“It’s not your fault, Chad.”
*
An hour later, I was lying in a warm bath, the knots in my body unravelling.
Chad had rushed out to the local pharmacy for painkillers. The pills had taken the edge off long enough to help me get in the bath, but I was dreading getting out.
My leg was badly bruised, but my ribs were killing me. I knew I had no choice—I needed to go and get checked out at the hospital and agreed that Chad could take me, on the proviso, nothing but the kick to the ribs and my leg was mentioned.
Reluctantly, he agreed, but he had his own condition.
“Tell Jenna everything, or I will.”
“Are you crazy?” I asked. “I can’t tell her about this.”
“Tell her, or I do – that’s your choice.”
“Since when were you two best friends?”
“We’re not, but she didn’t deserve any of this. She needs the full truth for once.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“You’ve been raped, Zane.” He flinched, as did I, at the word I was trying desperately not to think about. “He could’ve given you anything.”
I could see how hurt he was—the rape had crushed him, but I knew him well enough to know he was quietly seething because I’d been intimate with other men.
“I’m not telling her, end of.”
“Then I will.”
He was absolute, and I knew he meant it.
*
At the hospital, Chad kept his promise.
Three broken ribs and a bruised leg later, I hobbled out of the Accident and Emergency Department. I would have to rest my ribs, but the leg would be fine.
I told the Nurses I didn’t want to make a police report, and I knew it had taken Chad everything to keep his mouth shut, but he did, and I was thankful for it.
“You’re coming to stay at mine until you’re a bit more mobile,” he said.
“I’m not,” I replied. “What will Jenna think?”
“She’ll be pleased you’re safe. And besides, are you going to go back there in this state?”
“Okay.” I couldn’t be bothered arguing with him there and then, and agreed, but only until I felt better, then I’d have to start looking for an apartment – hotel living wasn’t for me.
“And you need to decide when you’re going to tell her, then think about getting tested.”
I could feel the anger building within me. “Don’t tell me what to do, Chad.”
“Tell her, or I will.”
*
Later that night, I sat in Chad’s living room. It felt strange knowing Jenna had been here too. God, I missed her so much.
Despite telling him I wasn’t hungry, Chad was cooking in the kitchen. I had to admit, whatever it was, certainly smelt better than the take-away food I’d become accustomed to.
Feeling a rush of courage, I picked up Chad’s phone and dialled Jenna.
She answered straight away. “Hello. Is everything okay?”
“Jen, it’s me,” I replied, hearing the tiny gasp when she realised I was calling her from Chad’s phone.
“So, you two are together?”
“It’s not what you think.” I didn’t want her to jump to conclusions, but I would think the same in her position.
“Then tell me what it is,” she said, unmistakable anger in her tone.
“I need to talk to you.”
“You know where I live, so why are you taking the coward’s way out? If you’re together, at least have the balls to…”
“I told you,” interrupting her, trying not to lose my temper with her. “It’s not like that – I’ve hurt myself so can’t…”
“Oh, my God.” Her voice raised several octaves. “What have you done?”
“Look, can you come over, so we can speak? I can’t drive right now.”
“When?”
“Now?”
“I’ll have to drop the girls at my parents’.”
“Okay.”
“Does Chad know I’m coming?”
“He’s fine with it—in fact, I’m only telling you because he will if I don’t.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
She ended the call, and I realised Chad had been standing at the door listening to our conversation.
He put the tray of food on my lap, prawns with goat cheese on a bed of rocket with a dressing that smelt heavenly. “You’re doing the right thing, and when she gets here, I’ll make myself scarce.”
I raised my eyebrow, unsure, then tucked into the food.
Chapter Twelve
I drove the girls to my parents. They were excited to be seeing Nana and Grandpa again.
Usually, I’d use my key, but I didn’t want to go in—preferring to avoid the questions I knew would inevitably come.
My mother answered the door, her eyes narrowed and focused on me.
“Would you and Daddy mind looking after the girls overnight? Something’s come up with work.”
I was ready to make my escape.
“Yes, of course, but before you run off, I want to know what’s really going on, and don’t tell me Zane is working away because I know when you’re lying.”
“Bye, Mummy.” The girls zoomed inside, shouting for their Grandpa.
I was alone with my mother. This was what I’d been dreading.
“Nothing’s going on.” I looked into her eyes and knew she didn’t believe me.
“Jenna, don’t lie to me, or you can take the girls back with you.”
“I can’t tell you now, but I will, I promise.”
“No, Jenna, I want to know now. The girls are starting to notice whatever’s going on.”
I was floored by the comment. I thought I’d done everything to keep them away from the trouble between me and Zane. “What have they said?”
“That they haven’t spoken to Zane, and that you’ve been crying. As little as they are, they’re not stupid, now I want the truth.”
“Zane’s moved out.”
She scrutinized me—that look I always hated, like her eyes were boring into my soul. “Why?”
“Look, can we talk about this tomorrow?”
“No. You either talk to me about it now, or explain it to your father.”
“Don’t tell me Daddy knows too.”
She looked at me, her eyebrows raised. “Of course he knows, Jenna, but I told him I’d talk to you first.”
“We’ve just not been getting on. He devotes so much time to that bloody job of his and sometimes I think me and the girls come way down on his list of priorities.”
“Are you sure that’s all it is? He hasn’t been messing about, has he?”
“For Christ’s sake, Mama, no. You know him as well as I do, he isn’t that type of person. You wanted me to tell you the truth and now I have, you don’t believe me. I really wish you wouldn’t stick your nose into my business.”
I knew I’d pushed the wrong buttons. Her expression was poker straight.
“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, Jenna. You might be an adult, but it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect me. Do you hear me?”
I felt ashamed. I never argued with my parents.
“I’m sorry, Mama, but it’s the first time I’ve spoken about it. I miss him.”
She pulled me into a hug. “Oh, my gorgeous girl, I didn’t want to make you cry, but it was tearing me apart knowing you were going through something and you’d hidden it from me.” She kissed me on the forehead and held my face in her hands. Using her thumbs, she wiped away my tears.
“I’m sorry.”
“I love you, Jenna, and so does your father, and we’re here for you whenever you want to talk to us. And you know, it’s always a pleasure to spend time with our granddaughters so anytime you need us, you just call.”
“Thank you, Mama.” I smiled through my heartbreak. “I should go. I’m meeting Zane to talk.”
“Can you fix whatever is wrong?”
I didn’t like
the way she used the word, whatever, but she wouldn’t overstep again, I knew that. She wasn’t stupid.
“I hope so. He’s the love of my life, you know that.”
“Yes, I do.” She offered me a warm smile and kissed me on the tip of my nose. “And he’s lucky to have you and those beautiful girls in there.”
“I need to go,” I said.
“Okay, sweetheart, but you remember this.”
I looked into her eyes.
“What?”
“No matter how old you are, you’re my little girl, and I’ll protect you with my dying breath, and if…” She paused. “Your husband doesn’t value what he has, then it’s his loss. He’s lucky his phone went through to voicemail earlier, or I’d have told him so myself.”
“You called him?”
“Just to say hello. I haven’t spoken to him in a while.”
“Don’t interfere, Mama—I mean it.”
“Okay, darling,” she said, but I knew that look. I’d seen her ‘don’t mess with me’ look a thousand times growing up. “But, the minute I find out he isn’t giving you the respect you deserve, I’ll kick his arse to hell and back, and you can tell him I said that.”
I left the conversation there.
“I’ll call to say Goodnight to the girls.”
She closed the door and I jumped into my car—nervous about what lay ahead.
Chapter Thirteen
Although I hadn’t felt hungry, I finished the food Chad had prepared for me.
Drumming my fingers on the sofa, Chad shot me a glance.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m shitting myself,” I replied.
“She deserves the truth, Zane.”
“I know she does, you don’t have to keep reminding me of that fact, but how would you feel having to do this?”
“My marriage is already over in case you forgot.”
I felt ashamed. Part of my problem was how selfish my thoughts had become. This was about five people, not just me.
“Sorry, I haven’t even asked.”
“Don’t worry about it, but we do need to talk about us sooner or later, you know that?”
“Yes, and we will, but I need to speak to Jenna and get this out of the way. After tonight, my marriage is definitely over, but as much as I miss Jen, I miss my kids more.”
I looked at Chad. It hurt him to hear me say it, but it was the truth, and I wasn’t going to apologise for it.
He stood up, walked toward the window and turned to look at me. “Jenna’s here. I’ll let her in and go upstairs.”
I was terrified of how she’d react.
I heard Chad open the door, and their muffled voices in greeting.
Footsteps approached the sitting room door and suddenly there she was. She’d been crying, I could tell.
“Hi, Jen,” was all I could think of to say.
She glanced me up and down, her eyes settling on the bruise on my face. “Did I do that?” she asked, referring to where she’d whacked me.
“I think so, yes—although I don’t remember much about it.”
“I never should have hit you. It’s unforgivable.” She sat opposite me and simply stared.
“I deserved it, and more.”
“What am I doing here, Zane?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“And what are you doing here, of all places? Rubbing my face in it.”
“No, Jen,” I said, getting up, momentarily forgetting my broken ribs. “Aargh,” I cried, flopping back down, hugging my side gently.
She was alarmed, I could tell. “What’s wrong?” She was on her feet and around the coffee table in a flash. “Zane.”
“I had a bit of an accident. A few broken ribs and a bruised leg.”
She gave me her ‘I don’t believe you’ look. “How?”
“Jen, please sit down, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Zane, I’m scared.”
“Don’t be, but I need to tell you the truth.”
“What truth?”
I decided to just say it as it was. There was no pussy-footing about this time.
“I arranged to meet up with a guy for sex and he attacked me.”
Chapter Fourteen
I was stupefied.
Despite his affair with Chad, I never expected him to tell me he’d been meeting other men for sex.
I really thought Zane and Chad were going to make a go of their relationship, or whatever it was they had.
“Who was he?” I asked.
“I don’t know--I downloaded an app and met him through there.”
“I don’t believe I’m hearing this, Zane. Tell me this is some sort of sick joke.”
“Why would I lie about it?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” I could feel my blood boiling. How could he do this to me and the girls again? Wasn’t Chad enough? Maybe he really was gay?
“I wish it was, but it’s the truth.”
“How many more, Zane?”
“How many what?”
“Men you’re fucking,” I screamed in his face.
“Three,” he answered, and I lost it, and spat in his face. “But two of them were one-offs, I swear.”
“You’re disgusting,” I screamed again, not caring whose home I was in.
He wiped the spit from his face, but didn’t speak. I watched as the tears dropped onto the pale-yellow T-shirt he was wearing. “I’m sorry.”
“Saying sorry won’t make anything better, Zane. Sorry. What does it even mean to you? Sorry you were caught out? Sorry you have a wife and children? What?”
“It’s not like that.”
I heard footsteps charging down the stairs.
Chad stormed into the room.
“Zane, are you alright?”
“Don’t you dare come in here and defend his actions.” And right then, I burst out laughing, I couldn’t help myself.
“What’s so funny?” Chad asked.
“He did it to you too.” I continued to laugh. “Now, you know how it feels, and I’m glad. Hurts, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it hurts, but you need to stop this and listen to what he’s trying to tell you.”
I could hear Zane sobbing, but focused my attentions on Chad. Another thing we had in common.
“I’m not listening to either of you. I’m going to get my girls and move them away from this poison, and hopefully I won’t have to see either of you again.”
“Jenna, please,” Zane finally piped up.
“Don’t plead with me. You’ve lost me and the girls, and don’t think I won’t use that video to make sure you never have access to them again, because I will.”
I’d never felt such anger, and stormed toward the door, but Chad blocked the way. “Get out of my way, Chad, or so help me…” He moved out of the way.
“He raped me, Jen,” Zane shouted after me.
I stopped in my tracks, certain I had misheard. “What did you say?” I turned to look at him, but, he couldn’t speak. “Zane, please.”
He looked up at me, his eyes bloodshot, tears flowing down his cheeks. I could see the pain, but I didn’t know what to say.
“He was raped,” Chad said, flatly, and once again, the bottom fell out of my world.
I turned to face Chad, waiting for the punchline, but there wasn’t one.
Chapter Fifteen
Zane spoke, and I listened.
I cried as he told me what happened.
I couldn’t help but look at Chad.
He was broken too. We all were, but Zane needed us now, and whatever situation the three of us were in, I had to put it aside for now and deal with the practicalities.
“We need to get you to the hospital to be checked over.”
“No,” Zane replied. “I’ve already been over my leg and ribs.”
He wasn’t going to change his mind–I knew my husband too well.
“You were bleeding, Zane,” Chad added.
“Oh, God,”
I replied. “Are you still bleeding?”
“No,” Zane said. “It didn’t last for long.”
“What if…” I asked, not able to continue.
“He’s given me HIV.” Zane finished the sentence for me.. “Or something else?”
“Yes,” I said, too terrified to contemplate the enormity of the situation.
“Then it’s my own fault.”
I jumped and screamed as Chad bashed his hand down on the coffee table, sending the mugs flying onto the floor. “No, he raped you. You said no, but he did it anyway, and if I get my hands on him, I’ll kill him.”
I stared at Chad, full of admiration. Strangely, I felt a kindred spirit right then. He would also defend the person he loved with his dying breath.
“Calm down, Chad,” I said. “We need to focus on what to do next.”
“He won’t go to the hospital, to get checked… in that area, or go to the police, so I’ll find him myself and make him sorry.”
“You won’t do anything of the sort.” I reached across the table for his hand. He accepted it. “I know how you feel, but right now, Zane has to be our priority and tomorrow morning, I’m picking him up and taking him to get tested.”
“No, Jenna,” Zane argued. “I’d rather not know.”
“Tough, but this time, you’ll do as I want. I’ll find a private clinic.”
“If you’re not giving me the choice, at least give me a week to rest my ribs at least.”
“Then you’ll go and get tested?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied.
*
It was two am.
The roads were deserted, and I drove home in silence.
My brain felt like it was ready to burst through my skull, and as I walked through the front door and deactivated the alarm, I couldn’t keep my absolute despair in check any longer and dropped to my knees.
How could somebody have hurt him like that? I thought, sobbing into my hands.
He didn’t deserve to be violated in that way, nobody did, and now there was a chance he could be infected with God knows what.
But, for now, I’d have to be strong, for him.
Tomorrow, I would find a clinic and book an appointment, and whatever happens, he wouldn’t go through it alone.
Till Death Us Do Part Page 4
