My heart stuttered in my chest. Malcolm’s tone was so matter-of
fact. He might have been trying to goad me into a reaction, but there was also a kernel of truth in his hypothetical. “You think Val’s attack was planned?” I shuddered and the panther clawed back to the surface of my consciousness. I clenched my fists and forced her back. This was no time to let loose my beast. I had to think.
Malcolm shrugged noncommittally. “I am ignorant on this matter. The vampires rarely fill me in on their plans, and more often than not, it becomes my job to fix the damage they wreak.” His glare bore into me as punctuation.
“So am I damaged in some way?”
Malcolm went back to contemplating the view. He was quiet so long, I thought he was dismissing me. I was just about to get up and excuse myself when he spoke again. “There are barely a handful of Weres who are able to control their beasts during the transformation. All of us are Weremasters and centuries old. As you’ve been advised, I’m sure, most Weres have a hard enough time staying in control while in human form. Retaining control in animal form is a rare gift.”
“But it was only a dream. It doesn’t mean anything. I still shift every time Valentine bites me.” My voice broke as I uttered Val’s name.
“The panther is part of your psyche. She doesn’t distinguish between sleeping and waking. If you are a panther in your dreams then she is in control. You are, effectively, a bystander in her dream.”
Malcolm turned to me, dark eyes blazing. “You have to stop basing your progress as a Were on your ability to feed your lover. I find that
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absolutely revolting. I intended all along to have nothing to do with you, but somehow, you have managed to stumble upon a gift that so few of us possess.”
“Valentine is mine.” I insisted stubbornly. “And I am hers. There is nothing revolting about that.”
“There will come a time when you will have to choose sides, Alexa Newland. Will you choose what is within or will you choose that which is without?”
“I will always choose Valentine.”
Malcolm smiled then, though without mirth. “We will see. In the meanwhile, I will help you master your panther. Your awarenesses are opening up to each other far more rapidly than is the norm. The struggle for dominance has begun. You need to assert your will at every opportunity, especially when she’s fighting to take control of the transformation.”
I ran my hand through my hair in frustration and shook my head.
“What do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past three weeks?”
“You can fight her on your turf, but not on hers. Instead, you need to speak to her in a language that she understands. Tap into your instincts. Impose your will onto her by showing her how you feel in her terms.”
Malcolm’s demeanor gentled then. “When you achieve harmony with your panther, it will be because your wills are one. You can’t break her, nor do you want to. You are human. You have the unique gift of empathy. Use it to communicate with her.”
“Val wants to go to the Catskills this weekend, just the two of us. Do you think I’m ready?”
“Look in the mirror. The answer is written all over your face. Follow your instincts.” Malcolm’s phone beeped once. “That would be my three o’clock. I’m afraid I will have to end our meeting here.”
Surprisingly, I heard a hint of genuine regret in his voice. He escorted Karma and me to the door, but lay a hand on my shoulder before I could cross the threshold.
“Know this. We are currently allied with the vampires because it is expedient and pragmatic. But there are significant philosophical rifts between the factions. You would do well to remember that, and take it into account when making future decisions.”
His admonition, though delivered quietly, rang with gravitas.
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When I nodded, he turned back to his desk, leaving me to ponder just how naïve I’d been, to believe that I could stay out of the politics of this world.
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Chapter NiNeteeN
Iwoke to the sensation of the car coming to a stop. Blinking the sleep from my eyes, I reached automatically for Val. She twined our fingers together and leaned over for a lingering kiss.
“Good morning, sleepycat.”
I stretched. “Some navigator I was. Sorry about that.”
Val shook her head as she curled a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “You needed the rest.” Her concerned expression morphed into a smile. “Come on. Let’s get our stuff inside.”
We stepped out onto packed snow. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of pine on the crisp winter air and the sound of a woodpecker drilling off in the distance. From the depths of my brain, the panther raised her head, curious. And then I felt something I’d never experienced before. Contentment. Even a sort of alien happiness. If she had been dominant, she would have been purring.
“What is it?” Val was staring at me from a few feet away. That worried expression was back, contorting her beautiful face into a frown.
“Alexa?”
“She’s…happy,” I said, hearing the wonder in my own voice.
“Oh?” The bridge of Val’s nose wrinkled adorably as she thought this over. “Maybe she’s glad to be out of the city?”
“Makes sense.” I popped the trunk and grabbed the two duffels that we’d packed full of sweaters and sweats. Val was juggling grocery bags and trying to fit the key into the lock at the same time. When she finally shouldered open the door, I was right behind her. We dumped everything onto the floor and looked around the small room, our breaths steaming in the crisp air.
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A wooden table and two chairs sat in the middle of the room. Along the left wall were a stove, a sink, and some cabinets, while the right wall held a large brick fireplace. There was a frayed rug on the floor and a couch directly facing the hearth. A narrow ladder led up to a loft along the far side of the house, and I didn’t resist the urge to climb up for a look. It held only a queen-sized bed and a nightstand.
“How is it?” Val said from just behind me. I shifted my feet on the rung to make room for her, smiling when she encircled my waist with one arm. “Oh, nice. Very cozy.”
“Mmm-hmm.” I kissed her neck, sucking lightly. When I heard her breathing stutter, I pulled away. I shouldn’t have been tempting fate at all, of course, but something about being all alone with her, so far from the City and the Consortium, made resisting impossible.
“While it suddenly feels hot in here,” she said, grinning, “I can still see my breath. I’ll make you a deal: you take care of the groceries and I’ll make a fire.”
“Deal.” This time I gave her a quick peck on the lips before descending back to the first floor. We worked in companionable silence for a while. I arranged several days’ worth of food and drink in the cabinets while Val piled firewood both into and next to the hearth. Within twenty minutes, a broad column of flame was reaching for the shadows of the chimney, and I was heating snow on the gas stove so we’d have usable water later on.
Although she was just across the room, Valentine felt too far away. I sat on the couch, testing out the cushions and watching her make a few last adjustments to the blaze. Finally, she took a seat on the opposite end, reclining against the armrest, and beckoned. I slid into her embrace, sighing in pleasure as her arms encircled me. I tucked my face into the curve of her neck and smiled against her skin.
“This is so nice,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, isn’t it?” She was stroking my back with slow, feather-light touches. I could feel my body relaxing, molding itself to hers. The snaps and pops of the fire were comforting, and its heat was making me sleepy again despite my earlier nap.
“Sleep, my love,” Val whispered.
“Want to…go explore,” I said, even as I snuggled in closer
. I felt more than heard the laughter rumble in her chest.
“Later. Rest now. We both need it.”
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She was right. Even the panther was in agreement, wordlessly urging me back into slumber. I caught the briefest of visions from her: tall grass, warm sun, the chatter of birds in a tree nearby. Halfhearted tail-flick at a buzzing fly. A lazy afternoon on the savannah. Smiling, I let the warmth lull me under.
v
We managed to nap for an hour before the urge to explore trumped the warmth of the fireplace. As we hiked up the mountain, the sun arced gently overhead on its way to slumber in the west, muting the sharp winter whites into mellow shades of pastel blue and purple. We began to see a few signs of wildlife: a hawk perched high on a naked tree branch; the occasional squirrel ferreting out its buried nut; even a snowshoe rabbit, darting away with one powerful push of its hind legs.
“I’m curious,” Val said as we watched the rabbit zigzag around trees before disappearing into its hole. “What do you feel when you see something like that? I mean…does the panther want to take control? Do you get territorial? Hungry?”
I smiled at her stream of questions. “Sort of,” I said as we continued on. “She definitely perks up. A few weeks ago, I might have had to struggle not to change. But her instincts are muted when I’m…me.”
Val nodded thoughtfully. “You know,” she said after a quiet moment, “She’s—well, she’s beautiful.” At my surprised look, she hurried to explain. “You feel opposed to her a lot—I get that. Believe me, I do. But she suits you, too.”
Tears pricked my eyes at her declaration. I didn’t know what to say. “I’m glad,” I finally whispered. I wondered if it was normal for her to be able to reach acceptance of my other half sooner than I could. And then I wondered whether I could lean on Val more than I had been—to draw strength from her instead of trying to shield her.
“Well, what about you?” I said a few minutes later, in an effort to lighten the mood between us. The path had broadened just enough for us to walk together again, and I caught her hand. “What do you feel when you see me? Does your thirst want to take control? Do you get territorial? Hungry? Hmm?”
Her eyes darkened immediately. A thrill of adrenaline surged into my blood at that look: love and need and thirst, braided together. “You
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know the answer,” she said, and I could hear the roughness in her voice, the strain that it took to keep herself in check. I wanted that tension to disappear.
Hand in hand, we reached the spine of the mountain. While the trail had been steep and narrow in some places, this ridge was wide enough for both of us. The late-afternoon sunlight glittered off small mounds of windswept snow. The path opened up ahead and as I approached the edge of the overhang, I felt my heart catch in my chest. I hadn’t realized how high an altitude we were hiking until I looked out at the entire valley below, spread out like a banquet of the vanities at our feet. Val pulled up alongside me and sucked in a sharp whistling breath.
“My God, it’s gorgeous.”
Trees were sparse here, affording us a panoramic view of the other mountains in the range, and the valleys weaving sinuously between them. The landscape rolled out before us like a tapestry of riotous color. Even in winter, the deep green of the spruces punctuated the snowblanketed mountainsides like silent sentinels of spring. Speckled granite, glazed with ice and wetness, reflected the daylight rays in shining gold and crimson. The bright azure of the sky above met its dark twin in the inky indigo streams that snaked their way lazily through the heart of the valley.
I breathed in deeply, enjoying the crispness of the air and the crunching sounds that my snowshoes made at every step as we hiked the final feet to the pinnacle of the mountain. Instead of feeling small and insignificant, I soaked in the nearness of Valentine and the calmness of the winter and felt larger than life. Wrapping my arms around her, I savored the triumph in this moment. “It’s incredible up here. I almost don’t want to go back.”
“I know,” she said, a soft reverence tinting her words. “We’re on top of the world.”
Eternity, above and below. I turned to Val and gazed upon her face: so familiar, so beloved. She smiled at me, free and clear and pure. I looked into her eyes, a blue truer than the azure of the sky or the indigo of the water, a blue that sang of love and the promise of forever. My eternity, in those eyes.
I ran my hands up her sides, over her shoulders, and behind her neck. With a gentle tug, I pulled her lips to mine. The kiss steamed as we breathed into each others’ mouths. And in that moment, I could feel the
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stress and tension of the last few months begin to leave me, dissipating into the air, soaking into the rock. It didn’t matter that Valentine was a vampire or that I was a Were. We were alive, and together. Soul mates.
Gradually, our mouths gentled until I shifted my lips away from Val’s to press light, warm kisses on the cool skin of her jaw, her throat. She kneaded my back muscles through my jacket, and I suddenly ached to feel her hands on me with no barriers between us. But part of me didn’t want to descend back into the woods—the openness and sense of space up here felt so good. Liberating.
“We should probably go,” I finally said, “if we want to be back before dark.”
“Yeah.” She took a step backward and spun in a slow circle, trying to imprint the memory onto her brain. To savor it. I loved her for that impulse. I took her hand and tugged her toward the path. We were walking away from this magical ledge overlooking the world, but I knew we weren’t leaving it behind.
v
We made it back to the cabin just as the last tinges of red and gold were fading from the sky. Val reawakened the fire, while I began to prepare a simple dinner—spaghetti and garlic bread. When she came over to help, I couldn’t keep my hands off her, and for the next half hour, we giggled like teenagers as we tried to fix a meal without ever letting go of each other. We ate on the couch, legs touching, and I regaled her with stories about my family’s cabin in the northern woods of Wisconsin. When I got to the one about my oldest brother, lake leeches, and my middle sister’s hair products, Val laughed so hard that she doubled over, tears streaking down her cheeks. We ended up spooning, Val’s face pressed against my neck as I stared into the fire, her fingers idly tracing the outer thigh seam of my sweats. And then, slowly, she pushed her hand beneath my sweater to rest her palm on my stomach. My entire body jolted at the sensation. I tensed automatically. The panther stirred, sensing my unrest.
“Shh,” Val whispered. “I just need to touch you a little. It’ll be okay. Relax.”
Her voice was warm and loving, not sad or desperate or angry at
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my reaction. I closed my eyes, giving in to the urge to mold my body to hers. “You feel so good.”
Her fingers traced aimless patterns across my skin for what felt like hours, until I was blazing in empathy with the flames in the hearth. Val’s lips had been quiescent but now they were in motion, sliding back and forth across my neck. When she shifted up to lightly flick my earlobe with her tongue, a small needy sound escaped me. I wasn’t chagrined, and I didn’t think to be afraid. Tugging at her shirt, I pulled her on top of me, blindly seeking out her mouth with my own. I was hungry but she was gentle—kissing me chastely, lingering at the corners of my lips. Beads of sweat rose to my skin, an homage to our rising passion. She felt them.
“Can I take this off?”
I arched in response, and she stripped off my shirt first, then her own. “Valentine,” I gasped as our bodies reconnected. The exquisite softness, the delicate points of hardness, and the heat, oh God, the heat. My head spun. Val’s hands roamed my torso, and although she was still being so gentle, I could feel the need behind her tenderness. I tensed again when she began to work my sweat
s over my hips, but for once, the panther didn’t feel threatened. Instead she was almost…curious. Naked now, our limbs twined together of their own volition. I clutched at the strong muscles of Val’s back, urging her even closer. “I love you, Alexa,” she murmured, rising up to slip one hand between us.
“I love you. Every part of you. So much.”
She was liquid need against my thigh and I, I was open as the skies during the monsoon, heavy rains pouring down on parched earth. I forced my eyes open to the stunning sight of Val moving above me, inside me, teeth bared in passion and thirst as she watched the ripples of emotion and sensation that crossed my face. I could feel the agonizing ecstatic energy gathering in me, coalescing. This was the essence of freedom.
“Val, please!” I gasped with my last coherent breath, and she heard the truth ringing in my stuttered words and the promise offered in the pulsing heat of my skin. Bending her head, she slid her teeth into the juncture between my neck and shoulder and took me fully. She drank gently but insistently. Warmth radiated from the pulse point in my neck where her lips met my skin. Every pull sent waves of pleasure through my body, coalescing in a knot of fierce desire deep within. Blindsided,
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the panther began to enrage—but I relentlessly fused our wills together, forcing her to feel the power and beauty of the ecstasy that ripped through my body and shook my very soul. Remarkably, the panther’s resistance gentled and faded and soon I could feel nothing at all except the exquisite pleasure of Valentine touching me everywhere—her teeth in my skin, her fingers in my body, the heat of her, sliding frantically along my thigh.
Half a heartbeat later, she shuddered against me and her back arched as her teeth pulled cleanly away from my neck. I held her tightly as she rode out her release. When she finally began to come down, I took a long, deep breath, glorying in our triumph. She collapsed beside me, panting. I combed her damp hair back from her forehead and smiled. She looked dazed, satisfied, exhausted. A swell of love and joy and tenderness welled up in me.
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