by Ivy Black
But my heart is telling me something different. It’s telling me I cannot turn my back on my brothers. They would never turn their backs on me. They would be there for me in a pinch whenever I needed them. They’d be there for me even if I decline to take part in this, which only serves to make me feel even shittier for considering not helping them in a time of need.
In my mind’s eye, I see Ashley and Cole. And I wonder what I’m supposed to tell them. Worse, I wonder what happens if I just disappear because some cartel asshole cut my throat and left me to die in a shitty ditch somewhere. What would they think? What would they do? I mean, Ash knows about the MC, but she doesn’t really know about us. Doesn’t really know what we’re into. What would she think about us going off to war like this?
“Kid?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“I hate to press you, but I need an answer. We’ve got plans to make.”
I nod to myself. “I’m in.”
“Are you sure about this?”
“Not really. But we’re brothers. And I’m never going to be the guy who turns his back on his brothers. I’m ride or die with the club.”
There’s a long pause on the other end of the line and I can practically hear Cosmo thinking. His silence tells me he’s trying to find an out for me. But if I take it, if I let them do this and they fuck it up, and don’t manage to take Ortega out, the fury that’s going to descend on the club is going to be biblical. Not only will they have the Warriors gunning for them, but they’ll also have Zavala’s army to contend with. It will be a war of attrition, and against a combined force like that, the Pharaohs will eventually cease to be.
“When is it going down?” I ask.
“Tomorrow afternoon,” he says reluctantly.
“Then we’ve got work to do. We need to get together and get to it.”
“Kid—”
“I said let’s get to work. I need to see the ground.”
“Okay. Let’s hook up then. I’ll send you the location.”
“See you soon.”
***
We’re standing in the parking lot of an old, abandoned gas station. It’s in the same stretch of unincorporated land we meet the Warriors when we do our deals. It’s just a different side of the same old town. I turn in a circle, scoping out the land around us. It’s mostly flat with just a few dilapidated old buildings dotting the landscape.
“Pretty fucking desolate,” Cosmo says.
I nod. “Yeah, it is. Couldn’t they have met in a place full of hills and rocks and shit?”
“That’d be too easy, brother. And life is never easy. Not for guys like us.”
“Yeah, well, it should be.”
Cosmo snickers and takes a drink from his canteen, then hands it over to me. I take a swallow and continue to survey the land.
“You know you don’t have to be out here doing this,” he says.
“You wouldn’t have asked me in the first place if you didn’t need me. Besides, none of you idiots can shoot worth a damn. You need a professional,” I reply.
He punches me in the arm, laughing. “Asshole.”
I nod. “Sometimes.”
“I’m serious though, kid. I know you’ve got some good things goin’ on now, what with your girl and the kid of hers. I wouldn’t blame you in the least if you wanted to focus on them instead of this bullshit. Nobody would.”
I turn to Cosmo, my expression serious. “I’d blame myself if this all went sideways and any of you guys got hurt.”
“That’s not your responsibility. You’re not our appointed guardian, and it’s not on you if we get ourselves shot up.”
“No, but you guys are my family. You guys gave me a home when I had nothing. What kind of brother would I be if I refused to go to war with you guys when the chips were down and you needed me?”
Cosmo sighs and takes another pull from his canteen, shaking his head and looking miserable.
“I just hate to think of you putting your ass on the line for this when you’ve got a girl and kid you’re building a life with. Shit was never supposed to get this serious with the club, man. We never intended to get our wires crossed with a fucking cartel.”
“Like you said, life’s never easy for guys like us. It is what it is. Now, it’s on us to get those wires uncrossed and get these cartel fuckers out of our town, and out of our lives for good.”
“You’re a good man, Domino.”
“Only following the example you guys in Leadership set.”
We both fall silent for a few minutes and I can practically feel the wave of relief wafting off Cosmo. All of the guys in Leadership are very capable soldiers. They’re terrific leaders. But none of them can do what I can do with a rifle in hand. The MC needs me, and I’m resolved to seeing this through. But I am going to need to talk to Ashley tonight. I’m going to have to tell her everything because if this all goes to shit, I don’t ever want her wondering why I disappeared or thinking that I’d just up and abandoned her. I want her to know what could happen if we lose this fight.
“Over there,” I say, pointing to a small rise.
“You kiddin’?” Cosmo replies. “That’s got to be two to three hundred yards away.”
“Which is exactly why I need to be the one to take the shot instead of you guys.”
He looks at me. “Touché. Asshole.”
We walk over and scout the area. It’s a small rise but still gives me a shot on a downward slope. And judging by where the sun is now, it’s going to be at my back, which is only going to help me and hinder them when they inevitably return fire. With the sun shining directly on their faces, they’re not going to know precisely where the shots are coming from or be able to mount an effective response. I’ll be able to pick them off one by one if I need to.
“We got a clean car?” I ask.
“Four-wheel jeep, yeah.”
“That’s good. The rise is large enough to hide it,” I say.
“Once we do what we came here for, we can take off through the desert. We’ve got a switch car stashed in a town not too far from here. By the time they figure it out, we should be long gone.”
“Knock on wood.”
He nods and I continue scoping the land, looking for a better vantage point. Doesn’t look like there is one, though, and I wonder if that’s why they picked this spot to do their business, the remoteness of the location and the fact that there aren’t many decent offensive positions. Or maybe it was just random dumb luck. Who knows?
“This is the spot,” I say. “It’s not going to get any better than this.”
“The way you say that inspires such confidence.”
“Also, there’s no ‘we’ here. I’ll do the job. I don’t want you out here risking your ass needlessly.”
“Forget about it. You need somebody watching your six out here. You’re not coming out here alone,” Cosmo says.
“I don’t need anybody watching my back. I got this.”
He shakes his head. “When you were over in the shit, you always had a spotter with you, yeah?”
I see where he’s going with this and don’t want to encourage his argument, so I remain silent.
“Right. That’s what I thought,” he says. “So, here’s the deal… I’m acting as your spotter tomorrow.”
I turn to him. “Seriously, man. I don’t want you putting your ass on the line out here. The MC needs leadership. I’m expendable. It’s no different than how we ran things overseas.”
“You’re not expendable. That’s some bullshit, and you need to get that thought out of your head right now. You got me? You’re every bit as important to this MC as I am or Prophet.”
That’s not exactly true, but I don’t want to further this argument. It’s just going to go in circles. But if this all goes to shit, I would rather Cosmo not be within two zip codes of it.
“You’ve got a family, man. I don’t want you out here,” I tell him.
“And you’re my family, too. So, don’t think
for a second I’m letting you come out here by yourself.”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair, a small grin quirking my lip upward. “No chance of talking you out of this, huh?”
“None.”
I survey the land around us once more, and then nod. Seeing that he’s won the argument, Cosmo claps me on the back.
“Don’t worry, brother,” he says. “We got this.”
“Thanks for having my back.”
“Always. We’re family, and that means somethin’ to me.”
“Me, too.”
***
“What’s wrong?”
Ashley sits down on the couch next to me and nuzzles close. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her tight, relishing the feel of her body pressed to mine. She’s so warm and solid, and I find it reassuring. With so much in flux and the possibility that I might not be here tomorrow night hanging above my head like the Sword of Damocles, I’m trying to savor every moment I have with her.
But the thought of the coming fight, of which tomorrow is only the opening salvo, is weighing heavily on my mind, and I can’t seem to banish it entirely. I look over at Ashley and frown, trying to avoid letting it ruin our night.
“I’m still trying to digest that movie we watched. A singing fish?” I ask, trying to sound light but failing. At least to my own ears.
“She’s a mermaid,” Ashley corrects me.
I laugh softly. “Right. My bad. You’ll have to forgive my ignorance about all things Disney.”
“I’ll forgive you for now. But if you’re going to hang out with Cole, we’re going to have to educate you on the finer points of things like the Little Mermaid and 101 Dalmatians.”
“Can’t we educate Cole on the finer points of Halloween and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Or what about Sorority Row Bloodbath?”
“Yeah, that’s not happening,” she says and laughs.
“Oh, come on. He’s a growing boy. What’s better for a well-rounded education than sex, blood, and decapitations?”
She plants a quick kiss on my cheek. “So not happening. Not ever.”
“Never say never.”
“Never.”
We spent a night in with pizza and Disney movies. Not my usual cup of tea, but the kid seemed to enjoy them a lot, so it’s all good. I also got to spend some time with her friend Missy and her husband, Mark. Good people. I’m glad to see that Ash has some people like that around her. I’m sure it’s made the transition from the bullshit she put up with out in Georgia with her ex-boyfriend, to living a life free and happy out here in California a lot easier.
Ashley fixes me with a pointed stare. “Now that we’ve gotten the deflection portion of the evening out of the way, tell me what’s bothering you.”
“What makes you think something’s bothering me? Other than a singing fish, anyway.”
She frowns, getting that small furrow between her eyebrows she tends to get when she’s displeased with something. It’s adorable and makes me laugh.
“I know you, Max. I can tell when something’s weighing heavily on you. And right now, I’d say there’s something that weighs the same as a thousand ele-funs sitting on your shoulders,” she says, drawing a small laugh from me.
“I can’t pull anything over on you, can I?”
“Nothing.”
“I feel sorry for Cole. That kid’s going to have no fun when he grows up.”
“Deflecting.”
“But I’m so cute when I do it,” I say.
“You’re not that cute. Now, spill it.”
I let out a long breath and ponder my words. On the one hand, I know I shouldn’t be telling her any of this. The last thing I should be doing is pulling her into club business. Especially when that club business has to do with drugs, gunfights, and killing. On the other hand, I want to tell her. I want to be open and completely transparent with her about everything. I feel like I owe her that.
At the same time, I fear what she’ll think of me. This isn’t a fog of war issue, like the killing of the two Afghani children. This isn’t a chaotic situation where split-second decisions have to be made. Joining the MC and getting myself entangled in all of the club’s dealings was a conscious decision. It was a choice I made. One I continue to make every day I wake up and put on my kutte.
Will she think I’m a monster? Will she think I’m a horrible person? And will the revelations about my life inside the MC put the final nail in the coffin and make her turn away from me? It’s a thought that sends a genuine spike of pain shooting through my heart. It’s not something I want to even consider.
But I know I have to. If I want to have something more with Ashley, if I want us to build a life and a future together, she needs to know everything there is about me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I should give her the chance to see me, warts and all, and let her make an informed decision about our future path. If there is one.
I owe her that.
And so, I do. I tell her everything, beginning with the shootout at the hunting lodge and the killing of Zavala’s men, to the drive-by at the clubhouse, to the op Cosmo and I are running tomorrow. Through my story, she doesn’t say a word, she just looks at me with wide eyes and concern on her face. And when I’m done, she sits back on the couch, but I notice that her grip on my hand hasn’t loosened one bit. I want to believe that means something. That it’s significant.
“When Missy told me you were a biker, and you belonged to some biker club thing—”
“Just club. Or MC,” I correct her.
She slaps my hand and laughs. “Don’t interrupt me. It’s rude.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.”
The fact that she hasn’t thrown me out and still seems to be bantering with me like nothing’s changed blows a bit of oxygen into the embers of hope that are smoldering within me. I’m careful to nurture the flame, though, and not let it burn out of control. A small bit of hope is a good thing. Too much is just plain foolish.
“Anyway, when Missy told me you belonged to this MC, she said I should be careful about you. That I might want to reconsider seeing you because of the reputation. A lot of people think you’re violent, that you run drugs, that you do this and that. And that you’re all bad guys. Criminals.”
“And what do you think?”
“I’m not naïve, Max. I know you and your club are neither altar boys, Boy Scouts, or the perfect law-abiding citizens. I’m sure there’s some truth in what the people believe,” she says. “but I want you to be honest with me. Do you guys traffic in drugs? People?”
I swallow hard and push back on the voice in my head, telling me I need to shut up and stop talking now. The voice that’s telling me I shouldn’t tell her the specifics of the club operations as much for her sake as for mine. But I’ve opened the door, and I am determined to walk through it. I owe Ashley this. I owe her my honesty as well as my trust.
I clear my throat and lick my lips, which are suddenly dry. “We sell weed. Yes. We sell large amounts of weed. So, that much is true. But as far as hard drugs, no. We don’t traffic in those, and we never will.”
“What else?” she asks.
“We sell guns to some groups here and there, but it’s the weed that’s our primary source of income.”
“People? Do you traffic in people?”
I cock my head at her. “Seriously?”
Her giggle sounds more like one of relief than it is because she found it funny. And when she looks at me, I can see that relief upon her face as well.
“I’ve heard that you and the club keep the streets of Blue Rock clean?” she asks.
I nod. “We refuse to let anybody sell that shit in town. It’s maybe a little barbaric, but when we find out somebody’s dealing shit, we make sure they don’t anymore. In fact, that’s what I was on my way to do the first night I saw you. We got a tip that some shitbag was dealing in a local bar, so we handled him.”
She arches an eyebrow. “Handled him? As in—”
I laugh softly. “No. Not like that. We just made sure he understood Blue Rock is a no-dealing zone. Period.”
“And what about tomorrow?”
“That’s different. We didn’t pick that fight. We didn’t start it, but we will finish it. We will not let the cartel have this town. We are going to fight to the last man to protect this town.”
“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that. I wish you wouldn’t imply that you could… die,” she says, her voice barely more than a whisper.
“It’s simply acknowledging reality, Ash. You know, as I’ve thought about this more, I realize I’m not just in this fight for my brothers in the MC. It’s part of it, sure. But the other part is that I’m fighting for you. And for Cole. You came here looking for a fresh start in a good town. Blue Rock is that. It’s the best place to raise a kid as far as I’m concerned. And I will die before I let somebody like Zavala get his hooks into this place and turn it into some drug-infested shithole.”
A gentle smile crosses her face and her eyes shimmer with tears. As one tracks down her cheek, I reach up and wipe it away with my thumb as I cup her face in my hand. I lean forward and press my lips to hers gently. Pulling back, I give her a soft smile I hope looks as reassuring as I intend it to.
“Everything is going to be all right. I promise you,” I say.
“It won’t be if you go and get yourself killed.”
“I won’t.”
“You can’t promise that,” she says.
“Sure I can. I’ve got a hell of a lot to live for. I have you and Cole to come back to. I love you, Ashley.”
More tears fall down her cheeks, but there’s a warm smile on her face. She pulls me down into a kiss and as her lips part, our tongues slide around one another softly. The heat between us grows quickly. I kiss Ashley’s neck and she lets out a soft breath, a quiet whimper escaping her. She reaches down and grips me through my jeans, running her hand up and down my quickly thickening shaft.
