“What’s this all about?” he asked, nervously smoothing his tailored pants.
Cindy smiled seductively. “Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you. What’s this all about?” He tried to ignore her charisma.
She paused for a moment and then said smoothly, “This is all about you, Carson.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m very proud and genuinely happy for you receiving the AJA Award—a well deserved recognition. And might I add that since I’ve met you, you’ve become my closest and dearest friend.” Her eyes went completely soft. “You have so many wonderful qualities I’ve fallen in love with. As a matter of fact, I love everything about you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you—”
“Whoa, Nellie.” Carson held his hands in a halting position. “Katharine is still my—”
She quickly snapped out of her dreamy glow. “Exactly! That’s what this is about. You and Katharine.”
With a look of perplexity, Carson stated, “I don’t get it.” He crossed his ankle on top of his opposite knee and with due precautions, detached his gaze.
“You will in a moment.” She took off her four-inch heels and went to the kitchen with the plastic bag, returning shortly with a tray consisting of two glasses of ginger-ale, cubes of sharp cheddar, and wheat-flavored crackers. “Please, have some.”
Carson placed a cheese cube and two crackers on a napkin. He nibbled on a cracker and sipped his ginger-ale. “Now tell me what’s going on.”
Cindy sat a slight distance from him and sliced the square piece of cheese into a smaller size. She fitted it between two crackers and took a bite from the corner before returning it to the napkin and taking a drink. The index finger of her other hand pointed upward, signaling him to wait a minute for her answer.
“You know,” she began when she could speak, “even though I’ve never spoken with Kat or met her personally, I feel as if I know her through our conversations and the photos you’ve shown me. You two have been married for twelve years, and both have demanding jobs leaving you little time for each other. I thought, maybe, if the two of you separated”—she looked away—“um, that would give you time to think about where your union, your relationship is headed. Time is precious, and I know you and Kat don’t want to waste another moment of it in an unhappy environment.” She turned to look at him with a solemn expression. “That’s my professional opinion.”
“Separation . . . hmmm. I’ve considered it, but I wasn’t sure how it would affect my children.” He turned his head slightly to face Cindy. “You’ve been a loving, caring friend, and I appreciate every second you’ve spent listening to me. It’s not often a man can find friendship with a woman as beautiful as you. I hope your kindness and devotion never change.” Having completed his assessment, he gave her a tiny smile.
Cindy blushed at the compliment and Carson admired her for it.
“Also, I think your children are old enough to understand,” she said, pulling the attention off her and returning the conversation to his dilemma. “If you talk with them and explain on their level that you’ll always be there for them no matter what, I’m sure they’ll understand.”
“You make it sound so easy.” He allowed himself to imagine for a few seconds what it would be like to live as a bachelor.
Seeing Cindy’s dark eyes staring at him over the rim of her glass, Carson snapped back into consciousness. “Why is it you don’t have a steady man in your life?”
“Huh? Where’d that come from? If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a dozen times. It’s because they’re not looking for a long-term relationship—that’s why. They’re just interested in a slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am encounter with no strings attached. No love, no marriage, no baby in a carriage. I’m just waiting on the Lord to send me that special man made just for me.”
“That’s a good attitude.”
Cindy stared into the distance with a longing expression, not answering, and Carson felt he’d intruded too far into her personal life. “Whose place is this, anyway?” he asked, changing to a safer subject.
Cindy blinked and turned back to him. “How’s that again?” she asked hazily.
“I said, whose beautiful place is this, anyway?” He took another sip of ginger-ale.
“Yours! Surprise!” she said in a singsong voice.
Carson nearly choked on his soft drink. “Mine?” He wiped the soda from the corners of his mouth with his knuckle and stared in astonishment. “What do you mean, it’s mine?”
“I mean, this place is what you need to clear your mind.”
“Clear my mind?” he nearly echoed. “Are you suggesting I rent this place for a weekend getaway? I’m not that kind of fel—”
“No,” Cindy broke in. “That’s not what I’m suggesting at all. Only a moment ago you asked me not to change my caring nature.” She left him some room to respond but he didn’t. “Shame on you for even thinking like that.”
“Well, what’s this all about then?” His brows came together and he could hear the sharp impatience in his voice.
Cindy’s lower lip quivered and she wiped the corner of her eye. “I didn’t mean anything inappropriate. It’s just that a friend of mine who’s a real estate agent happened to tell me it was for lease, and I thought, well, it would be perfect for someone in your situation—” Her voice quivered and she broke off.
Her reaction forced Carson into a corner. He scooted closer and pulled Cindy into his arms and mumbled, “I’m sorry. I should have known better. I’m sorry.” After a minute or so, he released her.
Cindy turned her face away. Finally, she said in a voice so soft that he could barely hear her, “I just thought I was doing you a favor—trying to make your life easier.” She kept her eyes averted from him. “Separating yourself from Katharine awhile will give you time to breathe, think rationally, and decide what would be best for everyone involved.” She reached out and touched his hand, still not looking at him.
“It’s sweet of you to look out for me, but I’m not sure about this,” Carson said, looking around. “I mean, it’s a beautiful place, a comfortable and relaxing environment, but I’m really not sure this is what I need to do.” He was a married man and being in the room with Cindy with make-out music playing was absolutely forbidden.
“Look at it this way,” Cindy began. “You and Katharine married young—right out of college—and didn’t give yourselves time to consider that you might be incompatible. Sometimes we allow the desires of our flesh to take control. After all, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
The truth of those words burned in Carson’s mind. Cindy was a beautiful woman, and the soft music encouraged lustful thoughts.
Resist the devil, and he will flee from you, his conscious reminded him. On that advice, it was time to leave. “I really appreciate your concern, Cyn, but I need to get my butt back in church and spend more time on my knees. That’s the answer to my marital dilemma.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but I just thought maybe a little separation would be good. Didn’t the Apostle Paul mention something about marital separation being acceptable but only for a while?”
“Hm. I’m not familiar with that one,” Carson said, flicking cracker crumbs from the corner of his mouth with his index finger as he tried to recall a passage to that effect in one of the epistles. “I guess I need to run a reference on it. Do you happen to know the book and chapter?”
“Not off hand, but like you said, you can run a reference. If I come across it in my studies, I’ll let you know.”
She smiled, and he almost forgot to breathe. Shaking himself free from her allure, he said, “Let me help you clear these dishes. I need to get back to the office.”
Cindy slipped into her shoes and raised her hands for Carson to give her a lift. When he did, she threw her body into his chest. “Whoa, Samson, you don’t realize your own strength,” she purred. She looked up into his eyes and gave him her most s
eductive expression. “We’re wasting time,” she whispered against his throat.
Resist the devil and he will flee from you. The message echoed in Carson’s mind again. He returned the stare and bit down hard into his bottom lip. “You’re right.” He removed Cindy’s hands from his chest and held them in his own, then looked down at the coffee table. “Those dishes need to be cleaned and we should get out of here. I have an editorial I need to complete this afternoon.” He crumpled his used napkin and tossed it onto his plate and picked up his unfinished drink to take them all into the kitchen. “It’s like you said, let’s not waste time.”
Cindy looked at Carson as if her smile was pasted on then followed him to the kitchen with her own plate and glass.
Chapter 7
Katharine sat at the computer, poring over old photos in search of her lost youth and happier times. She was so engrossed in the past that it took her nearly two hours to realize she was making matters worse.
Realizing she had to do something—anything—to pull her thoughts away from Carson and Cindy, she remembered the unsorted towels in her bathroom. It annoyed her to see the blue towels shelved with the pink and beige ones. She’d hurriedly shelved them together, making a mental note to organize them later. Now was as good a time as any to sort out the disorganized linens.
She stood on tiptoe to remove the towels from the upper shelf. Carson was the only one who would grab towels from that height. As she pulled the last two down, a stack of magazines slid to the floor along with them. Her lips parted in shock.
Lying next to her feet were four men’s magazines with photos of nude women on the covers. One of them fell open to a photo of a woman whose perfect body could tempt even the most faithful husband to fantasize about her.
Katharine nervously flipped through the magazines. Page after page was filled with women posing provocatively, all with full breasts and round derrieres.
For a stunned moment, she stared at a centerfold that exposed a young woman’s most private parts. Feeling faintly sick, she snapped the magazine closed and tossed it back onto the floor.
Just knowing this sort of filth had entered her house made her hyperventilate. She had to lie down immediately, or she’d faint.
All sorts of notions flew through her mind. She wondered how long Carson had been indulging in pornography. Pulling herself together, she almost ran to their home office, jerking open desk drawers. When she tried to open the middle drawer, the one she used whenever she needed a pen or writing paper, she found to her astonishment it was locked.
Thinking the key might be taped to the bottom of the drawer, she slid her fingers under it. Finding nothing, she returned to her bathroom to find a hairpin to manipulate the lock. After several failed attempts, she tried a nail file, but that didn’t work, either.
Like a detective on a manhunt, she was determined to root out her quarry, to find every girlie magazine that might be hidden in her house. She found two more underneath his side of the mattress, several hidden behind books on the bookshelves, and even a slim one wedged in the gap between the washer and dryer. The photos ranged from mildly erotic to extremely graphic. Finding them made her heartsick, and she felt justified in trying to pick the lock on the desk drawer.
Katharine slowly dragged her hand down her face as if to rub away her despair. My husband is a pervert, her silent thoughts concealed. I’m married to a porno-addicted freak. She shook her head in denial, unable to accept her husband’s revealed demons.
“First Cindy and now this,” she spoke to the air. “I wonder what else he’s hiding from me.”
* * *
She thought about hanging up after the first two rings. She needed more time to think this thing through. However, before she could remove the handset from her ear, she heard a voice say, “Natalie Harper speaking.”
“Natalie!” Katharine exclaimed, hearing a note of panic in her own voice.
“Kat? What is it? Are you okay?”
Katharine felt her chest heaving but could think of no words to say.
“Kat? Are you still there? Kat? Answer me.”
“I—I’m still here,” Katharine sniffed, squeezing her eyelids shut tightly. Just the sound of Natalie’s voice had swept her into a crying frenzy.
“What’s going on?” Natalie sounded terrified.
Barely pulling herself together, Katharine uttered, “As embarrassing as it may sound, I’m just going to come out and tell you before I burst. I found girlie magazines hidden all over the house.”
Katharine heard Natalie sigh with relief. Clearly, she’d been sure something terrible had happened to Carson or the children. “CJ’s starting off kind of young, isn’t he?” Natalie joked.
“This is serious. I don’t know what to do or how to confront him about it.”
Natalie paused as if thinking twice before stepping out on a limb. “You know, Kat,” she said slowly, “I’ve heard some women say they encourage their husbands to view nudie magazines and videos because it enhances their sexual relationship.”
A stunned Katharine struggled to express her indignation. “What is this?” Her voice rose a decibel. “A comedy routine still? You can’t possibly be serious!” She waited for a response from Natalie but received silence instead. “Pornography is an abomination and you know that,” she scolded.
“I know,” Natalie said quietly. “I was just trying to ease your pain.”
“Well, it didn’t work! You should see these women in the magazine. All of them have big butts and enormous breasts. I guess that turns Carson on. I remember the time when I used to turn him on.” Her voice cracked and the tears returned. “Now I turn him off like a light switch—especially compared to these women.”
“C’mon, now. This isn’t your fault, so don’t go blaming yourself.”
“I’ve tried to be everything Carson wanted me to be, but I guess it just wasn’t enough. Since he’d criticized my appearance, I’ve tried to look my best whenever he’s at home, even while I’m doing housework.” She paused to wipe her tears with the back of her hand. “I just don’t understand how a man who professes to be a child of God can behave like this.”
Natalie responded quickly. “You know, I read an article in Ebony magazine about Kirk Franklin and his addiction to pornography,” she said. “I’ll try to find the issue and give it to you. Maybe you can find some answers and some hope in his story.”
“I guess it can happen to other people, but why did it have to happen to me?” Katharine stated tearfully.
“I don’t think Kirk Franklin asked to have this addiction either, but with the help of God and a strong, loving wife—according to him—he conquered the demons that were tormenting him and trying to destroy his marriage.”
Katharine felt a bit more hopeful. If it was just an addiction that Carson could overcome through faith and love . . . . “Maybe it will help,” she admitted.
“Hold the line a minute, Kat. I have a solution, but first I need to close my door.” When Natalie returned, she said, “We need to pray. ‘For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there I am in the midst of them,’” she quoted. “Let’s get on one accord and petition heaven.” She hesitated for a moment as though she was listening for God to give her the words to say.
“Heavenly Father, in the name of your son, Jesus, our deliverer . . . .”
Katharine remained silent while Natalie cried out to God. She understood prayer was the answer, but her heart wasn’t in it. She just sat staring into a quiet space, unconscious of the powerful words Natalie was speaking. The only word she could grasp was Amen, which she repeated as though she agreed with everything Natalie had said.
Rather than asking help for Katharine’s marriage or Carson’s addiction, Katharine wanted Natalie to say things like, Lord let something bad happen to Carson because he’s wrong and should be punished for hurting poor Kat. Or better yet, Lord, let Kat take the children and leave Carson. That’ll teach him. She wanted to hear those words for her o
wn comfort, but she didn’t want such a prayer to manifest itself. King David popped in her thoughts. He’d often wanted God to destroy those who stood in his path. She didn’t want to be that vindictive. She didn’t want any life-threatening misfortune to happen to Cindy or Carson. She was just retaliating for being hurt. She loved Carson, unconditionally, and she could never walk out on him unless he became physically abusive, which seemed highly unlikely. She had taken her marital vows seriously before God and all the guests and witnesses at their wedding ceremony, and she intended to keep them until her death—or his.
She’d promised to love him and remain with him for better or for worse. And she didn’t think things could get much worse.
Chapter 8
When Katharine felt tension and anxiety creeping into her world, she’d dream of being a ballerina, seeing her life as it would’ve been if she’d lived out her fantasy. It’d brought comfort and joy to her soul.
She lay curled in fetal position as she cried herself into a deep sleep. Ever since she’d attended her first ballet, The Nutcracker, as a little girl, she’d wanted to be a ballerina when she grew up. She’d spent countless hours in front of the mirror, practicing her ballet positions and steps. She’d decided her name would be Prima Ballerina Anna-Maria.
There she was, Anna-Maria, gracefully floating across the stage to Tchaikovsky’s famous musical score—a special story about a little girl named Clara, with dancing snowflakes, a handsome prince, and a wondrous night.
After her fabulous performance, Anna-Maria bounced along the stage to the greatest of Tchaikovsky’s classical ballets, Swan Lake, the ultimate fairy tale portraying the tragic romance between the Swan Queen and Prince Siegfried. Behind her as she danced were a moonlit lake and graceful swan maidens.
The crowd roared with approval and tossed long-stemmed roses at her feet.
Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance) Page 5
