“You love him,” she points out in a whisper. “If you didn’t, it wouldn’t be this painful.”
I’ve been stuck in the middle of my couch since I got home.
Mr. Foster gave me the afternoon off. By the time he got to my office, Alexander was gone. Gabriel caught me with tears running down my cheeks.
He didn’t question the source, but told me that he wanted me to take the rest of the day for myself.
I did. I went to Kate’s shop, cried on her shoulder, ate half a sandwich and then somehow ended up back here with her next to me.
“I’m an old pro at this.” She moves to stand. “I helped Tilly when her heart was broken. I’m making us some tea.”
I look down at the watch on my wrist. It’s been a constant reminder of my mother’s pain.
She never fell in love after my dad’s death telling me that he was the love of her life, and that left no room for another man in her heart.
I feel that way now too.
Alexander owns every inch of my heart. I can’t imagine it any other way.
“Is your mom still coming to visit?” Kate asks gently. “I can sleep on your couch. She can stay at my place if that works for the two of you.”
It’s a generous offer, but not necessary.
I know my mom will want to comfort me, but it will be in the form of retail therapy and midday movies.
She avoids her pain. She’ll avoid mine too.
“I told her I needed to postpone the visit for a few weeks.” I wipe away a tear running down my cheek. “I think I can handle things without her.”
“You’ve always got me to turn to.” She points to the kitchen. “I’ll get the tea started. You stay put.”
I’m not going anywhere.
The only place I want to be is with Alexander. He made it clear that we’ll never be together again.
Chapter 45
Alexander
As she walks into the theatre, Phoebe looks around. The last time I brought her here was the day I broke up with Olivia.
I needed my sister close to me. I didn’t tell her why but she knew. She’s always known when my world isn’t right.
“You’ve been here day and night.” She runs a finger along one of the handrails. “It looks like a different place.”
That’s thanks to all the volunteers who have come on board since I spread the word.
Musicians from the Philharmonic rolled up their shirtsleeves to pitch in. Local music teachers stepped up. Monte pitched in when he was home for a two-day stretch.
I offered him the job in front of Phoebe.
They cried. I cried. They had no fucking idea I was crying about Olivia and not tears of joy for the two of them.
Jesus, I miss her.
“I need to say something to you, Alex.”
I lean against the handrail, closing my suit jacket with a button. “Fire away.”
“Whatever happened between you and Olivia is killing you inside.” She circles a finger in front of my face. “You think you’re hiding it, but it’s not working. Alvin asked me last night if you’re sick.”
Yesterday was Alvin’s last rehearsal before tomorrow night. He’ll be on this stage with a piano playing his heart out.
“I’m sick of the questions,” I tease. “I cared about her, Phoebe. It takes time to get over that.”
“What exactly broke you two up?” She eyes me suspiciously. “Was it you?”
I huff out a laugh. “Your faith in me is touching.”
“I have faith that you want to find someone to share your heart with.” She taps her fingers over my chest. “I have faith that Olivia is that woman.”
I grab her hand in mine. “You’re wrong. She’s not.”
Her eyes narrow. “Did she cheat on you, Alex?”
“No.”
She thinks I cheated on her, or she did the day I showed up at her office. I didn’t have the strength to correct her. She didn’t expand on what Sheryl said about her promotion, so I stormed out.
She couldn’t even bring herself to tell me that day that she was moving to London.
I expected Isla to say something. I know she heard that we broke up from her husband. Olivia’s name hasn’t left her lips since. The only topic of conversation she’s interested in is what classes she’ll teach and when she can start.
“I was hoping you would have made up so she’d be at my birthday party.” She sighs. “I wanted to introduce her to Monte.”
“That’s not going to happen.” I start down the staircase toward the stage. “She’s in London.”
***
Three hours later, I’m standing in front of a flower stand holding back a rush of emotions.
“Is it okay, Uncle?” Monte yanks on the sleeve of my jacket. “Can I get some flowers for Skylar too?”
Skylar. His princess. He’s her knight in shining armor.
He protected her when kids bullied her and brought her flowers that Olivia helped him pick out.
That was weeks ago, but Skylar has become a constant in his life.
She’s sat through three of his practices and was next to him when we went for chicken burgers and salad at the place where he confided in Olivia.
I ached for her that day.
I ache for her every damn day.
“Sure, bud.” I wave my arm over the massive display of bouquets. “Choose whatever you want for Skylar, and something for your mom for her birthday too.”
“Maybe if you pick something for Olivia, we can hang out with her again.”
It’s an innocent assumption, but flowers won’t change a thing between Olivia and me.
“Olivia moved away,” I remind him.
I’ve told him twice this week.
His bottom lip trembles as he looks up at me. “Does that mean if Skylar moves away, I can’t be her friend anymore? I can’t talk to her on the phone or go see her and bring her flowers?”
I look away, afraid of what my expression will give away.
“I’m sure if Skylar moved away, you’d still see her.” I swallow. “What happened with Olivia is different.”
“How?”
I can’t explain it to him. I can’t fucking explain it to myself, because Olivia is far different than any woman I’ve ever known, yet I’ve let the memory of someone else ruin my future with her.
I broke her heart before she had a chance to break mine.
I’m an asshole.
“What can I help you two handsome gentlemen with?” A woman who works at the flower market approaches us.
“We need flowers for my mom and for Skylar,” Alvin answers with a grin. “I want something that will make their hearts smile.”
The reminder of Olivia’s words is too much. I turn my back to my nephew and close my eyes, wishing I could find a way to chase this constant pain away.
Chapter 46
Olivia
I glance down at the silver frame in my hands. It holds the last picture that was taken of me with both of my parents. I’m too young to realize how lucky I was. I’m old enough now to understand it.
I place it on the corner of my desk.
I move it slightly to adjust it so when I’m in my chair, I can see it.
Standing back, I take in the space. It’s freshly painted in a light gray tone. The marble floor gleams. The elegant chairs are the perfect complement to the white desk.
It suits me. It should. My name is on the door.
Olivia Hull. Regional Director of Operations.
“Boss?” Sheryl calls from outside my office. “You have your first official visitor.”
I smooth my hands over the dark green dress I’m wearing. It’s one of Kate’s. She insisted I wear it on my first day.
“I’m nervous,” I say quietly. “Who is it?”
She glances down at a pad of paper in her hand. “Phoebe Costa.”
I look back over my shoulder at the late afternoon view from my large office window. I’m on the top floor of the building. Al
l of Manhattan is spread before me including the iconic view of the Empire State Building. I’ve spent hours at that window while I was unpacking, wondering what Alexander was doing and who he was with.
I’ve tortured myself by imagining what his new lover looks like and whether he played the cello for her.
“She said it’s personal,” Sheryl clarifies. “Should I let her in or ask her to leave a message?”
“I’ll see her.” I move to stand next to my desk. “Can you bring her in now?”
She disappears out of view.
I suck in a deep breath. I wasn’t expecting this.
It’s been almost two weeks since Alexander ended our relationship. I stare at each face that passes me by when I’m walking down the street. I study the people on the subway, wondering if any of them know him.
“Olivia,” Phoebe says my name excitedly as she steps into my office. “I hope it’s okay that I showed up without an appointment. I asked about you at the reception desk in the lobby. I wanted to know how to reach you and they directed me up here.”
“It’s nice to see you.” I beckon her in with my hand. “Do you want anything? Sheryl can get us some tea or coffee.”
She glances back at Sheryl with a smile on her face. “I’m fine. Thank you for telling her I wanted to talk to her.”
Sheryl backs away, waiting to close the door as Phoebe takes a seat in front of my desk.
I follow her lead and sit behind it.
“You’re not in London.”
I stare at her in silence. I hadn’t thought about London since I turned Gabriel down when he offered me the position there. I told him I couldn’t. I was honest in my reasoning.
I explained that as honored as I was that he saw me as the best candidate for the job, my life had changed since I applied for it.
I laid out a case about my value to the company and my contributions to its growth here in Manhattan.
I didn’t mention Alexander, even though he factored into my decision. I had no idea where his future would take him, but I knew that mine couldn’t take me away from him.
Gabriel understood and a moment after I turned him down for the job in London, he offered me the same job here.
It had just opened up a few days before. Fate stepped in and handed me everything I ever wanted. It only lasted for a few hours before Alexander left me.
“Alex told me you moved to London.” She crosses her legs. “Why would he tell me that?”
I narrow my eyes. “I was offered a job there, but I didn’t accept it. I couldn’t accept it.”
“Because of my brother?” Her eyes light up. “You love him, don’t you?”
I see no reason to lie. “I do.”
“He loves you too.” She scrubs her hand over her forehead. “He’s been walking around in a daze since you two broke up. It’s none of my business, Olivia, but you belong together.”
I don’t know what he’s told her about us, but I feel the need to clarify something, so she’s not under the mistaken impression that his daze is caused by me. “He’s interested in someone else, Phoebe.”
“No way in hell.” She shakes her head from side-to-side. “He’s crazy about you.”
I don’t have a sibling, so I have no idea if they can sense things about each other. If they can, her sense is way off. “He told me that he had a new focus.”
“The music school?”
I lean back in my chair. This is a hell of a first meeting at my new job. “What music school?”
Her eyes search mine for understanding. “Oh my God. I think I know what’s going on here.”
I wait for her to say something, anything that will help me understand.
“Alex must have assumed you were moving to London.” She pushes to stand. “He was hurt by a woman who moved for a job. She chose it over him. It didn’t end well.”
I’m not responsible for his past choices. I’m also not that woman who hurt him. “He should have asked me about London.”
“You should have told him you were up for a job there,” she counters as any good sister would.
I smile. “I was undecided. I would never have said yes without speaking to him about it. Once I realized I was falling in love with him, I knew I couldn’t make the move.”
“Tell him this, Olivia.” She gestures toward my office door. “I’ll take you to him now, and you can explain all of this.”
I wave her back down with my hand. “I can’t, Phoebe.”
“Why not?”
I glance down at the watch on my wrist. “We made assumptions about each other. We didn’t trust what we were feeling. Maybe that’s a sign…”
“No,” she interrupts me. “It’s bad communication. It happens to Monte and me all the time.”
I listen in silence.
“Talk to my brother,” she implores. “Tell him what you feel.”
Exposing myself in that way isn’t going to happen. I can’t do it.
“I can’t.”
She nods. “I understand. I won’t push, but please know that I’ve known Alex my entire life and I’ve never seen him this broken up before. He loves you, Olivia. He loves you with all of his heart.”
I bite back an onslaught of emotion. “Maybe that’s not enough.”
Chapter 47
Alexander
You’d think that my last performance as the guest conductor of the Philharmonic would be bittersweet.
It wasn’t.
I was thrilled to exit the stage and change into a pair of jeans and a black sweater. I was in a rush to head here, to the theatre I purchased where the next chapters of my life will take place.
“Are you ready?” I bend down to look Alvin in the eye.
“I’m scared,” he confesses. “What if I mess this up?”
“You wont,” I reassure him with a pat on his back. “You’ve practiced for hours. You know each note by heart. You’re going to own this, Alvin.”
He nods. “I believe you.”
“You need to remember who you are doing this for.” I gesture at the large black curtain that separates the stage from the audience. “You’re doing this for your mom.”
“Is Skylar here yet?”
I smile as I move toward the curtain. “I’ll check.”
I peek out at the growing crowd. Many members of the orchestra promised they’d show. Some of Alvin’s friends from school and their parents told me they’d be here for support.
I spot Phoebe front and center with Monte next to her.
His family is right behind them.
My eyes scan every row of seats looking for the familiar face of Skylar.
I see her. “She’s here, Alvin.”
Before I turn back, my eyes catch on another sight.
It can’t be. I open the curtain wider and step out. Applause greets me. I shake it off with a wave of my hand.
“Alex,” Phoebe calls to me as she darts to her feet. “Is it time?”
When I turn back to the beautiful woman in the red dress, she’s gone.
Did I imagine that?
Did I just imagine Olivia standing in my theater?
I step back behind the curtain to find Alvin pacing back and forth. “I can’t do it.”
I get down on one knee and call him over. He towers over me. “You can. You need to remember that you’re doing this for your mom, Alvin. This is her favorite song. It’s her birthday. This is a gift she’ll remember for the rest of her life.”
His hand lands on my shoulder. “Are you ever scared, Uncle?”
I nod.
I’m scared I’ll never see Olivia again. I’m scared that I’ve let my past steal my future.
“Do you promise it will be alright?” He scans my eyes for reassurance.
“I promise it will all be okay.”
He bites his bottom lip. “Thank you for helping me with this. I love you.”
Tears fall from my eyes as I pull him into me. “I love you too, Alvin. Go show them how it’s done.”
***
I’ve played “Imagine” thousands of times. I’ve listened to Alvin play it just as many, but I’ve never heard it the way I did tonight.
As my nephew took his time working through his mom’s favorite song, I kept my eyes on him.
He was calm and confident.
He nailed each note and when he took a bow, every person in the theatre cheered.
“I’ll be here for practice tomorrow, “ Alvin promises. “When are we going to cut the cake?”
I had a chocolate cake delivered this afternoon from Phoebe’s favorite bakery. “I’ll run and get it. It’s in my office.”
I exit the stage and march past a dozen or so people looking over the posted schedules for upcoming classes.
Spots are filling fast.
We have all the teachers we need on staff, instruments have been donated and the building next door is almost fully painted.
I should be thrilled by the progress, but it’s just another step toward a future without the woman I love.
“Alexander.”
That voice. It almost brings me to my knees. I can’t turn out of fear that I’m imagining it. It can’t be her. She’s in London.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about London.”
I’m facing her before those words have left her lips.
Jesus, she’s so fucking beautiful.
Red. It’s her color.
“Olivia.” I rush toward her. “I’m sorry.”
She’s in my arms, holding onto me, sobbing. “I went to Phoebe’s house earlier. She told me to come here tonight.”
We’re in a corridor. No one is around but I need privacy. I need to be alone with her.
I hold her against me as we make our way to my office. Once we’re inside I close the door. “You’re here in New York.”
“I’ve always been here.” She looks up at me. “I never went to London.”
“What?”
“I couldn’t.” She rubs at the streak of mascara under her eye. I push her hand away and slide my finger over it, brushing it away.
Lace Page 17
