by Marla Monroe
Once she’d stopped to get something to drink, it hit her that she hadn’t eaten all day long. She wasn’t hungry though. She actually contemplated a beer but refused to let herself wallow in self-pity by drinking to ease the pain. It would take a lot more than a beer or two to take away the heartache that ate at her insides like a hungry lion.
No, Alice refused to succumb to the hurt. She’d work through it, and when she couldn’t do that anymore, she’d find something else to fill the emptiness echoing inside of her. In one fell swoop, they’d opened a hole and jerked out what she’d begun to accept as a part of her soul. Now it was gone like them, and she felt it all the way to her toes.
She downed the iced tea she’d fixed then wandered around the little house stopping in the bedroom to see the rumpled sheets and the indentions of three heads on the two pillows. She stifled a scream and attacked the bed, tearing off the sheets and stuffing them into the washing machine before remaking the bed with new sheets. There was no way she could sleep on them with the scent of the two men clinging to them.
She scrubbed her bathroom then scoured the kitchen, even though it didn’t need it. She contemplated throwing out the damn Keurig machine but decided at the last minute that she wouldn’t. She liked her coffee too much.
By the time she’d done all that, it was close to midnight and she still didn’t feel like eating or sleeping. She’d certainly done enough work to warrant taking off the next day and wallowing in bed, but she wasn’t going to do it. Alice took a sleeping pill, which she rarely did, and took a quick shower before crawling into bed and falling into a deep sleep.
The dream caught her almost immediately. The two men were right there. Close enough to touch but she couldn’t hear them talking. They seemed to be trying to talk to her, but nothing came from their mouths. Alice shook her head as they kept on trying to get her to listen to them.
Why couldn’t she hear them? Then Landon stepped across some invisible line, and his voice was desperate as he pleaded with her to understand.
Understand what? They’d left her. She hadn’t left them. What did he expect her to do, forgive them then forget them? She couldn’t do that. They’d hurt her. They’d hurt her more than anyone in her life had ever hurt her.
“We’re sorry, Alice. We don’t want to lose you.”
“You already have. You walked away as if I didn’t mean a thing to you after we’d made love. Was I just a notch on your belt or something?”
“No. You were it for us. You are it for us. We want you back,” Landon said.
She started to reach out to touch him but knew that, if she did, all her anger and hurt would dissolve, and that was all she had right then to hold on to. She couldn’t trust that Landon, or Ben for that matter, wouldn’t walk away again. Her heart couldn’t take that. Not again. Already the pain of losing them was swamping her again. Just seeing them so close, within her reach, had the ache tightening in her gut once more. The screw turned just a bit tighter around her heart. Much more and it would burst from the pressure.
Alice shook her head and turned around, thinking to escape the sight of them, only to see them behind her now. She turned again and again. They were everywhere. She couldn’t escape them now. She pulled at her hair in frustration. What was she going to have to do to escape them, escape the misery of just seeing them plunged her into?
Move. She’d have to move to get away from them. It was the only way to banish the pain and anger that was eating her up inside. She loved her little house and dreaded living in an apartment again, but what could she do? She would never be able to escape them living in the same small community. Then there was Sassy. She’d have to find an apartment that would take pets. She wasn’t giving up the little ball of love.
Alice drifted deeper into sleep, and the dream released her. Or she released the dream now that she’d figured out what she had to do.
Chapter Eighteen
“I screwed up.” Ben walked over to the office where Landon was standing and slammed the door.
“What the hell have you done now?” Landon snapped at him.
“I love her, man. I want her back. I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what anyone says. I’ll bust their balls if they say anything to her about us. But I want her back.”
“A little late for that, don’t you think? She isn’t going to take us back after what we did. We walked out on her and haven’t called her once since then. Why would she give us the time of day just because you changed your mind? What’s to say you won’t change it again?”
Ben hit the wall with his fist then cursed when it made a hole in the sheetrock. His fucking hands were hamburger meat from all the damage he’d done lately. Fuck this. He was going over to her house and beg her to give them another chance. Hell, he’d get on his fucking knees if that would help.
“You’re going to have to get that fixed. We can’t have holes in the damn walls, Ben.” Landon tossed the clipboard with the ticket he’d been writing up on the desk.
The place was a disaster area since neither of them had cared to work on the paperwork in the last two weeks. In fact, they’d taken every job that came their way and worked into the late hours of the night just so they didn’t have to go home and think and, more often than not, dream about Alice.
“Fuck the fucking wall. I’m going over there to beg her to give us another chance. Are you coming or not?” Ben demanded.
“You’re making another mistake bigger than the first one you made. She isn’t going to give us the time of day. I doubt she’ll even open the door to us,” Landon said.
“I don’t care. I’m going. Are you in or not?”
“Fuck you, man.”
Ben couldn’t stop the snort. Landon had picked up on his language of late. It sounded odd coming out of his mouth. He knew it was because he was angry with Ben but too much of a friend to do more than sucker-punch him like he’d done the day after they’d left Alice’s place. After that he’d been civil but hadn’t curbed his mouth.
“Fine. I’ll go without you.”
“Hold the hell up. You can’t go over there looking like that,” Landon said. “You’ve got blood all over your shirt, and your hand’s bleeding again.”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass what I look like. I’m not wasting one more second. I’m telling her I love her and that I’m fucking sorry for acting like a dick.”
“A fucking dick,” Landon said.
“Yeah, that, too. Are you coming or not?”
“I’m with you.”
Ben strode across the gravel parking lot, leaving Landon to deal with locking the place up. He started the engine and backed the truck up to the office so that, when Landon climbed in, he could leave. He hadn’t bothered putting a seatbelt on, but Landon was smart and buckled his up just in case. He knew how Ben tended to drive when he was upset.
Ben parked in the driveway behind Alice’s car. The thing looked like it was full of something. He didn’t bother to see what and climbed down to stalk to the front door. Just as he was about to ring the bell, the door opened, and he met Alice with a huge box in her hand about to walk through the doorway.
“What are you doing here?” she asked in a snarl.
“What are you carrying? Here, let me get it,” Landon said.
“I’ve got it. Now leave. I sure as hell don’t need you to help me pack up.” Alice shoved through them so that they had to take a step back to let her through.
Packing? Why was she packing? Where was she going? Ben’s gut wrenched as it sank in that Alice was moving away. She was probably moving back to Austin.
Hell fucking no.
He followed her to the car and noticed the back seat was completely full. He took the box from her and stomped back toward the house.
“What the hell are you doing? Bring that back here this instant,” Alice yelled from the back of the car.
“Landon, start unpacking her shit. She’s not going anywhere,” Ben yelled from inside.
“Don�
��t you dare touch my stuff, asshole.”
Ben could hear her stomping up the walk then into the house. He slammed the door behind her, locking it, then pinned her with her back against it with an arm on either side of her head.
“You’re going to listen to me while I grovel and say I’m sorry. I screwed up, Alice. I got scared that if people started talking you’d leave us. I fell in love with you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of you walking away, so I did it first. It was wrong on so many levels. I shouldn’t have done it in the first place, and I should have told you how I felt right that minute. Instead, I took the easy way out and ran.”
The doorknob rattled, and then Landon beat on the door. “Ben, let me in. What the hell are you doing?”
“Shut the fuck up for a second. Then I’ll let you in.” Ben slapped the door next to the doorjamb. Alice jerked.
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I’d never hurt you. I’d never lay a finger on you in anger. But I still hurt you by leaving and not being honest about what was going on inside my thick head. I’m sorry. I’ll say it a thousand times if you’ll just give me another chance.”
She opened her mouth then closed it again, shaking her head. Ben’s stomach plummeted like a man whose parachute had failed to open. His heart felt ripped to shreds at the sight of her shaking her head no.
“I’m moving, Ben. I can’t stay here wondering every day if I’m going to end up seeing you somewhere with some blonde bimbo or racy redhead. I don’t think my heart can take another blow like that.”
The doorbell chimed insistently. Ben growled and yelled at Landon. “Stop that. I’m trying to talk her into giving us another chance, and you’re fucking it up for me.”
“Let me the hell in then,” Landon yelled back.
“Fuck!” Ben jerked at his hair with one hand and unlocked the door with the other.
When Alice started to move, he moved over to keep her from slipping away while Landon walked through the tight space Ben allowed the door to open before he slammed it shut, narrowly missing his friend’s fingers.
“This isn’t fair. I can’t handle both of you at one time,” she yelled.
“You have before,” Ben pointed out.
“Don’t you dare bring that up,” Alice snarled. “I trusted you, both of you, to be careful with my heart, but you stomped on it after you used me like some two-bit whore. You walked away and never looked back.”
“Oh, we looked back. We drove by your house every day to see that your car was here,” Ben said. “I wanted you even as I was leaving that Sunday. I just got scared and was too proud to tell you what was going on in my head.”
“What’s to stop you from doing it again?” she demanded.
“You. I never want to hurt you again. I’d as soon cut off my hand as to ever do this to you even one more time.” He looked up at the ceiling. “When I woke up and saw you lying there staring at me, so much love for you poured into me that I nearly choked. I started to tell you, and then it hit me that we were really going to do it. We were going to make us a family, and that scared the hell out of me. I was afraid that the first time someone said something to you about living with two men that you’d panic and walk away from us.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance to prove to you that wouldn’t happen. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about me. I only cared what you thought. I guess I figured that out easily enough. You didn’t think much of me, did you?” Alice choked on a sob.
Ben bit back a string of curses at the pain that was pouring over the only woman he’d ever cared about, much less loved, in his life. He hated that he was causing it to resurface, but they had to hash this out if there was even a chance that they could make things right again.
“Alice. We were wrong, and I was just as wrong as Ben because I should have beat the shit out of him and come back for you. But I didn’t. I’m so damn sorry that I let you down,” Landon said.
“How can I believe you?” she asked in a soft voice weak from tears.
Ben drew in a deep breath. “You can. Nothing that anyone ever says will pull me from your side again. I might hit them, but I’ll never walk away from you. They’ll have to drag me kicking and cursing away from you to put me in jail, but it won’t be from lack of trying. I love you, Alice. I’ve loved you from the moment you looked up at me when I came to get you with the wrecker. It just took me awhile to figure out what it was that I was feeling.”
Alice looked over to where Landon was standing with his hands limp at his sides. She looked back up at Ben. “I’ve sold the house and am moving to Austin. I’ve already signed the lease.”
“Break it. Tell them you changed your mind or that you can’t leave after all. Let them have whatever money you put down. You don’t need it. We’re going to take care of you. We’re going to buy a house here and renovate it to give you your own office with room for the damn monster you have and make sure the bedroom is large enough for a California-king-sized bed. Don’t go, Alice.”
“They’re coming to move my stuff tomorrow.”
“Call them and cancel. We’ll move your stuff to storage until we find that house,” Landon told her.
Ben nodded. “You don’t have to go. You can work from anywhere. You told us that.”
“I’m scared to trust you again. My heart can’t take it if you walk away like that even one more time. You broke me, Ben. You have no idea what it felt like to see that cold look on your face when you walked out the door,” she said.
“I’m so sorry, babe. I’ll work the rest of my life to make it up to you. Hell, I’ll even make peace with that kitten of yours if you’ll just give us a chance to prove it to you.”
Ben waited while she just stared at them for a few seconds. She let out a slow breath then looked down at the floor.
“Where am I going to stay until we find a house?” she asked, still looking down.
Ben lifted her chin with a finger and stared into her eyes. “I’ll find a place for you and Sassy until then. It might be small, but it will be better than what Landon and I live in. You can’t live like we do. Not even for a few weeks.”
“I’m afraid, Ben. I’m so afraid.”
“I know, but we’ll work this out. Please, say yes. Please say you’ll give us a chance.”
Alice nodded. “Okay.”
Landon whooped then grabbed her away from Ben and picked her up in his arms to swirl her around the room.
“Stop it, asshole. You’re going to make her dizzy,” Ben said and grabbed her from Landon’s arms.
Alice’s soft laugh warmed Ben’s soul. It hadn’t heard that laugh in way too long. He sighed. It was the best sound in the world. One he would work his damndest to hear every day for the rest of his life.
* * * *
Alice looked around the house as the guys followed her. It was larger than she’d imagined them living in, but she really loved the open floor plan where she could cook and see them when they were watching TV. She could already imagine they’d make their first purchase after the bed to be a monster flat screen TV mounted on the wall opposite where the couch would probably sit.
There were four bedrooms and three baths. The master suite had a huge walk-in shower and soaker tub as well as two walk-in closets. Two of the bedrooms shared a bath, and the fourth would be her office with the third bath open to guests. Yeah, she could see herself living there with her men.
“So, what do you think?” Landon asked.
“It’s got everything we all wanted, the two-car garage, the big backyard with a nice-sized deck. I love the kitchen with all the counter space the big island gives. What do you guys think about it?” she asked.
“We like it just fine,” Ben said before Landon could say anything. “All that matters is that you like it. We can still look some more if you’re not sure.”
“Landon?” she asked as she lifted her brows at Ben when the other man sighed and stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets.
“I like it. The fourth bedroom will
be perfect for your office. It’s larger than the one you had at the other house so there’s plenty of room for Sassy’s things as well as your desk.” Landon walked over and pulled her into his arms. “So?”
“Ben, is the bathroom to your standards?” she asked, knowing that he wanted a large shower that would fit his big frame.
“It’s perfect. The shower is big enough you and I can both fit in it at the same time.” Ben looked over at Landon with a smirk. “Sorry. You’re shit out of luck. It’s not big enough for you, too.”
“That’s okay. I can take my own shower with her. She’ll just be that much cleaner.” Landon smirked back.
“Before you two have me rubbed raw and red as a lobster, we need to decide if we’re going to put in an offer on this one or keep looking,” Alice said, shaking her head.
“It’s up to you. We’re both happy with it. Like you said. It’s got everything we were all looking for. I say let’s do it,” Landon said.
Alice grinned. They were really doing it. They were buying a house. This was it. The first step to her dream, their dream coming true. They were going to be a family at last, and nothing anyone could possibly say would change her mind. If the guys started to get cold feet again, she’d already made up her mind to knock them over the head until they saw reason.
“What are you grinning about, babe?” Ben asked with narrowed eyes. “I’m not sure I like that smile.”
“Oh, just thinking that if you try to walk out on me again, I’m going to get a sledgehammer, and after I finish demolishing your trucks, I’m going to start on your heads,” she said.
“Hell. Ben, don’t you dare do anything wrong. I love my truck,” Landon said.
“I love my head more than I love my fucking truck,” Ben said. “Don’t worry. I’m all in, babe. I’ll never walk away from you again. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Landon walked over and pulled Alice into his arms. “I love you, Alice. I love you more than my stupid truck and my hard head. You make me happy and proud and a little insane with it.”
