Easter Eggs and Shotgun Shells
Madison Johns
Contents
Disclaimer
Summary
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Epilogue
About this Author
Other books by this Author
Copyright © 2019 Madison Johns
Easter Eggs and Shotgun Shells, Madison Johns
All rights reserved.
Created with Vellum
This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to persons living or dead (unless explicitly noted) is merely coincidental.
Summary
Being in charge of the annual Easter Egg Hunt is challenging enough for Agnes and Eleanor, but even more so when they assist Bernice in finding rabbits for the event. Unfortunately for the sleuths, instead of bunnies, they stumble across a body.
The sleuths are hunting for the killer now, but soon it appears the killer is hunting for them too. Can Agnes and Eleanor outsmart the killer or will they become the next victims?
1
I wrapped my spring jacket around my body and slid behind the wheel of my new Malibu. I had wrecked Andrew’s SUV on a girls’ trip to Tennessee.
“Button your coat, Agnes.” Eleanor scolded me from the passenger’s seat. “It’s only forty today.”
“It looked warmer from inside,” I explained. “The sun is shining.”
“Not that it makes that much of a difference,” Eleanor said. “To be honest, I’m still irritated that it’s cooler today than it’s been.”
“I agree with you it’s felt like June the past few weeks, but there isn’t much we can do about it,” I said as I backed out of the driveway and headed for town. We were joining our friends for a meeting at the K of C Hall.
“Isn’t it a little late to make Easter preparations?” Eleanor asked.
“Not with Elsie in charge of the festivities.”
“Are we attending church on Easter?”
“W-We could, but I’m not sure what Andrew might want to do on Sunday.”
“I can’t imagine he wouldn’t want to go. It should be a good service.”
“And how would you know?”
“I’ve been to church before, and it’s the least I can do since I accidentally flipped off Pastor Verne recently.”
“So it’s perfectly fine to flip off someone other than the pastor?” I smiled.
“Yes, if they don’t know how to drive.”
“Road rage much, do you?”
“I wouldn’t talk if I were you.”
“I don’t recall any such incident.”
“Whatever you say, Agnes.”
I smiled to myself. I loved to banter with Eleanor because, to be honest, we both know how to push each other’s buttons, but it’s all in good fun. Nobody understands Eleanor like I do, and she could say the same of me.
I turned in to the nearly empty hall parking lot, and we strolled inside. Someone hung pink and purple streamers with coordinating colored lights. We joined our friends Elsie, Marjory, Bernice, and Rosa Lee Hill at a round table.
“Hello.” Eleanor and I took our seats.
“Now we can begin,” Elsie said with a stern look. “You’re ten minutes late.”
“Traffic was horrible,” I said with a shrug.
“It certainly wasn’t when I drove here.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. Elsie was taking her role as Easter organizer of events too seriously.
“As many of you know, it’s important to be punctual for our event meetings. Please don’t make me call any of you out, because you know I will.” Elsie looked back to her notes.
“We do now,” Eleanor said.
“What was that, dear?” Elsie asked.
“Do you plan on starting the meeting now or not?”
Elsie handed me a stack of papers, and we passed them around.
“You’ll find your name next to the event you’re responsible for,” Elsie said.
“We have the Easter egg hunt,” Eleanor told me.
“That shouldn’t be too hard for you two. I took it into consideration you might be detained occasionally if a crime wave hits Tawas.”
“Bite your tongue, Elsie,” I said.
“Make sure you buy the plastic eggs before they’re all sold out this time. The children didn’t appreciate finding real eggs.”
Eleanor put her finger in the air. “I disagree. Why, back in my day a colored egg was what an Easter egg hunt was all about, not finding candy in a plastic egg. Or if they’re lucky, a dollar.”
I tried to look over Rosa Lee’s shoulder.
“What do you have, Rosa Lee?” I asked.
“I’m making baked goods to sell at the church’s bake sale. All the funds are donated to the local nursing care facility.”
“At least the sale isn’t at the nursing care center.” I remembered all too well the one time Rosa Lee sold pot brownies at the bake sale, supposedly on accident. You might say it really livened up the place, but not in a good way if you asked the administrator. One of the residents threw a cream pie in the administrator’s face.
“Marjory and I are organizing the Easter dinner right here at the K of C for those poor dears who can’t afford a proper holiday dinner,” Elsie said.
I glanced across the table at Bernice as she picked cat hair off her jacket. She was often referred to as the cat lady until we found out her real name. To this day she has a yard full of cats and occasionally takes in a stray. Recently Trooper Sales brought her a kitten to care for until he finds him a good home.
“I’m in charge of bringing animals to the egg hunt for the children to pet. Can I bring my cats?” Bernice blinked rapidly.
“No,” Elsie said a little too quickly. “Not that your cats aren’t lovely.”
“They’re killers if you ask me,” I said, “or many of them.”
“Stop making Bernice feel bad,” Eleanor said.
“I’m not trying to, I swear. I’m sorry, Bernice, but I’m afraid of that tabby cat of yours.”
“Who needs a watchdog when I have cats?” Bernice chuckled.
“This has gone off much better than I thought,” Marjory said. “I’ll just be glad when the golf course opens for the year.”
“You only have to wait until after Memorial Day.” Elsie pacified her.
Marjory slapped her man-sized hands on the table. “It feels like forever.”
“It feels like winter has gone on forever,” I agreed.
“Are there any refreshments?” Eleanor asked. “Meetings should have something to munch on.”
“Next time bring a sack lunch,” Elsie said.
“I have candy,” Rosa Lee offered as she shook a bag I half suspected came from the medicinal dispensary out of town.
“No thanks,” Eleanor said. “The last time I had one of those candies I didn’t see straight for two days.”
“I told you to get another pair of glasses,” I said. “If t
his is all the business we have to discuss, I’m ready to go.”
“You’re dismissed,” Elsie said.
“Oh, thanks for your permission. Are you sure you can handle organizing the events? You’re certainly on your high horse today.” Eleanor smiled.
Elsie put on her jacket in a huff. “We all can’t be as carefree as the two of you.”
“Really what’s going on?” Eleanor asked. “You can tell us. We’re friends.”
“I’ll admit Dorothy Alton volunteered me for this position at church, but we’ll have to make do. I expect each of you to hold your own.”
“Why would Dorothy volunteer you?” I asked.
“Besides not wanting to do it herself?” Eleanor asked with a twinkle in her eyes.
“When has Dorothy ever planned anything other than her hair appointment?” Elsie scoffed. “She’s not exactly a team player.”
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t know. We better listen to Elsie and find those plastic eggs, Agnes.”
I felt there was something else going on with Elsie, but I let it go for now. She might be considered the social icon of Tawas, but that didn’t mean she was invincible or that she liked being responsible for such a huge undertaking.
“If you need anything, Bernice, we’d be happy to help you,” I said.
“Oh, you know where I can get a baby cow for the petting zoo?” She chuckled.
“You must mean a calf,” Eleanor said. “You’re more country than the rest of us.”
“You forgetting about me, girls?” Rosa Lee asked.
Rosa Lee was right; she was born and bred on a farm in Tennessee. She moved to Michigan when her sons Curt and Curtis were teenagers. Her boys broke the law when they moved to the Tawas area, and while they’d spent a few years in prison, they’ve been model citizens ever since.
After we had said our goodbyes, Eleanor and I arrived at Walmart a few minutes later.
I groaned when I saw all the cars in the parking lot. “It looks busy.”
“What do you expect? Easter is Sunday.”
“I have a bad feeling about this shopping trip.”
Eleanor clucked her tongue. “We don’t have time for Grumpy Gus today.”
I pulled into the only remaining handicapped space, hung the paper sign, then we walked inside.
I nodded at the greeter who was sitting on a mechanical shopping cart and did a double take. “Mrs. Patterson, what are you doing here?”
“Would you believe community service?”
“No, but I believe being thrown in the clinker if you break the law.”
Mrs. Patterson is a good friend of June Crawford, who needs a helping hand since she’s in her nineties and no longer allowed to drive.
“Thank you,” an old man said as he took Mrs. Patterson’s vest from her. “It’s been so busy that I haven’t had the chance to tinkle.” He grinned.
“I’m always ready to help. Don’t forget you owe me a twenty.”
“I’ve never seen you working the door before,” I said. He had the worst toupee I’ve ever seen. It was jet black and resembled a small dog.
“I’m Gus.” He smiled, his false teeth waving at me from inside his mouth.
“Nice to meet you, Gus. I’m Agnes, and this is Eleanor.”
“I better go find June.” Mrs. Patterson excused herself.
“You better get moving before the manager walks all the way over here,” Gus said.
“No worries. It’s nice to meet you.”
Eleanor and I both pushed our carts forward.
“I’ve always wondered what would happen if someone tried to leave without paying,” Eleanor said. “They always hire old people to work as greeters. It’s not like they can body tackle a shoplifter.”
I frowned when I passed the main merchandise near the door. The candy looked like someone strip-mined it.
“We better load up,” I said.
“Well, don’t just put anything in your cart. Children don’t like Almond Joy, but they love Cadbury eggs.” Eleanor grinned as she put packages in her cart.
I walked to the Easter section and sighed at the crowd. I’ll never be able to get my cart down the aisle.
“Move aside, old ladies coming through,” Eleanor said as she rammed her cart down the packed aisle.
“Watch where you’re going, old bat,” a woman with dark hair shouted.
“Who you calling an old bat?”
“Eleanor, we don’t have time for a fistfight. We can’t plan an Easter egg hunt if we’re in a jail cell.”
We backed out of the aisle, and Eleanor raced ahead of me. There was a wire container filled with packages of plastic eggs. We threw them in our cart until I saw the other shoppers’ disappointed faces.
“We can’t buy all the eggs,” I said as I put some back.
“Why not?” Eleanor asked.
“Look at the other shoppers. They want to buy plastic eggs too.”
“Actually, you two are in our way,” a man snapped.
Eleanor and I moved aside, and we loaded up with more eggs before heading back to the candy aisle.
“It would be cheaper if we bought candy by the bulk,” Eleanor said.
“I highly doubt that would make any difference. We’ll need to stop by the bank and see if they have any brand-new dollar bills for some eggs.”
“If we can check out before closing hours, you must mean,” Eleanor said as she pointed out the packed checking lanes.
Eleanor and I stood in line. “Why don’t they open more lanes?” Eleanor asked.
“Because they sent four cashiers on break,” the woman ahead of me said.
“It’s about time. The greeter had to ask a customer for a bathroom break.”
“He’s been relieved several times,” a manager who strolled by said.
“At least he was able to relieve himself,” Eleanor joked. “Get it? He relieved himself in the bathroom.”
The young man narrowed his eyes.
“I bet they don’t teach you how to narrow your eyes at manager school.”
“I had something in my eye. Why don’t you come down to aisle five? I’ll check you out myself.”
“That’s not fair,” the other customers complained.
Eleanor and I cleared out before the complaints turned nasty. The biggest skirmishes happened in stores during sales or near a holiday.
“Thank you for checking us out,” I said to the manager.
The manager was tall, and his dark hair matched his mustache. He reminded me of a weasel.
I waited until the manager rang up Eleanor and me before I said, “I don’t recall ever seeing a manager running a cash register before.”
“I didn’t want you making a spectacle of yourselves. I’ll admit I should have asked Gus if he needed to use the bathroom, but it’s been so busy today.”
“You mean he wasn’t due for a break?”
“Not yet, but I’m aware he needs frequent restroom breaks. I’ll appoint someone to ask him more often.”
“It’s an honest mistake. Sometimes you never know you have to go until you do.”
I paid, and we hurried to the entranceway when I heard shouts.
“If you don’t have your receipt, you’re not going out the door until you do!” Gus shouted.
I watched as the man raced out the door, carrying a case of pop with Gus giving chase on his mechanical cart.
Eleanor and I hurried out the door just in time to see Gus ramming the man. The culprit lost his footing and fell backward in the shopping cart as pop cans rained down and exploded as they hit the ground.
Not missing a beat, Gus powered the cart back into the store with the suspect still in the basket.
“I guess we have our answer,” Eleanor began. “You shouldn’t underestimate the greeters at Walmart.”
2
“What’s in the bags?” Andrew asked as I carried them into the house.
“Nothing for you, mister,” I said. “Eleanor and I ar
e in charge of the Easter egg hunt on Saturday.”
“Does that mean that all the candy is off-limits?”
“Yes, except for the bag I’m eating,” Eleanor said as she strolled inside. “I told Agnes children don’t like Almond Joy.”
“Then why did you put them in your cart?” I asked.
“So I could eat them, duh.”
“Could you help us carry the bags into our spare bedroom, Andrew.”
“If your spare bedroom was available, why did Mr. Wilson and I have to sleep on the sofa bed when we stayed here?” Eleanor asked.
“Because we didn’t have a bed in there.”
“And it’s too cluttered to put one in.” Andrew laughed.
“I started cleaning that room the other day. It’s not too messy now.”
“If you say so.” Andrew winked.
Okay, so the room still was cluttered, but at least half the room would fit the candy. We’d have to carry in the card table from the shed and find something to put the eggs on while we fill them with candy, but there was time for that later. The Easter egg hunt wasn’t until Saturday.
“I don’t think it’s fair only us women have events to handle and the men don’t have to do anything,” Eleanor said when we walked back into the kitchen.
Andrew’s brow arched. “Men don’t help to organize Easter egg hunts, petting zoos, and Easter dinners.”
I moved toward Andrew, but Eleanor stepped between us. “I disagree, Andrew. Men cook and collect money at the fish fry.”
“And what’s wrong with a man stepping up to help plan the events this year?” I said. “I should talk to Elsie about it.”
“I’d like to be a fly on that wall.” Andrew laughed.
I walked to the kitchen and glanced out the window at the gathering clouds. “I don’t know what you’re trying to say, dear.”
Easter Eggs and Shotgun Shells Page 1
