by Mark Tufo
BT held my hand tight. “Let’s just go out guns blazing, Mike.”
I looked over to my sons’ very concerned faces. “I would if we were alone my friend.”
“I get it, I do. I’m sorry it came to this, buddy,” BT added.
Paul and Alex stood guard over my prone body as Tomas leaned in. It was Henry that almost stopped everything. Where he had been and what he had been doing I’m not sure, probably basking in the sun and sending out his own ozone melting flatulence.
He jumped across my chest, his back legs by my left arm pit and his front paws down by my right side. Froth formed on his muzzle as he barked and growled incessantly as Tomas approached.
“I will kill him if you do not remove him,” Tomas said, stopping his progress.
“You kill him and I will drill you in the eye with my Ka-Bar, Tomas,” I told him.
“Perhaps you would Michael. Now move the dog so that we can get to the business at hand,” Tomas said, still not moving, maybe because he was fearful of the dog or me.
Justin grabbed the big Bully and hefted him back. Travis stepped in to assist and still they almost lost control of Henry.
“Put this in your mouth,” Tomas said as he handed me a piece of rubber roughly the size and shape of a cigar. “And do not concern yourself where it has been, germs will no longer be a problem of yours.”
That almost made this whole scenario a worthwhile endeavor.
Tomas moved down to my neck. I had an instant of paranoia thinking that he merely wanted to get this close so that he could rip my throat out. And then he did, at least that’s what it felt like. Sparks of pain ignited in my throat like my veins were igniter cables and the fuse had been lit. Fire spread through every portion of my body. I arched so hard only the heels of my feet and the back of my head still made contact with the roof.
So this is how your soul was removed, it was burned out. I could smell burning cordite as my teeth struggled to cut through the guard. Muscles spasmed with a force that put my body into contortions that must not have been anything near to normal. I couldn’t register it then, but even BT was looking away, not able to stand what I was going through. Although I’ll give him this, his hand never left mine and I know I must have put enough force on it to crush a normal man’s.
“Th..th..thisss thu..thucks,” I chattered to BT.
He squeezed my hand tighter. “It’s no bargain on this side my friend,” he said, still not looking down.
Tomas had strode away at some point, could have been five minutes or five hours. Having your soul seared kind of takes your mind off of time.
“Dad?” Travis asked.
I gave him a nod but there was no guarantee that I pulled it off. My muscles were firing independent of any messages I was sending them. For all I knew, I could have stuck my tongue out at him.
“You stupid, stupid bastard,” Tracy said, cradling my head gently.
“Is it over?” I asked.
“You passed out a few minutes ago buddy,” Paul said.
“You said “goodbye” right before you went under. We were scared,” Alex said. “Do you know what you were referring to? Did you have a vision?”
I shook my head no, but I did know what I was referring to. It was the loss of my humanity, my mortality, my personage, my soul. I was less of a man now and more of a demon. And I had never felt weaker in my life.
“We need to clean his neck and stand him up before Eliza gets here,” Paul said looking nervously towards the door. “Tomas said this would look too suspicious if you were on the ground,” he said, looking at my confused face.
“I’m… I’m not sure I can stand yet, at least on my own,” I said. I don’t think I could have held up Eddy’s slight frame in this condition.
“Just lean on me,” BT said, picking me up like a rag doll.
“I think she will know something is up,” Mrs. Deneaux said, “with you carrying him around like a ventriloquist’s dummy.”
BT had one arm wrapped around my waist and had me pulled into his side, this I could tell because my head, which seemed to weigh a thousand pounds, was pointed straight down. Like a new born baby I couldn’t even hold my head up.
“At least I’ll be able to see Durgan’s boots as he kicks me with them,” I said. Gallow’s humor.
“Not funny man,” BT said as he dragged me around the roof. I’m not sure what he was trying to achieve but he kept doing it. Pretty soon he was going to scrape the tips of my hiking boots clean off.
“I’m not a junkie. I don’t think walking me around in circles making sure I stay awake is going to work in this situation,” I said, still looking down at the rooftop.
“Can’t think of anything else to do man, and I’m nervous as hell, so you get to go for a ride.”
“Wheee,” I said cheerlessly. “How much more time do you think we have?”
“Never enough,” he answered.
I was able to finally move my head upwards by degrees as we heard Eliza coming up the stairs.
“I’m in trouble,” I said, almost able to pull my head into a horizontal viewing position.
“If you’re in trouble, we all are,” BT said grimly.
“If I can’t stand by the time she comes for me, make sure you save one of those bullets for me.”
“Will that work? I mean now?” BT asked me.
“I think if an overzealous horsefly came right now, he could finish me off.”
“Mike, you’re not instilling me with confidence in our group decision.”
“You think?”
“So you lose your soul but not your sarcasm?”
“That might have hurt if I could muster up the strength to care.”
“Do you think this was a trick?” Gary asked.
I hadn’t known it before but he was walking behind us the whole time.
“I mean, maybe he just weakened you so that you had absolutely no chance. I mean, it seemed like he set his sister up, maybe he did the same to you,” Gary finished.
“Well, you’re just full of good cheer,” I told him. “Maybe he even injected me with a little zombie plague for shits and giggles.”
“It’s possible Mike,” BT added.
“Nobody thought to voice these friggen’ concerns before I let Bat Boy bite me?”
BT shrugged his shoulders but since I was attached to his hip my feet now dangled four inches off the ground as he made the gesture.
“Michael?” Eliza asked almost sweetly.
“Mike’s not here!” Gary yelled.
I could feel BT’s head turning around. “You kidding me?” he asked Gary.
“I mean, he’s sleeping!” Gary told Eliza.
“Get him!” Eliza said with not a hint of her earlier merriment.
“I’ll see what I can do,” Gary said.
“Don’t they have medication for what ails you Talbots?” BT asked.
“I’m still looking!” Gary yelled in a different direction to make it sound like he had moved.
“One minute, Michael, or the deal is off,” Eliza said furiously.
“I’m here,” I rasped.
“Has the shroud of death settled over you yet? It is a cold cloak, wet with the tears of mourning loved ones and broken dreams,” Eliza asked.
“They don’t make one in his size, bitch!” BT roared. “You should know that by now!”
“Durgan will be ready in ten minutes, will you?” Eliza laughed as her voice trailed behind her descent back down the stairs.
“I don’t like her very much,” BT said.
I would have agreed but I was in the midst of passing out again.
‘Michael, I have stalled as long as I possibly can, you need to get up.’
‘Tomas? Oh no, you’re in my head again.’
‘My sister and Durgan will be on the roof in less than five minutes.’
‘Was this a trick?’
‘Get up!’ Tomas shouted in my head.
Can someone go deaf from shouting WITHIN
their head? ‘I’m up!’ I shouted back, but the connection was broken.
“Michael, there are no surprises waiting for us are there?” Eliza asked suspiciously.
“I’m up!” I shouted again, this time vocally. “Sorry,” I said to those around me as I sat up.
“Well, that’s an improvement,” BT said, “Can you do any better than that though? Unless of course Durgan wants to thumb wrestle you to death.”
“Don’t you have some nails you can chew or something?” I asked him. “Help me stand.”
“Michael?” Eliza asked again.
“What?” I said testily. “Oh. No, there are no surprises, our original agreement is in effect.”
“You won’t mind then if I send some of my army in to verify that?” she asked.
“You sound awfully frightened for being the Lord of All You Survey,” I rang out.
Mrs. Deneaux got a good chuckle out of that one. She tipped her cigarette to me.
“Go ahead, send in your smelly minions!” Gary yelled.
“You felt the need to invite them, did you?” Tracy asked him.
“No more than a hundred,” I said to Eliza.
‘Why?’ BT mouthed.
“I’m hoping by having to count them it’ll take longer,” I told him.
“Michael, what trick are you trying to play?” Eliza asked, her dark eyes narrowing.
“No trick, I just want the fighting ring to be as big as possible,” I told her.
“It’s so the little faggot can run away like a screaming little bitch!” Durgan yelled.
“Someone got their ‘roid injection today,” BT said.
“Three hundred, Michael,” Eliza said.
“Fine,” I told her. “Even better,” I said to BT. It would take longer.
After a few minutes of zombies filing in like students into an auditorium, Durgan pushed his way through the throng. Two of them fell on their faces, and he smashed his heel down onto one of the fallen zombie’s temple. The sound was much like that of a large beetle being squished, it was not pleasant.
“That’s going to mess up your count,” I said, taunting him.
“Don’t care, there’s more of them, there’s always more of them.”
I could only agree.
“But me,” he said, pointing to his chest, “there’s only one of me.”
“Thank the God above for that,” BT said.
Again, I could only agree.
“You stay out of this, black man. I came here to kill Talbot.”
“Damn Mike! Durgan has gone all PC on us,” BT said admiringly.
“Must be the anger management classes,” I said, holding on to BT’s side, trying my best to make it look like that wasn’t what I was doing.
“I’m going to make this slow, Talbot,” Durgan said while grinding his fist into his palm.
“The slower the better,” I told him.
“You’re fucking nuts!” he yelled to me, clearly confused at my answer.
“Nucking futs,” I said.
“What is wrong with him?” Durgan asked BT as if he was going to get a valid response.
“Hopped up on bath salts,” BT said.
“What are you talking about?” Durgan asked. These were not the responses he was expecting to receive and it was throwing him off his game.
“Bath salts,” Gary said. “They’re all the rage in Paris, haven’t you ever tried them?”
“Paris is gone you idiots!” Durgan screamed.
“Oh, my poor pet,” Eliza said coming up behind Durgan. “So strong in body, yet not in mind.”
Durgan’s rage subsided as Eliza stroked his face.
“Are you about ready for the void of life?” Eliza asked me impatiently.
“A cigarette?” I asked Eliza. She looked like she was about to respond in the negative.
“Come, Sister,” Tomas said, stepping onto the roof. “We must be cultured, all condemned men are granted their final wish.”
“Wait, then I would like to change my request.”
“A cigarette then,” Eliza said.
Mrs. Deneaux was a good ten feet away. I was positive I couldn’t make it on my own and it wouldn’t look good if BT dragged me over there.
“Mrs. Deneaux, would you do the honors?” BT asked, over-exaggerating with his head a ‘come hither’ motion.
At least she was quick on the uptake, and for once she didn’t have anything snide to say as she came over and (thankfully) placed the cigarette in my mouth and lit it. I barely had enough steam to inhale and luckily none at all to cough.
“This is ridiculous!” Durgan cried. “How long can it take to smoke a cigarette? You have to finish that damn thing eventually and I’m going to make you pay for delaying the inevitable.”
“Worse than death? You twit,” Mrs. Deneaux said.
“I’ll kill you just for fun you old hag,” Durgan said to her, pointing his finger.
Never skipping a beat Deneaux answered. “Worse than you have tried. Give it your best shot.”
“All of a sudden I like you,” I told Mrs. Deneaux as I gingerly crushed the cigarette under foot. If it had offered even the least resistance I would have toppled over.
“Michael, you don’t look well,” Tomas said.
‘Thanks!’ I wanted to yell at him.
“Nothing a case of the deads won’t cure,” Durgan said.
“The deads?” I asked.
“Make the black man move,” Durgan said as he approached steadily, fists clenched by his sides.
Halfway to me and BT had not yet let go. I could feel him fighting within himself to throw me to the side and fight Durgan. It would be an awesome spectacle, just like when I was ten and my friend and I would watch Creature Double Feature on the UHF channel (if you don’t know what UHF is, it’s a dark time in our planet’s history, when we only had about five or six channels to choose from; it was hideous. No 24/7 cartoons, sports or comedy. I shudder to remember the days.) Godzilla versus King Kong, it would have been awesome.
“Michael, if BT does not move, we are done here,” Eliza said evenly.
“BT,” I said.
“I can’t man, he’s going to kill you.”
“What about that whole thing about death not having the right size for me and all.”
“Oh, I was just saying that.”
“You really suck man, now let me go.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” ‘No.’
“This is going to hurt you way more than me.” Durgan said smiling.
“How are you walking so well?” I asked truly wondering not just stalling this time.
“I’m cured man!” Durgan shouted.
“How do you get ‘cured’ from an amputated leg?” Now I was really curious.
“Eliza…” Durgan was cut short as Eliza yelled at him to finish me.
Well that one name pretty much answered my question irregardless that it was a cut short answer.
For each step back that BT took, Durgan took two forward. I swayed back and forth like a tall reed in a soft summer breeze. The best thing that I could ask to happen was that I would be on the back bend when Durgan swung. The audible crack as my jaw burst echoed throughout my skull, the reverberations finally ending in my left pinkie toe, and no I do not know why.
I could vaguely hear Durgan screaming at me to get up so that he could finish me off. It was much more comfortable where I was. I could hear Tracy and Gary, pretty much everyone urging me up, their urgent cries ringing in my ears. But I was falling deeper; the red of pain was rapidly becoming the black of unconsciousness.
It was them that I held on for. Durgan would only wait so long to get from me what he felt I owed him. If I were to pass out, he would still finish me off, most likely starting with a few rib crushing kicks followed by some face pummeling blows, capped off with my head in his hands as he cracked my neck. I might not experience any of the pain involved, but my family and friends surely would.
My jaw
rattled in my head, teeth grinding against teeth as I turned over trying to get leverage with arms that couldn’t support Gumby. A fresh wave of nausea and pinpointing blackness threatened to thwart my best efforts as my arms gave. I collapsed, jaw first, onto the tarred roof.
“That’s right, you piece of dung. Get up!” Durgan yelled, “What? No witty comeback you shithead?” His spittle rained down on me.
The thought of uttering anything more than a throaty moan made me wish for my mother, and I hadn’t done that since I was six.
“If you don’t get up in the next minute I’m going to start teaching your wife what it means to be with a real man,” Durgan boasted.
“You even look at her funny and you’ll be licking your own asshole!” BT yelled.
“You’re welcome,” BT said as I gave him the thumbs up sign, my face still buried in the roof.
Henry charged at Durgan. If I could have screamed at him to stop, I would have. Not that he would have listened. That’s the sort of relationship we have, I give him cookies, he does as he pleases. Henry wrapped his muzzle around Durgan’s lower leg. He must have put all his strength into it because Durgan screamed to the heavens, although they would have turned a blind eye to him as they had to me. He shook his leg violently and swatted Henry away. Henry yelped as he went tumbling twenty feet away. I was thankful to whatever was watching over me now that Durgan was only able to land a glancing blow. Henry came to a stop by the edge of the roof. I could tell his head was reeling as he looked up, eyes not focused on anything, but he’d be all right. More than I could say for me.
