by Becki Willis
He was obviously pleased with her reaction, but his shrug was casual. “Nothing fancy, just a couple of sandwiches I threw together.”
She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, the smile lingering on her face. She had been right to call Brash. Somehow, he knew exactly what she needed.
They drove in silence, until she opened her eyes again, curious to see deCordova Ranch dressed in a different season. When she was here two months ago, winter had stolen the leaves from the trees and painted the ranch in shades of gray. With spring’s arrival, those same trees were now adorned with crowns of green. Young cotton plants pushed up through the rich river bottom soil, dotting the neatly plowed rows with early color. Cattle and horses roamed through the fields, munching on tender grasses that swayed in the gentle breeze. Most spectacularly, the once-dormant fields popped with color, now a masterpiece painted with Texas wildflowers.
“I had forgotten what spring looks like here,” Madison murmured, gazing at the beauty around her.
“We do seem to have a bumper crop this year,” Brash agreed as they drove through the colorful fields. Indian Paintbrushes, Black-eyed Susan’s, dandelions, and buttercups vied for attention amid the vibrant blue and purple hues of the renowned Texas bluebonnet.
“Absolutely stunning.” Already her spirits lifted, just seeing the beauty of the wildflowers.
Brash maneuvered them through the fields until they were deep within the ranch and near the banks of the Brazos River. Madison thought she was prepared for topping the final knoll and braking just feet from the steep riverbank. Still, she knew a moment of panic when the truck’s windshield revealed nothing but blue sky.
Brash took one look at her squinted eyes and laughed. “Don’t you trust me by now?” The tone was jovial, but she detected the edge to his words.
“Yes, Brash, I do trust you.”
His smile did funny things to her heart. She reminded herself she was no longer a lovesick schoolgirl, infatuated with the star quarterback. They were grown up now, and life wasn’t as simple as dreaming of a stolen kiss beneath the bleachers. Her mind was fully aware of the differences, but her heart trailed a couple of decades behind. Especially when he smiled.
His smile turned into an all-out grin and his brown eyes lit with mischief. “Remember that,” he said, shifting the gear into reverse. Still reeling from the bone-melting power of his smile, Madison missed the way he turned the vehicle around and began backing toward the river.
She came to her senses with a squeal. “Brash! What are you doing?” She grabbed for the dash. “We’re going to fall!”
“We aren’t going to fall,” he admonished with a chuckle.
“Are you trying to kill us?”
“What?” he asked innocently. “Does this scare you?” He gunned the motor just a little, moving them ever backward, as his eyes twinkled over at her.
“Stop that!” Madison hissed, using both hands to hold on. As if clutching a falling dashboard would save her, should they go over. “Stop looking at me and keep your eyes on what you’re doing!”
“Seriously, this scares you?” Another few inches back, another daredevil grin as his eyes remained trained on hers.
“As a matter of fact, yes, it does.”
“Oh, ye of little faith.”
“Oh, ye of show-off attitude,” she grumbled beneath her breath. To her relief, he consulted the mirror as he made a final push toward the river’s edge, set the emergency brake, and killed the motor.
As he opened his door, Brash informed her smugly, “We were never in danger of falling.”
Madison took perverse satisfaction in hearing his knee pop as he unfolded his long legs from the truck and got out. He was definitely too old to be showing off like some teenage daredevil.
Brash opened the tailgate and helped her climb atop. She would never admit it, but he had done an excellent job backing them close along the riverbanks.
Silence settled between them, broken by the sounds of tumbling waters below and the stir of the breeze. Madison took a deep breath of the fresh country air, allowing its calming powers to settle into her lungs. She released her breath slowly, pushing tensions out along with the air.
Only then did Brash take her hand and ask in a quiet voice, “So what brings us out here today?”
She liked the way he said ‘us.’
“There’s so much,” she admitted. “I don’t even know where to start.”
He waited. After a moment, she took another deep breath and whispered sadly, “I hardly recognize my life anymore. It’s out of control.”
He offered a tender smile. “So take it back.” He scooted closer, until their legs were touching. He leaned in and pointed to the water below. “You remember how this works? Pick out something you see floating in the water. Imagine your troubles piled down there on it. Let the river get rid of it, carry your troubles away.”
She saw a small piece of wood drifting upon the water. “I’m already regretting this whole reality TV thing. If it were just my family, it would be one thing. But it’s the entire town. I had no idea people would react so… so foolishly. You should have seen them today. It was like a bad carnival.”
“You’re not responsible for how other people act, Maddy.”
“But I brought them here. I’m responsible for the fallout. If our town is portrayed as some backwoods hillbilly hole-in-the-wall, people will blame me. It will be my fault.”
“Being blamed for something and being at fault are two different things. So put the idea of being responsible for an entire town’s behavior on that little limb down there and get rid of it.”
“But—”
“If people choose to act the fool on national television, it’s not your fault, Maddy.”
“But what comes out in the final cut and what our community is really like aren’t always the same. What if they edit out the good parts and only keep the hokey stuff?”
“Again, it won’t be your fault. Let it go, Maddy.”
Willing to try it, Maddy tossed that worry upon the bobbing limb. It took a while, but slowly the wood drifted downriver.
“Next?” His voice was slightly smug.
“Things are going too fast. It’s so insane.” She didn’t mean for it to happen, but to her chagrin, a tear slipped past her lashes. “I haven’t even had time to grieve Gray’s death.”
Voice rough with emotion, he forced himself to ask, “You still love him?”
“No,” she admitted brokenly. “Yes,” she whispered. She squeezed her eyes impossibly tight. “A part of me hates him. He hurt me, Brash. He left me broken, in so many ways. But he was my children’s father. For that, I’ll always love him.”
“I can understand that.”
“Can you? Because I’m not sure I do.” Maddy leaned her head against his arm and admitted the secret she had harbored for so long. “I’m so angry at him. I’m angry with him for dying. For leaving me alone to fix the mess he created. For leaving our babies so shattered and brokenhearted.” She bit her lip, admitting another hard truth. “I’m angry at him for the things he did before he died, for destroying our marriage and ruining our happy family. I’m angry because now I don’t have a chance to fix what went wrong.”
His voice slipped an octave. “Is that what you would do? Fix things, go back to how they were?”
She thought about her answer. Her voice was sad as she uttered a small, “No.”
After a long moment, Brash spoke. “You have to let your anger go, Maddy.”
She shook her head stubbornly. “I deserve to be angry. He destroyed our marriage, Brash. He destroyed everything. Our marriage, our family, our business. More than our past, he destroyed our future. And then he went and died, and he left me to pick up the pieces. I have every right to be angry.”
“Yes, you do.”
Another tear traveled down her cheek. “But do you know what makes me angriest of all? I can’t tell them, Brash. I can’t tell my children what their father did. They
have already lost so much. I can’t take this from them too. Not their memories, their respect.”
Brash pulled her into a hug. “Aw, Maddy.”
“I have to pretend, Brash. I have to pretend I don’t hate him. I have to pretend I’m not angry. Even when I’m so angry I just want to scream, I can’t let them know. I have to pretend.” Her voice broke. “I am so tired of pretending.”
He held her while she cried. After a long moment, he spoke quietly against her hair. “There is another option.” She stilled, waiting for him to go on. “You could let it go. Let the anger go, sweetheart.”
“I-I don’t think I can,” she whispered.
“Yes, Maddy, you can.” His voice held the confidence she did not feel. Keeping one arm around her, Brash used the other to point to a log slowly making its way downriver. “See that big log down there? This is your chance. Put your anger on that log, Maddy, and let it wash away. You are right, sweetheart. You have every reason to be angry. But Gray is gone now, and your anger can’t bring him back, and it can’t hurt him. But it does hurt you. You’ve got to let it go, honey.”
“But— ”
“But this anger serves no purpose. It’s only hurting you, and eventually it will hurt Blake and Bethani. And once you let the anger go, some of the pain will go, too.”
Maddy wanted to believe him. Her eyes found the log in question, bobbing up and down in the waters. Could it really be so simple? Just to let the anger go?
Her voice came out breathless. Hopeful. “That-That log down there?” she asked.
He nodded. “That’s the one. Pile your anger up there on it. All of it. The things he did, the lies he told. The betrayal you felt. Pile it all on that log. Get rid of it. Let the river wash it downstream.”
Maddy stared at the log, mentally loading it down with her anger. Surely one log could never hold it all, not without sinking. She heaped it with layer upon layer of bitterness and anger, old baggage she had carried with her far too long. The more she heaped upon the log, the lighter her heart felt.
She watched as the log rocked upon the waters, dipping and swaying, taking an uncertain path downstream. Her breath caught when one end of the log snagged on a sandbar, turned sideways, and stalled. A smaller limb floated downstream, bumped into the log, and wedged there beside it. Madison held her breath in anticipation.
“Let it go, sweetheart. No matter what happens to the log, let the anger go.”
Madison nodded, but her eyes were riveted on the scene below. Was she strong enough to release it, even when the log was clearly trapped? Would her anger be the same way, suspended indefinitely, collecting more trash with time?
They watched the log for a long moment, both knowing it was hopeless. Brash cleared his throat and started his pep speech. “Give it time, it will —”
Madison shook her head. “Doesn’t matter,” she decided softly. “I saw its load slip off, one chunk at a time. It’s floating away on its own.” She looked over at him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. Something else glimmered within their hazel depths. Something bright and shiny, like optimism. Hope. Best of all, freedom.
“I feel so much lighter.” Her voice was wondrous. “I can’t believe that worked. How did you know?”
“I’ve had my own share of anger, you know. Just when I had everything I ever wanted — a career in football, fame and fortune, a place on an NFL team headed to the Super Bowl — my girlfriend, or make that my ex-girlfriend, came up pregnant. For a very long time, I blamed Shannon for it all falling apart. I quit the team, came home to be a husband and a father, but I never let go of the anger. I let it ruin our marriage. It wasn’t until after the divorce that I realized it was eating me apart. I let go of the anger, let go of the resentment, and suddenly Shannon and I were able to become friends and be the sort of parents that Megan deserved.”
“Your ex-girlfriend?”
“Yeah. We had an on-and-off relationship for years. We finally realized it wasn’t working and decided to call it quits, once and for all. Six weeks later, Shannon found out she was pregnant.”
“Wow. That must have been rough,” Madison murmured.
“Like a typical fool, I only saw it from my end. I thought she was out to ruin my life.”
“So why did you marry her?”
One look into his soulful eyes, and she knew the answer, even before he said, “I may be a lot of things, sweetheart, but first and foremost, I try to be a man of honor. She was carrying my child. And in my own selfish way, I did love Shannon. But the truth is, I loved blaming her even more.”
Madison felt something shift inside her heart. Her voice turned husky. “I-I don’t think I’ve ever heard such raw honesty in all my life.”
Brash turned a large palm upward and shrugged his broad shoulders. “The truth ain’t always pretty, but it is what it is.”
“You’re a wise man, Brash deCordova,” she whispered softly.
“Not wise. But smart enough to know we didn’t come out here to talk about my problems. We’re here to solve yours. So what’s next, pretty lady? What other troubles do you have?”
She sighed, her heart burdened once more. “I have so many. You pick. My life is under the microscope, scrutinized by reporters who don’t know the first thing about me. A murder may or may not have been committed in my new home. The house may or may not be inhabited by ghosts. And now with the rumors of ghosts recirculating, the crazies are coming out of the woodwork. I don’t know that I’m strong enough for all that.”
Brash took her hand again. “First of all, you are one of the strongest women I have ever known. You’ve been through a lot in the past few months, but you’ve managed to hold your life together, not just for yourself, but also for your kids. And second, while you raise some valid concerns, most of them involve the case. And I try never to discuss a case while on a date.”
“Is-Is this a date?”
The look he gave her sent goosebumps all the way to her toes. His eyes settled on her mouth. “Oh, yeah, sweetheart. This is definitely a date.”
Madison put both hands to her cheeks and tried to soothe her destroyed makeup. “Now you tell me,” she grumbled, but her heart soared.
He merely laughed, the sound deep and warm and free.
Their legs dangled over the edge of the tailgate, swinging in the breeze. Brash shifted one long leg and hooked a booted foot around hers. Madison leaned into him, slipping her arm through his as she rested her head on his shoulder. They studied the rippling waters below, both lost in their own thoughts.
Something still troubled her, something she needed to get off her heart. Something she wanted to share with Brash.
“She threatened to take my kids away, Brash.” She whispered the horrible words, somehow afraid that speaking them aloud would make them come true.
“Who?” he asked sharply, looking down at her ashen face.
“My mother-in-law. She called today. She insinuated I was an unfit mother. She said I was putting my children at risk, allowing them to be on TV and exposing them to the world. She said they would be better off with her and my father-in-law.”
“Maddy, I don’t mean to make light of this, but believe me, you have nothing to worry about. You are a wonderful mother. No one would ever take your children away from you.”
“You don’t know these people, Brash. They have money. Power. They know a lot of influential people. Judges.”
“Again, no judge would take your children away from you, sweetheart.” He moved his arm to place it around her, curling her into his warm embrace.
She picked at a thread on her shirt. “Gray … did something. Something not quite legal. My in-laws pulled a few strings, called in a few favors. Swept the entire mess under the rug. What if- What if they do that again? What if they use their influence to take my children away from me?”
“It will never happen, honey. Trust me.”
“But what if-what if she’s right? What if I am putting them in danger?”
&nbs
p; He put his other arm around her, pulling her close. Brash rested his chin atop dark hair that was tossed and tumbled by the breeze. For a long moment, he just held her. “Every parent grapples with that, sweetheart. Are we doing the right thing? Can we protect them from all the evil in the world? And the answer scares us to death, because the truth is, we can’t. We can’t protect them from everything. We can only do our best, and that’s what you’re doing, Maddy. You’re doing everything in your power to give them a good life. A safe life. So don’t let anyone ever make you doubt that. You are a good mom, Madison Reynolds.”
She nodded, trying her best not to cry again. Not now, now that she knew this was a date. She tucked her curled-under lips together, just as Brash lowered his head to kiss her. Their noses bumped awkwardly, and what was to be their first magical kiss fell woefully short. It became a lopsided effort, but when they tried to correct it, they only made it worse. Madison pulled away in disappointment.
“Not so fast,” Brash murmured, his breath still warm on her cheek. “I think we can do better.”
“I certainly hope so,” she whispered with a wry smile.
His mouth covered hers, smile and all. Gently, but with purpose. He masterfully tugged her lips together, molding them to fit exquisitely against his own. His kiss was slow and thorough. Almost methodical, had it not been pure magic. He increased the pressure through a speculative test of push and pull. Tiny sips that turned into nips. Queries that became answers, answers of the delicious, toe-curling variety. Another masterful move, and he had nudged her mouth opened again, easing his tongue inside. His hands slipped into her hair, cradling her face close as he kissed her so deeply and so completely that Madison’s world tilted and spun, and found a new axis. Brash.
Before the kiss became too heated, before he lost himself completely to the heady taste and feel of this woman, Brash tempered the kiss to a low simmer. He forced himself to pull away. Dipped back in for one more taste. Tried to settle his ragged breathing as he rested his forehead against hers.
“That,” he whispered hoarsely. “That was…” He tried to find the words, failing miserably. There were none. The kiss was everything he dreamed it would be, everything he feared it would be. After this, there was no going back.
