by Mary Cope
My back was pressed up against the wall while Spencer’s body ran the length of mine, and still it wasn’t close enough. I wanted more. His masculine scent, the way he kissed me, so demanding yet gentle, my body was crazed with pleasure from being wrapped in his arms. I was lost in a sea of passion until my mind shifted from desire to reality.
Spencer wasn’t mine. As much as I felt in his kisses, they belonged to someone else… Kara.
It pained me when I pulled away from him. The loss of our connection made me feel bereft. I closed my eyes and whispered the words, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” I began to back away from him while my senses came flooding back to me. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was my fault… forgive me… I’m sorry.”
The distress on Spencer’s face pained me. I knew he’d have to confess to Kara, but at least he could blame me for it. I started to walk down the small hallway toward the exit door, my steps quickened as my guilt overtook me.
My thoughts were a mass of contradictions as I tried to make sense of what had just happened, but Aidan’s enraged voice broke through my jumbled thoughts. He grabbed my arm just before I could push through the back door.
“I knew it.” He scowled.
“What are you talking about?” I didn’t have the emotional strength to deal with Aidan.
“I saw you.” The hostility in his tone was menacing. “Kissing him.” Aidan clutched my arm a bit tighter. “How long has this been going on?”
I exhaled in frustration. “I was always faithful to you… always! So don’t go there with me. In fact, why don’t you go back to Nina. I’m sure she’ll take good care of you.” My eyes glanced down at my arm. “And let go of me.”
I tried to pull away, but Aidan gripped me harder. Spencer was coming toward us. There was a purpose in his steps and intensity in his eyes I had never seen before. I knew I had to free myself from Aidan before things got out of control. “Let me go.” I said louder with a sense of urgency.
Spencer brought his body protectively close to mine. “You’d better drop that hand or I’ll do it for you.” His dominate stance conveyed a sense of power and authority.
Aidan turned his gaze from mine to Spencer’s. Panic swelled within me as I felt the tension between the two.
“Well…?” Spencer’s ridged profile glanced down at my arm and then back to Aidan. Aidan released my arm, but not before shoving me back, causing me to fall to the ground. Spencer immediately pulled me into his arms, but just as quickly his body was yanked from mine.
Aidan grabbed Spencer’s forearm and whipped him around. I watched as if in slow motion as Aidan’s fist connected with his jaw. Spencer was stunned for a minute, and I witnessed a rage within him I hoped I would never see again. I instinctively took a step back as Spencer’s fisted hand swung forward and landed a punch across Aidan’s face.
Girls exiting the bathroom began screaming that a fight had broken out. I watched in horror, terrified. I had never seen a real fight before. I was unprepared for the brutality, and the sounds echoing off the small confines of the hallway made my stomach turn. Before their scuffle could escalate further, some men from the bathroom came and pulled them apart. Mason jogged down the small hallway and maneuvered his way between the two. Melissa was behind him, holding my purse with a stunned expression on her face. Mason glanced toward me and then back to Melissa.
“Get her outta here,” he shouted.
My insides trembled as Melissa grabbed my hand and pushed us through the back door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Melissa led me to my car, pulled the keys from my purse, and unlocked the passenger side door, allowing me to get in. She quickly got in on the driver’s side, adjusted the seat back, and started up the car.
“What happened?” She took her eyes off the road to look at me. “Liz?”
It took me a few minutes to emerge from my confused state. “We kissed. Aidan saw us, and the next thing I knew they were fighting.”
“Details, Liz, start with the kiss… who kissed whom?”
I could hear the frustration in Melissa’s tone, but it still took me several minutes to decipher my muddled thoughts. “He kissed me… but… I’m not sure he wanted too.”
“What? Melissa’s tone went from frustration to confused.
“I’m such an idiot, Melissa. It was more me than him. He tried to back away but I told him not to. I can’t believe I did that. I’m sure he wouldn’t have kissed me had I not thrown myself at him.” My eyes started to water. “It was so different than kissing Aidan. With Aidan, I always felt like we should stop, ya know? But, with Spencer, I didn’t want to.” I placed my head back against the seat and deeply exhaled. “I feel so guilty. I told him I was sorry and backed away. I was headed toward the back door when Aidan caught me by the arm. He was so angry.” Now the tears started to fall. “He thinks I cheated on him, but I never did. I tried with Aidan. I tried so hard with him.” I sobbed.
“I know, Liz.” Melissa reached over and rubbed my arm.
“Aidan had me by the arm and wouldn’t let go. Spencer came up to us and told Aidan to back off. Aidan pushed me, and I fell to the ground. The next thing I knew, they were fighting. It was so scary.” I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand, but they kept falling. Melissa pulled up to my house and parked the car. She opened my glove-box and rooted around for a tissue, paper towel, anything. She grabbed a napkin from under some old CDs and handed it to me. I blew my nose and wiped my tears then we exited the car.
“C’mon, I’ll stay with you until everyone gets home.
The thought of everyone coming home made me ill. I was going to have to tell all of this to my parents. Melissa opened the door, and Maggie came bounding toward us. I barely greeted her as we walked upstairs to my room. I kicked off my shoes, and went in my closet and slipped out of my black dress. I pulled my purple sweatshirt over my head and slipped on some pajama bottoms before I curled up under my pink blanket. Melissa sat on my bed, pushed the blanket aside, and leaned back against a pillow.
“It’s gonna be okay, Liz”
“What do you think is happening?”
“I have no idea.” She sighed.
We both were silent. I think I might have even dozed off for a few minutes until Maggie’s bark alerted us everyone was home. I glanced at the clock. It was close to 1:00 a.m. Melissa gave me an encouraging smile before she got up, and we went downstairs. When we entered the kitchen, everyone was standing around the island, but all eyes shot toward me. My mother was the first to approach me. She hugged me tight for a minute and then backed away. I pulled up a seat at the kitchen table, and everyone else did the same.
“So, what happened after we left?” I asked and glanced at Mason.
My parents were both quiet, which was unusual… especially for my mother.
“I helped the two guys from the bathroom pull them apart. Aidan started accusing Spencer and you about having a thing for each other.”
I glanced at my parents and started to feel uncomfortable. I focused my attention back on Mason.
“What did Spencer say?” Melissa eyed me and looked back to Mason.
“Spencer said he wasn’t sorry he kissed you. He was only sorry you were mixed up with someone like Aidan. Aidan lunged at him again. I pushed him back and told Spencer to just go, that I’d deal with Aidan. He walked out the back door.”
My mom started to question me about what had happened before the fight, and all I could focus on was Spencer wasn’t sorry he’d kissed me.
I was as brief as possible and then ended the conversation. “I’m tired.”
My parents seemed satisfied with my compressed version of the night’s events, and I was thankful. They said goodnight and went upstairs. Melissa and I headed toward the front door.
“He isn’t sorry he kissed you,” she whispered.
“I know, Melissa, but we’re forgetting about Kara.”
“Well, maybe he’s forgotten about her too.” She smirked.
<
br /> Mason was soon behind us with keys in hand, ready to take Melissa home. I glanced up at my hopeful friend.
“I doubt that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
When I closed the door behind them, Spencer entered my thoughts. My stomach turned, knowing I was going to have to face him. He may have said he wasn’t sorry he’d kissed me, but he’d been caught up in the moment. I’m sure the minute he’d looked in Kara’s eyes, he’d felt guilty. He didn’t deserve that. It was my fault, and as much as it was going to destroy me, tomorrow, I would make things right.
The memory of Spencer’s lips on mine echoed in my head before I fell into a dreamless sleep.
****
I was hoping after the night’s events I would have been able to sleep until noon. No such luck. My body was so accustomed to waking up early it didn’t matter what time I went to bed. A part of me considered not running today, but only for a second. I knew running was exactly what I needed. I pulled my hair up in a ponytail, grabbed my white tank-top, sports bra, and black yoga shorts and got dressed.
Maggie and I bounded out the front door and headed toward our usual route. I didn’t even stretch. Once I was outside with my music blasting, breathing in the fresh air, I just wanted to run. We quickly passed by Spencer’s house. I knew I was going to make seeing him my top priority today, but now was not the time. Maggie and I picked up speed, maneuvering our way up the creek bed toward the ocean. With each thrust of my arms, I felt a dull ache on one side. I stopped for a minute, and twisted my arm so I could inspect where the pain was coming from. My left arm was bruised in three places. I knew the minute I got home I’d have to put on a different shirt. If Mason or my dad saw my arm, they’d kill Aidan.
I continued my run, and when my feet hit the sand, I stopped in the same spot where Aidan and I’d had our fight where he’d first gotten physical with me. I remember being scared, but since he’d never hit me, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal. When I glanced down at my bruised arm, I realized how wrong I’d been.
My mind kept replaying last night in my head. He was so angry. What had happened to him? Where was the guy I’d once cared for? Was he still in there? There was good in him, I knew there was. I sunk my knees in the sand and began to think about the troubled boy lost inside of him. Pushing my fears aside, I had an overwhelming urge see him. If the Aidan I once cared for was still in there, I was going to find out.
****
When I opened the front door, I unhooked Maggie’s leash, and she immediately laid down on the cool tile floor with her legs sprawled out behind her. After I hung her leash in the hall closet, I jogged up the stairs to my room. Mason’s door was shut, and I knew he was still sleeping. I grabbed my car keys, grey hoodie, and wallet and was back outside within five minutes and on my way to Aidan’s.
His truck was parked in the usual spot, and a part of me was relieved when I saw Natalie’s car in the driveway. I didn’t think Aidan would hurt me, but the pain radiating from my arm told me differently. He already had. I glanced at the clock on the dashboard, 9:47 a.m. It was early, but not too early. I knocked on the front door, and when Natalie opened it, her eyes widened with surprise.
“Liz, how are you? It’s been so long.” Natalie had a new haircut and her short sassy layers had been replaced with an even shorter cut that made her brown eyes pop.
“I’m fine. Umm… may I see Aidan please?”
Natalie opened the door for me to enter. I took a step inside as her cell phone rang.
“You know the way,” she said. “I think he’s still asleep, but go ahead and wake him.” She winked. “He’ll just love that.” Natalie focused her attention on her cell phone while I walked down the hallway to Aidan’s room.
Walking down the hallway, I felt confident in what I wanted to say to him but anxious just the same. I had never acted so impulsively, and when I approached his bedroom door, a large part of me wished I had called. Aidan was a heavy sleeper so when I lightly knocked, I knew he didn’t hear me. I clasped my hand around the doorknob, and a second later I was in his room. I took a step inside and closed the door behind me.
The sun was streaming through his slatted blinds, so I took a few minutes to survey his room before I woke him. Everything seemed the same: clothes scattered on the floor, his bass guitar in the corner, and his laptop on the bedside table. He was asleep on his side facing me. Even with the nasty bruise on his cheek, he still looked beautiful, angelic even, a far cry from the anger that had covered his face last night. His lower body was under his green blanket, and he was wearing a blue t-shirt and, I hoped, pajama pants. I sat on the edge of the bed and gently placed my hand on his arm.
“Aidan,” I whispered. “Aidan.” The second time I said it a little louder.
Aidan groaned and slowly opened his eyes. He blinked up at me, stunned, almost like his brain couldn’t process me sitting there.
“What are you doing here?” he finally asked.
“After last night, I felt like we needed to talk.”
“And you couldn’t have called first?”
I could sense he was feeling ambushed, which, technically, I guess he was. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No, it’s fine.”
He sat up, and I quickly moved as he swung his legs to the floor and got up from the bed. No pajama pants, but at least he was wearing boxers. Aidan grabbed a pair of jeans from his drawer and glanced at me over his shoulder.
“I’ll be right back.”
A few minutes later, he entered his room dressed in his jeans and same blue t-shirt, but now his hair was slicked back. I had pulled the blanket up on his bed and was sitting on top of it. Aidan’s body language seemed tense as he sat next to me on the bed. His stoic expression and the coolness in eyes let me know his emotional walls were up.
“I came here to show you something.” I shifted my body so I was facing him. I twisted my arm so he could see the bruises.
His expression went from cool and distant to shock and disbelief. His eyes scanned the length of my arm, and his eyes met mine.
“I can’t… believe I did that.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “I… I didn’t know I had your arm so tight. Liz. I’m so sorry.” His eyes softened while he ran a hand through his damp hair.
The anguish on his face made me almost whisper the words It’s okay, but it wasn’t. He had to hear everything. “You pushed me too… do you remember doing that?”
Aidan’s eyes were in a glossy haze of guilt and regret. He shook his head no. I didn’t say anything else. As difficult as it was for me to sit and observe his internal struggle, I knew that was the reason why I was here. I couldn’t let the goodness I’d seen in Aidan become lost. There was still hope. But the choice was his.
“I was so angry. When I saw you two… together… I lost it. I saw everything. The way you looked at each other, the way he kissed you.” Aidan’s eyes met mine. “The way you kissed him back. I thought we had that, and to see you and him… I just couldn’t take it.” Aidan’s eyes never left mine. “When you told me to go back to Nina, it set me off. Nina was just a convenient distraction. She doesn’t mean anything to me. You’re who I want — you’re who I love.”
I stared into the depths of his eyes and shook my head.
“No, Aidan, that’s not love. Love is respect and trust. Not control and jealousy.” I reached out my hand and placed it on his arm.
“Did you ever care about me at all?” he asked. His words sounded small and sad.
“Of course I did — I still do. That’s why I’m here. You made me feel special, beautiful, you made me laugh, you opened up to me, and for the most part, you made me happy. That’s why I made excuses for you. For your… anger.”
I glanced up at Aidan to hopefully get a feel for his reaction. He was listening, so I continued.
“Over and over again, you would get so jealous, and I allowed it, hoping you would change. I should have ended things with us sooner, but I always saw the good in you. I stil
l do.”
I watched as a few tears spilled down his face. I reached out and held him.
With his head nestled into my neck, I whispered in his ear. “Aidan, I want you to talk to someone. You have a lot of pain inside of you, but you have so much to give. I know you do.”
My words were his undoing, and his silent tears became sobbing.
“Please promise me you will. Please.”
He continued to sob, and I held him for what seemed like hours, until finally, he spoke.
“I will. I promise.”
His tears subsided while we continued to embrace each other.
“I’m so sorry, Liz, for everything.”
“I know you are.”
When we broke apart, Aidan glanced at my tear-stained tank-top.
“I’m sorry about that.”
“That’s alright. Tears cleanse the soul.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, I thought of Spencer. I glanced at Aidan’s bedside clock. It was almost noon. “I should probably get going.”
I rose from the bed and Aidan walked me to the front door. When I turned to leave, I reached out and hugged him one last time. Aidan held me tight and kissed the top of my head, before he said goodbye.
****
My stomach growled from lack of food. I knew I should eat, but the thought of having anything heavy didn’t sit well with me. I drove through a smoothie place and ordered a raspberry protein drink. Not quite ready to go home yet, I pulled into the parking lot of Lantern Bay Park and walked over to the stone bench I loved so much. I sipped my shake and thought about Aidan. Seeing the bruises on my arm may have been the turning point for him. I hoped so. With all my heart, I hoped so.
