a good one, little man. The realest story I ever heard.”
“Thank you.”
****
I was watching Pickles play with Spirit at The Pit. WB was over in The Dump shooting up. I guess his detox dreams were over which was fucked up. I was for anybody dropping something that’s holding them back.
Since that shit happened with Pickles and Wicked, I kept a closer eye on him at all times. As a matter of fact I was still focusing on him when Everest walked up to me.
“You’re go
od to him,” she said. “I like that.”
I tried not to look into her pretty face. “Thanks I guess.”
“Can I talk to you in private?”
I focused on her eyes. “What you gotta talk to me in private for? We don’t have no business together.”
“Please, Mad, just for a second.”
Although I knew I needed to be away from her I was also curious about what she wanted. So I walked over to Spirit and said, “Keep an eye on him.”
“Don’t worry, I got him.”
“I’m serious, man. If Wicked gets his hands on him again I’m not going to be right. You got me? I’ll be on some violent shit.”
He swallowed. “I got you, man. Pickles is safe with me.”
Me and Everest walked back into the tunnel but hung out in The Crossroads. “What’s up, Everest?”
Instead of answering me, she kissed me in the mouth. I was about to push her back but she pulled me closer.
When she was done she said, “How do you feel?”
My tongue felt numb because the kiss made me high. What kinda game was she playing? I hadn’t given her one bit of attention. “What the fuck was that about?” I wiped her kiss off even though it tasted like sugar.
“How do you feel?” she repeated.
“Man, I don’t have time for this shit.” I tried to walk around her but she blocked me.
“Mad, don’t leave,” she said standing in front of me grabbing my hand. “I’m not trying to disrespect you but I’ve been feeling you for awhile. You wouldn’t believe how long it took me to pump myself up just to do that. And now that I…”
“I don’t know why you playing yourself, Everest,” Gage said walking up behind us. “Mad ain’t interested in her friends.” She looked at me. “Didn’t she tell you? Because she sure did tell me.”
“I didn’t know you were over there, Gage,” Everest said. “I thought—”
Gage slapped her in the face so hard Everest stumbled backwards into the wall. Everest touched her face where she’d just been hit.
“Gage, what the fuck is up with you?” I asked grabbing her by the wrist. “Why would you hit that girl?”
She frowned. “She knew how I felt about you and this is what she does? Disrespects me by going at you? I’m done with her. I’m done with everybody.” Gage stomped away toward The Pit and Everest took one more look at me and then followed her.
Instead of going back outside I walked to my cubby to grab a bottle of Hennessy. But when I got there, I saw Fierce inside of my room. He was stealing from me.
CHAPTER 19
MAD
“I don’t understand why you played me like this, Fierce,” I said shoving him into the wall of my cubby. “Especially after everything I do for you.”
“I know, I know,” he said moving around my room. “But you gotta understand what I need on a regular basis ain’t at no liquor store. This shit be calling me, Mad, and I need it everyday.”
“And what the fuck is that?”
“Crack,” he said in a low voice. “I’m on that new shit now. With each puff I take my problems go away.”
The nigga sounded dumb.
“Tell the truth,” I said breathing heavily. “You the one who been stealing from me all along?”
He looked guilty.
“Yes.”
“You been stealing from Wicked too?”
He nodded yes.
“Do you realized the war you started between me and that dude? He got at Pickles and I know it had to do with him thinking I stole from him.”
“I’m sorry,” he said weakly.
“After everything I did for you, Fierce? That ain’t just foul, nigga, that’s dead.” I wanted to hurt him so badly that the veins in my forehead pulsated.
“Mad, please don’t get angry with me. I just—”
When he moved to touch me I pushed him back. He fell to the floor and stood up. “Get the fuck up out my room, nigga.”
“Mad, don’t—”
“Now,” I yelled pointing at my door.
When he walked toward the door I sat on the edge of my bed and grabbed my bottle. I downed most of it and then looked out ahead of me. I can’t believe he would play me like this. That goes to show that it don’t matter who you think you know because at the end of the day you don’t know shit.
While I was trying to get my mind right this dude name Fuzzy from the Apple Kings of the West Wing came busting through the door. “You want some cake, man?”
He had a piece of yellow cake in his bare hand and was holding it like a bitch. What the fuck I look like eating cake from this dude’s palm? “Fuzzy, turn back around and get out, man. I got too much shit on my mind right now and somebody might get hurt.”
“Oh…I was just asking ‘cause—”
“Bounce,” I screamed.
When he left I decided to take a nap. Actually I don’t even think it was my decision. It just happened. One minute I was angry and the next minute I was drifting off to sleep. When I woke up about an hour later, I was dripping in sweat. Because my mother came to me again in my dreams and it fucked me up.
In the nightmare, I was in the bed at the shelter we lived in back in the day. She kept walking up to me throwing things on my bed. The first thing she threw on me was red grapes. I put the white sheet over my head because although they were grapes, it felt like she was flinging rocks instead. The next thing she threw on me was a bunch of green frogs. They were making loud noises in my ear and were really slimy. The next thing she threw at me was a dead owl. But the moment it hit my sheet it jumped up and flew away.
After sometime she went away and then a girl who use to be with us in the shelter in Texas, brought me a box of valentine candy in red heart box. She asked me to be her boyfriend and for some reason I said yes even though when I ate the candy it tasted like ice. I told her I changed my mind about being with her, and that I didn’t like her anymore and she kept saying she would ‘never ever speak to me again’. As she walked away from the bed the only thing she kept saying was ever. I was still listening to her say the word ever until she walked out of sight.
I tried to get the crazy dream out of my mind so I got up and downed half of my Hennessy. Why the fuck was I dreaming about my mother?
When Everest came into my room I was irritated. “What do you want now?”
“Can we talk?”’
“Everest, I can appreciate the fact that you like me. But I don’t do well with all of this drama you bringing. Ya’ll gotta—”
“Why are you afraid to love me?” she asked stepping into my room. “It’s so obvious that you fighting against me.”
“Afraid to love you?” I chuckled. “What the fuck you talking ‘bout? You don’t know shit about me or who I love. Plus I’m not thinking anything about you.” I looked away from her. “You not my type.”
“You’re going to be mine, Mad. Mark my words. And when you do you’re going to be happy and wonder what took you so long to let me love you. Trust me. I’m a catch,” she grinned.
This bitch was tripping. I was about to tell her when Mad MaXXX came into my room, minus the thieving nigga Fierce. Spirit, WB, and Gage stood in front of me and Fortune was with them holding Pickles’ hand.
“What the fuck happen with, Fierce?” Spirit asked me.
“Ask him,” I said refusing to tell them about what he tried to do.
“Then why he storm out like that?”
“I’m not his keeper and I’m not his friend either.”
WB stepped up and said, “We’ll get into that later. You need to be careful, Mad.” At first I thought he was threatening me until he said, “Pop Kill is back.”
“Who the fuck is a Pop Kill?”
“He’s a murderer and he’s also one of Wicked’s closest friends. Word around The Catacombs is that Wicked’s mad that you called him a child molester.”
“That’s cause he is a child molester,” I told him.
“Pop Kill is asking for you,” W
B continued. “He said he wanted to meet you and when he says that it ain’t never good.”
CHAPTER 20
MAD
We were in The Pit and Fortune and Everest were dancing next to the fire. It’s just the right temperature outside tonight…not too hot and not too cold. I was sharing a bottle of Henny with Spirit and everything felt peaceful. A little too peaceful if you asked me and I knew it was just a matter of time before something kicked off.
Fierce walked up to me. “Can I talk to you for a second, Mad?”
I looked around him like he wasn’t on earth and remained silent.
“Mad, please,” he said coughing a few times.
Silence.
“I know you aren’t talking to me but I still want you to know that I’m sorry. I betrayed your trust and everything you did for me and I will never do that again. Ever.”
Silence.
He walked away and out of The Pit.
It took me twenty minutes to relax after he left. I hate when people fuck up and expect you to accept their apologies so quickly. If I do decide to bring dude back into my life it’s going to be on my time. Besides, he asked me five other times to be cool with him and each time I said no. So why ask me again?
I was staring at Everest move her waist from left to right, as she eye fucked me, when Spirit asked, “You like her huh?”
I repositioned my eyes on Fortune instead. I didn’t want him to know that Everest was weighing on me. “Who you talking about? Fortune?”
“Fuck no,” he laughed. “Everybody knows she belongs to WB. Stop fucking around, nigga and answer the question.”
I laughed when I thought about what I said. I wasn’t hardly attracted to her. Fortune belonged to WB, even if he didn’t want her. The only reason WB was not outside with us now was that he was in his cubby wrapping Fortune’s gift. He found out her birthday was tonight and we were going to surprise her with a party. Pickles was with him helping. WB stole Fortune a new wig and we were able to scrape up some money to buy a pack of Hostess cupcakes and candles for the center. He wanted it to be nice because nobody could find her dog Leave Me Alone all night, and she was in and out of sadness about it. It’s amazing, at first she didn’t want the dog and now she couldn’t live without him.
