by Ward, Alice
Damn it. The idea that I might be doing something illegal never crossed my mind. I need to talk to Rachel. I need to know exactly what I’m getting myself into before I agree to stay.
“I promise if the time comes and you need to know what happened, I’ll tell you.”
“Okay, now that I’ve given you the legal speech, I’m switching back to friend mode. What can I do for you, Lauren? Jackson’s leaving tonight for Aruba. He’ll be gone for a week. I could catch the red eye out of Boston on Friday. I’ll just need to be back in the office Monday morning.”
Gratitude swept through me. “Actually… that sounds perfect. Deacon and Gale are leaving on Friday. You can help me move into the townhouse.”
“Oh, Lauren. I’ll pay someone to move you into the penthouse and we’ll spend the day at the spa,” she insisted.
“Whatever gets my stuff moved,” I agreed with a laugh. “Thanks for understanding that I don’t want to divulge any details,” I added, my tone more serious.
“You’re welcome. I’ll call you when I have my arrival time. And if you need me before then, you know how to reach me.”
“Thanks, Kennedy. I love you.”
“Love you too. I’ll talk to you soon.”
***
I spent most of the morning wandering through Asher’s house, searching for any subtle sign of his old life. I was surprised to find a pile of yearbooks from Seattle middle and high schools. I flipped through each one, eventually finding Asher’s stoic face staring up at me each time. I was amazed at the lengths he’d gone to to protect his cover. But what struck me more was how little the boy in the pictures resembled the man I’d fallen in love with. His hair was much darker and his eyes reflected an unsettling blend of determination and emptiness. He looked like a kid on the fast track to no good.
I can’t believe this is the same person. Asher’s so happy, so full of life. I don’t even want to think about how he felt when those pictures were taken. I remember the fuss Mom used to make over me on picture days. She always bought me a new outfit and got me out of bed early to curl my hair before school. Did Asher ever have someone like that in his life?
I knew that Luis Chavez was probably the closest thing Asher ever had to a real parent. And a high ranking official of a drug cartel isn’t exactly someone I’d cast as a role model for an impressionable little boy. But someone must have shown him how to be a good person.
I need to get with Rachel about dinner. I need the rest of the story.
I put the yearbooks back in the guestroom trunk and made my way back to the bedroom. I texted Rachel, who suggested we meet for drinks around five at a dive near EnvisionTech. I fired off a quick agreement and then stared into what had become my side of Asher’s closet. My muscles still ached from my hike and I hated all of my clothes.
My first paycheck hit my account yesterday. And I think I’m due a little pampering.
I grabbed my purse and set off for the valley in my yoga pants, t-shirt, and flip flops. I found a spa with an hour wait for a massage that was conveniently located between two clothing boutiques. I put my name down for the next massage, scheduled a facial and a mani-pedi for after, and set off for the clothing stores. By the time I met Rachel that afternoon, I’d been rubbed, plucked, scrubbed, and painted. I stepped into the dive bar in a new black halter jumpsuit and sleek heels, my blonde hair flowing freely around my face. I found Rachel in a corner booth; she wore jeans and an eggplant t-shirt. Two empty shot glasses sat on the table.
“You look… fancy,” she observed as I slid in across from her.
“I went to the spa. I needed to not think for a while, if that makes sense.”
“It does,” she assured me, waving toward the empty glasses. “I left work early so I could get a few shots ahead of you. Listen, Lauren. I get that you and Asher have fallen in love, and for his sake I’m willing to tell you my side of the story. But there are a few things I need you to understand first.”
I nodded, encouraging her to continue. She signaled the waiter for two more shots, took a deep breath, and began.
“First, I need you to know that I know I fucked things up. I was a horrible kid. I was stupid, and I made mistakes, and I’m not proud of any of it.”
A waiter in a tight black t-shirt and painted on jeans arrived at the table with two salt rimmed shots of tequila and a plate of lemon slices. Rachel licked the rim of the glass and tossed back the liquor, ignoring the fruit. I did the same and asked the waiter for two glasses of ice water. Rachel and I stayed silent until the water was in front of us and the waiter disappeared. She sighed and started again.
“Like I said, I understand the mistakes I made better than anyone.”
“Except Asher,” I corrected her, my tone unforgiving. “I think he understands them pretty well. After all, he’s…”
“The one who’s paid most for them,” she finished for me. “I know that. That’s what I’m trying to explain to you. I made terrible, terrible decisions. He sacrificed himself to save me. And I have carried the guilt of that with me since the day it happened. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I get that you hate me. But there’s no possible way you could hate me as much as I hate myself for this. So I’ll tell you my side of the story, but only if you can keep any hostile comments to yourself.”
“I think that’s more than fair,” I agreed.
Rachel spun her straw in her glass, staring at the swirling ice cubes. “Asher told me what you know, and what you don’t. So I’ll just cut straight to the night everything fell apart. Miguel and I had been hanging out for about a month. It was never anything sexual or romantic. I told him right off the bat that I don’t like men. He always teased that I’d fall in love with him eventually, but he never pushed it. We let all of his friends think we were together. It made Miguel happy and it kept the other guys from hitting on me. Anyway, we had a unique, drug fueled relationship. One night, we were driving around town with a couple of his friends. Miguel and I were in the backseat and I had no idea where we were going. I didn’t care. We ended up in South Central LA. We went into this big house that had mattresses lying all over the floors. Miguel pulled a junkie off one of the beds and shook him until he woke up.”
Rachel’s voice cracked and her body started shaking. I reached across the table and put a comforting hand on her forearm. I knew Rachel and I would never be best friends, but I hated to see anyone so upset.
“I know how hard it must be to talk about this. But I appreciate you opening up to me.”
I gave her arm a light squeeze and returned my hand to my lap. She nodded, took a drink of her water, and continued.
“The guy at the house, he was one of the family’s low level pushers. He’d split with his supply about a week before and someone had called earlier that day with a tip about where he was. Miguel and his friends… they drug the guy out of the house and threw him in the trunk of the car. We drove to the beach and…” Her eyes darted to the tables around us and she dropped her voice. “They beat him to death.”
So that’s at least two dead bodies in the story. My God, how much worse can this get?
“That must have been terrible to see,” I said softly.
Rachel’s eyes glistened with tears, but none fell onto her cheeks. “The horrible part is that it wasn’t… not in the moment, anyway,” she confessed. “When they started hitting the guy, it was like I floated out of my body and watched everything happen from above. I went completely numb. I told myself I’d gotten some bad shit, that it was all happening in my head… that as soon as I came down, everything would be normal again. I woke up the next morning in my bed at the foster home. I had no idea how I’d gotten there, but there was blood on one of my shoes. I realized it hadn’t been a dream and I went straight to Asher.”
“And that’s when you decided to run?” I asked, trying to get the timeline straight in my head.
“No. As soon as I told Asher what happened, he insisted that I go to the police and tell them what
I knew. He promised he’d do the same, that we’d both testify against the family and go into witness protection together. Asher’s always been smart. He had about a dozen floppy discs filled with evidence against the family. I should have gone with him to the cops the moment he suggested it. But as much as Miguel terrified me, I needed my fix. I told Ash he was crazy and went back to the Chavez house. But Miguel could tell I was afraid of him. He started acting really strange. I overheard one of his friends suggest that I needed to be dealt with. So I ran back to Asher. We went to the cops and a public defender negotiated our immunity agreements. We told them everything we knew about the family, Asher turned over his discs, and moved us to a safe house.”
“I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know,” I observed.
Rachel nodded. “I appreciate that you didn’t press Ash for details about this part. What he had to do… it’s hard enough for me to relive it. The first three days at the safe house were fairly uneventful. We were completely cut off from the outside world, but we knew the Chavez’s had realized we were missing. I trusted the police to protect us and I thought Asher felt the same way. The fact he didn’t was what saved our lives. It was about three o’clock in the morning on our fourth night in the house. I was going through some pretty terrible withdraws and Asher was taking care of me. We didn’t know Miguel was there until he broke through our bedroom door.”
Rachel pulled her shirt away from her shoulder and ran her finger down a thick, faded scar.
“He kneed Asher in the balls and came at me with a knife. I tried to fight him off, but I was too weak. Then out of nowhere, I heard the gunshot. Blood gushed from Miguel’s chest and he fell to the floor. That’s when I saw Asher leaning against the wall, holding a pistol. We found our guard smothered on the couch where he’d been sleeping. Asher called the police, but we ran before they got there.”
“And that’s when you went to Vegas?”
She nodded. “That’s when we went to Vegas. Asher took care of me and built new lives for us. I owe him everything, Lauren. I need you to know that I know that.”
“I know. I can’t imagine what all of that must have been like for you. Do you have any idea what happened to the Chavez family after you left? I know they’re still somewhat active…”
“They’re still incredibly active,” Rachel corrected me. “But most of the guys in charge are still wielding their power from prison. After Asher and I disappeared, the cops couldn’t prosecute Miguel’s friends for the murder. It was basically my word against theirs, and I ran. But they were able to use the info Asher gave them. Luis, his father, and two of his uncles got twenty-year sentences and a handful of underlings were charged with smaller crimes.”
“So they have a lot to be angry about,” I said with a sigh. “We need to convince Asher to move the company headquarters, Rachel. We are too close to too many people who want revenge. I love California, but it’s just too dangerous to stay here.”
“Don’t you think I’ve tried that?” she asked, an edge of impatience in her tone. “When Asher left for college, I made a vow to stay away from him. I felt like poison and I didn’t want to ruin his life any more than I already had. I made sure I was difficult to find, but I kept tabs on him. When I realized he’d moved back to California, I hopped on a plane and did everything I could to make him see reason. He refused to budge and made it clear that the subject wasn’t to be brought up again.”
“I know he felt like he had the best chance of succeeding in Silicon Valley, but he doesn’t have to worry about that anymore,” I pointed out. “He’s succeeded. We could move anywhere we want.”
“I think Asher’s attachment to California goes deeper than Silicon Valley,” Rachel told me. “Asher’s not built to run away, Lauren. It’s not in his nature. But he did it for me. We left a lot of things unresolved…”
“You didn’t exactly have a choice,” I piped in.
“Believe me, I know. I’m just warning you that I don’t think Asher will run again. I think he thinks about his dad more often than he lets on. The connection to the Chavez family started with Billy senior. I think Ash has a lot of pent up resentment and a lot of questions. I don’t think he’ll leave California again until he confronts his dad, face to face.”
Asher’s dad was the last person I’d expected to come up in conversation and the mention of him caught me off guard.
“Does he talk about his dad with you?” I asked Rachel, unsure of what I wanted to hear. I felt unwelcome jealousy fill my chest as I thought about Asher confiding in someone else.
“Until yesterday, I was the only person he could talk to about any of this,” she reminded me. “He doesn’t mention Senior much. But sometimes when I catch his mind wandering, he has the same look on his face as when he does mention the bastard… Can I ask you a personal question, Lauren?”
“Of course. You’ve certainly shared plenty of personal stuff with me.”
Rachel folded her arms across her chest and studied me for a moment, clearly sizing me up.
“Asher is the closest thing I have to family. And in spite of everything that’s happened to him and everything he’s had to do, he’s a kind, generous man. He had a hard time getting close to people before our lives turned upside down. It’s been impossible for him since, until you. Asher loves you, Lauren. He loves you so much he’s literally put our lives in your hands. Will you be able to love him back equally, knowing what you know now?”
I didn’t even need to think about the question. “Knowing what I know now, I love him even more.”
***
I offered to stay at the bar with Rachel until she sobered up, but she insisted that I not keep Asher waiting any longer than necessary. She promised to text and let us know she’d gotten home okay and waved off my offer to pick up the tab. I promised to see her at work the next day and made the short drive up the mountain to Asher’s house. I found him stretched across the guest bed; he was wearing headphones and his eyes were closed. I knocked lightly on the open door and he startled upright and dropped the headphones to his neck.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” I offered softly.
“It’s fine, I was just listening to a guided meditation. I’m happy you’re here.”
I sat down beside him on the bed. “I’m happy I’m here too. I love you, Asher.”
He turned sideways on the mattress and pulled me into his arms. He held me tight to his chest and cradled my head in one hand.
“I love you too. I feel so guilty for keeping the truth from you. It wasn’t fair. I let you fall in love with me before you knew who I really am. If you decide to leave me, I won’t blame you.”
I leaned back in his arms and put a hand on his cheek, staring into his hesitant eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.
I kissed him gently on the lips and then crawled to the head of the bed. Asher propped himself up on three pillows; I put one on his chest and laid down facing him.
“I understand why you don’t tell anyone about your past,” I began. “I understand why you kept it from me for so long. But I need you to understand something, Asher.”
“What is it, baby?”
He moved his hand in long, soft strokes against my bare back. His touch felt adoring, not sexual, and my muscles relaxed beneath his fingers.
“I need you to understand that it’s not you and Rachel against the world anymore. I know that until now, she’s been the only person who’s stuck by you. And I have to imagine you sometimes question her motivations. From an outsider’s perspective, it seems like she has a lot more to gain from your friendship than you do.”
“Lauren, I’ve explained this. Rachel’s family.”
“I know, and I’m willing to respect that. I’m not saying you can’t talk to her, Asher. I’m just saying I want you to talk to me too. Because I won’t be like everyone else. I’m not going to leave you to fend for yourself, no matter what happens. But I need to be kept in the loop. No more secrets.�
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Asher’s eyes glistened with tears. He swallowed and then licked his lips.
“You really still want to be with me… after learning about Miguel?”
I took his hand and pulled his arm around me. “Rachel told me everything. You did what you had to do. You were smart enough to take the chance to get away from the Chavez family before it was too late. You tried to do the right thing and follow all of the rules. You put a target on your back when you handed over those files. When the police failed to protect you, what choice did you have but run? I’m glad you ran, Asher. And I’m glad you shot Miguel. If either of those things hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be here right now. And I wouldn’t trade right now for the world.”
Asher traced light circles across my skin and stared down at me, happy tears falling from his eyes.
“Neither would I, baby.”
I crawled up is chest and gently caressed his cheek. “I was overwhelmed when you first told me about your past. But now that I know the truth, I’m even more proud to be by your side. I did think of a question, though, when I was talking to Rachel.”
“Ask away,” he insisted.
“Did you start gathering evidence about the family before or after Rachel got mixed up with Miguel?”
“I started gathering evidence the moment they sat me in front of a computer,” he replied, his tone casual and honest.
“So, had you been planning your escape for a while?”
He shook his head. “I hadn’t been planning an escape at all. I just wanted to make sure I had some leverage in case one day the family set me up to take a fall like my dad. But when Rachel told me what she’d seen, I knew both of us going to the police was the only way to keep her alive. A murder accusation wouldn’t get any of the Chavez’s off the streets. But my evidence would… why do you ask?”
“I’m just trying to understand how everything happened. What made you risk everything for a girl you barely knew?”
He shrugged. “Rachel had her problems, but she was the most innocent person in the situation. She forced herself into my car that day, but she didn’t force me to drive to the Chavez house. Luis had always shielded me from the dirtier side of the business, but I knew what would happen if Rachel became a problem. And believe me, those first few days she was definitely acting like a problem. She was terrified of Miguel and his friends, but refused to stay away from them because she was desperate for a fix. She’d have been dead within the hour if she hadn’t overheard Carlos. I couldn’t live with her blood on my hands, so I did the right thing.”
