by Lym Cruz
“For you, Melissa,” Dave said, and I instantly tensed. “He’ll walk to Canada if he has to.” I breathed out, relaxing. He was trying. Melissa scowled, confused with Dave’s remark.
“Ignore him,” I said.
“It’s sort of a pre-graduation get together,” Erica voiced proudly. “Who knows when we’ll all see each other again? It’s time to go our separate ways. To face the real world and adulthood. Ugh.”
“Tone down the drama. I’ll most likely see you again tomorrow,” Christina said, rolling her eyes. “It’s just a get-together, not an emancipation ceremony.”
The only thing wrong with the bonfire was that we’d have to hang with a good number of college students who Dave, Rob, and I didn’t want to be around. So, we proposed that we set up our own fire. It wasn’t too hard sweet talking the organizers into allowing us to set a tiny fire a few feet away from theirs.
Later in the afternoon, we grabbed a bite to eat at a nearby restaurant. Melissa was quiet and only spoke when she was asked a question. I didn’t like that she was uncomfortable, and I told her we could leave but she insisted on staying. I didn’t get it. She was uncomfortable yet she wanted to stay. By the time we returned to the beach, a massive fire was set up with a crowd gathered around it. Lots of laughter, guitar music—that actually sounded good—and everyone sang along. The pleasant melody overtook the calmness of the night.
Dave and I were setting up the fire as far away from the existing one as possible, while Rob disappeared to fetch a surprise. The rest of us settled around the fire under the dark skies. Melissa shivered a bit. Gently, I jerked her nearer. She was in her swimsuit with my shirt on top, facing the fire, but it seemed like that wasn’t enough to keep her warm.
“Is it tough doing what you do?” Christina asked. She had on a yellow sundress which she’d worn the entire day. She didn’t go into the water and gave an excuse that I didn’t pay attention to. She sat with her feet beneath the bench. “Do you guys defend criminals?”
I chuckled. “I’m not a criminal defense attorney, David is.”
“I know, you only break up families.” Christina rolled her eyes as if exasperated. I never understood her or her wry sense of humor—if it could be considered a sense of humor.
We all turned to Dave waiting for a response. “It’s nothing like Law and Order, or anything you watch on TV. Everyone’s entitled to a defense, even those who commit crimes. Think about a woman who has been abused by her husband for years and the day she decides to retaliate the husband ends up dead. By Law, she committed a crime. Should the State lock her up without giving her a chance to defend herself or her actions?”
Christina snorted. “What about an asshole who drives under the influence and ends up killing a father leaving a little girl orphan? Why does he deserve a defense?”
It was clear that that came from a place of pain. Christina was talking about herself or someone very close to her. David and I exchanged a glance and he cleverly changed the subject.
“So,” David clasped his hands together. “How long have you known each other?”
“Christina and I have known each other forever,” Erica said, holding a stick cooling a roasted marshmallow. “Melissa, we’ve known for about four years.”
“Five,” Melissa corrected.
“Let’s get this party started,” Rob hooted as he came running towards us. He sat and produced a joint from his pocket. “Surprise!”
“What’s that?” Erica squeaked. I suspected it was a rhetorical question but the way she said it made us break out into laughter. “What?” She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. “It’s a question?”
Rob lit it, sucked in a deep breath and passed it to Christina. She did the same, and it went to Dave once he’d finished, he said to Erica, “I’m guessing you’ve never done this?”
“I don’t smoke, and isn’t that, like, illegal.” She whispered the word illegal.
“It’s for medicinal purposes,” Rob said, hunching. “I have a bad back.”
Dave took another short hit and readjusted himself to face Erica.
“Are you willing to try?” Dave stuck out the joint for her. “Trust me. It’ll be okay.”
“Um, I…” Her eyes flickered to her friends who offered no answer. She was on her own. “Okay.”
Dave moved closer to her. “Since it’s your first time, I’ll take a hit and blow it into your mouth.” She nodded lightly. Her eyes wide.
This would be fun to watch. Dave sucked in, and the tip of the bud lit up, then puffed directly into her mouth, cupping the back of her head.
Erica took it in and broke into a frantic cough and covered her mouth. “This is painful.” She coughed again. “Why do you do it?” I tried not to but I laughed, and so did everyone else.
Dave wrapped a hand around her waist when she stopped coughing and repeated the process. This time she didn’t cough as much. The reefer passed to Melissa who refused. I took it, sucked in a deep breath and leaned back. The flow of the smoke felt great drifting down to my lungs.
By the third hit Erica couldn’t break her laughter and her eyes were red. She fought to remove the white flower-pattern dress she had on. “It’s hot,” she said, heading towards the water. Dave quickly clasped her hand and sat her down while she giggled. “I’m doing this for the rest of my life. I feel alive.”
“Tomorrow you won’t feel the same,” Melissa murmured.
“My first boyfriend was Ian—you guys met Ian, right?” Erica giggled. “He was my first everything but it’s time to get the number going. I can’t stop at one.” She jumped on Dave’s lap with her legs on either side of him and kissed him. Dave easily pushed her away.
Erica continued laughing and then turned to Christina. “Who was your first?”
“Yeah … no! I’m not in the habit of sharing my sex life.”
“Oh yeah! Denzel, right?”
“Your high but I see your memory wasn’t affected,” Christina grunted.
“What about you, Melissa?” Erica asked.
Melissa stiffened, and I held her tighter. Her friends were clueless about her history, and we would keep it that way. “I was her first.” Melissa gazed at me with watery eyes that pierced through me and burned a hole deep within. I hated seeing her in pain. “The first of the rest of her life.”
“Thank you,” she mouthed.
“You guys are, like, so good together,” Erica said. “Rob, Christina tells me you’re good. Wanna hit it?”
“Holy fuck.” Rob laughed, placing both his hands at the top of his head. “What the hell have I created?”
Chapter 11
Melissa
“It’s a movie, Andrew, nothing more,” I said, struggling to push him away from the entrance of my closet. My efforts were in vain. He was a rock and even when using all my strength, he didn’t budge. I needed to get dressed, and he was behaving like a child throwing a temper tantrum. “Please, he’ll be here soon.”
Andrew didn’t move.
We’d been going at this for a while and it was getting exhausting. I let out a long breath trying to find a way to reason with him. Andrew came rushing from work because I told him we wouldn’t see each other tonight. At last, I decided to go out with Ezra and I wasn’t going to stand him up. The last time we’d agreed to go out didn’t happen and I was determined not to change my mind this time.
“Where are you going?”
I placed both hands on my hips. “To a mall, we’re watching a movie.” I narrowed my eyes at him as if my scowl could scare him. Nothing. It did nothing to him. I tried a different approach. I reached out and touched my fingertips to his. Andrew tangled our fingers and dragged me to him.
“Why do you want to be with him?” he whispered, reclining his forehead on mine. “Are you not happy with me?”
What is he talking about? “I don’t want to be with him, Andrew. He’s a friend.”
“I’m your friend too and I can take you to a movie if that’s what you
want. Don’t go, Mel. Please.” I felt the desperation in his voice as he held my gaze with his hypnotizing brown irises. I blinked to break the spell. I couldn’t cancel on Ezra last minute again. It was not fair to him.
I stood on my toes and reached to kiss him. Andrew’s hands curled around my waist, pressing me against him. The kiss rapidly escalated as he tried to remove the towel wrapped around my body, but I shrugged from his hold.
“Andrew, I need to get dressed or do you prefer I go with nothing on?”
Andrew’s jaw tightened and his gaze darkened as his brows furrowed. It didn’t take a genius to calculate that my comment was unappreciated, and I regretted having said it. Andrew strode past me briskly, sat on the bed, and set his elbows on his knees.
“Will you wear a bra?”
“Depends on what I decide to wear.”
Andrew said nothing else and stared at me with stern eyes. He could disapprove all he wanted, I needed to get dressed. I knew the true reason behind his behavior was jealousy. He tried to play it cool and give me my space, which I appreciated. However, I did enjoy seeing him all bothered. It was nice that he cared so much.
We’d been spending a lot of time together but there was never any mention of what we were. We had fun and understood each other, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that by demanding a label. Andrew was the only person who knew all there was to me; the only one to whom I willingly opened my heart. The bond we shared was real. I felt it. It went beyond physical attraction and I couldn’t risk losing that. Even if it meant keeping my feelings to myself.
I shimmied into a pair of destroyed denim jeans and a hot pink, one-shoulder top. I bent to pick up a pair of ankle-high, studded, black boots and saw an old gossip magazine. It was the only magazine that published my photos. I had no idea why I couldn’t get rid of it. My father sued them to bankruptcy because I was underage and the magazines were removed from the stands, but only after a good number of them were sold. I stuffed the magazine further into the closet, put on my boots and walked out.
Andrew was splayed on my bed with his hands behind his head, looking at the ceiling. He sat up probing on his shoulder to assess my clothes. Before he could ask, I raised my top and flashed my black bra. “Yes, I’m wearing a bra.” But it did nothing to slacken his bad mood.
“What movie are you and the kid watching? The Lion King or Winnie the Pooh?”
“Ha, ha, ha,” I huffed at his sardonic remark.
My phone rang and vibrated on top of the chest drawer. I made a bolt for it, but Andrew beat me to it. With the phone in hand, Andrew rose and stretched his arm. I jumped up and down trying to retrieve it and to make an already difficult task impossible, he stood on his toes. There was no way I would reach it.
The phone stopped ringing and then started again.
“Don’t even think about it,” I warned as he reached to tap the green icon. “Andrew stop acting like a child and give me my damn phone.” I stepped back and extended my hand, expecting him to give up the phone.
“Tell me why you want to go out with him?”
“He’s been asking me out for a long time. I told you this already.”
“So, you’re just being nice? Nothing more?”
“Yes, nothing more.”
He stared at me deciding whether or not to give me the phone. The phone rang for the third time, and unwillingly he placed it on my hand. I answered the call before it switched off again.
“Thought you changed your mind,” Ezra said after I accepted the call. “I was gettin’ worried.”
“Not this time. I’ll be down in a sec.”
Without waiting for Ezra to respond, I ended the call, searched for my purse and then headed towards the door with Andrew on my heel.
I placed my hand on the knob and turned to face him. “Here.” I held my keys up. “Stay as long as you like.”
Andrew took the key and tossed it on a shelf near the door and murmured, “I’d prefer you stay with me.” His hands curled around my nape and pulled me to him. His hands glided up and fisted my hair, aligning my head for a fierce kiss.
“Andrew,” I panted, trying to get his lips away from mine. “Andrew, I have to go.” He growled and turned his back to me wandering into the apartment. “I’ll be back before you know it.”
I opened the door and before leaving I heard him rumble an order, “Don’t let him touch you.” A small smile crept on my lips.
Ezra was waiting outside next to his car with a grin. He looked good in worn jeans and a blue T-shirt. His eyes shone as they swept over me. He probably couldn’t believe this was happening. Neither could I.
“Hey, you,” Ezra said, opening the car door for me. Then he rounded the car and rested behind the wheel of the driver’s seat. “We have a couple of hours till the movie, do you wanna grab a bite to eat?” His voice was shaky and then he cleared his throat. “To pass time?”
Ezra was nervous, I could tell. The situation was a bit strange. We hung out and danced at Vella and sometimes on campus, but this felt as though we were complete strangers meeting for the first time.
“Let’s just drive around for a bit.”
Nodding, Ezra switched on the car and drove.
Besides a few random questions here and there about our day, there was really nothing to talk about and no specific place to go. Ezra constantly shifted in his seat and cleared his throat. As he drove down Mission Bay Dr., I rolled down the window and stuck my face out. The warm summer gush hit me. The air smelled primarily of the ocean and a bit of fume from a car’s exhaust pipe up front. I stuck my face back in when the odor of the black smoke became unbearable, settled back in my seat, and flashed Ezra a smile.
“I like how comfortable you are with yourself,” he said.
“A little too comfortable, my mom would say.” I smiled, remembering my mother telling me that. I never waited for permission to make myself feel at home anywhere. I didn’t do it on purpose, it was how I was.
“I don’t think so though.”
“Me neither.” I gazed past him out the window. “Let’s park at Belmont and go to the boardwalk. There is this hotdog place Erica showed me and she said it’s amazing, but I never went. Wanna try it?”
“Erica knows food. If she says it’s amazing, then it is.”
It took us close to twenty minutes of driving around the amusement park’s parking lot before finding a vacant slot. I took off my shoes and stepped out on the hot asphalt barefoot. Ezra sauntered next to me as we crossed to Pacific Beach Boardwalk.
The Boardwalk was an attraction of many, teeming with locals and tourists alike. There were runners, skateboarders, casual strollers, rollerbladers, dog walkers, and cyclists who were going too fast and rung their bells, expecting people to get out of the way, all that in the same space.
From the assault of color from the vivid bikinis, vibrant beach umbrellas, and crazy summer hair shades; to the smell of food from the variety of restaurants, and the sound of music coming from somewhere around the beach, all meshed into one big cloud. That’s what made this place wonderful.
We reached the hotdog shop and it was full. After waiting in a relatively long line, we got our orders and headed for the beach. The sand was hot from the afternoon sun that was beginning to descend. It cast a soft light along Ezra’s hair and face. He was striking no doubt, but I knew we could never go past friendship. There was a variable missing which came naturally with Andrew. We sat on the sand and ate our bulky hotdogs. Erica was right they were delicious.
“So, I’ve heard you’re half Latino,” I said to make conversation. “How come you don’t speak Spanish?”
“My mother was Mexican but she died before I could learn. And the schools I went to didn’t help.”
Regretting the topic I chose, I pulled a compassionate smile. “I’m sorry about your mother.”
He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. I don’t remember her it’s almost as if she never existed.” He raised his shoulder then dropped them sig
hing.
“What about your father? Is he okay with you dancing?”
He laughed wryly. “I don’t think he knows.” He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t question further.
I nodded and continued eating.
“How did you start dancing?” Ezra’s question caught me by surprise.
“I came out of my mother’s womb dancing,” I joked.
“You’re really good. Didn’t you ever consider dancing professionally?”
It was what I once wanted but not anymore. I would never stop dancing but never again would I dance professionally. “Hey, can you get me some water please?” I said to change the subject and I was sure he caught it.
Ezra rose, brushed the sand off his pants, and went back to buy me the water.
My phone vibrated in my purse and I reached for it to read the text.
Andrew: I miss you. Come back you’ve been out long enough.
Melissa: I won’t be long. Promise!
Andrew: You said you were going to the mall why are you at the beach?
Melissa: Stalker!
Andrew: Don’t let him touch you.
Melissa: I don’t want him to.
Andrew: Whose touch do you want?
“Hm, hm.” Ezra cleared his throat effectively getting my attention.
Melissa: Yours!
I quickly typed my response and tossed the phone back in the purse.
“Sorry, Christina and Erica,” I mumbled as an excuse, knowing he’d be displeased if he knew it was Andrew I was texting.
We ended up not going to the movie after all and simply strolled around the beach. Ezra didn’t touch the dance subject again. I think he got that it wasn’t up for discussion. Although I was having fun with Ezra, I couldn’t stop my mind from galloping towards Andrew from time to time. I missed him and we’d been separated only for a few hours. I wanted to go but I didn’t want to sadden Ezra, therefore I endured until there was nothing more to say or do as night fell.
