My throat had gone dry and I felt afraid of saying the wrong thing, looking the wrong way…I didn’t want him to know that I’d overheard the conversation. That I knew about the plan.
“You’re coming with me tonight,” Lynch hissed as he slid into a stool in front of me. I gulped. I knew what that meant. He wanted to fuck me and there was nothing I could do about it.
I should have gotten used to it by now. Lynch took me whenever he wanted. He could have me whenever he liked. I was his ‘top bitch’, as he liked to call me. I was his slave. And every morning that I woke up in his bed, I felt sick to my stomach for having done what I had done the previous night with him, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like it was ever going to stop. I had no escape.
I poured more vodka in his shot glass and Lynch knocked it back. He was trying to keep his eyes open, looking at me, up and down; his gaze focusing on my cleavage one moment and then on my belly. I could see the desire welling up in his squinted drunken eyes.
I’d forgotten what it used to feel like to want a man myself. But Patch had reminded me of that. In that short space of time that we’d spent together tonight, in those few words that he’d said to me, I remembered what it felt like to actually care for a man. To have a man care for me. It didn’t matter that it was nothing more than a silly teenage crush.
I had to tell him. Patch needed to know what was headed their way. This truce was a lie and Lynch and his men were going to use it to get to his club. Patch’s life was in danger and I couldn’t just stand back and watch him and his friends burn.
Lynch banged his fist on the table, snapping me out of my thoughts, and I poured him some more vodka. He held the shot glass up to his lips and tried to take a drink, but his eyes were closing. He was swaying forward. His body was swinging and then his head came down, bouncing lightly off the counter of the bar.
It was done. He’d passed out and I tried not to sigh loudly with relief. I wouldn’t have to go back with him to his apartment tonight. Tomorrow morning, he wouldn’t remember how he’d even ended the night, let alone remember that he asked me to go back with him. More importantly, he wasn’t going to touch me tonight. Tonight, I was safe. Tonight, I was going to spend fantasizing about Patch and what I could have had with him if my life had turned out differently.
5
Patch
Cash brought his baby girl, Lily, to the Clubhouse the next night and that was all our club needed to erupt into another bout of celebrations. Spirits were high already on account of the truce. It seemed like Grimm was able to convince everyone that Lynch actually meant business when they shook hands on a peace treaty.
Cash, in fact, was the happiest one to hear about it. With the birth of his new baby he was obviously glad that there was now hope for peace between the clubs. It meant safety and security for his family, especially after what poor Vivian had to endure.
Now it seemed like it was just Bones and me who were still looking over our shoulders, making sure we weren’t under attack.
“He looks happy. Happiest I’ve ever fuckin’ seen that fucker,” Bones commented. Cash was handing the baby around to all our friends. They were holding Lily up in the air, bouncing her around, tickling her and making her giggle.
“Yup, he sure looks happy,” I said. That part couldn’t be denied. Cash, the guy who I wouldn’t have pictured ‘settling down’, was now a father and content in his relationship with a woman. A good woman. I approved of Vivian. She was a good choice. But a family was still liability, wasn’t it? Or had Cash forgotten about that?
Having his little family was what was making him see past the bullshit that Lynch had fed Grimm. Grimm had his own family that was bringing him down to that level too.
I looked away from them. Seeing Cash with his kid, thinking about Vivian…it all reminded me of Samantha and the feelings she’d sparked up in me last night. I’d been thinking about her. About the sadness I thought I saw in her eyes. How forcefully she had looked away from me. She didn’t want to meet my eyes when she claimed she was doing fine. That they were treating her well. Why was she lying?
Was it just because she thought I couldn’t help her, or did she want to remain there, a prisoner to that bastard?
“You goin’ easy on the Sons of Satan?” Bones asked, interrupting my thoughts and I took a deep drink of my beer and shrugged my shoulders.
“Dunno. For now, nothing changes. I’m not taking that shit truce for granted. You saw the way Lynch was faffing all over Grimm. Trying to distract him with his friendly talk.”
Bones nodded. He was agreeing with me. He was there. He’d seen how easily Grimm had fallen for that charade, but maybe there was a part in him too that wished this was real. That this bullshit war with the Sons of Satan that was costing us everything was finally over.
When Bones had nothing more to say, I banged my empty beer bottle down on the counter and stood up. Cash saw me preparing to leave and he quickly brought Lily over.
“Where you goin’ man?” he asked, pushing Lily in my direction again. I had to do everything to fight my instinctual reaction to step away from the kid. I held my hands up in surrender. No way was I holding that little creature in my arms. I could fuckin’ break her!
I rubbed a hand over my face instead.
“I need sleep.”
“Who needs sleep? Have another drink!” Cash declared loudly, which got a lot of the guys behind him to roar with laughter. I nodded. I wasn’t kidding. This thing with the Sons of Satan had kept me up every night. Grimm put me in charge. I had a whole siege looming over my head. Then the truce meeting. I couldn’t remember the last time I got a solid six hours in.
“Yeah, fuck that. I need to hit the sack tonight,” I told him, and Cash rolled his eyes, handing Lily over to Bones instead.
I was walking past him and he thumped my back, in an attempt to hold me back.
“All cool with you, man?” he asked, and I nodded.
“All cool.”
Tonight, wasn’t the night I was about to tell him that Grimm had agreed to a hollow truce with Lynch. He was celebrating the birth of his newborn; he was basking in the glory of becoming a father. Cash nodded, not entirely convinced that all was indeed ‘cool’.
“Just exhausted as fuck.”
I was headed in the direction of the front door but was slowed down again by guys who wanted to have a quick chat about nothing. They passed me a beer or asked me for a light. Everyone in here right now was too drunk and too happy and I needed some space to fucking think!
When I eventually stepped out in the coolness of the night, I felt like I could finally breathe again. I pulled my pack of smokes out of my jeans and started to light one as I walked towards my bike. I could hear the voices of my brothers in arms inside. How loudly they were rejoicing the truce, how happy they were to have Lily in their midst! These were good men, and I felt responsible for them.
“Patch,” a soft voice pierced through the darkness and I stopped abruptly in my tracks. My cigarette nearly fell out of my hand. I reached for the gun in my belt. Till it struck me it was a woman’s voice that I just heard. A voice I actually recognized.
“Fuck. Samantha?” I growled, blinking in the dark to try and see her form. She was in the shadows, carefully hidden and now she was stepping out. Fuck! We really needed to do something about these blind spots around the Clubhouse. Anybody could be hiding here. Somebody was hiding here!
She had her arms wrapped around herself, like she was giving herself a tight hug.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to go inside and ask for you in case one of your friends recognized me. That would get you in trouble, wouldn’t it?” She was speaking meekly. There was a change in her tone from last night. She wasn’t being as dismissive of me as she had been before. It seemed like she actually wanted something from me this time.
“Yeah, it’s good that you didn’t come in. But why are you here? You okay?” I asked her. My eyes had adjusted in the dark. I could see the
way she was looking around her now, her eyes darting suspiciously in every direction. She was blinking rapidly like the very air around us was hurting her eyes. She licked her lips nervously over and over again. She was afraid of something. She wasn’t afraid of me.
I reached for her, placing a hand on her arm, and gently, I tugged her in the direction of the shadows again. Maybe that’s where she was comfortable. Hiding in the dark out of sight. Clearly, she was taking a risk by coming here. But why did she do it?
In the shadows again, Samantha seemed to relax a little.
“What are you doing here, Samantha?” I asked. She gulped and thrust her chin up towards me, trying to establish her firmness.
“We didn’t really get a chance to talk last night when we met. I thought we could catch up. You know? Like old times. I was surprised to see you.”
Well she had no idea how surprised I was to see her. But there was clearly more to this that she was telling me. She was obviously risking herself by coming to talk to a member of the Black Cobras; despite the recent truce between our two clubs. She had to know that!
“Sure, yeah, I guess, but this could be dangerous for you,” I suggested, and Samantha rolled her eyes. There was a degree of insincerity in the way she did it. I could sense she was putting in a lot of effort into coming across as casual. There was nothing casual about this.
“I guess, it could be. But nobody’s seen me. It’ll be fine. I just wanted you to know it was nice seeing you.”
I stared at her. What was she not telling me?
“Do you want to get a drink?”
“Here, at your Clubhouse?” she asked.
“That’s not going to be possible. In fact, us going anywhere together, to a public spot would not be a good idea. Anybody could see us.”
She nodded.
“We could go over to my apartment. It’s not far from here, and then I’ll drop you back to yours.”
She nodded again. She hadn’t hesitated. It was like I’d suggested exactly what was on her mind too.
I knew this was strange. There was nothing normal or casual about any of this, but I wanted to keep talking to her. I wanted to find out what she’d come here to tell me. There had to be something. And more importantly, I wanted to keep looking at her. I couldn’t believe she was actually here, in person. Like she’d stepped right out of my fantasies into real life.
6
Samantha
I was glad Patch suggested that we go back to his apartment. I didn’t want to keep standing out there in the cold, in the dark, looking over my shoulder in fear that I might have been followed. I didn’t even want to think about what could happen if someone from the Sons of Satan saw me with him. It would be the end of me.
In fact, I didn’t even know what I was doing here.
I’d spent the whole day debating whether to actually take this risk and speak to Patch. To put my own life on the line. What would I tell him if I saw him? That all their lives were in danger? It would be the biggest risk of all. Passing information to Lynch’s number one enemy.
I didn’t exactly have the immediate courage to do something like that. I didn’t know if I was even capable of it. But I wanted to see him. I still wanted to see him again, one more time, maybe the last time. I wanted to relive that thrilling nostalgic feeling he’d brought back when I saw him at the meeting that night.
I hadn’t felt like that in a very long time. So, I went. I risked everything and made my way to the Black Cobras’ Clubhouse and waited out there to catch a glimpse of him. I wasn’t even sure if I’d say anything if I saw him. I had no plan. But then he suddenly came out of the Clubhouse, lighting a cigarette, walking by himself in the dark and something inside me urged me to go ahead and speak to him. Like this was my only chance.
And now I was on his bike, my arms wrapped around his rigid muscular torso as we rode to his apartment. The wind was in my hair, making a complete mess of my red curls, filling my chest with a thrilling racing throb. I could smell him. I could sink my face into his back if I wanted to. He was so strong. I felt protected when I was with him like this—even though I knew he couldn’t really keep me safe from Lynch or his men.
But this was good. I felt some relief and warmth, even if it was just for some time on one night. I might never feel this again. Maybe this was as far as it was going to get for me, but it was all worth it.
Patch was worth the risk I was taking tonight by coming here.
Then, we were at his apartment building and I was following him upstairs in the dark. We had barely spoken since we got on the bike, but he threw me a look back every so often, like he couldn’t believe it either. That I was actually here.
He brought me a can of beer from the fridge and our fingers grazed when he handed it to me. I felt something in the pit of my stomach when his rough skin brushed against mine. It was desire. A strong animal desire for a man. Something I hadn’t felt in so long…not since Lynch took possession of me.
I was sitting on the large comfortable couch in Patch’s living room and he sat down across from me on an armchair, pinching open his own can of beer.
“I can’t tell you how surprised I was to see you there that night. I hardly even recognized you,” he began. I knew my cheeks were flushed. That was an obvious remark. Anyone who knew me from my past life would have said the same thing. I nodded.
“Yeah, I’m sure you were. I don’t even recognize myself sometimes,” I said. Although I’d put in an effort to not dress as I usually did for the Sons of Satan. I’d picked simple blue jeans, a regular black blouse and a leather jacket. I didn’t wear all those necklaces and bracelets or the cheap makeup which Lynch liked to see me in. I kept my cleavage covered tonight. My red curls fell around my shoulders in a plain hairstyle.
I wanted him to see a glimpse of the girl I used to be. The girl I was still capable of being, maybe.
“What happened?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”
“Try me.”
I filled my mouth with the foamy beer and hurriedly gulped it down.
“It’s too complicated. It’s in my past,” I told him, meeting his eyes. Patch had been cradling his own can in his hands for a while. Seemingly, not making a move to drink it. He’d been watching me intently, staring at me strongly. Then he nodded.
“Sure, we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. That’s fine,” he said, and I licked my lips in relief. I was thankful that he wasn’t asking me to explain myself to him. I didn’t want to relive the bad parts of my life right now. I wanted to relive the good parts.
So, I forced a happy smile on my face instead. I didn’t want his pity.
“I still laugh sometimes when I recall that night at my place, when my dad found us in the hedges,” I said.
Patch had been looking so serious up until now, but then a smile started spreading on his face too.
“I’m pretty sure I wasn’t laughing that night.”
“No, it was traumatic! My dad grounded me for days!”
“And then he was walking you to school every day.”
“Were you watching us?” I asked him, and Patch breathed in deeply before he brushed a hand through his shoulder-length sleek dark hair.
Still so handsome, still so hot. Definitely hotter now! He’d taken off his jacket, so I watched the way his muscles moved underneath the thin cotton t-shirt he was wearing. Tattoos crawled up and down his rugged muscular arms. I gulped rapidly while he averted my eyes.
“Yeah, I watched you. For a couple of months. I kept my distance, but then we moved.”
“Your whole family?” I asked him and Patch clenched his jaw and shrugged. I knew they’d all moved. There was a ‘For Sale’ sign out on their front yard for months. I never saw Patch or his sister, Nancy, around again.
“Or whatever was left of it. Our dad died. We found out too late that his liver was failing him.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I exclai
med, shifting in my seat. Patch didn’t look sorry.
“You shouldn’t be. He was a fucking bastard. He made our lives miserable, especially my sister’s. Forced her to look after him, mistreated her all the time. His death was good riddance.”
I watched Patch closely. There was a simple honesty about him, like he had no intention of hiding anything from me. I wanted to reach out and touch him. The way we were touching each other on the bike ride here. I gulped.
“How is your sister now?”
He nodded, that smile returning to his face.
“She is doing really well. We sold the house, moved to a small apartment and Nancy dedicated all her time to school and educating herself. It wasn’t easy, we were both minors at the time. But I earned the money to keep us going. I wanted her to have the life she always deserved. Then we used the money we got from selling the house and whatever else I could gather—to send her to college.”
I smiled at that too.
“She went to college!”
I could see the pride in Patch’s eyes when he was nodding now.
“She’s a lawyer. She passed the Bar Exam last year. My sister is amazing!” he declared. I was happy for him. I was proud, too, actually. I still remembered the way my family used to speak about him, about his ‘people’. And now…they were clearly doing much better than I was!
I was nothing.
Shame filled my cheeks and I looked down at my feet. I was supposed to go to college, supposed to make something of myself.
Patch leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees.
“I don’t want to keep asking you something you don’t want to talk about, Samantha. I’m not going to ask you how you ended up here. But I want to know, honestly, if you’re doing okay. If you need my help.”
The sincerity and warmth in Patch’s voice made me shift in my seat. I thought I was going to have tears rolling down my cheeks now. Nobody had spoken to me like that in so long. I’d forgotten what it felt like to actually have someone care about me.
Patch (The Black Cobras MC Book 3) Page 5
