“What kind of tricks?” For the first time, Austin’s gaze held a glimmer of hope that made Stephen feel good.
“Well, the example problem here shows the shape of a bedroom and all of the measurements are marked.”
“I know that,” Austin said scathingly. “I can read. I’m not dumb.”
“Please find a way to word that differently. Plenty of smart people struggle to read.”
“Oh my God. Do you ever stop talking?”
“Austin.”
“What?”
“Focus. Do you see how this room is ‘L’-shaped?” He tapped the book.
“Yeah.”
“So, what you can do is break it down into two separate rectangles.”
Austin leaned in and studied the page. While he looked at it, Stephen studied him. He rarely had a chance to just sit beside Austin and look at him. He was always darting off to his room as soon as he could. His skin was so fair it was almost translucent, and a few freckles dotted his upturned nose. His hair was a dark auburn though—not the bright coppery red Stephen normally associated with freckled skin—and his lashes were a very dark brown. Unfortunately, he looked miserable at the moment.
“I don’t get it,” he threw himself back in his chair with a frustrated sigh.
“Okay,” Stephen said patiently. “Russ, could you grab me a sheet of printer paper?”
He looked up from his phone. “Sure.”
A minute later, Russ returned with the paper and Stephen thanked him, then laid it over the textbook. Tracing paper would be better—this was a little opaque—but it would do the trick. “Okay, so you trace the L-shape like this,” he said. “And then, you create two rectangles out of it.” He divided the L into two sections and shaded one lightly.
“Oh,” Austin said like a lightbulb had just clicked on.
“So then all you have to do is find the area for each one and add the two together.”
“That actually kinda makes sense,” Austin said. His tone was a bit grudging.
“I told you I had tricks.” Stephen smiled at him. “Now, do the math on this problem, I’ll check it over, and we can move on to the next one together.”
“That was some A+ Dad-ing tonight,” Russ said with a smile as he closed the bedroom door behind them later. Watching Stephen and Austin interact like that had made him love Stephen even more.
Stephen chuckled. “I think it was more recalling my roots as a tutor in college but thank you.”
“I don’t know, isn’t that what being a dad is? Using your own personal experience to make your kid’s life better?”
“That’s the goal, yes. It seems to be fairly rare.”
“Well, we’ve never done anything the way other people do.”
Stephen chuckled and gave him a quick kiss. “That’s true.”
“Oh, you should see the picture I got of you two.” Russ pulled out his phone and Stephen leaned in. It was of him and Austin bent over the math book, working on a problem together. Russ smiled at the sight of the silver hair against the dark auburn.
“Wow. I’m not used to thinking of myself that way,” he admitted.
“As a father?”
“Yeah.”
“I know. But you’re becoming a damn good one,” Russ said softly.
“I’m certainly trying.” Stephen turned to face him.
“I’ve gotta say, there’s something pretty sexy about seeing you in dad mode too,” Russ admitted as he settled his hand on Stephen’s chest.
“Oh, is there?”
“Yep.” Russ traced little circles with his thumb. “You’re all confident and caring, and I don’t know, I find that very sexy.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” Stephen said with a smile as he slid his hands around Russ’s waist.
“I wish I felt like I had something I could connect with him over,” Russ admitted. He’d felt a stab of envy that Stephen and Austin had bonded over something. It was absurd; all he wanted was for Austin to trust them and feel like he belonged here, so success for either of them was all that mattered. But it still stung. He’d been the one who had wanted to foster in the first place. He’d been the one who had suggested Austin in the first place.
Why did it seem so much easier for Stephen now?
“How’d your day go?”
Stephen looked up from his monitor. He’d worked from home that afternoon. Russ had arrived home late because of an appointment. “Okay.” He stretched in his chair. “After I picked Austin up at school, I sat down to check my email and got sucked into work again.”
“The perils of working from home.” Russ leaned in to give him a kiss.
“Indeed.” Stephen grabbed the back of his neck so he could give him another more lingering kiss. “How was yours?” he asked as he drew back.
“Hmm?” From the unfocused look in Russ’s eye, the kiss had made him forget the question.
Stephen smiled at the thought. “Your day. How did it go? You had the appointment today, right?”
“Work was fine. And yeah, I went to the optometrist after work. I got my glasses today.” He made a face. Last week, Russ had discovered at his yearly eye appointment that he needed glasses for the first time in his life. He had been less than pleased.
“Oh, did you?” Stephen asked, finally noticing the bag in his hand. “Let me see.”
Russ groaned. “Ugh, I hate them.”
“Let me see,” he coaxed. He sat back in his chair and smiled up at Russ as he dug through the bag and retrieved a case.
“I feel like an old man,” Russ grumbled as he slipped the glasses on.
Stephen smiled at his reaction, but all amusement fled as he took in the image of Russ in glasses. “Oh.” He rose to his feet.
“That bad?” Russ grimaced. “Damn it. I’ll have to get over my fear of sticking my fingers in my eyes and just wear contacts or something. I got some, I just dread using them.”
“No. Not bad,” Stephen said. He grabbed Russ’s hips and pulled him close as he stared at him. They were wire-and-plastic rimmed with a touch of a geeky 1950s vibe. They suited his features and gave him a slightly older, more scholarly look. And with the suit and the short beard he currently sported … Stephen let out a little growl. “That good. Damn, Russ.”
“Oh.” Russ grinned. “You like them.”
“I do.” Fuck. Stephen didn’t know a man in glasses would get him going so much. He’d certainly never had that reaction to Peter or Marc in theirs. But Russ wearing glasses? That was a sight to behold.
“Huh.” Russ settled his arms on Stephen’s shoulders. “Good to know.”
“You look very …” Stephen kissed him. “Sexy.” He kissed him again. “Very, very.”
“Very, very, huh?” Russ muttered against his mouth.
Stephen gave him a deep, lingering kiss. “Very,” he said a little breathlessly as he finally pulled back. Russ’s lips were pink and wet, and his hair was a little disheveled.
“Good to know.”
Stephen kissed him again.
“Hey, what time are we—oh, eww. Warn a guy.”
Amused and a little chagrined, Stephen turned to face Austin who had come out of his room and was staring at them in horror. “Sorry, this does happen sometimes between married couples who love each other.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to see it.” Austin’s nose was wrinkled. He tilted his head and looked at Russ. “Nice, specs, man.”
“Thanks, man,” Russ replied. He ruffled Austin’s hair. “We’re having chicken tacos for dinner. You want to help?”
“No.” Austin smoothed down his hair with a scowl.
“Well, your choice is to help cook or set the table,” Stephen said mildly. “So pick your poison.”
Austin let out a long-suffering sigh. “Cook, I guess.”
“You can shred the lettuce and chop the tomatoes. It won’t be that bad,” Russ suggested.
“Yeah, okay.”
“You want to get things started, Steph
en? I need to go change out of my suit.”
“Of course.” As Russ walked away, Stephen called out after him, “Leave on the glasses though!”
Russ snickered and shot him a big grin.
“You two are super weird,” Austin said as they walked into the kitchen.
“Weird how?” Stephen took the packet of chicken breasts out of the refrigerator, then rooted around for the lettuce.
“I don’t know. Just … weird. I didn’t know married couples were like that.”
“Affectionate?” Stephen hazarded a guess.
“I guess.”
“Well, marriage is hard,” Stephen explained. “Sometimes people get short with each other and they struggle to stay close when life gets challenging. They lose that affection. Russ and I have really tried our best to make sure we still like each other at the end of every day though and for us, being affectionate is part of that. It’s a sign we have a happy, healthy marriage.”
“Huh.”
“I didn’t see much of it with my parents,” Stephen said. “They were working so hard and struggling to get by, I don’t think they had the energy to do more. Plus, it was a different time. There was a different expectation of what relationships were like.”
“Hmm.”
“And you know Russ’s mom left their family when he was a kid.”
Austin nodded.
“So Russ didn’t see much of that either. But we’ve tried really hard to have a better relationship than either of our parents did.”
“I’m just not used to it. Like, I guess I remember my parents kissing when I was little but that’s about it. I guess the Nashes probably did too, but they hid it.”
“Does it bother you?” he asked.
Austin seemed to consider this. “I don’t wanna see it all the time or anything but no. I guess not.”
That was good because Stephen wasn’t about to stop being affectionate with Russ in their home. He didn’t think hiding it would have been the right thing for Austin either, but they maybe could have found a way to get him more comfortable with the idea. Maybe it was just exposure though. If it didn’t bother him, they’d keep it up. Hopefully, they could be a good example of love and intimacy in a relationship.
“Lettuce looks good,” Stephen said a few minutes later as Austin cut it into thin strips.
“Oh. Thanks.” Austin gave him a tiny, fleeting smile that felt like a victory. In her emails, Amy Nash had assured them Austin not only knew what he was doing in the kitchen, he seemed to enjoy it, so they’d made a point of giving Austin tasks he’d succeed at. For all his complaining about having to do it, he didn’t actually seem to mind. Stephen was starting to realize he was full of a lot of bluster and complaining that he didn’t seem to mean. Maybe it was a way to keep people at a distance. Or maybe by now, it was just habit.
Stephen handed him a bowl. “You can put the food right in there.”
After Austin dumped the lettuce in, Stephen handed him a couple of tomatoes. “Cut that up into chunks, please.”
“Big chunks or little chunks?”
“Medium. Bigger than salsa but smaller than for salad.”
“Okay.”
A few minutes later it got dumped in another bowl. Stephen had the chicken cut into strips by then and he did a bit of tidying up. He wouldn’t start cooking it until Russ came back out. “See how fast it all comes together when everyone helps out?” Stephen said.
“Yeah, it’s all right.”
“The teamwork is part of what makes a family run smoothly.”
Austin gave him a funny look. “We’re not a family.”
“We’re not? Hmm, I thought we were,” Stephen said. “Russ and I were a family before you came. And we invited you to join us and our family. I’m sorry to hear you don’t think we are one though.”
“But I’m only here temporarily, right?”
“We’ve never thought of this as temporary, Austin. You’re here as long as this is the best place for you.” Stephen set down the knife and looked him in the eye. “If something changed drastically, we’d reassess, but it would only be if there is something better for you, and frankly, we don’t think there will be. Assuming that we all still feel that way in six months or so, we’ll make it permanent.”
“But like, what if you decide you hate this? What if you decide to get rid of me cause it’s too hard?” Austin stared down at the cutting board, his jaw tight.
“We’re the adults,” Stephen said firmly. “We would figure out a way to make it better for all of us. That’s our job.”
“You won’t send me back just cause you get sick of it?”
Stephen stilled. This was clearly bothering Austin, and he had no idea where it was coming from. He had to swallow hard before he could answer. “First of all, we would never, ever just get rid of you. If a problem came up, we would figure out a way to fix it. You going somewhere else would be a last resort or if something prevented us from being able to take care of you the way you need.”
“But like, it could happen, right?”
“I don’t ever want to lie to you, so yes, it is possible.” Stephen took a deep breath. “Will you look at me?” He glanced up and the worry and confusion in his eyes made Stephen’s heart ache. “Look, Austin, I can’t promise what the future will hold. That just isn’t possible. But I can promise you that I don’t want you to leave and neither does Russ. You are a part of our family and together, we will do whatever it takes to keep you here. Russ and I—we know it won’t always be easy, but we aren’t going to just give up when it gets tough, okay? That’s not who we are. That’s not what we want for you.”
He chewed his lip. “Okay.”
“But I know people in your life have let you down, so you aren’t going to just trust us until we’ve proven ourselves. That’s okay. It’s on us to prove to you that we’re trustworthy.”
“I thought kids were supposed to just trust adults.” He sounded a little sullen now.
“I think it’s dangerous for anyone to blindly trust,” Stephen said. He leaned on the counter and looked Austin in the eye again. “I do think it’s good to give people the benefit of the doubt if you can. But we know that you haven’t always had very trustworthy people in your life, so it’s important that we show you, through our words and our actions, that you can trust us.”
“Okay.”
“Do you think you could try to let us know if we do something that makes you feel like you can’t trust us?” Stephen asked.
“Yeah, I guess.”
Stephen was a little doubtful he would, but at least he’d planted that seed. And he hoped with time and effort, Austin would begin to believe it.
“Okay.” Stephen straightened. “Now, I think it’s time we get these tacos started, don’t you?” He washed his hands and dried them on the towel nearby.
Austin’s face brightened. “Yeah. I’m starving.”
Stephen twisted the burner to medium high and reached for the oil.
Russ appeared just a moment later and Stephen wondered how much he’d overheard. It had taken him far, far longer to get changed out of his suit than usual. Perhaps he’d overheard their conversation and had been giving them some space. Stephen would ask him about it later.
“What still needs to be done?” Russ asked.
“Heat up some tortillas,” Stephen said as he dumped the chicken into the skillet. “Austin and I have the rest under control.”
Fifteen minutes later, as they carried the food over to the table, he looked Russ over again. The snug jeans and the blue T-shirt were good, but with the glasses … Stephen suppressed a sigh. He leaned in and whispered, “I’m going need you to keep the glasses on tonight in bed.”
Russ gave him a startled look, but it quickly melted into a grin. “I guess if you insist.”
“I insist,” Stephen said firmly.
“Can you two stop being gross and come eat?” Austin called from his seat at the dining room table.
“Stop bei
ng gross? No.” Stephen stole a quick kiss from Russ. “But we can come eat.”
“So how much of our conversation did you overhear earlier?” Stephen asked later that night when they were undressing before bed.
“Most of it. I didn’t want to interrupt though.”
“That’s what I figured.”
“God, that kid …” Russ let out a big sigh. “He makes my heart hurt.”
“Mine too.” Stephen reached out and squeezed Russ’s shoulder. “All we can do is give him a stable home and hopefully he’ll learn to trust us eventually.”
“It feels like there’s more we should do.”
“I’m afraid it’s just going to take patience.”
“We know that’s not my strongest suit.”
Stephen shrugged. “That’s why there’s two of us.”
“I just feel like this is coming more naturally to you.” Russ’s expression turned melancholy as he slipped off his belt.
“This isn’t about who is doing a better job, Russ. We’re not competing to be best parent. We’re working together to do the best job we can do for him.”
“I know that. I do. I just …”
“You want to succeed at everything, I know that. But this isn’t like work. There’s no objective target to hit. It’s just showing up, day in and day out, and trying. Because Austin hasn’t had that. And it’s what he needs.”
“I know it is.”
“So you’re already doing that,” Stephen pointed out, unbuttoning his shirt. “You’re already succeeding.”
“I guess I’m feeling inadequate.”
“Is there anything I can do to help with that?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”
“Would talking to Dan or your father help?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“You could bring it up at the next support group meeting too,” Stephen pointed out. He tossed his pants on the nearby chair. It was held once a month and they were planning to go. They’d already spoken to Addie about spending a few hours with Austin while they went.
“True.”
Full Balance (The Peachtree Series Book 3) Page 17
