“You’ve got the look, Avery.”
“You keep saying that, and I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m just…I’m trying to figure out what to do. How to do it. What our life is going to be like. I’m trying to understand why all this is happening now.”
“Sounds familiar.” Charlie pauses, focusing on the girls as they disappear back into the fort that Mark helped them pitch up in the open-plan family room. “I’ve been there. I’ve been right where you are, wondering why shit happened the way it did. Why my dad was gone…”
“This isn’t about my dad. I know why he’s gone.” My heart clenches so tight that it sends a jolt of unbearable pain to the pit of my stomach.
I can’t cry. Not here. Not now. Not in front of Iris. Not ever.
“But it is, because you’re still hurting, and you’re having to get used to missing him. To add to that, you’re trying to protect her from the truth.”
“I think I know what the truth is, but I don’t want to believe it.” I follow her lead, sinking into one of the dining chairs. “I don’t want to believe that this is my life right now. It wasn’t perfect before, but it wasn’t this fucked-up. I swear to God, Charlie, I had no idea what was going on.” Grabbing my glass of water, I drink what’s left of it. “I only figured out he was…” I take a deep breath, swallowing the sudden dryness of my mouth. “I only figured out Carl was…or is? What is it? We’re still married, so I suppose he’s still cheating on me.”
“Ding, ding, ding, douche face has managed to hit a whole new asshole high.” Charlie rolls her eyes with a growl, focusing on me. “You can’t hide from the storm, Avery. You have to ride it out and make it your bitch.”
Mark walks in from the yard with Cullen following behind him. He’s still listening to his son talk about some problem he’s having with the level he’s playing, and he doesn’t care how trivial it all is. He’s still smiling, still cracking jokes and listening.
“Case in point.” Charlie nods his way.
“What are you smiling about, princess?” Mark asks, pausing in front of her, before he tells Cullen, “Hands. Wash. Now. Use soap.”
“See?”
“See what?” He looks between the two of us.
“I was just telling Avery that she needs to ride the storm.” She grins up at him, her finger raking down his torso to the top of his shorts. “You know…make it her bit—”
“Ah-ah-ah…save the riding for later.” He winks at her, mirroring her grin.
For the slightest tick of a second, I’m jealous of the way he looks at her. No one has ever looked at me like that. As though their world revolves around me…for me…maybe because of me.
Both of their phones ring at the same time.
“Right on time,” Charlie chimes almost too happily at the notification that’s popped up.
Mark laughs, shaking his head as he sits at the head of the table at the exact moment his brother and an older woman walk into the room. My heart races the minute Garrett greets me with a smile. Similar and yet so different to Mark, his hair is a darker shade of blond, and up close, his eyes are a bluer shade of green. Like a tropical ocean.
With his shirtsleeves rolled up his forearms, he’s so obviously more clean-cut than Mark. No tattoos. His shirt and slacks don’t have a single crease, and his hair is all deliberately mussed whereas Mark is tattooed, shaggy-haired, and has the surfer dude vibe down pat with a side of “don’t fuck with me.”
“Hey, old hag.” Mark wraps his arm around the woman’s shoulder, and she hits him with her walking stick hard enough that he grimaces a curse.
“Who you calling old bag, asshole?” she spits at him with a side glance before holding out her hand to me. “Jo.”
“Avery, this is Josie. She’s a friend. Helps keep these two mankids in line.” Charlie introduces her to me before turning to Jo and telling her, “Avery is a friend from DC. She’s staying with us for a while with her little girl.”
“More babies.” Jo looks around the room, pausing when she finds Iris looking at her. “Hey there, sugar.”
When Iris doesn’t answer, she shakes Mark’s arm off her shoulders with a pat to his face as she walks past him toward the fort. I don’t know what she says to Iris, but it makes her smile for the first time today.
“How’re you feeling?” Garrett asks, catching Makenna when she runs at him. “Hey, scoundrel.”
“You wanna join us?” Makenna nods at the blankets and sheets pitched up in the middle of the seating area. “We’re watching the Care Bears.”
“You are?”
“Yeah, it’s Iris’s favorite, and she’s sad, so maybe it will cheer her up soon.”
“Huh.” He nudges the tip of her nose with his. “Check you out being Little Miss Sunshine.”
“Call me Funshine.” She grins at him with narrowed eyes.
“Okay…”
Clearly, he has no idea that Funshine is the sunshine Care Bear, and it makes me chuckle that he’s trying to work it out as though it’s some important fact she’s shared with him.
“Is that a new thing?” Garrett asks Mark when Makenna crawls back into the den. “Call sign…code name, whatever it is you call it.”
“Nope, she’s still a demon.”
“That’s not sunshine or funshine, that’s contained hellfire dying to explode.” Charlie hands him a beer from the fridge, pulling out the chair next to Mark for Jo to sit. “Cullen! Kenny! Kids…dinner!” she yells, dropping into her seat, leaving Garrett to sit beside me with Iris on my other side.
She doesn’t eat much, not that I expected her to when I’m struggling myself. The entire time we’re at the table, I’m wondering how exactly I’m meant to make anything “my bitch” when I can barely move without bursting into tears or vomiting my guts out.
How the hell am I going to fix any of this?
Trying to understand how I completely missed what was going on with Carl only makes me feel like more of a fool. He was never the easy and soft kind of husband or father that I dreamed about. But to be in politics, you need a thick skin and you need a level of hardness. I thought that was it; his personality was a byproduct of the world we lived in. As it turns out, I was an idiot.
My rose-tinted glasses are gone now, and all the times he pulled me up on my misgivings and on all my inadequacies are nothing more than a power trip. It wasn’t stress; Carl is nothing but an asshole. And it’s taken me this long to fully realize it.
“Are you still in pain?”
I look up from my plate to find Garrett assessing me. He’s so close that I have this panicked urge to pull back. His stare makes me all too aware of what I look like. The bruises, swelling, scratches, and grazes pulse. Every cut stings the longer he stands watching me.
“I’m fine.” I get up and start for the back doors, trying to gather my wits about me before I break down.
Given I still feel awful about my outburst the other night, I don’t want to lose my slippery grasp on what’s left of my tact. I’m not quite sure what’s more exhausting—holding my shit together or falling apart. My head is only now starting to dull from the throb of my sleepless, tearful nights, and yet, it feels as heavy as the prospect of where I’m going from here.
Sitting on one of the seats by the pool, I take a deep breath, reminding myself that I’m not alone and that somehow, I’m going to make sure Carl doesn’t come near us again. That’s the one thing he is one hundred percent right about—Iris is mine.
I lie back into the lounger, focusing on the stars ahead. They’re so bright out here; I don’t think I’ve seen this many in years. Something about the clear sky almost makes the burden on my shoulders lighten, until my phone rings, jarring me from the calm.
Kayla’s familiar tone keeps ringing and ringing. I’ve ignored it enough times to know she must be worried, especially with the headlines that have taken over almost every news station and paper. A part of me feels guilty that I haven’t called to check on her. It’s not fair th
at she’s being tainted by whatever Carl was involved in, and it’s part of the reason I feel almost embarrassed taking her call. So, for now, I let it ring out again.
“I know you’re fine, but in case—”
“Are you this pushy with all your patients?” Ice chills my veins with the pain from my sudden movement to sit and look at Garrett.
“I’m not being pushy, I’m concerned about your well-being…any good doctor would be, and I can promise you, I’m a fucking great doctor.”
The sound of the curse sets my pulse off, racing wildly. Something about it is shocking and severe in contrast to his jovial tone and aloof stance. With his hands in his pockets, he has a coolness about him that’s somewhat contagious.
“Besides,” he sighs, kicking off his shoes and lowering to the edge of the pool. He goes about stripping his socks and rolling his slacks up before dipping his feet in the water. “You’re not actually my patient patient. I’m doing my brother a favor by making sure his wife’s friend is…as fine as she says she is.”
“You should practice in DC—apparently it’s where everyone exchanges favors,” I snap, and he tips his head to the side, looking as though he’s trying to contain his laugh.
“Huh,” Garrett chuckles, looking over his shoulder with a shit-eating grin as he continues mumbling, “Well, I guess he’s going to have to let Pamela go after this.”
“Pamela?”
“Pamela Anderson.”
“That makes so much more sense.” I lie back onto the lounger as he turns to level me with a narrowed stare.
“It’s a thing, you know…”
“Not really. I’m an only child, so sibling things aren’t something I’m all that familiar with.”
“Explains why you’re so stubborn. So adamant on being fine.”
“You don’t get it, do you? You might be a great doctor, but clearly you have no idea what it’s like to lose grasp of your life.” That’s it, I’m done with the conversation. Getting up to my internalized stream of curses, I fist my hands, hoping that it helps get a handle on the physical pain at least. “It’s abundantly clear that you don’t understand what it’s like to lose everything from one moment to the next.”
Garrett turns to look up at me, leveling me with a loaded look that tells me that maybe I’m wrong. Just as my frustration and anger begin to deflate, he stands, we’re not even that close, but his presence is so palpable that it makes the space between us seem like nothing but a sliver. I think that’s what scares me about him even though I know I’m safe. There’s no worry that he’ll hurt me. Still, something about him—beyond his physical height and broad shoulders—hulks over me. It’s inescapable.
Something about this man says he’ll see through all my excuses and fears. It’s like he can see everything, even what I’m desperately trying to hide from everyone around me.
“Suppose I know fuck about anything,” he muses, taking the shortest step toward me. My already racing heart pounds harder, trying to loosen the vise around my chest. “I know enough to see that you’re avoiding dealing with any of your problems. Take it from a pro, Avery—you can ignore everything that’s happened, but it won’t ignore you.”
Anxiety overtakes me at the raw truth of his statement, and the tears that have been swimming in my eyes fall, heavy and weary. My stomach turns, and I’m so sick that I have to forcefully steel myself so that I don’t collapse in a heap at his feet.
“What makes you a pro?”
“What makes you think you’ve lost everything?” Garrett counters without breaking the hold of his stare on me.
I’m trapped by its gentleness, even as he assesses me. There’s no judgment or pity, only a searching pull. A tug that urges me closer, taking every ounce of my strength to resist.
“Do you honestly think you have nothing left?” There’s a gruff edge to his question that makes me pull back.
I put as much distance as I can between us as I walk away, resisting the lure to look back with every knotting coil of my stomach, every reverberating thump of my heart. My insides twist with every step with the knowledge that out of every person in my life right now, Garrett Dixon could be the most dangerous.
Chapter Seven
AVERY
The phone rings, cutting through the quiet of the night jarringly. I thought it might be Carl again; he’s been calling during the last couple of nights. The first time I picked up to tell him to stop was also the last. Maybe he’s right and I am a waste, but I know better than to listen to a drunk’s tirade of abuse when I have the power to mute it.
“Kayla?” I get up from bed as quietly as I can, hoping that it won’t stir Iris.
Although I know we’re safe here, I’ve left the bathroom door cracked a little to let the light come through slightly. I’ve never been scared of the dark, but since that night with Carl…I’m finding that I’m scared of a lot of things that I wasn’t before.
“Avery, are you okay?”
“I’m…” I pause to mull the word over. Ever since last night, I keep thinking about what Garrett said. Obviously, I’m aware that I’m not, but it doesn’t stop me from replying, “I’m…fine.”
“I’ve been so worried. I’ve called so many times.”
Letting myself out into the hallway, I walk to the top of the stairs and deliberate on whether to perch there or to go downstairs. It feels odd sitting so close to Charlie’s door, so the kitchen wins. Besides, now that I’m awake, I know I’m not going to be able to sleep for a while.
“Where have you gone? Carl is…he’s going insane.”
The fact that she’s bringing him up annoys me, but I’m not stupid enough to think that he wouldn’t contact her. I’m assuming that they’ve probably seen each other or at least spoken because of work.
“God, I’m so worried! Why aren’t you talking to me?”
I don’t know.
The truth surprises me. I’ve always been an open book with Kayla. Every argument Carl and I have had, every worry and fear that’s ever crossed my mind, I’ve shared everything with her—the good, the bad, and the absolutely crazy. Yet right now, she feels like a stranger to me.
“Carl said you ran off with—”
“I left him,” I tell her bluntly. I wait for the words to sting or to feel something other than the anger that’s clawing at my insides as I recall the way he treated me.
Years of marriage and of trying to be something to him all tinged with regret over countless arguments where he squeezed my arm too tight or held me too roughly to get his point across. Cornered me to get his way or just didn’t take no for an answer.
“You left him? For good left him?”
“If I ever come back, it won’t be for him.”
“You don’t mean that. Besides, he’s going to need you…”
“Do you really believe that? Because I don’t and he doesn’t either. To quote him, I’m worthless…a nobody. So, yeah, I mean it.”
“You’ve been married for…years.”
The way she says that like the length of time should trump everything else makes me laugh. It shows how little she actually knows of my marriage. Maybe I didn’t confide in her the way I thought I did.
“We’ve been married for eight years and he didn’t even know my age.” I keep going around and around the kitchen island, walking in furious circles, waiting for the physical pain to paralyze me.
“Avery…”
“Eight years and he was screwing someone else.” Her audible swallow appeases me somewhat. Maybe she’s beginning to understand why I left Carl and why I’m done. “In all our eight years of marriage, the only things he’s called me with the exception of my name are worthless, stupid, and useless. He did call me a bitch a couple of times and insinuated I’m a whore too, but you know what he never called me?”
Kayla’s silent, something that’s rare given she can talk almost anyone into pretty much anything.
“He never called me babe.” I stop in front of the sink, grabbing a
cup from the cabinet so I can warm some water to make myself tea.
“I’m sorry,” she sighs, sounding like she’s done trying to get me to see her side of sense. “What can I do to help you? Do you need anything? Clothes? Money?”
“Honestly, Kayla, I have no idea what I need right now.”
“Okay, talk me through what you have with you and what Iris needs? Surely she needs her things?”
“I’ll have to figure out how to get her new things.”
“No, I can bring the important bits to you.”
After missing Dad’s funeral, I think I was begrudging her, but the way she’s offering to go out of her way to help us…I guess I can’t stay angry at her for much longer.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“What do you need? I know where you keep the spare key to the house. I’m pretty certain I know your closet better than you do, and I feel so terrible for being—” She stops, taking a deep breath before continuing. “Please, let me do something for you and my goddaughter…”
“You can’t come all the way to Virginia just to bring us our things. Besides, with everything going on with work, aren’t you busy?”
“Why are you in Virginia?”
“I’m staying with Dominic’s sister.”
“Why? Did his mother send you there?”
“No, Charlie and I are friends and…I had nowhere else to go.” It pains me to admit that on the phone to Kayla. She should’ve been the first person I thought of to go to for help. Instead, I ran to Dominic and Priscilla.
As though we’re back on the same wavelength, she says, “You could’ve come to me.”
“Carl would’ve followed right behind me. I know we’re safe here. Listen, Virginia isn’t exactly on your doorstep—I can figure something out. You don’t have to come all this way for us. I spoke to Mike, and he said that he would come down soon to help me figure everything out.”
There’s a silent pause before she states, “No! No, I can do it. The trip will do me good anyway. DC is insane right now.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
Endurance: A Salvation Society Novel Page 5
