When they turned back their horses to go down the same trail a third time, Kate felt the hope dying within her. “What if we can’t find her in time?” she cried to Jack beside her. “It’s already been a couple hours. She’s got to be so cold by now.”
Her voice shook with emotion as she caught up to Jack. He’d stopped and turned to face her. The moon was bright in the sky, giving off enough light that she was able to discern the determined set of his jaw. He wasn’t planning on giving up. No, there was something comforting in his eyes that told her he wouldn’t rest until they found her.
“You don’t know that,” he reminded her. “She might be somewhere warm. She could be totally safe and having a good time for all we know.”
His hand reached out for hers, and she let him take it. “Are you sure you can’t think of where she might have gone? Sometimes people with memory issues will go to a place they associate with something from their past. What’s nearby that might be meaningful to her?”
Kate thought hard about this, searching every conversation, every memory, until at last she had something. “When we went for a walk the first week she was here we found a group of bushes behind the main house that she said looked like a fort she’d had when she was a little girl. She even crawled right into the middle of them and made me get in with her. Of course! Why didn’t I think of that before?”
How had she been so stupid? Jack had already asked her to scour her mind for possibilities, but she’d been so focused on her anxiety that she hadn’t managed to remember those bushes until now.
“Show me.” Jack waited for her to take the lead as they made their way back to the yard.
“It was kind of off the path a bit,” she explained, pressing her heels into Buddy’s sides so he would quicken the pace. “Mom said she didn’t like staying on the path because you only got to see the same things everyone else did.”
She led the past the house and kept following the path until she found the spot she remembered from that day. It had been such a good day, so carefree. They retraced those steps carefully, Kate struggling to recall each turn they’d taken, each twist through the open field. Then, as she strained her eyes against the wind, something miraculous happened.
“I see tracks!” she cried, nudging Buddy to go faster until they came upon the copse of bushes her mother had imagined as a fort so many weeks ago.
“Jack!” she cried again, pointing toward the brush with a shaking finger. She was so happy and so terrified, all at the same time. Would her mother be waiting within the warmth of those branches? Was everything okay now?
“Stay here,” he instructed. “I’ll go in and get her.” Jack was already off his horse and pushing past her as she dismounted, too. But before she could even reach the edge of the brush, Jack was already on his way back out.
And in his arms he held the limp body of her mother.
Chapter 15
Machines whirred and beeped in a macabre dirge as Kate leaned forward to rest her arms on the rails of her mother’s hospital bed. She couldn’t tear her eyes away as her mother’s chest rose and fell with every shallow breath. Each new intake of air brought her more and more comfort, but also reminded her of how close she’d come to losing the one person who mattered most.
She refused to leave her mother’s side—not for sleep, food, or anything else. Ever since Jack had emerged from the brush with her lifeless body is his arms, she’d been unable to pull herself away.
First, they’d ridden like the wind back to the house, and then she’d stood by helpless while Jack performed CPR. She felt almost completely numb by the time the ambulance arrived to transport them to the hospital. The paramedics had even questioned whether there might be something wrong with her as well. At the hospital, Kate ambled through the halls like a zombie as she trailed after her mother’s gurney.
Now, as the first rays of light started to peek through the slats in the blinds, the numbness finally fell away, and the pain reverberated through her with shocking intensity. Kate’s head dropped into her hands as she recalled the terror that had overtaken her during their search for her missing mother. She cried, too, for the other worries she’d harbored over the past few months, cried because she could no longer pretend that her mother might one day get better.
True, she would recover from being out in the cold tonight, but that wasn’t the problem. Last night had offered indisputable proof that the disease couldn’t be stopped, that it was taking over, and soon Kate would be an orphan.
As her mother continued to sleep beside her, Kate silently swiped at her tears.
Already, she felt so alone.
Jack re-entered the room, reminding her that she didn’t have to go through this alone. He’d stayed by her side while they got her mom settled and only left to secure coffee or snacks, which is what he’d brought for Kate now. He’d also helped to guide her through what would likely happen next with her mother’s care and how to best handle it as her primary caregiver. Though it all, he’d become a stable presence in the storm that had taken over her life.
And she didn’t deserve it one bit.
He placed the steaming cups of coffee on a side table, then pulled her up and into his arms. He just held her and let her cry while the machines beeped around them.
“Sorry,” she said, failing to hide the tremor in her voice. “It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster since last night.”
Jack brushed a piece of her hair back and tucked it behind her ear. “I think for you it’s been more than just that. You had a lot of tears you needed to get out.”
She laughed nervously, not wanting to look into his kind face. “I think my tear ducts have run dry.”
He brought up his other hand to wipe some of the wetness from her cheek. “Honestly, I don’t know how you’ve been holding it together this long. You have no siblings or family to help you, so you’ve been trying to do it all alone. It’s too much for one person to deal with. Please tell me you know that now.”
She sighed and pulled herself from his embrace. “I don’t have any choice,” she said, shifting her gaze to the floor as she shook her head emphatically. “There isn’t anyone else to do it.”
“There is now. Let me help you get through this.” He tried to take her hand, but she crossed her arms over her chest.
Kate lifted her eyes to his and swallowed hard. He looked sincere, but everything in her life was such a jumble right now. The last thing she needed was a man who wanted to be there for the long haul now, but then changed his mind later as things got harder and harder. What she needed to focus on now was her mom—not the possibility of a new relationship.
No matter how much she’d let herself want it before.
It shouldn’t take him too long to get over plain Kate when any woman would be lucky to have Jack’s attentions. She hated to let him down, but he’d survive it. Letting down her mother could cost her so much more.
She took a couple steps back and leaned against the wall. “I’m sorry, Jack. I really like you, but this thing between us just isn’t going to work. I need to be fully present to help Mom in whatever way she needs it. I don’t have time to try to fit you into the picture, too.”
Jack’s gaze floated toward her mother before he turned back to Kate with a deep frown. “Well, you already know how I feel. You need to learn to accept help from other people and not expect everything to come with impossibly tangled strings attached. I like you, you like me. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that. I’m not asking you to commit your life to me. Only for you to give me a chance. When and if you need me, I’ll be here for you. Not just for this, but for anything.”
She nodded but didn’t know what else she could say. She just didn’t have the strength to take this conversation any further, and Jack seemed to know that.
He turned his back to her, and for a moment she thought he’d leave then and there. Instead, he grabbed one of the Styrofoam coffee cups and extended in out to her. “Here,” he said. �
�You look like you could use this.”
Kate accepted it gratefully, taking a seat in the nearby armchair and watching her mom again as she took a sip. The warm liquid left a trail down her throat, and she closed her eyes to savor the taste. “Thank you. How did you know I liked French Vanilla creamer?”
He laughed softly as he pulled up a chair beside her, taking the other coffee cup for himself. “You had your own bottle in the fridge, remember? I’ve never seen anyone put so much in one cup of coffee before.”
Closing her eyes again, she smiled to herself as she remembered the night they’d spent nursing Hope. It seemed like a lifetime ago already with everything that had happened since then.
Jack cleared his throat. “I have a list of places that specialize in caring for Alzheimer’s patients. If you want, I can call around and see what’s available.”
She blinked her eyes open, looking toward him in confusion. He knew that this wasn’t what she wanted, so why was he pushing it yet again?
Before she could say anything, he raised his hand to stop her. “Kate, you know it’s time. You can’t be with her twenty-four hours a day. She needs to be somewhere safe. Please do this for her. Do it for yourself, too.”
Her eyes fell to look at the cup gripped tightly between her hands. A tear fell and splattered on the plastic lid below. “I want her to be safe, but I just don’t know if I’m ready to sign her life away to someone else.”
“You’re not signing her life away. This isn’t your fault. It never has been. You’re making the best and most informed decision for her care. It doesn’t mean you’ll stop loving her. Sometimes loving someone means doing things that might cause them or us pain. This is one of those times, Kate.”
She wished she could yell and scream at Jack, tell him he had it all wrong.
But she couldn’t hide from the truth anymore. Last night had made sure of that.
It was time.
Chapter 16
Kate scratched behind Hope’s ears as the horse pressed its spindly body into hers. While Kate’s mother was steadily declining, Hope had been improving by leaps and bounds each day, providing a stark contrast in Kate’s world.
Her world and work at the ranch had taken on a whole new level of difficulty these past few days. Thankfully, the hospital had agreed to keep her mother in their long-term care wing until Kate could secure a more permanent arrangement. She’d finally admitted that her mother needed full-time care and a secure facility. The ranch had been wonderful, but it was no longer enough.
In just the past week, Kate’s mom had deteriorated so much that it nearly broke her in two. She’d know it was coming, but seeing it firsthand was a different kind of awful. Kate had done her research, read about Alzheimer’s stories, thought she’d known what she would be up against. But living the reality was so much worse than any eventuality she’d been able to imagine.
To look her own mother in the eye and have her not fully recognize who she was seeing... Absolutely heartbreaking.
Thankfully, Kate’s mother still seemed to know her, even if the recollection came back to her slowly or required a gentle nudge. They’d reached this point so quickly, it wouldn’t be long before they reached the next, the point where Kate’s mother didn’t remember her even with help. As for now, Kate’s heart broke all over again whenever she had to remind her mother of their relationship.
Jack volunteered to do most of the heavy lifting when it came to researching and visiting assisted living facilities. He had found a few good candidates to consider. He’d really proven to be a lifesaver in planning the next stage of her mother’s care, but Kate knew in her heart that she wasn’t being fair to him about their situation. Outside of conversations about her mother, she’d avoided the kindly therapist as much as she possibly could. Being in his company reminded her of just how much she was letting go. Besides, she could never look at Jack now without recalling that terrible night.
They were finished before they’d even gotten the chance to fully get started—and that was just the way it had to be. As much as she loved working with the horses on the ranch, she might need to find another job and move on from there as well.
At least she’d managed to save Hope during her brief tenure at Memory Ranch.
The vet had come to examine her again that day, and Kate was expecting good news.
Sure enough, the vet finished looking Hope over, then rose to his full height and addressed Kate with a giant grin on his face. “Well, I’ll be,” he said. “It’s almost as if she’s a completely different animal now. You’ve performed a miracle here. To be honest, I really didn’t think she was going to make it, but it seems this little filly was just bound and determined to prove me wrong.”
He patted Hope on the flank and chuckled before stooping down again to pack up his equipment.
Kate’s breath hitched in her chest. She’d expected this news but still found it overwhelming to hear aloud. “So, she’s fine?” she asked, chancing a smile of her own.
“Clean bill of health. All that’s left now is just the growing.” He finished preparing his bag then clapped a hand on her shoulder. “Keep up the good work.”
She walked with him to the edge of the pen and waved goodbye before returning to Hope’s side. The precious little horse rested her head on Kate’s shoulder and leaned into her. Her body was still underweight, and she’d need to grow into her extra-long legs but still come out on the other side.
This was the other side.
At least Kate had managed to save someone.
The little foal had formed something of a maternal bond with Kate, trusting her above anyone else. She was still skittish around most other people, though, including all of the ranch hands who’d helped her along the way. The only other person she seemed to trust fully was Jack. It really was too bad she’d soon have to say goodbye to them both.
Kate’s heart clenched just thinking about it. She would be the first to admit that she had let her feelings for him become too strong during their brief friendship, but that didn’t lessen her resolve one bit. Their hearts may have matched, but the timing just didn’t work. This was the harsh reality of what her life had become, and she simply had to make choices that her heart didn’t want.
“Hey.” Jack’s voice startled Kate. “I hope we aren’t interrupting.”
As much as she wished she could tell him this was a bad time for a visit, Hope’s reaction made Kate hold her tongue.
Hope turned on hoof so fast, she almost fell down into the straw. That didn’t stop her, though. She raced to the edge of her stall quicker than her uncoordinated body was able to carry her, but still managed to make it over in one piece.
Jack beamed at her from over the top of the wooden slats. “Hey, my girl! Look at you running around like a big horse! Getting ready for the Kentucky Derby, are you? Well, don’t tell the others, but I’m definitely placing my money on you.”
He laughed as he opened the stall door and leaned down to pat Hope on her oversized head. She lapped up every second with Jack. The moment he moved the rest of the way into the stall, the little horse began hopping around to show off how much better she could move now.
Kate stood back and crossed her arms over her chest, her heart swelling as she watched the filly and man play.
“It’s okay,” Jack shouted behind him. “You can come in.”
Another man several inches shorter than Jack but with his same dark coloring, shuffled into the stall, kicking the hay as he approached.
Jack put an arm over the newcomer’s shoulders and turned him toward Kate with a huge smile splashed across his face. “I was hoping you’d be around because I have someone very special to introduce you to.”
The stranger before her could only be Jack’s beloved brother. He beamed at her, shoving his hand forward in greeting. “Hello!” he cried.
Jack made the official introduction. “This is my brother, Marty. Marty, this is Kate.”
She smiled warmly at his brother.
“I’m so happy to meet you, Marty. I hear you’re pretty good with horses.” She shook his outstretched hand and gave it a good squeeze.
“Yes, I am,” he answered proudly.
“Well then,” Jack said with a funny tilt of his head. “Meet Hope. She’s the little foal I was telling you about.”
Hope hesitated, not sure what to think of the new person. She twitched her tail nervously as Marty took careful steps forward.
“Hi, Hope. You can come over. I won’t hurt you.” As soon as Marty spoke, the horse set her head forward and closed the gap between them.
Kate’s mouth dropped open in surprise as she watched how quickly Marty earned Hope’s trust. Her eyes met Jack’s in question, but he just shrugged.
“I told you he was good with horses,” he said with an ever-widening grin.
“She’s a nice horse,” Marty said, petting Hope’s neck. “I’m glad you saved her.”
Kate laughed softly. “Well, she did the hard work. We just tried to help her along the way.” She basked in Marty’s praise. Even though so many others had told her the same, somehow his compliments felt even more sincere.
“We should take her outside so she can see the sun. It’s so nice out today.” Marty started walking out of the pen with Hope right behind him.
Jack went over and stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder. “Marty, that’s something that Kate needs to decide. Remember, Hope isn’t as strong as the other horses here, so we have to be extra careful with her.”
Marty glanced toward Kate, awaiting her decree.
“Well, I was actually going to take her out for a bit today, so…” She smiled and nodded her encouragement, making Marty’s face light up with joy. “Let’s do it. I’m glad you came along to help me.”
The three of them strode toward the exit, and as soon as she pushed the big door open, Hope raced outside as fast as her spindly legs could carry her. Thankfully, Kate had already moved all of the other horses from the pen on the other side of the door so Hope could explore the outside without any trouble.
Memories of Heaven Page 8
