Coulson's Wife (The Coulson Series)

by Anna J. McIntyre

  • • • •

  William’s townhouse proved to be the temporary solution for his vast book collection. Instead of using one room in the townhouse for a small library, Mary Ellen devoted the second floor for his collection. Understanding it was just a temporary solution, she removed upstairs doors instead of walls. Harrison insisted he would one day build her a house more magnificent than the Philadelphia estate, and it would include a library to make William proud.

  Bringing the books from storage proved therapeutic for Mary Ellen, and gave her the opportunity to take her time while sorting through William’s personal belongings, including the boxes of old photographs that William had never gotten to. She refused to throw them away, but stored them safely in a discrete, inconspicuous cubical in the upstairs library.

  It also gave her a place to grieve. To Harrison, William was a beloved uncle, yet for as much as he loved the man he wouldn’t understand his mother’s state of despair, had she allowed him to see it. Instead, when the moments of profound grief befell her—which were frequent—Mary Ellen retreated to William’s townhouse to mourn in private.

  On a Saturday two months after William’s funeral, Mary Ellen retreated to her sanctuary. Curled up on the living sofa with a book from William’s library, she allowed her mind to escape into another world. Randall had taken Harrison to the office for the afternoon. Her son was beginning an apprenticeship at Coulson-Hunter Enterprises. Randall was grooming the boy to eventually step into the void left by William.

  The only sounds in William’s house were those that drifted in from the street through the opened windows. There was no reason to hire fulltime household staff for the property. No one ever used the kitchen or slept in the beds. Mary Ellen hired someone to clean it once a week and see to its general maintenance.

  She closed the book and placed it on her lap. “What should I do, William? I can’t hide here indefinitely,” she asked the empty room. “I wish I could talk to you. I think I miss talking to you most of all.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “You’re spending far too much time at William’s townhouse.” It was Christmas Eve, and it was the last thing Mary Ellen expected her husband to say as he handed her a wrapped package. Harrison had already gone to bed, and just Mary Ellen and Randall remained downstairs by the Christmas tree. Flames flickered in the nearby fireplace.

  “I enjoy the peace and quiet there.”

  “Mary Ellen, I’m worried about you. Even Harrison is starting to question it. He wants to know why you’re always over there.”

  “I hadn’t realized he noticed.”

  “If this continues I’ll be forced to sell the house—for your own good.”

  Sitting on the chair by the Christmas tree, Mary Ellen looked up at her husband. It isn’t yours to sell. Then she wondered if he might have the right.

  “It’s just a place I go to think. Get some solace.” She shrugged.

  “You need to rejoin the living again. Socialize with friends. Unless you’re with me, you’re over at that damned house alone. Go out to lunch with a girlfriend, donate your time to a charity, take up a hobby, get yourself a lover.”

  His last suggestion made her smile, breaking the seriousness of the discussion.

  “Okay, Randall, I promise, I’ll make more of an effort.”

  “Now open it,” he told her. She looked down at the package he’d handed her moments earlier. It sat on her lap. She started to open it, but he stopped her.

  “First let me explain.” Randall went down on his knee before her chair, and looked up into his wife’s face. He reached out and took her hands in his.

  “For you to get on with your life, you need to find some way to put William behind you. I know when you go to his house, you talk to him.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “Because that’s what I do at the office, when I’m alone.”

  Mary Ellen smiled softly and gave his hands a gentle squeeze.

  “I want you to try something, Mary Ellen. I’d like you to use this to write William.”

  She frowned, wondering what was in the package. He released her hands and let her open the gift. After removing the wrapping paper, she discovered a leather ledger with blank pages.

  “A diary?”

  “Something like that. A place where you can write William about your life—your thoughts. But I don’t want you to write him once a day, or once a week or even once a month. I want you to write him once a year. On let’s say, New Year’s Day or his birthday. Whatever day you pick.”

  “Why just once a year?”

  “Because I want you to spend the rest of the year living your life.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Letters to William

  Dear William.

  Today is a new year. It is unimaginable to think you will never be part of it. When I wake up each morning, my first thought is of you. And often in that very first moment I believe you are still alive. When I remember the truth, grief washes over me as if it were the very first time I learned you were leaving me.

  Randall thinks I spend too much time at your house. Perhaps he is right. I promised him I would try to get more involved in life.

  Randall has been taking Harrison to the office, teaching him the business. He says the boy is a natural ­­­- bright. Just like his father.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1934

  Dearest William,

  It’s been a year since my first letter to you. I’ve tried to take Randall’s advice and make a life for myself. If you can hear me, wherever you are, you know I still come to your house, not nearly as often as before, but I still come. The pain is not as sharp, but it is always there, that emptiness I feel deep in my soul.

  But I don’t have time these days to dwell on my own personal sorrows. The dust storms have moved their way to Chicago, and the situation has gotten worse. The poverty I’ve witnessed is devastating. I remind Harrison he has so much to be grateful for.

  Fortunately, we were in California when the storm hit Chicago in May. I’d closed your townhouse prior to our trip, so the damage was minimal. But even with everything closed up the dust managed to get inside.

  Randall insisted we stay in California longer, where he has been working on a new project. I do love the weather there, so I was happy to oblige.

  Harrison has grown a foot since you’ve seen him. He will soon be as tall as you. I see you in him, but he is with Randall so much, he is picking up many of his mannerisms. People often comment that Harrison has my eyes, but looks so much like his father. You were right, people see what they want to see.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1935

  Dearest William,

  Perhaps you were wise to move on. The world seems like an increasingly scary place. Germany’s Adolf Hitler believes he does not have to honor the Versailles Treaty. We fear another war is on the horizon. I worry about Harrison. If war breaks out in the next few years, he could be dragged into it. I can’t lose Harrison like I lost you. I keep thinking of my brother Ed.

  When the year first started, Randall was optimistic about the country’s financial future. Things seemed to have turned around. But in April another devastating dust storm hit the west.

  Scary times, William. I wish you were by my side so I could feel safe again.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1936

  Dearest William

  I’m happy to write, the economy continues to improve. Unfortunately, I still fear war. Hitler continues to blatantly disregard the Versailles Treaty.

  In spite of the growing unrest, the Olympics were held in Berlin this past summer and a negro, named Jesse Owens, from the United States won four gold medals. The world is changing.

  On the home front, our son is seeing the daughter of one of Randall’s business associates. Her name is Vera Chalmers. I’ll be honest, I’m not happy about it. Before you accuse me of being an overprotective mother, I will remind you I never had a proble
m with the other girls he dated. But she is a bit older than him and she seems quite intent on turning this into a serious relationship. I tried to talk to Harrison about it, but he just laughed and told me not to worry, that he intends to stay a bachelor like his Uncle William.

  But I am a woman, and see things he does not. Call it mother’s intuition, but I worry.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1937

  Dearest William,

  We are going to be grandparents. Vera’s father came to Randall to tell him she was with child. Randall was furious with Harrison, but agreed with her father that the two must marry. The wedding was held November 3, in a private family ceremony.

  When I found out, I cried. He doesn’t love her, and I wanted our son to marry for love. Something we were denied.

  Harrison looked quite ill at the ceremony, but not once did he attempt to get out of the commitment. Vera, well, she was entirely a different matter all together. She threw an absolute fit! She wanted a big wedding, with all the trimmings and was visibly angry with her parents. Poor Harrison is going to have his hands full with this one.

  I know this sounds like an overprotective mother, but I believe she planned to get pregnant so he would marry her. You would have had to witness her behavior over the last months to fully appreciate my sentiments.

  As much as I hated to do it, I had the library put in storage. Harrison and his bride have moved into your house. Since he is your son, it seemed appropriate. Randall promises me I will one day have a place for the library.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1938

  Dearest William,

  We have a grandson. His name is Harrison Randall Coulson. I will confess the name compounds my guilt, knowing there is no one to carry on your name. Randall is quite beside himself, delighted to now have a grandson, as if in some way the passage of the name gives him a sense of mortality.

  Right away Randall started calling our grandson “Sonny,” saying it was too confusing having two Harrisons. I don’t believe Vera was happy with the nickname, but she seems a little frightened of Randall and reluctant to cross him in any matter.

  While Randall has been good to me, he is falling into his old ways, quite the dictator. He doesn’t do it with me as much, but I notice it with our son. He needs you here to make him a better person.

  Our grandson is quite beautiful, but Vera doesn’t seem very interested in being a mother. The primary care of young Harrison falls to the nanny. When Vera does spend time with the boy, she spoils him shamefully.

  Harrison is in college now, yet still works for Randall. I believe Randall always regretted dropping out of college, and says he wants “his” son to finish. He is giving Harrison a generous allowance, which Vera enjoys spending. While Randall is being most generous, he constantly reminds Harrison of his “generosity.”

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1, 1939

  Dearest William,

  What I feared would happen has happened. In September, Britain and France declared war on Germany. Roosevelt insists the United States will remain neutral, yet I don’t know how that is possible. Through some of his business contacts in Europe, Randall has been hearing extremely disturbing things about what Hitler is doing.

  At home Harrison is doing very well in school, but he says if the United States enters the war, he is joining. I am not sure if he is being patriotic or simply wants an excuse to get away from Vera.

  I’m sorry, that was very nasty of me. I am trying to get along with our daughter-in-law, honestly but the way she indulges Sonny one moment and neglects him the next, is troubling. I’ve offered to spend some time with the child, but she seems to resent me and makes excuses to limit my visits with him.

  I hope to bring you better news next year.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1940

  Dearest William,

  Europe is still at war, and while the United States is technically at peace, Congress has passed a bill implementing military draft. All men between the ages of 21 and 36 are required to register. Randall tells me it is the first time America has implemented a “draft” during peace time, and he believes this signifies we will be in the conflict shortly. I hope he’s wrong.

  Sonny is a handsome devil, and very bright. I wish I could say Vera has improved her mothering skills, but I can’t. Harrison has his hands full with school, working with his father and taking care of his family.

  I just reread the entries I’ve written since starting this diary of sorts. I realize I’ve never really said what I’ve been doing since you went away. (I prefer to think of it that way, then I can imagine you will one day return.)

  Randall and I continue to see the same crowd. Odd, I don’t think any suspect our unusual relationship. For the first two years after your death, I felt as if I was doing something brave and outgoing if I called one of the ladies from our group to join me for lunch. I eventually realized Randall didn’t want me to spend the rest of my life focusing on such trivial social pursuits.

  I joined a ladies’ charity group, and have found the experience quite rewarding. It keeps me busy and I think I am doing something positive for our community. Randall seems very proud of me. He has become quite a dear friend, in spite of his tyrannical ways.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1941

  Dearest William,

  Less than a month ago, on December 7, Japan attacked our base in Hawaii. One of my nephews, Pete’s boy, was stationed there. Thankfully he was not hurt. Over 2,000 of our men were killed, and many injured. We are officially at war.

  Harrison has enlisted. Randall is devastated, and I find this is far too difficult to write about.

  I need you.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1942

  Dearest William,

  I understand now how my mother felt, when her sons went off to fight. I can’t imagine her pain when she heard the news of Ed’s death. I just know it destroyed her. It is a fear I live with daily. He is somewhere in Europe, and so far safe. If it is within your power, please watch over our son.

  I keep busy with volunteer work for the war effort. I spend my free time with Sonny. Vera seems more willing to let me spend time with him as she has lost her nanny, and is having a difficult time finding full time help. With the men gone, women are taking their jobs.

  I am a bit disturbed over Sonny. The neighbor’s cat had kittens and I caught the boy about to throw one out his bedroom window. I’m not sure how he managed to sneak the kitten in his room, or how he managed to open the window. Fortunately, I saved the poor little thing before any damage was done.

  I was about to give the boy a good spanking when his mother came home. I told her what he had done and she didn’t seem that concerned. She reminded me he is just a precocious child and instead of the spanking I’d planned, her idea of punishment was denying him dessert.

  I suspect our grandson takes after his mother’s side of the family.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1943

  Dearest William,

  Harrison is home. There was an explosion and his leg is severely wounded, plus there was some damage to his right eye. Randall pulled some strings and had him brought home, so he could be seen by physicians here.

  He was in the hospital for several months, but was discharged in July. He’s still not a hundred percent and the doctors aren’t saying if he will fully recuperate. Thank god his eye is doing extremely well. The doctor said he is lucky he didn’t lose it. He is still using a cane, but with hard work, they feel he may not always need it.

  Young Harrison is still a handful, yet he seems much calmer now. Happy to report I haven’t witnessed any more kitten incidents. Although, he has become something of a mama’s boy. I think that is because she tends to spoil him.

  Pray for the end of the war.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1944

  Dearest William,

  I don’t know why I am surprised. Harrison and Vera have another child. It is
a boy. Which makes Randall ridiculously happy.

  Our new grandson is named Garret Zane Coulson. I asked Harrison where Zane came from, he said from the author Zane Gray. I remember reading Zane Gray when I went into labor with Harrison. Harrison latched onto the name after hearing Randall tell the story. Apparently, the name cause a bit of a fuss with Vera’s mother, who wanted to know if someone in our family was Jewish.

  He was born October 9. I imagine she got pregnant shortly after our last letter. He has the most beautiful blue eyes. I swear I can see you in them.

  Sad to report Vera’s mothering skills have not improved with the second child. She seems even less interested in this baby than with Sonny. She’s been very sullen, moody, and even snaps at poor Sonny for absolutely no reason at all. I suppose that is why he is terribly jealous of the new baby, and they have to watch him like a hawk. I keep thinking of the kittens.

  Harrison continues to improve. His eye is a hundred percent now, and while he no longer uses a cane, he has a slight limp. The doctors tell him he needs to use the cane, as they don’t want him putting all his weight on the bad leg, but he refuses. He is stubborn.

  Coulson-Hunter Enterprises has been doing exceptionally well during this war. Randall tells me it was the same way during the last one. After Garret’s birth Randall told me he intends to change the name of Coulson-Hunter Enterprises to Coulson Enterprises. I was quite shocked. I asked him why he would want to do such a thing, and he said now he has a son and grandsons, he needs to think about them. I am not sure what that has to do with anything. But then, I don’t always understand why Randall does certain things.

  I continue to miss you every day.

  Forever yours, Mary Ellen - January 1945