by E. M. Moore
I swear even from here I can see the pulse on his neck feather out a crazy rhythm. “So it’s going to be like that?”
“Afraid so,” I tell him.
“I didn’t really peg you for being petty, Dale. You just said you didn’t care. I think you care too much.”
“I guess you’ll never know.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re an open book. Always have been.”
I don’t say anything only because I think he’s right. Somehow, they always seem to know what I’m feeling even before I do. I’m going to have to work on that.
Without thinking, I start to walk out. Once I’m in front of him, my toes in the sand, I ask, “What did you want, Sloan?”
He hands me my towel, briefly glancing at me before I can get it around my shoulders and cover myself up. When I’m hidden behind it, he looks away. I was right about the pulse in his neck and the feathering of his jaw. He looks like he’s trying to stay cool, but his body is revolting against the idea.
I wipe a corner of the towel down my face. “Nice talk. Glad you came all the way out here for that.”
I step away, but his hand closes around my ankle. When I look back, he lets me go and leans back in the sand again. “I just wanted to tell you I didn’t think it would get that far.”
I can’t tell from the look on his face what exactly he’s talking about. Is he talking about his friend being an asshole? Or is he talking about us…together? “What? You almost going down on me? That day in the classroom? Or…?”
His gaze drops to my mid-section. I’m completely covered, but his eyes are burning a hole right through the soft fabric of the towel. “Neither, actually. I was talking about Lake.”
“Oh,” I say sarcastically. “The day you let me know in no uncertain terms that I was basically just another Baller Skank to you. I mean, my car already said it, so…” I shrug. “Did you have one of the others key it there?”
“It wasn’t like that and you know it.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
“I didn’t know he would pull that shit.”
I roll my eyes. “Christ, Sloan, it’s been months. Why do you even care? We spent day after day in basketball practice, Saturdays on a bus sometimes, and you’re just now coming to me with this?”
He swallows. “I don’t have an excuse, Tessa, so if you’re looking for one, you won’t find it here.”
“I’m not looking for anything when it comes to you.”
His face shadows over. I don’t know what he expected, but it clearly wasn’t this. For a split second, the shadows make the dark areas under his eyes more pronounced, and I feel an ounce of guilt. I’m giving him shit, but Sloan Ivy doesn’t have the best life. For all outward appearances, it’s great. He’s a senator’s son. He’s wealthy. He’s great at basketball. I know the truth. He’d opened up to me about what actually goes on.
“I used to wonder how you could still like us after everything we did to you. I guess that only goes so far, huh?”
My throat starts to clog. Shame washes over me. Clearly, I put my faith in the wrong people. “I guess so.”
He wipes his hand down his face and then gets to his feet. His hazel eyes are the perfect myriad of colors today. It makes me ache even though I try to push the feeling down. When I still feel an inkling of remorse for him, I push it down even further. He sighs. “I guess I just wanted you to know that I’ve never seen Hayes do that before. Maybe he’s the only one of us who deserves you.”
I tip my chin in the air. “None of you deserve me.”
Sloan catches my gaze for a second, but then looks away. “I think you’re right about that.”
He spins in the sand and walks away. I stand there, lake water still dripping off me as I watch him go. He cuts through the beach, over the lawn, and toward one of the cabins on the other side of this section. A few of the other camp attendees are outside throwing a frisbee around.
I know I need to stay strong, it’s just the fact that I thought we connected over something before. I have to tamp the urge to run after him and ask—for real this time—about his parents. I know something must be going on. He’s not losing sleep for no reason.
Before I can do just that, I lean over and quickly swipe my keys out of the sand and head toward my cabin. I have just enough time to throw some real clothes on and head in for dinner. Maybe tonight I’ll grab a tray and eat by myself in the privacy of my own cabin. There’s a lot less bullshit in here than there is in any other part of this camp.
10
I’m able to avoid any testosterone-fueled nonsense until the next day.
One of the coaches my dad got to come to camp this year isn’t a basketball coach at all. He teaches about mindset, specifically the mindset of young entrepreneurs and athletes. I was actually pretty thrilled with this idea until the guy tells us he wants us to break up into partners. As he’s explaining everything that he wants to happen, my blood pumps like crazy. The air-conditioned room we’re in in the main building feels like it’s blowing cold air right on me.
This can’t be happening. It’ll be just my luck if I get paired with one of the Ballers, or worse, Lake or his fucking jackoff of a brother. How is that kid only about to be a freshman? He’s already a rotten human being.
“I’ve pre-arranged the partners,” the mindset coach says. I’m glaring at him. I hope he can tell. He’s supposed to be really good at youth psyche, so doesn’t he know breaking us off into partners is like the worst thing ever? I thought only high school teachers did that just to get back at us students for being general pains in their asses.
He calls us up by name one-by-one. My mind is whirring, trying to figure out who’s left, who I’m inevitably going to be partnered up with, when he says, “Lake and Quintessa.”
All the air rushes out of me. No. Fucking. Way.
About four voices speak out in dissent, not one of them is mine or Lake’s. The guy—Petrie, or Petrie something—glances up. Alec’s voice transcends the others. “That’s not a good idea, Sir.”
Petrie pushes his glasses up his nose. “Excuse me?”
Lake scoffs. “Yeah, I’m not pairing up with her. Sorry. Not sorry?”
I glare at him as his brother laughs aloud. Like I want to be paired with him.
“Oh.” Petrie switches his gaze to me, but I refuse to make a sound. I won’t back down. If I have to work with Lake, I will, even if it is to prove a point.
“I’ll work with Tessa,” Alec offers.
Lake sneers. “How chivalrous of you.”
When Petrie turns to make the adjustments, Alec gives Lake the bird. Only, it’s not as forceful as I would have done. He smirks as he gives it until he catches my eye. Then, he turns away, accepting the packet of papers from the mindset expert.
I just know this day is going to be absolute torture.
Everyone files out of the room ahead of us. I don’t even move from my seat until Alec does. “You didn’t have to do that, you know,” I tell him.
He gives me a look. “Yes, I did. Lake would’ve eaten you alive.”
“Lake can kiss my fucking ass.”
Alec ignores me, looking through the papers. I read over his shoulder. Petrie explained a little bit of what was going on. Mindset is so important, especially when someone is trying to play sports at a high level or be a CEO of a business. High stress, high stakes. It looks like the packet is a cross between learning to rely on others, a.k.a teamwork, and learning about other mindsets. I have a feeling this kind of class is going to help only those who take it seriously. My father attributes a lot of his success to mindset. He’s read enough self-help books and has even been to a few Tony Robbins and the like seminars.
“Alright, let’s find a place to go over this thing,” he says. I’m about to suggest the beach, but he heads down that way anyway. The screen door slams behind us and we walk across the grass until he plops his ass in the sand facing the water. “This should
be good, right?”
No one else is around. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of them blow this exercise off. Alec brings the worksheets in front of us, and I lean over to read. The first question is a biggie. It wants us to tell our partner our individual goals. A goal for the next year, five years, ten, and beyond. It goes on to say that admitting one’s goals is super important, blah, blah, blah, but all I can think is thank God I’m not partners with Lake right now. I don’t give a shit about his goals. His one-year goal is to probably keep me off the damn basketball team.
“You go first?” Alec asks. “One-year goal.”
“Easy,” I tell him. “My one-year goal is to once again make the Rock basketball team, except this time, I’m actually going to play.” Alec opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. “I’m not done. I want to play a significant number of minutes in the championship game. I want to make a difference in whether we win or lose. I want to help my team. I want to win,” I say, my voice hardening with each promise I make to myself. It isn’t as if what I’ve just said is any different than what I normally say to myself, but it seems so much bigger now that I’ve said it in front of Alec.
When I’m finished, his emerald eyes move to mine. His throat works. “You could’ve done all that,” he says.
“I could have,” I say back, reinforcing it. “I should have.”
We just stare at one another, his eyes searching mine. I hope mine don’t betray any of my inner thoughts. Right now, I’m thinking about how good looking he is. I’m thinking back to how he was the first Baller to be sweet to me. How he held me outside the baseball locker room, his fingers working inside me. I swear my face flushes, but I don’t look away. He knows what we did, and he’s the only one who should feel ashamed of it.
“You go,” I say finally.
He tears his gaze away. “Next year, I want to continue to focus on my athletic abilities.”
He looks down at the paper like he’s going to move on. I put my hand over it. “That’s it? Alec, that’s hardly anything. You’re not promising yourself anything with that kind of talk. What do you want out of this next year?”
Maybe this kind of talk is unfamiliar to Alec, but I’m used to it. Dad constantly asks me what my goals are—broad and specific. “I don’t know,” he says.
“You don’t know? That’s not an answer. Don’t bullshit your way through this. It’s important.”
“Fine. I wish I could get my sister to stop fucking talking about you. How’s that?”
“Okay,” I grind out. “Don’t use words like ‘wish’, you should be saying, ‘I’ll get my sister to stop talking about Tessa Dale.’”
I swear I can hear his teeth grinding. “I’ll get my sister to stop talking about Tessa Dale.”
“Great,” I deadpan. “What else?”
“I want to start being a better person.”
I scoff. I can’t help it. “Good luck with that.”
“I’m pretty sure as my partner you’re not supposed to make fun of my goals.”
I smile, my lips moving in this incredulous way like I can’t believe he has the nerve to say that to me. “Anything else, Christopoulos? Do you want to shit rainbows while you’re at it?”
“Fuck you.”
I burst out laughing. “Fuck me? Seriously?”
“I’m trying to tell you I want to be a better fucking person and you’re mocking me.”
“How did you think I would react? Do you want a fucking badge of honor or something? You shouldn’t have to try to be a better person. You just do it.”
He shakes his head and looks away, muttering something incomprehensible. “Five years,” he says finally, indicating the worksheets again.
“In five years, I’ll be finishing up my winning college career and bartering with WNBA scouts about who’s going to give me the best deal.”
His gaze zeroes in on mine. It’s like he’s trying to see me for the first time. At least, that’s what it seems like. He’s quiet for too long, but eventually, he says, “In five years, I’ll be finishing my winning college career and be handling offers from several different pro teams.” He swallows hard. “Several different pro baseball teams.”
My mouth unhinges. “Baseball?”
He nods slowly.
“Are you serious?”
Bringing his knees up, he rests his forearms on them as he stares out over the lake. I feel like he just dropped an atomic bomb. Sure, if it were anyone else, no one would care. But Alec is a Baller. A fucking Baller. And he’s so good at basketball. Seriously.
“I’m shocked,” I tell him honestly.
He shrugs. The tips of his ears are turning red.
“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it, I just thought you guys all had NBA dreams.”
He scratches the side of his face. “Once upon a time, but we can change our minds, can’t we?” He turns his full gaze on me. “Last year, I often looked back at you while you were riding the bench and wondered how come I was out there and you weren’t. It’s messed up, Tessa.”
“You’re the best power forward we have,” I tell him, just speaking logically.
“I like being known as the best power forward for RHS, but even more, I want to be known as the best third baseman Rockport High has ever seen. Did you know my stats are out of this world amazing in baseball? No one ever talks about them. I have the highest batting average the school has ever seen.”
“Jesus, Alec,” I say at his revelation. I knew he liked baseball; I just didn’t know he loved it.
He blinks and looks over at me. “If I could, I’d trade places with you. Right now. I wouldn’t look back.”
I bite down on my lip. The full force of what he’s just said hits me in the chest. “I’d be a terrible power forward,” I say quietly, knowing full well that isn’t what he meant. “Do the guys know?”
Alec shakes his head. “I think Ryan suspects, but the others have no idea.”
“What are you going to do? I hate to say this, but you should be focusing on baseball, if that’s what you want. Shit, Alec, if you got hurt playing basketball…”
“I know.”
“You shouldn’t even be here. I’m sure there are summer baseball camps.”
“I know,” he says a little more tersely.
I snap my mouth shut then. Clearly, Alec has other problems with the Ballers besides not sticking up for me when he had the chance. “You could have told me,” I tell him. No matter how hard I try not to, my heart hurts for him. He’s stuck somewhere he doesn’t want to be, too.
He smiles at that. “I wanted to. It’s just that you love basketball so much, I didn’t know how you would take it.”
“Obviously, I think basketball is the superior sport, but Alec…” I say, all kidding aside. “You have to say something to someone. You can’t just keep living a life that’s not yours.”
“Hence me wanting to become a better person, Dale. I feel like I’m living a lie.” He looks over at me. “One after the other.”
I lie down in the sand and take a deep breath. These Ballers are still fucking with my head.
“Are you dating Chase Fisher?”
I open one eye and then squint into the sunlight. Finally, I give up and close them again. “No, but I think he wants to.” Chase is having fun messing with them, but just the way he’s been holding me, and those words he said to me after I got back from running, he’s clearly not just playing a game like I am. “You’re not going to beat him up again, are you?”
“I’m not promising anything.”
I tamp down on the urge to roll my eyes. “I thought you said you were trying to be a better person. You can start there.”
“I don’t want to waste my generosity on someone who likes the girl I like.”
I let the words sit there between us, but then anger consumes me again. I sit straight up, sand falling off me. I get right to my feet as fire runs through my veins. “Well, you should’ve known how to fix that one, Ale
c. All you had to say was you weren’t giving me up. Literally like five words. Five fucking words, and it would’ve changed all these months. Five words, and my goal wouldn’t still have to be that I want to help us win Championships because I already would’ve accomplished that one.”
He swallows. “I was wrong, Tessa. I didn’t know it was going to go that far. Before I knew it, I couldn’t take what happened back.”
He sounds like Sloan with the whole he didn’t know it was going to get that far talk. I’m not buying it. “Is Lake a mystery to you? Have you ever really looked at your best friend? He’s a fucking asshole.”
His mouth opens, but then he closes it again. “I don’t know what to say.”
I lean over and snatch the worksheets out of his hand. “I guess we don’t have anything to say to one another then.” I spin on my heel and head toward my cabin. I can look through the papers back in there, in the sanctity of my own room. Before I know it, though, Alec’s pulling back on my arm. “What?” I growl.
He flinches. “Please don’t tell anyone about the baseball thing. Okay? I’m not ready yet.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Sure. Whatever.”
I hit the swatch of grass in front of my cabin before I hear his voice again. “Hey, Tessa, what’s your ten-year goal?”
I ignore him, letting myself into the small cabin, thinking I should add not having any more male drama in my life ten years from now while I’m also scoring the most points ever in the WNBA.
How’s that for a long-term goal?
11
I make it to the weekend by keeping my head down and focusing on basketball. My mom decided to go on a short trip with one of her girlfriends, so we’ve been keeping each other updated over text. I’m not giving her any of the drama-filled stuff, just the normal, “I’m not injured, and I’m having fun” stuff. Dawn, however, is loving every scrap piece of info I give her. She almost broke her exclamation point button when I told her Chase Fisher was staying at the same camp. She thinks it’s an excellent idea that I use him to get back at the Ballers. She’s all for him cozying up to me. However, she also thinks it’s nuts that I’m not at all attracted to him.
