“What are you in the mood for?” Bram pulls out his phone when we get downstairs.
“Are you going to order something?” I sit on the couch.
“Yeah, unless you want a frozen dinner.” He laughs under his breath.
“I need more than that. I don’t know. Anything you prefer?” I tilt my head inquisitively.
“You were the one who was locked up all day—you choose.” He pulls up the app to order food and hands me his phone.
I scroll through the options, and after a brief discussion, we settle on Chinese. We pick a movie to watch while we wait for the food to arrive. We’re acting like a normal couple—dinner and a movie. Does that mean we are? I’d like to believe things could be headed in that direction, despite what happened with us earlier this morning. I have time to explore that now that the debt isn’t hanging over my head.
“I think I hear a car.” Bram stands up and walks to the door.
“Good, I’m hungry.” I look toward him and nod.
There is a knock at the door, and I have to remind myself that I don’t have to fear those anymore. For a while, I was scared the next knock would be someone telling my family that my brother wouldn’t be coming home again. Then I was scared it would be Mr. Diaz, looking for his next payment. Now I can just accept that it could be a friendly face, like the girl standing on the other side of Bram’s door with our food in her hands. She’s not scary. Hopefully, there won’t be anyone scary on the other side of my door—or Bram’s door—ever again.
“Here you go…” Bram hands me my order and sits on the couch. “Do you want a fork or chopsticks?”
“A fork.” I decline the chopsticks. “I’ve never been good with those things.”
“It’s easy, I’ll show you.” He opens two sets and hands me one.
Bram shows me how to position my fingers and reaches over to help me adjust them. Feeling his hands on mine reignites the hunger I had the previous night, and earlier today, before things went sideways. I fumble with my food a couple of times, and Bram immediately comes to my rescue to help me position the chopsticks again. By the time I finally get a bite in my mouth, I’m not even thinking about food.
I can see the same flicker in Bram’s eyes. He doesn’t start the movie. We wouldn’t be able to focus on it. Not when we really want to be upstairs, in each other’s arms. The eye contact while we eat. The heat that is practically simmering inside both of us. We both feel it. It’s only a matter of time before our meal is as done as it can be. Bram reaches for the remote and turns off the television. I move closer, and our lips come together before he puts the remote down.
Our kiss ignites a fuse that burns into an explosion of passion. He lifts me in his arms as he stands and walks toward the stairs. Our lips are seared together, tongues intertwined, and what was initially sweet turns ferocious as we make our way to the top of the stairs.
“I was afraid you would never want to be here again.” Bram drops me against the mattress and kisses my neck.
“I wasn’t sure myself when you left this morning.” My head rolls back, and I gasp. “Now it’s the only place I want to be…”
That’s the truth. He’s erased the biggest problem in my life and given me a chance to finally start living instead of dealing with my brother’s debt. I’ll be eternally grateful for that, no matter what happens between us. I want the negative to become a positive, and while the threat scared me at the time, there was something about that fire—it drew me like a moth.
“Then this is where you’ll stay.” He slides a hand under my shirt and starts removing it.
“You’ll turn into my daddy and spank me if I try to leave?” I bite down on my bottom lip as the words pass across it.
“It seems a little soon to be joking about this morning…” His hand stops, and he exhales sharply. “I’m sorry, and I apologized because I meant it. I would never hurt you—I’ll stake my life on that.”
“I know you wouldn’t hurt me.” I move my hand to his. “That wasn’t what I was asking.”
Our eyes meet. Something registers in his—he understands what I’m asking for, maybe even why my curiosity has been piqued. Bram isn’t my father. He’s so much better than the man who raised me. I can’t control my fantasies. I never could. Bram was always front and center. Now he’s pulled me into a new one that has ignited a different kind of need. It might have started as a threat, but it’s turned into more than that. A fire that is now burning out of control inside me.
“You want me to be your daddy?” He tugs at my shirt again.
“Maybe just for tonight.” I sigh when his hand makes contact with my skin.
“Okay.” He nods. “Are you going to be a good girl for your daddy or a bad girl?”
“I think I already showed you what kind of girl I can be.” I reach up and trace the cut under his eye. “A good girl wouldn’t do something like that.”
“Do you know what happens to bad girls?” He narrows his eyes.
“Yes, Daddy…” I try to stop myself from smiling.
“Tell me.” He lifts up.
“They get a spanking?” I exhale sharply and feel a tingle of excitement shoot through my body.
“That’s right.” Bram slides to the edge of the bed and pulls me toward him.
It’s fun. It’s playful. We’re turning what was once scary into a game, and I like it. There is no sense of danger, and the fire I saw earlier is replaced by jovialness. I kind of wish there was a hint of that fire left. It might have frightened me when I saw it flicker, but damn if it didn’t do something to me that I can’t fully explain or understand. Maybe it’s better to let that fire die out and not tempt fate for the second time, but I’m not sure I can.
Moth.
Flame.
I’m just pulled toward it.
SMACK! The first sound echoes as Bram’s hand lands on the back of my jeans. The denim makes it loud, but I don’t really feel it.
SMACK! A second one comes down on my ass. A little firmer than the first, but my jeans still protect me from the sting.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! Three in a row, and I finally feel the last one—it’s still very light compared to the sound echoing in the air.
“Are you going to be a good girl now?” Bram rubs my ass with his hand.
Is that it? Surely not.
“I’m not feeling much regret…” I move my ass against his hand to show him I want more.
“I see.” A light growl echoes in Bram’s throat, and he grabs the waistband of my jeans. “Then I think it’s time for these to come down.”
“Okay, Daddy…” I grin as he reaches around my waist and unfastens them.
There’s a roughness in his touch when he pulls them down my hips, and a glimmer of hope resonates with me. I glance over my shoulder and am disappointed to see that the look in his eyes is still playful—he’s not upset; not like he was this morning. I have no idea how to bring that fire to the surface, to dance in the flames, to feel it against my skin.
I shouldn’t want to see that side of him again. Maybe I just feel like I deserve it for the mark I left on his face.
SMACK! I feel it more on my panties, but it’s lighter than the last few he gave me on my jeans.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! The next three are noticeable. The sting finally comes—a sting I’ve never felt before, but somehow craved the instant I realized it was possible.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“Are you learning your lesson now?” His tone is firmer. I still don’t hear the same fire in his words that I saw reflected in his eyes.
“Maybe…” I let out a sigh.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! They’re harder. I definitely feel them, to the point that my body tenses up.
I like it.
I want more.
“Just maybe?” he asks.
“Maybe,” I say with more emphasis and suppress my smile.
“Well then, maybe your panties need to come down.” He snaps the waistband again
st my lower back.
I move my hips against his leg. I feel the same rough touch from earlier returns as he peels my panties down my thighs. A gasp follows when his hand rubs against my bare skin. There’s less excitement, but the yearning hasn’t gone away. It’s different—it’s morphing into something new.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! The sting is more pronounced. It’s sharper.
“I think I’m learning it now, Daddy!” I whimper as soon as the words leave my lips.
“You think you’re learning it?” He lifts his hand. “That doesn’t sound very convincing.”
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“I’m sorry, Daddy…” I tense up and squirm on his knee.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“You already told me you were sorry.” He traces the curve of my ass. “Tell me that you’ve learned your lesson.”
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
I try to respond, but no words come out. I can’t lie to him. I feel remorse and regret, but it isn’t because I’m being spanked. It’s deeper than that, and those aren’t the emotions I’m searching for over his knee. The sting that is getting more painful every time his hand comes down has brought clarity.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
I’ve always been a disappointment. My parents wounded me with words, and while they never left a mark on my skin, they ravaged my heart. They bruised my ego when it was fragile and unformed. I never learned how to have an ego, confidence, or any of the building blocks that were supposed to breathe life into my body, mind, or soul.
SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!
“Well?” Bram’s words interrupt my thoughts, and his hand comes to a rest on my ass. “Have you learned your lesson?”
“No.” A long exhale bridges the gap between my thoughts and what has to be said. “I need to be punished.”
I’ve crossed the threshold between excitement and mental sundering. I understand what I’m asking for—what my true craving is. It’s freedom. I’ve never had it. I went from being an emotional punching bag for my parents to a prisoner of my brother’s debt. There was no in-between. No opportunity to grow. Nothing for me except the problems of others that I shouldered because it felt like my duty.
“What do you think you need to be punished for?” Bram lifts me off his knee until I’m seated in his lap, facing him.
“Everything…” I divert my gaze. Bram cups my chin and forces my eyes to meet his again.
“Tell me.” He narrows his eyes, and I see a flicker of that same fire from earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be directed at me.
“I don’t think you would understand.” I sigh and want to look away, but he doesn’t allow it. I feel like I’m on the verge of tears.
“It doesn’t matter if I understand it or not.” He shakes his head. “You need to say it out loud.”
Bram sees right through me, like I’m more exposed in his arms than I ever was on the stage. I tried to turn it into a game without fully understanding the desire or what was truly needed. We’re past that now. He played along. Maybe he already knew there was more to it. He certainly sees it now.
I blink because it’s the only way to escape his stare, even for a moment, and the tears begin to form. I can’t make them go away. I can’t hide them. All I can do is let them run down my face.
“You’re safe with me, Kiana.” He traces my arm and pulls me into a hug. “Let it out.”
“I’m sorry. This wasn’t how I wanted our evening to go.” I cry on his shoulder. “You’ve always been the one person who was there for me—the one person who didn’t look at me like I was some kind of disappointment. Even when you saw me on that stage, I didn’t feel like I had disappointed you—you tried to figure out how to fix it instead of judging me…”
“Because I knew it wasn’t you on that stage. I knew there was a reason.” He sighs and rubs my back, slowly moving his hand up to cradle my head.
“I said you weren’t there when I needed you most, but I was wrong.” A sigh mixes with my sobs. “I need you more right now than I ever have, and I almost ruined that this morning. I tried to bury those thoughts and turn it all into a game, but it isn’t—I’d rather be punished than be a disappointment.”
“You haven’t disappointed me at all.” He pushes me back so that he can stare into my tear-soaked eyes. “I told you, I let my emotions get the best of me, and you forgave me. There’s no reason to dwell on it. You certainly don’t need to be punished for what happened.”
“There’s so much more…” I close my eyes for a moment.
I’ve come this far. The floodgates are already open. I might as well spill all of my secrets, all of my fears, and everything that has turned me into a crybaby on his knee. I feel vulnerable but safe, and there are things I’ve needed to get off my chest for so long that they feel like an unmovable weight pressing against it.
I tell him everything. About my parents. About the way they treated me. How he was my shining light in the midst of so much darkness, even when I was too young to fully understand how important it was to have someone like him in my life.
Bram is obviously surprised to find out what was going on behind closed doors—the secrets that only a fly on the wall would have known unless they were right in the middle of it. He’s the first person I’ve ever told, and it feels good to finally spill those words without worrying about being judged or told that I’m overexaggerating.
“Damn…” Bram shakes his head and exhales sharply when I finally blink away my last tear.
“This morning.” I pull air into my lungs and hold it there for a moment. “When I saw the look in your eyes, it was almost … easier. I’d much rather see anger than disappointment. Anger can be resolved. It can be addressed and overcome. Disappointment? That just lingers…”
“Anger can linger too, but I’ve never been one to hold onto it, especially when I’m in the wrong.” He shrugs. “Maybe this will be easier if we both admit we made mistakes this morning and agree they’re forgiven.”
“Yes.” I nod in agreement.
It finally feels like the issue is resolved. It was easy for me to forgive him after I found out he took care of Hudson’s debt, but harder for me to accept that he could move past it without harboring resentment. I thought I needed to feel the fury and suffer in order to earn my place in his bed again. I was drawn to the fire because I wanted to burn away my mistakes, but now I realize that I’m no moth.
There may be more to the excitement and desire I felt that can be explored without the complicated emotions that came to the surface.
But that is best left for another time.
Right now, I just want to be in his arms.
Chapter Sixteen
Bram
The many layers of Kiana continue to fascinate me. I wasn’t sure where we were going when she called me Daddy and asked for me to playfully do what came out as a threat in the heat of the moment. I didn’t realize how many emotions would follow, or how close it would bring us when they were spent.
I’m falling for her. I feel things that go deeper than my physical desires. That was never more evident than when she fell asleep in my arms last night. We didn’t even make love. The emotions that were pulled to the surface left us both exhausted. I didn’t draw an easy breath until I saw her last tear fall, and I silently vowed to make sure that it was the last one she ever shed due to regret.
I’ll protect her.
I’ll keep her safe.
Kiana will be treated the way she should’ve been treated her whole life. I’ll stake mine on it. She deserves to be loved and treasured. She should never feel like a disappointment to anyone, certainly not to me. I don’t know what went on behind closed doors at her house. It wasn’t my business back then, but now it is. Because I’m not letting go of the beautiful woman in my arms.
“Good morning.” Kiana blinks a couple of times, and her eyes are immediately drawn to the clock. “It’s late…”<
br />
“You needed some rest. I didn’t want to wake you.” I lean forward and press my lips to her forehead.
“Don’t you need to get to work?” The sleepy look on her face shifts to one of concern.
“I’ll get there, eventually.” I nod.
We talk for a few minutes, then agree to share a shower before breakfast. The water can’t wash away the emotions from the night before, but it feels good. Our desires are ignited, and they burn hotter than the steam surrounding us, yet we hold back—the sensual closeness means more. We both need it right now.
“How are you feeling?” I rub my hands along Kiana’s shoulders and lather them with soap.
“Better now.” She looks up at me, and I see the faint hint of a smile. “Ready to move past everything we talked about last night.”
“Good.” I nod and pull her underneath the water.
“Maybe we can try that again tonight?” She puts a finger on my chest and traces.
“Try what?” I raise my eyebrows in concern.
“Well…” The faint hint of a smile flourishes into a grin. “I kind of liked being a bad girl for my daddy before I got overwhelmed.”
“Are you sure you want to try that again so soon?” I tilt my head slightly.
“I got everything off my chest. My head is clearer now.” She sighs. “Please?”
“Okay.” I wrap my arms around Kiana and hug her. “I understand.”
I get it. I really do. It started off as an exploration, a way to put a bad situation behind us, and then it brought other things to the forefront. She needs to test her new boundaries and find out whether or not she’s strong enough to endure that weight without breaking. Lawson is her father, but she needs a Daddy—at least for tonight. She needs to feel the safety and warmth that she’s never had.
I’ll give it to her.
I’ll give her everything she needs.
I squeeze every minute out of my morning that I can before I finally have to leave for the office. My drive is easier than it was yesterday. I’m not worried about my relationship with Kiana, or what the future will hold for us. Things feel like they are finally headed in a positive direction, for once. I don’t even mind the hit that my bank account will take in order to pay Hudson’s debt.
Daddy's Possessive Friend (Once Upon a Daddy Book 12) Page 10
