“I don’t even want to think about January. It took me five years to get you to visit us, so the last thing on my mind right now is the day that you hop on another plane and leave us again.”
He saw the sadness in his mother’s eyes as she discussed his inevitable departure. Donavan wished she didn’t worry about him so much. It wasn’t as if he was her baby boy anymore. She had little Isaac to fill that role. Since his parents didn’t get married until Donavan was twelve years old, he and his mother had many years when it had been just him and her. “Let’s not think about it, Mama. I just want to enjoy our time together and let tomorrow take care of itself.”
***
Was she stupid or just dumb? Why on earth had she let Nina talk her into coming to this Christmas party? Anyone with half a brain would have stayed home and out of harm’s way, but not her. She had gotten all dressed up in a wrap around beige skirt and a white blouse with bell shaped sleeves. One of which Amarri was now pulling.
“Auntie Diana, can I go play with Ikee?”
Diana bent down so that she and Amarri were eye to eye. “Where are you and Little Isaac going to play?”
Amarri pointed towards the stairs.
Diana shook her head. “You know I don’t like you going up those stairs. There are way too many stairs and you could easily fall down those stairs, if you’re not careful.”
“But I’m always careful,” Amarri objected.
Diana snuck a peek over her shoulder to see where Donavan was. A while ago, he’d been leaning against a wall looking at her as if he had murder on his mind. He’d been walking around with his mother a few minutes ago, but she didn’t see him. She figured he was probably in the kitchen, and thought that this was the perfect time for her to escape. “Tell you what, little Miss Amarri. I’ll take you upstairs so you can play with Ikee. How does that sound?”
“Yay!” Amarri jumped for joy and then grabbed Diana’s hand and pulled her toward the stairs.
“Slow down, Amarri. These shoes weren’t made for running,” Diana said, referring to the three inch beige pumps she’d purchased off of the sales rack at DSW.
“Sorry,” Amarri giggled as she slowed down.
Diana knew she was being a coward, by escaping the party to go play with a four- and five-year-old, but she didn’t care what anyone called her just as long as she could escape the hate she saw in Donavan’s eyes.
Diana had been in the Walker’s three-year-old home many times, so she knew where Little Isaac’s bedroom was. She walked Amarri to Ikee’s bedroom and knocked on the door. “Ikee, are you in there?”
Amarri, forever the impatient one, grabbed the doorknob and turned it. She pushed the door open and said, “I want to play.”
Two chairs were positioned in front of a forty-inch flat screen TV and an Xbox. Ikee had been playing a game the old fashion way, with the controllers instead of using the Kinect system on the Xbox. The chairs were high-backed so she couldn’t see who Ikee was playing with. Not wanting to bother Ikee if he didn’t want to play with Amarri right now, Diana said, “Hey Ikee, is it okay for Amarri to stay and play with you also?”
Both chairs swiveled around simultaneously. Amarri rushed further into the room, but Diana was busy trying to keep herself from falling as she came face to face with Donavan. He had this smirk on his face as he looked her over, as if he knew everything there was to know about her and he wasn’t impressed.
She wrapped her arms around her chest, in a feeble attempt to cover herself from the assault of Donavan’s inspection. “Sorry for interrupting. Amarri and I will head back downstairs.”
“No.” Amarri crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her bottom lip.
“No need to leave on my account.” Donavan stood and turned to Amarri. “You can have my seat, little one.”
A big smile grew on Amarri’s face. “You mean it?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.” Donavan gently pulled at one of Amarri’s pig tails. The little girl was such a cutie, that he wanted to make her day.
“Thank you.” Amarri jumped into the seat as she told Little Isaac, “I win.”
“You can’t just say you want to win… you have to play the game first and then we’ll find out who won.”
“Well, let’s play so I can win.”
Little Isaac shook his head, as if to say, “girls”, but he restarted the game anyway.
Fidgeting in her spot next to the door, Diana kept her head low as she told Donavan, “If you’re going to stay up here, I’ll just head back to the party.”
“So, do you often leave your child with strange men?”
She looked up and caught a glimpse of the disdain in Donavan’s eyes. It caught her off guard, left her speechless to the point that all she could say was, “What?… No!”
“No what?” Donavan demanded.
“No, you’re not a stranger… you’re Isaac’s big brother and no, Amarri’s not my daughter. I’m her aunt.”
“Well aunt or not, if she’s in your care, don’t you think you should watch her, rather than trying to pawn her off on someone else?”
That was harsh, Diana thought. But given the fact that she knew why Donavan was treating her this way, she ignored his rudeness and just said, “I can stay here and watch them. You can go on back to the party.”
“I don’t know,” Donavan said.
“What don’t you know?”
“I don’t think I want to leave my brother alone with you.”
Rolling her eyes and putting her hands on her hips, Diana hissed, “What do you think I’m going to do, seduce a five year old?
Donavan didn’t respond.
“Well, answer me?” Diana demanded.
“I wouldn’t put anything past you. But I’m sure that Isaac has enough sense to stay away from the likes of you. Matter-of-fact, I don’t want to be near you, either.” He lowered his voice and added, “I think I will go on back to the party before you try your hand at solicitation again.” Donavan brushed past her without another word.
Hearing Donavan speak to her in such a manner and knowing what he must think of her caused her to feel dirty, kind of like the way she felt five years ago when she’d been arrested for prostitution. She had been with a friend who was a known prostitute. This so-called friend had tried to introduce Diana to a way to earn some quick money. But after the first guy offered her forty dollars for her services, Diana knew she could never go through with something like that.
She walked away from the man and went to sit in her friend’s car to wait for her. Unfortunately, a cop followed her to the car and arrested her. She begged her friend to tell the cop that she was not a prostitute, but her friend didn’t feel like going down by herself. Diana’s biggest downfall had always been picking the wrong friends, but she was a new creation in Christ Jesus now and she wasn’t going to let Donavan or anyone else treat her as less than who she was… not ever again.
She stepped out of the bedroom and called to Donavan just as he put his hand on the rail getting ready to walk down the stairs. When he stopped and turned back to face her, she said, “I know what I did to you wasn’t right. You’ll never know how truly sorry I am about all of that, but I have been changed and I don’t deserve to be spoken to like that.” She went back into the room with Little Isaac and Amarri and shut the door.
4
Do people really change? That was the question that plagued Donavan since last night when Diana told him she’d been changed by the power of Christ. Now he was standing in front of Broadway Park thinking about his own childhood mistake that almost cost him his life and did indeed cost a few of his friends their lives. It all started when Mark Smith needed money to pay his college tuition. JC came up with the bright idea of robbing a crazy old-school hustler by the name of Mickey. But it ended at this park when JC made the fatal decision to meet Mickey here and return the stolen money.
Donavan was as quiet as possible while climbing out his bedroom window. He didn’t normally sneak out
until his mom was good and sleep. Right now, she was speaking in tongues and calling on the Lord. He hoped like crazy that she was praying for him.
“Let me get this done, Lord, and this will be the last time I sneak out of the house for anything.”
His pockets were fat with Mickey, the crazed lunatic’s, money, as he rounded the corner. On Broadway, with the park in clear view, he didn’t like what he saw. The park was dark and deserted. Somebody was always up there shooting hoops.
“Oh Lord. I’d sure like this to turn out okay.” But as he inched closer to his destination, he wondered if JC was right. Would Mickey really forgive and forget once they gave him back his money? Maybe he should speak in tongues like his mother. Maybe God would hear his pleas then.
Standing in front of the park, Donavan wished he knew how to speak in tongues. He really wanted to try some of that I-tie-my-bow-tie-Honda-my-mama stuff. The streetlights were busted. Wouldn’t nobody be able to see over by the shelter with the lights out. Slowly, he walked toward the destination. “JC,” he called out.
No answer.
“JC, are you back there?” He picked up a couple of rocks and peeked his head around the corner. What he saw caused him to shake. He felt something warm going down his leg.
“Get on around here.”
That comment came from Mickey. He was holding a razor, JC’s seven foot form was stretched out on the ground, throat slit.
Donavan’s legs carried him forward even though his brain screamed for him to backtrack all the way home. “What did you do to him?” Donavan screamed at Mickey.
Mickey smirked. “What did you do in your pants?”
Donavan looked down. To his mortification, his jeans were wet all the way down to his shoes.
“Looks like somebody’s afraid of the boogie man,” Mickey taunted.
“Why’d you have to kill him? He was going to give you the money.” Donavan pulled his portion of the ill-gotten gain from his pocket and threw it at Mickey.
“Now see, why’d you have to throw my money like it’s trash or something? You better be glad that I go way back with your dad.” Mickey gave Donavan a stare down, then pointed at his cash on the ground. “Pick it up.”
“You crazy. I’m not bending down to give you easy access to my throat.”
“I don’t like the fact that you don’t trust me. I told you I go way back with your daddy.” He folded the razor and put it in his pocket. “I have another punishment for you.”
“Yeah, what?” He might have peed his pants, but he wasn’t about to sound like no little girl.
“Get on your knees. Beg my forgiveness and then I’ll tell you what your fate will be.”
“Forget that. I’m not kneeling down so you can slit my throat. If you’re going to do me, I’ll be standing.” He pulled the rocks from behind his back and threw them at Mickey. They slammed into Mickey’s face. Blood gushed from his nose and cheek. Donavan turned and kicked up dust. What is it they say, ‘a good run is better than a bad stand’? If Mickey was going to slit his throat, Donavan was going to be a straight punk about it. Catch me if you can, psycho.
While Donavan was running, screaming, “Help. Help” a song came to mind. “If I ever needed the Lord, sure do need Him now, right now.” He’d always liked that song. His mom hummed it around the house and nothing bad ever happened to her. When he took a break from the “Help. Help” song, he sang, “Sure do need You now, right now.”
Mickey hadn’t slit his throat that night. But something just as awful happened. Not only had Mickey chased after him as he ran home, but his mother had been waiting on the porch for him. He tried to get her to go back in the house, but before he could tell her what was going on, Mickey had shot him and his mother.
Because of where his mother had been shot, she had complications for years, and had been told by several doctors that she would never be able to conceive again. When little Isaac came along, it had been the reprieve that Donavan needed.
There had been four of them who took part in that robbery. Donavan had been the youngest member of the team. Baby Dee, JC, Mark had all gone to high school together, but Mark was the only one in college and doing something with his life.
Donavan had a lot of regrets about what happened. But the only guilt he felt was directed towards his mom, because JC had recruited him for the robbery and Baby Dee would have robbed his own mama for a little extra cash. But his mother never should have gotten shot over some mess he’d gotten himself in. After being such a bad kid and ruining things for his mother, and then growing up and ruining thing for his father by sleeping with the church secretary, Donavan decided it was best that he make a life for himself away from his family. That way, he wouldn’t be bringing his sins home and causing trouble for them.
Mark and Donavan were the only two still alive after the entire incident. Even Mickey was dead. They found him hung from a makeshift noose in his prison cell. Sometimes Donavan thought about Mark and wondered how he dealt with his guilt. After all, JC had been his best friend, and if it hadn’t been for Mark needing the money, JC probably wouldn’t have robbed Mickey that week. Oh, he would have gotten around to it sooner or later, just not that particular week.
He knew that Mark had graduated college and was now an investment banker making several million a year. But as Donavan figured out for himself, money doesn’t stop the nightmares from coming and it doesn’t take away one ounce of guilt either.
Donavan got back in his car and drove around his old neighborhood. If it were possible, the area had gotten even worse than when he’d lived there. The houses by Riverview, Broadway and the surrounding streets were huge, but dilapidated. People of modest means lived on this side of town. They didn’t have much money for home repairs, and sometimes they didn’t even have the money to pay the rent, consequently, when the police weren’t arresting criminals on this side of town, they were evicting women and children out of their homes.
Even though his mother hadn’t been earning much money when they lived in this area, she made home repair a priority, even doing some of the repairs herself. She rented the home out these days and as Donavan pulled up to his old house he was pleased to see that it was still the prettiest house on the block. The house was yellow with brown shutters. In the spring and summer multi-colored flowers bloomed in the yard, providing a fragrant smell that welcomed you home.
Last night during the party, he hadn’t felt at home is his parents’ new house. The much smaller and much older one he was staring at had been home for many of his childhood years. He turned off the ignition as he considered walking up the snow covered sidewalk, climbing those three porch steps and knocking on that door to ask if he could tour the house one last time. But things like that only happened in cornball movies.
Maybe the fact that he was home for Christmas was causing him to feel so nostalgic. After all, he’d lived in this house when he’d first learned how to stand up to bullies, cut class, talk smack… but the most important thing he’d been taught while living in this house was how to pray. When he was a child he’d thought it was weird the way his mother got down on her knees and prayed to a God he’d never seen or heard a peep out of. But through the years, he’d been able to see how God took both of his parents from poverty to prosperity. His mom used to tell him that her success was sprouted during times of prayer.
Donavan wished that he could say his success was sprouted in prayer, but the truth of the matter was that Donavan believed success had come to him while he was running from God. So, is it prayer that brings success, or just good old ingenuity, and stick-to-it-ness? As Donavan continued to stare at his childhood home, he realized that his mother had felt successful in life, way before she had any money to show for it. So, was it the money that made one successful, or something else all together?
Donavan hated that he was now second guessing all the choices he had made within the last five years. And he decided right then and there that he wasn’t going to stay in Dayton the entire w
eek like he’d promised, he was going to catch a plane back to Atlanta the day after Christmas, and he was going to leave all of this nonsense about what success really looked like behind him.
He turned his car back on and prepared to drive off when someone opened the front door to his old childhood home. Donavan turned the ignition back off, he couldn’t look away. He’d never asked his parents about the people they rented this house to, but for some reason the identity of the renter meant everything to him now.
A little girl in a cute little white coat and white boots ran onto the porch. Her head wasn’t covered, and he heard someone scream to her about getting back in the house to put a hat on her head. The little girl stuck out her lower lip in a pout and Donavan recognized her immediately. It was Maria… no, he suddenly recalled, her name was Amarri.
What was Amarri doing in his old house? Before Donavan could wrap his mind around that question, Diana stepped onto the porch carrying a white hat.
“Didn’t I tell you that you’d catch a cold, running around outside without your hat?”
“I’m ready to go, Auntie Diana, and you’re taking too long.” Amarri put her hands on her small hips. “The stores will be closed soon. You promised we’d get my mom a gift.”
Why were they out on Christmas Eve shopping for gifts? Didn’t they know everything would already be picked over, so all they’d find would be things no one else wanted?
“I’m sorry we’re shopping so late, Amarri, but I told you that I needed to pay bills before we spent money on gifts.”
Rain for Christmas Page 3
