“So, what kind of jealous are we talking about? Are you going to get angry every time I have a shoot?”
“Did I get angry tonight?”
“No.”
“Of course not. I’m not a kid. I might even think awful things in my head about how the hot guys are really assholes. But I’ll never try to control your modeling career.” He went to sit down on the couch and stopped himself. “Wait. That’s not exactly true. If you continue to date guys for press, that would probably piss me off enough to reconsider if we’re really right for each other.”
“I told you I’m only going out this last time with Gunner.”
“I know. I’m cool with that. I meant, like, if three months from now you said you had to do it again. In my book, if we’re an exclusive couple, that crosses a line. Job or no job.”
She moved her feet so he could sit down and he pulled them back onto his lap. Her legs were tense, rigid.
“Siena, all you have to do is turn these situations around. Suppose I came home and said, Hey, we rescued this hot woman today. I had to give her mouth-to-mouth and—”
“Okay, okay. I get it.” She shook her head. “I would like it better if you left off the hot part.”
“Exactly.” He took her hand in his. “Babe, your career will bring you into contact with some of the most beautiful, wealthiest guys around. I’m secure in who I am, and I know what I do and what I don’t have to offer. But let’s not pretend that it won’t be hard sometimes. I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve for many people, but you see right through me. If I’m jealous, I have to be able to say, Hey, babe. This is a tough one. Give me a sec.”
“Okay, that’s fair.”
“And don’t pretend that there won’t be times you feel the same way. No matter how beautiful you are, I think if you saw pictures of me half naked with Willow, you’d feel a twinge of jealousy.”
“God, I hate it when you make sense.”
“I’ve just seen a lot of relationships go bad because people try to pretend to be something they’re not. I can’t do that with you. And if I ever act like a jerk, call me on it. Tell me to back off. I can’t imagine I’d ever be that jerky. I trust you, and you don’t act like you’re Siena Remington, the model. You act like you’re Siena Remington, my fun, interesting, sexy girlfriend.”
“So, I don’t act snobby?”
A smile crept across his lips. “Entitled, snobby…” He moved in closer. “Like you love and need everyone looking at you every second of the day.”
She rolled her eyes again. “You’re going to hate this, but when I first started really modeling, once I was old enough to see how differently I was treated, I was kinda that girl. It lasted about a few weeks, and I couldn’t stand to be around myself.” She laughed. “So…the next time you see a lingerie ad and the guys at your station all stare at it, what can I expect?”
Cash ran his hand down his face. “Those guys? You’ll probably see me give them a look whenever you’re around, and I may look angry, but it’s not really anger. It’s more...”
She nodded. “You don’t have to name it. I saw that look at the bar with Mike and Joey. It was the back off; she’s with me look.”
“Sounds about right.”
“I’m glad we’re talking about this stuff, and I can hear exactly what you’re saying.” She smiled up at him. “I have to tell you, though, this whole sensitive thing you got going on…” She drew a circle in the air in front of him. “Like the romantic side of you, it blows me away.”
“Oh God. Please don’t go sharing that I’m a sensitive guy. You’ll ruin my rep.”
She laughed. “Your secret’s safe with me. Jeez, Cash, you keep doing things that totally throw me for a loop. I couldn’t stop thinking about you all day.”
“Even while you were in the arms of the hunky model?”
“Stop teasing. I could barely concentrate after what you said. I feel so much for you, and I was worried it was too much too fast.” She licked her lips and ran her hand down his arm. “It’s a little scary. I definitely feel myself falling for you, too. When you’re not here, I wish you were, and when you are, I don’t want you to leave.”
Falling for. She’s not there yet. Laying his emotions out on the table for Siena was risky, but that was one risk he couldn’t afford not to take. “I didn’t say it so you would. I said it because I felt it too strongly not to, and I don’t want to hear it from you until you feel it so strongly that you can’t hold it back.”
She opened her mouth, but no words came out.
He ran his finger down her cheek. “Don’t feel pressure. Even if it takes years, or it doesn’t ever happen, it won’t change what I feel for you.”
Cash handed her a glass of wine and picked up his. “To us.” He tipped his glass so it clinked against hers.
“I love us,” she said.
“Careful. You’re getting awfully close to the three words of the promised land.”
She touched his arm again. “I do love us. Tell me about your tattoo.”
He glanced at his arm and contemplated how much to tell her. She reached over and brushed his hair from his eyes. “You don’t have to if it’s too personal.”
That was Siena. She didn’t ask for more than he could give. And until he met her, he never realized how much he was capable of giving. Honesty wasn’t hard to find when he was with her. He didn’t feel the need to hide anything from her.
“I got it after a fellow firefighter died.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
He looked down at the tattoo. “After Vetta’s husband died, I added another layer to it, and I sort of blocked the meaning of it out completely.”
“Vetta’s husband? Why? Were you close?” She scooted nearer to him on the couch and buried her toes beneath his leg.
“No.” He looked into her eyes and saw how much she trusted him. “I was part of the rescue at the fire where he died. He was in a room that I was told to clear.” His pulse took off with the memory. “The fire was really bad. There were dozens of us there, and I cleared the other rooms and got Vetta out. When I got back upstairs, a beam fell from the ceiling.” He heard himself breathing harder, louder, and paused to swallow the panic that came rushing back to him. Siena took his hand in hers, but he couldn’t look away from the scene as it unfolded before him.
“The beam was burning. It split on the way down, blocking the entrance completely. The smoke was so thick, and the flames were so high. I was right in front of the entrance. I had an ax, and as I swung back to break a hole through the wall, I heard the evacuation call.” He shook his head, remembering his thoughts at the time, No. Not yet! I’m going in! “As I swung the ax, it stopped on my backswing, grabbed by someone. My buddy Tommy and another guy got ahold of me. I fought them, hollering for them to let me go. I wanted to save him. I needed to save him. They dragged me out, cursing a blue streak. I could barely breathe from the smoke, and they had to restrain me from running back into the building.” He met her gaze and saw compassion and fear. “They saved my life. Before we hit the bottom floor, the ceiling in the hall collapsed. A ladder team got Samuel out through a window, but he’d had a heart attack.”
“You blamed yourself?” she whispered tentatively.
“Kinda. I figured that if they’d let me go, I could have gotten in there and rescued him. Maybe he wouldn’t have had the heart attack. Maybe…”
“Oh, Cash.”
She wrapped her arms around him, and he buried his hand in her hair and held her close, soaking in her comfort without embarrassment.
He pulled back, unable to stop there. He had to tell her everything. If she was ever going to love him, she had to love him inclusive of his faults, and this was a big one.
“I was always the guy who was prepared, who didn’t take unnecessary risks. I was the guy everyone else could count on. But after… After I lost Samuel, something in me snapped. There was no risk I wouldn’t take to save a life. It was like I could make a
mends for losing him.” He shrugged, locking his eyes on the tattoo. “I figured, I have less to lose than some of the other guys, with their wives and their children.” He looked at her again. “And in some ways that’s true. But my risks put everyone at risk, and it took someone pounding that into my brain for me to begin to see it.”
“Pounding?”
“Not literally. There’s this guy, he trains rookies, and he’s a real hard-ass, but he’s one of the best firefighters I know. I really respect him. He drilled it into me, and my chief laid it on the line. Stop taking risks, or he’d pull me from active firefighting duty and make me run the administrative desk instead.” Cash shook his head. “And then I fell for you, and it all came together. Suddenly, I remembered—or realized again—or whatever—that I wasn’t just risking my life. If I took a risk and failed, then someone else has to save me. And, Siena, my job is everything to me, and those guys, they’re my brothers, my family. And you…Suddenly, I had someone who counted on me. Someone whom I loved.”
He ran his hand over his face to steady his voice. “Today, in that two-alarm fire, I used my breathing mask. That sounds like nothing, right? Firefighters use them all the time, but ever since Samuel died, I haven’t touched mine. I would wheeze and cough and barely breathe rather than breathe through the damn thing.”
“You were punishing yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess I was. But today I used it. I heard your voice in my head, and all that bullshit fell away. All that mattered was putting out that fire in the most skillful way I knew how, rescuing anyone who needed it, and making it back to you.”
“What if I hadn’t said that I was counting on you to come back to me?” She searched his eyes.
It was a question he’d asked himself a hundred times during the afternoon. “My love for you doesn’t rely on your love for me. It’s there, and if you were to break up with me tomorrow, what I feel for you would still be what pulled me back to safety.” He smiled. “I should be thanking you.”
“And Vetta? You didn’t know her before the fire?” She scooted closer, nearly on his lap.
“No.”
“Does she blame you?”
He shook his head. “Doesn’t seem to. She lost the man she was married to for longer than I’ve been alive, and I have no idea what little things he’d done for her, like taking out the trash or bringing groceries. But I wanted to make sure she wasn’t alone. After the first few visits, I looked forward to seeing her, even if it was a painful reminder of what had happened.”
“Cash, that’s so thoughtful of you.” She traced his tattoo with her finger.
“The tattoo.” He sighed. “I have no idea about its real meaning. Tommy and I went together to get it after we lost a buddy to a fire, but I added a layer after Samuel died.” He ran his finger along a line that looked like a thick V and encircled the top of the tattoo. “I added that as a symbol of a life lost, I guess. I don’t ever want to forget the fallen, you know?”
She nodded, and he could see how heavily this was hitting her. Wrinkles traveled across her forehead, her brows knitted together, and the edges of her lips turned down. As much as it pained him to see her sadness, he wanted her to know all of it. All of him.
“As a whole, what I see is a constant reminder of the power of the fire and the importance of teamwork. I lost sight of it for a while, but it’s back, and it’s here to stay. It’s a reminder that the beast—that’s what we call fires, beasts—possess more strength than each of us as individuals, but not more power than all of us together. See the top? That part that looks like an eye? I see that as the power, or the heart of the beast. Like the eye of a hurricane. And the markings at the bottom.” He ran his finger along the spiky lines coming out the bottom like sharp, spidery legs. “They’re reminders of how fast a fire can turn.”
“You were going through all of this when we met? Carrying around all that guilt and taking risks at work and everything?”
“I guess. Yeah.”
“No wonder you had a chip on your shoulder.”
“I had a chip on my shoulder because a beautiful young woman was out in a snowstorm, completely unprepared, and she could have died.” He pulled her onto his lap. “And you were so stubborn that I couldn’t decide if I wanted to kiss you or shake you.”
“Funny. That’s the same way I felt about you.”
“No wonder I fell in love with you. We were made for each other.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
SIENA SPENT MONDAY morning working on the album for Savannah. She created scrapbook-style pages with pictures of Savannah and cute embellishments and captions, while leaving room for Jack’s pictures to be placed on the same pages. She hoped to have Jack’s pictures by Tuesday and the photo album complete by Friday. The bridal shower was on Saturday at Savannah’s father’s house in Colorado, and Siena was looking forward to seeing everyone again. She pasted the last picture of Savannah from her elementary school years on the page. She looked cute with long auburn ponytails, wearing cowgirl boots, a Western vest, and a broad smile.
Siena leaned back on the couch wondering what Cash was like as a boy. She pictured him as a cocky teenager, grumbling at everyone, maybe causing trouble with his brothers or friends. She wondered if they’d have ended up together if they’d known each other then. The thought brought her mind to all that Cash had revealed to her the evening before. She hadn’t realized he was going through so much when she’d met him. Then again, there was a lot about Cash she hadn’t seen when they’d first met. She picked up her cell and texted him.
Miss me yet?
Her phone vibrated a few seconds later.
I missed u the second I walked out the door.
She wiggled with happiness and texted back. Me 2 u. Wish u were here. Do I really have 2 spend 2 nights alone? Want me 2 come by the station?
Her phone vibrated a minute later. You and coming at the station should never be used in the same sentence.
Siena laughed as she texted back. Naughty boy! Is there some kind of fireman club like the mile-high club? She sent it with a smiley face and waited anxiously for his response.
Yeah, but we’re not joining it.
Siena’s smile faded to a frown. “Aw, come on,” she texted back. Why not?
Seconds later she had her response. You. Naked. My buddies. Not a good mix.
She tried to come up with a playful response, and a minute later her phone vibrated again with another text. But I’ll bring home my fireman boots for u 2 wear & I can show u my fireman pole.
Siena laughed. God, I love you. As she texted back she realized how true the thought was. Oh my God. I love everything about you. She tucked the thought behind her racing heart and texted back. I’ll wear my red lingerie w/the boots if u wear ur turnout pants.
Her phone vibrated again and she picked it up, her heartbeat amped up at the thought of Cash in his turnout pants—and her love for him. The text was from Jewel advising her of her date with Gunner for dinner the following evening. Siena groaned.
Cash’s text came through a second later. What r ur plans tonight?
She texted back. Pole dancing, stripping, maybe turning a trick. She set the phone down, thinking about how to tell Cash about her date with Gunner. He already knew they were going out again, but she hated to ruin their playful mood with that nonsense. By the time her phone vibrated again, she’d decided to wait and tell him when they were actually talking on the phone, maybe later that evening.
Cool. Save me a lap dance. Gotta go work out. Thinking about u in only my fireman boots. Love u.
The first thought that flashed through her mind was love you too. The second thought was a vision of Cash, bare chested, lifting weights. She wanted to tell him she loved him but not by text, and now that she had to fill him in on Gunner, she didn’t think it was fair to say it and then spill the Gunner specifics. She’d deal with Gunner first. She texted back. Call me l8r?
Her phone rang a second later with a call from Cash.
“Hey, babe. What’s up?”
“You didn’t have to call right away.” Shit. Shit. Shit.
“I’m your beck-and-call boy, remember?”
“How could I forget? I just wanted to…” Tell you the date with Gunner is tomorrow night. Only she didn’t want to. Not then. “Say that I liked our flirty texts, so be sure to bring home your boots. And your turnout pants.” She clenched her eyes shut, hoping he bought it. Another call rang through.
“Hold on a sec, Cash.” She looked at the screen. “It’s Dex. I’ll call him back.”
“You sure? I can hold on.”
“Okay, one sec.” She switched over to Dex. “Hey, Dexy. I’m on a call. What’s up?”
“I’ll make it quick. Wanna meet me and Ellie at around six thirty at NightCaps?”
“Sure.”
“Great. I’m not sure who else will be there.”
“That’s okay. Sounds great. I can’t wait to see you and Ellie. I have to run. I’m on the other line. Love you.” She switched back to Cash. “Sorry, Cash. Dex and Ellie want me to meet them tonight at NightCaps. I wish you could be there.”
“So do I. I’d like to get to know your family.”
Me too! The thought of Cash meeting her brothers as her boyfriend instead of the way Jack met him made her warm all over. “I’d like it if you met them. Jack’s fiancée is having her bridal shower on Saturday in Weston, Colorado. I have to fly out on Friday.”
“Weston? My brother Gage lives a few minutes from there. Would you be opposed to me flying out with you? I haven’t seen him in ages, and I owe him a visit.”
“I have to stay with Savannah and the girls, but yeah. That would be awesome. Do you think you can get flight arrangements this late? Wait. I can get them. I can probably pull some strings. Let me see what I can do. Are you sure you want to go? It’s a fast trip. Out Friday and back Sunday night.”
“A few hours with you in a plane and a day with my brother—what could be better? I can get someone to cover my shift at the station.”
Flames of Love Page 22
