But when he saw her through the crowd, her face pale, her green eyes pinned on him, he wasn’t even sure he could get through the next few goddamn minutes.
He peeled off from his brothers, turned on his heels and walked right the fuck back out.
He couldn’t do this.
Seeing her wasn’t as painful as the day he walked out of family court reduced to being a sperm donor instead of a father, but it was damn well close.
How the fuck had she burrowed her way into his goddamn soul?
“Jesus fucking Christ,” he growled, taking long strides back to his sled, which was sitting in line with the rest of the DKMC’s at the other end of the parking lot. He quickly weaved his way through the vehicles that filled almost every paved spot. He kept his eyes focused on his escape vehicle, hoping that once he got on it and rode the fuck away, he’d be able to breathe again.
Who would’ve thought a woman like Cait could bring him to his goddamn knees?
She was too damn young.
She’d want kids, he didn’t.
She was DAMC. He wasn’t.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t laid awake at night wondering how the fuck to make it work. He had. For too many goddamn restless nights.
Even if they kept their week in Lake George secret. Even if they kept what happened to Cait from everyone.
Even if he approached Dawg and Z...
Even if he was given permission to take what should be his...
If they allowed him to claim her... First at their table, then at his own club’s...
Christ, even if all the fucking stars aligned, there was still one huge meteor that couldn’t be ignored. One which could come crashing to Earth, destroying everything in its path.
Destroying him and Cait.
Would she eventually walk away from him when she realized how serious he had been about not having more kids?
And if he gave in to her and, for whatever reason, she ever walked away from him with their kids...
He might as well tie an anchor to his ankles and follow the Gallos to the bottom of the fucking lake.
As strong as he was, he wasn’t strong enough to go through that ever again.
But he had thought about it. He had. It was fucking stupid and his brain kept telling him so. That one worn photo in his wallet, the one taken when Aaliyah was five and MJ was four kept reminding him of what he could lose.
In the end, it was one compromise he wasn’t sure he could make.
And that right there would never be fair to Cait.
“Magnum!”
Fuck. He was only a few feet from escaping, he’d almost made it. “Not a good idea, Cait,” he threw over his shoulder but kept moving.
He got to his sled and quickly straddled it. As he reached for the starter button, she grabbed his hand. He stared at it for a moment then reluctantly lifted his gaze to her face.
Jesus fuck.
If his looked half as tortured as hers...
He turned his into a blank mask.
“Hey,” she whispered, her brow drawn low, her mouth curved downward.
“Cait,” he said. “Not a good time, not a good idea.” He glanced back toward the building, trying to make his point.
She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, then released his hand. Instead of reaching for the start button, he let it drop to his thigh.
He needed to leave.
But he couldn’t.
He missed her. He wanted her. And he was goddamn fucked.
“I need to tell you something.”
“Tell me what, baby?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He didn’t mean to call her that, but it unfortunately came naturally. He struggled to keep that blank mask in place, but it was threatening to slip.
All he wanted to do was hold her and tell her everything would work out. But fuck him, he wasn’t going to lie to her. Or himself.
“What I wanted to tell you up at Lake George.”
Fuck. What she whispered on the car ride home, what he pretended not to hear. “No.”
She took a huge audible breath as her expression became hard and determined, her green eyes narrowed. “Well, guess what? I’m telling you anyway. So, you can close your fucking ears if you need to but I’m saying it whether you like it or not.”
His chin jerked back and his fingers curled into fists. “If you think it’s gonna change anything, Cait...”
“It changes everything.”
Normally, she’d be right.
His jaw shifted and his expression became as hard as hers. “No, you’re fuckin’ wrong. Nothin’ has changed. It’s all the same, Cait. All of it. Except for those Gallo fuckers. That’s what changed. That’s it.”
“No.”
“Don’t be so goddamn blind,” he growled.
“I’m not being blind.”
He dropped his head and shook it.
“Look at me,” she whispered roughly.
“No.”
“You’re saying I’m blind but so are you. I need you to look at me.”
“No, Cait.” He lifted his head but stared past her, keeping his eyes toward the building’s entrance. “This ain’t gonna work. No matter how much you want it to.” No matter how much I fucking want it to.
“You don’t even want to give it a chance.”
“Cait... You’re killin’ me here.”
“You feel it, too.”
He opened his mouth to deny it. He snapped it shut. “Don’t matter what I feel, Cait.”
“If I could convince my father... if the sisterhood could convince—”
“What the fuck? You told them?”
“Magnum...”
“Cait. It’s not just ‘cause of them. Tried to tell you that. Doin’ what’s best for you, can’t you fuckin’ see that?”
“You aren’t.”
“The fuck I’m not.”
“But I love you.”
Magnum closed his eyes and muttered, “Goddamn it.”
“And you love me,” she said softly.
His eyes flashed open. “Cait...”
“You do.”
“Don’t matter, Cait. Can’t give you the life you want.” He raised his hand. “Fuck that. The life you deserve.”
“Because you’re a biker?”
“’Cause I’m fuckin’ sixteen years older than you!” he bellowed. “It’s not just the age, Cait. Told you I’m not havin’ any more kids. Don’t fuckin’ deny yourself that chance.” He flung a hand toward the community center. “Don’t deny that opportunity for Dawg. Or Emma. Or makin’ your sisters aunts. In the end, you’ll regret it. No... Don’t say you fuckin’ won’t, ‘cause that’ll be a complete fuckin’ lie.” He reached over and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Tell me you can live without havin’ kids, Caitie. Say it. Wanna see your face when you lie to me.”
He was right. She had ignored that fact, hoping if they could work things out between the clubs, he’d change his mind. That she’d convince him eventually.
It hit her now, he’d never be convinced.
Once again, she had been selfish and him selfless. He was denying his feelings for her because of her.
He was not taking what he wanted because of her.
To make sure she didn’t make a mistake.
He was looking out for her. Sacrificing for her.
Once again.
But she got her stubborn streak from her father and she wasn’t going to easily give up. It wasn’t in her DNA.
“Look at Diesel. He didn’t want to be a father. Now look at him. Those girls are his life. His everything.”
“Malcolm and Aaliyah were my life, too, Cait. Bein’ forced to walk away from them killed me. It kills me to this day they’re now adults and could easily change that and they don’t fuckin’ want to. They may never want to. Can’t do that again. Can’t go through that again. Not ever. Loved my goddamn kids. Woulda given up everythin’ I had to be with them, to spend time with them. Woulda sacrificed everythin’, Cait.”
>
The agony in his words sliced through her. “I would never do that to you,” she whispered, unable to keep her bottom lip from trembling.
He turned his head and looked past her again, his face twisted, his eyes troubled. “An’ I wanna believe you... Not sure I wanna be raisin’ babies in my forties, Cait. No, I’m fuckin’ sure. I don’t. Find someone else.” He stabbed the starter button and his bike roared to life. He heeled up the kickstand. “Made a mistake comin’ here. Won’t happen again.”
He twisted the throttle and his Harley shot forward, making her step backward to keep from being clipped.
Her toes might have survived him leaving, but her heart might not.
House. Now.
Cait’s pulse raced and her fingers trembled as she thought about that text from her father over and over again.
She parked her Toyota in the driveway at his house in the compound and sat there for a few minutes, staring at the closed front door.
Wondering what the hell might happen once she stepped through it.
When she had texted Dawg back asking him what was up, he only repeated his original text. House. Now.
Damn, she felt like a teenager all over again.
Her father had never been as strict with her as her mother had been, but he’d been overly protective.
She had sent Emma a text: What’s the matter?
Emma had texted back: I’m doing what I can. Just hurry.
That made the knots in her stomach twist even tighter.
She pressed her forehead against the steering wheel and tried to get her breathing, her heart rate and her spinning thoughts under control.
She wasn’t having any luck.
“Caitlin!” she heard bellowed from the house.
She lifted her head to see her father standing in the doorway. Fury coloring his face.
Oh fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
She glanced around quickly to see if anyone in the club-owned neighborhood was outside and had heard her father yelling.
She saw no one, so she quickly scrambled from the car before he kept bellowing his displeasure like a Grizzly bear with a thorn in his paw, and everyone came out to see what the problem was.
Once he saw her heading toward the front door, he disappeared inside.
She glanced at the flowers and shrubbery Emma had planted in front of the house, wondering if she should expel the contents of her stomach behind them before stepping inside. Especially since each step up to the porch felt like a step closer to her own funeral. It might save her stepmother’s carpet.
“Better get the fuck in here right now before I go kill that motherfucker an’ not give you a fuckin’ second to explain.”
Oh fuck.
She shut the front door behind her and moved into the family room where her father waited with one hand jammed on his hip, his phone in the other and his face already close to purple with anger. Emma hovered near him, trying not to look panicked but failing.
“Promised Em I’d give you a chance to explain. Givin’ you one motherfuckin’ minute.”
He tossed his phone at Cait and she barely caught it. Was it the video? Had someone sent it to him?
Blood drained from her face as she lifted his phone, hit the power button to light it up and then almost dropped it with what she saw.
It wasn’t the video.
It was the picture of her and Magnum sandwiched together on the steamboat dance floor. The one her mother had been sent.
How the fuck did Dawg get it?
Cait quickly scanned the texts that preceded the photo: You’ve ruined her. I had such high hopes for her. That she would do better despite your half of her DNA. You HAD to get involved. You FORCED me to give you visitation when she was still impressionable. And now look, the bright future she could’ve had, is no longer that. This is your fault!
Had she found out who Magnum really was? She wouldn’t put it past her mother to have him investigated. Or was she pissed about her leaving the Gallo agency and taking the job Ellie offered her at the foundation? Was she blaming that on Magnum or Dawg?
Fucking hell!
Scrolling, she saw more texts—a lot more, because her mother always had plenty to say—but her father didn’t give her time to read them before he jerked the phone from her fingers. “That up at that fuckin’ retreat like Regan said?”
“Why would she send that to you?”
“Why was Magnum up at a goddamn work retreat with you? Know he wasn’t workin’ for the same company you were. Know he’d have no reason to go on vacation at Lake George an’ this was just some fuckin’ coincidence. Know it ‘cause your fuckin’ mother also happened to mention you two have been seein’ each other for eight fuckin’ years!” The sharp rise of his booming voice made her wince. “Now, I know that can’t be fuckin’ right. ‘Specially when eight years ago you were underage!” His chest expanded and he continued, “Caught you two eyeballin’ each other one too many fuckin’ times. But figured Magnum would never step where he shouldn’t. Figured that fuckin’ man knew better. Guess I was fuckin’ wrong an’ was fuckin’ my baby girl behind my goddamn back.”
“No.”
Dawg’s eyebrows shot up his forehead and he roared, “NO?”
“Honey,” Emma whispered, reaching for Dawg’s arm.
He pulled it away and spun on his wife. “How much did you know?”
“I...” Emma started, blanching.
“Nothing!” Cait screamed at him. “Nothing. She didn’t know shit, Dad. Jesus!” She planted a hand on her forehead. “The eight years was a lie.”
“That fuckin’ picture a lie?”
She was going to kill her mother. There had been no reason to stir up shit. None. She’d told her two months ago that her and Magnum were over. At the time, she thought it had satisfied Regan.
Apparently not.
She still needed to take cheap shots at Dawg whenever she could. She still needed to dig for dirt. She had to bitch about every decision Cait made on her own and blame him. It served no purpose.
The only problem was, every one of those dirty shots caused complications for Cait. But of course, just like the messy visitation fight, Regan didn’t give a shit how it affected her daughter.
Not. One. Bit.
“Why did she send you that?”
“’Cause your mother’s a goddamn bitch!” Dawg bellowed.
Cait blinked.
“Dawson!” Emma yelled at her ol’ man.
Even though she had no doubt he hated Regan with every cell in his big body, he’d always kept his thoughts to himself.
“You’re old enough I shouldn’t gotta deal with her goddamn bullshit anymore. What you did...” He shook his head. “Your mother’s the least of what I’m fuckin’ pissed about.”
“Dad,” she tried to say evenly. He needed to calm down and see reason. “Dad... It’s not what you think.”
“No? He didn’t fuck you?”
Cait’s mouth dropped open. She never once talked to her father about who she’d had sex with and never planned on it. And while, in reality, it was none of his business, he was making it his business only because Magnum belonged to another MC.
She grimaced. “Dad, it’s not what you think,” she tried again.
“You fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Think I’m fuckin’ stupid?”
She forced a, “No,” up her closed throat.
“Dawson, you need to calm down.”
Dawg spun on Emma, jabbing his finger in her direction. “That motherfucker touched DAMC property without permission. Went behind our backs an’ stole what belongs to us. What belongs to me. He touched my fuckin’ daughter!” he roared.
“Stop it,” Emma said sharply, her face lined with worry. “Please.”
“He needs to pay.”
Cait rushed up to her father and grabbed the edges of his open flannel shirt, yanking on them. “Dad! No. It’s all my fault. I swear.”
“
Gonna kill that motherfucker.”
“No, you’re not!” Cait said sharply.
His green eyes dropped to her and he growled, “You don’t get that say.”
“The fuck I don’t!” Her father had lost his fucking mind!
Dawg yanked free of her fingers and began moving quickly toward the interior garage door.
If he got on his bike and went to Zak or Diesel... or any of them... If he left that house, shit was going to go sideways fast and someone was going to get hurt.
Or dead.
And the easy and loose brotherhood between the clubs would be broken forever. Peace would turn into war.
She needed to stop him. She needed to fix this. Now.
Unsure what else to do to get him to listen and out of complete desperation, she screamed, “Dad! I was raped!”
Emma gasped and her father went completely solid, his back to her.
She never wanted him to know that. She had never wanted anyone to know. But she no longer had a choice.
Dawg spun on his boot heel and roared, “He raped you?”
Oh shit! She spoke fast. “No! It was someone else. I was drugged and raped. And I didn’t know what to do. I... He helped me. I went to Magnum and asked for help and... and he helped me!” she yelled, her voice breaking. God, she hoped her sisters were nowhere in the house right now.
“What the fuck!” Dawg bellowed, his face twisting into more rage than she thought could be humanly possible.
Oh fuck. She lifted her palms out, still talking fast. “I didn’t want anyone to know. I was trying to save my job... I was trying to save face... He risked everything for me!”
Dawg stared at her and whispered, “Who raped you?” The soft tone of his voice was deceiving. It was dangerous and deadly.
“It doesn’t matter. Magnum handled it.”
“An’ forced you to fuck him in return?”
“No! No, Dad. He’s not like that. You know him. He’d never be like that. Jesus Christ! You’re not thinking straight.”
He stepped closer to her and she didn’t recognize the look on his face. “You’re fuckin’ right, I’m not. ‘Cause not only did he...” His big body lurched. “But some motherfucker...”
She got scared when he lurched again.
Then he simply... crumbled. Right there. In front of her. Almost as if a baseball bat had struck him right in the middle. All air rushed from his lungs, his body bending over in half as he went down. Her big, tough, badass biker father fell to his knees only feet from her.
Magnum: A Dark Knights MC/Dirty Angels MC Crossover Page 23
