by Linda Huber
‘I’m sorry, Mrs Baxter, but this could mean that he fell into the sea at some point. That section of the walk is challenging. But I’m afraid there’s more. A different witness has come forward with a sighting in a gent’s toilet at Mousehole.’
He leaned forward. ‘This means we have two scenarios to investigate. One is that your husband fell into the sea between Lamorna and Mousehole.’
Amanda’s hands were shaking. They were buying Gareth’s drowning; James had been right. She swallowed, feeling her heart beating uncomfortably; she could hear the lub-dub lub-dub in her ears. She clasped her hands together hard. What the hell was the second scenario?
Sergeant Jacobs face was grim. ‘Falling into the sea doesn’t fit in with the second sighting at Mousehole, however, because the next stretch of path is relatively easy and it’s unlikely he would fall there. But there’s another possibility – your husband could have vanished voluntarily. Maybe he wanted to disappear.’
Shock jerked through Amanda and she sat straight. The thought had never entered her head. Who was he to say that Gareth would leave her like that?
‘No. That can’t be. He would never have – he would never do that.’
‘Has he been worried about anything recently?’
‘He’s had a very stressful time at work but he’s finished that job and he’s due to start a new one in June.’ She could hear the indignation in her voice. In other circumstances this would have been laughable.
‘I’m sorry but I have to ask – is your relationship all right?’
Her teeth began to chatter and her fingers fluttered against cold lips. This was a line of enquiry that neither she nor James had anticipated. ‘We’re fine. I found out last week that I’m pregnant, that’s how fine we are!’
Amanda leaned forward, head almost touching her knees, and began to sob completely genuine tears.
Chapter Thirteen
Monday 26th – Tuesday 27th May
The first adoption meeting of the week was sobering – Soraya’s school teacher was present to give her account of the girl’s school life. According to Ms Landon, Soraya was alternately dreamy and disruptive in class, which meant she was behind in every area of her education.
‘She has problems concentrating in a classroom environment,’ said the teacher. ‘She’s a lovely kiddie when you get her in the right mood, but there are nineteen other children in the class. Even with an assistant I can’t give her as much individual attention as she needs.’
Ella thought of the child who had sat on her knee listening to stories. ‘She works well when she does have individual attention though?’
‘Yes – she’s obviously intelligent, but she needs something we can’t give her enough of. I feel an assessment by a medical expert might be a good next step. She may need medication of some kind. It’s something for you to keep in mind.’
Privately, Ella thought that medication was a long way down the line. There didn’t seem much point medicating a child with concentration problems which weren’t in evidence when she had the right kind of attention. Soraya could concentrate; what she needed was help to do this in the noisier environment of a classroom.
The following evening’s meeting was to discuss the timing of the next few weeks.
‘She loves going to Ella and Rick’s,’ said Mel to the assembled group of social workers and adoption society workers. ‘I don’t see any reason why she shouldn’t move in quite quickly. Maybe a weekend visit first, and then we can look at the permanent move happening at the end of the week after?’
Ella couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face. Her dream was coming true, at last, at last. ‘Sounds great. What would I do about school?’
‘You can enroll her at your local school as soon as we have a date for the permanent move. I’d keep her at home for a day or two, then send her for the last few weeks of term,’ said Liz. ‘She’ll get to know the other kids and also have an idea what to expect after the holidays.’
Ella nodded. She smiled up at Rick, who was pulling at his collar as if he was too hot. He hadn’t said much at either meeting, but Ella hadn’t dared ask him more about the supposed Indian contract. It was horrible, not knowing if he was lying about it, but prodding would only antagonise him. And apart from his silence, which no one else knew wasn’t typical, nothing about his behaviour tonight was suggesting that he didn’t want to adopt Soraya. Ella took a deep breath, trying not to let her uncertainty show. She was being silly; Rick had assured her he was happy to wait for a son. He’d even pointed out there were no guarantees about the sex of your baby when it entered the family in the usual way.
Ella leaned back as Rick drove home through darkening streets. Two meetings in two days had been tough. And it was difficult not to feel daunted about what was in front of them – a change of school for a six-year-old with concentration problems might not be the easiest part of the adoption. It might be an idea to have a quiet word with the new teacher when they enrolled Soraya. Rick pulled up in their driveway, and Ella jumped in surprise. She’d been so engrossed in her thoughts she hadn’t noticed they were home.
‘Glass of wine? To celebrate our last week as a twosome?’ she suggested.
Rick nodded. ‘Be with you in a bit.’
He wandered off up the garden, and Ella fought down impatience – yet again. That bloody shed was turning into Rick’s sanctuary from whatever he was trying to avoid. Like her – and Soraya.
She opened the bottle of Sauvignon Blanc she’d put in the fridge and poured a large glass, then sank into a kitchen chair, elbows propped on the table, head in hands. If Liz and the others in the adoption team thought Rick wasn’t one hundred per cent enthusiastic about Soraya’s placement it could slow the whole thing down. Worst case, they wouldn’t get her. Fear took the place of Ella’s impatience. That mustn’t happen. The connection between her and Soraya was very real; nothing should endanger their burgeoning mother-daughter bond.
She managed to swallow her fear when Rick came in five minutes later. Be nice, Ella, be fun, keep him happy. They sat in the kitchen drinking too much wine and planning the next day’s outing with Soraya, when they would pick her up after school and take her for pizza. Then there would be the weekend visit when Soraya would stay over both on Friday and Saturday night, and then – it wouldn’t be long before she was home full time.
Ella gave herself a shake. She and Rick would have to get things back to normal; secrecy had never been a part of their relationship before they’d begun this process.
‘Rick – what’s happening with your job?’ she said as he emptied the bottle into their glasses. The question came straight from her gut.
His eyes met hers. ‘Don’t worry. Things’ll be critical for a week or two but then we should be on top of it.’ He lifted his glass. ‘You know, we should knock through this wall and make a big kitchen/dining room, a family room. Then we can keep the living room to be civilised in.’
Ella sipped her wine. He was changing the subject. But least said, soonest mended did work sometimes, and a kitchen conversion wasn’t a bad idea. They sat planning till nearly midnight, when Ella went up to bed, expecting Rick to follow. But a few minutes later she heard the kitchen door close. Rick had gone out to the shed.
Chapter Fourteen
Wednesday 28th May
When Ella awoke on Wednesday morning – with a headache – Rick had already gone. She sat in the kitchen nursing a coffee and waiting for the paracetamol to work. That would teach her to drink half a bottle of wine the day before an important outing. At least she was only working for a few hours this afternoon, and by the end of the week she’d be a full-time mum. Hallelujah.
She smiled, remembering Soraya’s pleasure when they’d suggested going for pizza. ‘A celebration, now that you’re to be part of the family,’ Ella told her new daughter. The little girl’s face shone, and Ella’s heart melted yet again. If only Rick would share the fun.
Thinking about him was sobering. Last
night had been the first time she could remember when they hadn’t said goodnight properly. She couldn’t imagine why he’d go out to the shed so late, unless it was to avoid her.
She leaned across for her phone on the work surface. It wouldn’t hurt to call and touch base. She put the call through, jumping when Rick’s mobile trilled upstairs. Ha – his head must be in a similar state to hers. Maybe he’d appreciate it if she dropped his phone off – she’d call his office landline and ask.
Alan answered the phone and chuckled when she asked for Rick. ‘You’ve got your days mixed up – he’s not in today. He’ll have gone fishing and left his phone at home on purpose.’
Ella’s head reeled – not at work? What was going on? Or – was Rick planning some kind of surprise for her? Or for Soraya – a swing set, maybe. But what had Alan meant by…
‘Days mixed up?’
His reply shook her entire world. ‘It’s Wednesday, remember? I suppose he’ll go back to working full-time when you get Soraya?’
‘Ah – um, not sure. Don’t mention I called, will you, Alan? You know what a tease he can be. I’d never hear the end of it.’
Trembling, Ella put the phone down. So Rick was working part-time. The dodgy contract might mean there wasn’t enough work for him. But Alan had sounded as if Rick had chosen not to work full time. Why hadn’t he talked this over with her – and just where exactly had he been every Wednesday? Was it the only day he had off?
Making a split second decision, Ella pushed her coffee mug away and rummaged in the cutlery drawer for the spare shed key. Two minutes later, she was staring at the tomato plants, which were growing like mad – tomatoes and everything. Surely they must need more light than they had here. She glanced round but there were no books or pamphlets or anything giving information about tomatoes. In fact, she realised, examining the shed more carefully, there was nothing here that explained Rick’s fascination with the place. A shelf of plants under one window and a worktable under the other, a blue plastic tub with the larger tools, and an old bookcase with an assortment of miscellaneous items – what on earth did Rick do all the time he spent here? Looking after the plants wouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes a day. The place was still smelly, too, the bag of bone meal under the shelf was responsible for that, but otherwise it was nothing more than a dull, boring shed. Ella switched on the radio on the worktable, surprised when a local station boomed into the shed, discussing safety measures on coastal paths. Rick rarely listened to the radio, and when he did it was Radio Four.
She moved away, grabbing the table when the floor wobbled beneath her feet. The wooden slabs were muddy, too, after this week’s rain. She reached for the broom, then stopped. It wasn’t that the shed was Rick’s private place, but he might not like to think she’d been poking round here. And if she’d been expecting to find a marijuana factory she was disappointed. Maybe Rick simply felt the need for a place to potter – a man-thing, perhaps. Keep him sweet, Ella.
When Rick arrived home at five he seemed as usual, kissing her quickly before going upstairs to change. Ella’s mood plummeted – why couldn’t he have arrived with a swing set or some other reason for taking a day off work? Of course it wasn’t just the one day… She clutched her handbag to her middle. She wouldn’t say anything yet. That would ruin the evening, and she needed more time to think. Whatever happened, whatever Rick was doing, it mustn’t endanger the adoption.
As usual, Soraya was waiting for them at the window. Ella tried to hug the little girl when she opened the door, but Soraya wriggled away, running to fetch her jacket.
‘She’s a bit jittery,’ said Mel. ‘That probably won’t change until she’s moved in with you and feels safe in her forever home. For the moment we’ll need to be patient with her.’
Ella nodded. It would take time, but they had that, and Soraya was certainly happy about becoming their daughter. But happiness didn’t always equal trust.
‘Can I have pizza with pineapple?’ Soraya ran to a table by the window.
Ella saw Rick frown. Oh dear, maybe they should have gone for a hamburger or something in a more child-friendly location. Rick had chosen this restaurant, a traditional pizzeria near Chiverton, and there wasn’t a single other child in the room.
The waiter swept up. ‘Si, si, signorina. Prego.’ He patted Soraya’s head and produced a large cushion for her to sit on, pushed Ella’s chair underneath her, and went for menus. Ella’s apprehension vanished.
Sheer joy spread through her. Here they were, a family of three; the two of them were out for a meal with their child. It was intoxicating. She had dreamed of this for so long, and now it was happening.
And it was fun, this being a family – a completely new kind of fun. Soraya’s eyes lit up when the waiter brought her a paper place mat and a box of crayons. She sat colouring the beach scene, giving the waiter a gappy smile when he complimented her on her artwork. Ella felt her beam stretch, heavens, she was turning into one of those besotted mothers. Rick raised his eyebrows at her and she patted his hand. Forget the bad stuff, Ella, just for a little while. This was an important first in their lives.
She relaxed too soon, however. Ella’s happiness fizzled away when Soraya, pizza eaten, started to wander round the restaurant, only giggling when Rick called her back. The waiter saved the situation by allowing her to help him lay tables, and then brought her a tub of ice cream when Ella and Rick had finished their own meal. Rick’s mouth was tense.
‘It’s okay,’ said Ella, putting her hand on his sleeve. ‘Nobody’s upset. Good choice of restaurant.’
‘Rewarding disobedience isn’t the best way to deal with it,’ he said. ‘Let’s get the bill and go.’
Ella opened her mouth to tell him not to be so stuffy, then closed it again. A busy restaurant wasn’t the best place to discuss parenting – but wasn’t it brilliant that they had parenting issues to discuss? Not to mention job issues… Ah well. The glitter was gone, but it had been a lovely evening and it wasn’t over yet.
‘I want to go to the swings,’ said Soraya, standing up.
They’d passed a swing park on the way to the restaurant, and Ella put her hand on the girl’s shoulder, thinking wryly that they should agree to requests that didn’t cost anything. It would be iPads and the like soon enough.
‘Sit right there until we’ve paid the bill, and then we’ll stop at the swings for fifteen minutes,’ she said.
Soraya squinted at her, then sat down and started to colour her place mat again, an angelic expression on her face.
‘She’ll test us, but we have to be prepared for that,’ said Ella later, as they stood watching Soraya on the climbing frame.
Rick shuffled his feet. ‘You’re better with her. I just get mad.’
‘Remember what Liz said last night? Don’t take disobedience as a personal insult. She’s looking for stability, and we can give her that.’
He shrugged, and Ella bit her lip. Having a child was a huge change in anyone’s life. They had to talk about it. This non-communication on Rick’s part was baffling.
‘Look at me!’ Soraya was at the top of the frame now, standing on a platform, arms stretched to the heavens.
‘Hold on!’ Rick’s call echoed Ella’s, and she pulled a face at him. Parenting wasn’t so easy. They couldn’t protect Soraya twenty-four-seven – what a scary thought. Ella stood grappling with the thought that she’d never have true peace of mind unless her girl was beside her on the sofa reading a book.
‘Let’s go on the roundabout to finish up!’ she called, and Soraya clambered down.
Even the roundabout was tricky. Rick had the job of pushing it, and Ella clung to the iron bars while the world circled and her brain went into shock. How many years was it since she’d done this? But maybe she’d get used to it…
‘Faster!’ shrieked Soraya, and Rick complied.
‘Whoa! Time to go, you’re too good at this,’ said Ella, jumping off.
Soraya wanted another go, an
d Ella watched the joy on her new daughter’s face as Rick pushed her round. On the way back to the car Soraya took a hand of each of them, and Ella hugged the sensation to her heart. This was real. She was a mother.
On the way back to Redruth they all chatted about next Saturday’s visit to the beach, and Ella was allowed to hug Soraya goodbye. And roll on the day when she didn’t have to return her child for another woman to put to bed.
‘We’re going to be permanently exhausted until we all settle down together,’ she said as they approached St Ives. Last night’s wine and late bedtime had taken their toll; all she wanted to do was sleep.
Rick’s reply was like a knife in her back. ‘You will, maybe. My work does a pretty good job of exhausting me. I shouldn’t think I’ll notice the difference.’
He pulled up in the driveway, and tonight Ella wasn’t surprised when he went straight to the shed.
Chapter Fifteen
Wednesday 28th – Thursday 29th May
‘I suppose I’d better finish packing,’ said Susie, lifting her handbag and trailing over to the door where she turned and gave Amanda a look that was unadulterated misery. ‘I wish I didn’t have to leave you, hen. But I’ll be back, don’t worry.’
Amanda nodded, searching for words and inwardly blessing the fact that Suze was doing wedding hair-dos for a friend’s daughter tomorrow and didn’t want to let them down, even with her son missing.
The visit had been difficult to say the least. Amanda’s mind screamed in silent horror every time her mother-in-law looked at her with Gareth’s slate-coloured eyes, clouded in grief and fear. If only she’d never met James. If only she hadn’t been so shallow as to start an affair. If only she’d never got pregnant. But she had done all these things and they were crushing her.
