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by Candace Mumford

  Bought herself a gun. She'd also signed up for classes to learn how to use it so that if the time ever came when she had to use it,she wouldn't miss her target.

  " OH MY GOD! The dead have arisen, it's about damn time you showed your damn face!" Deja' said jumping up to give Trendi a hug." I was about to take desperate measures and track down this new man Marcus of yours if you didn't show your face soon!" Deja said.

  " Girl is everyone out of the shop?" Trendi asked looking around." Yea girl Trencye's late ass just left."Deja said locking the door and pulling the curtains closed " What's going on?" she asked.

  " Girl I've been through it lately." Trendi said sitting down in her shops red leather couch. Trendi looked around her beautiful shop. Red and gold baroque wallpaper, red leather couches and everything was accented with ivory colored accents throughout.

  Here I have one of the hottest salons in San Antonio and I can't pick a decent man to save my life...shit like this makes me know I'm a woman! Even being born a man didn't make me choose any better." Deja' I was raped." Trendi said barely able to choke out the words.

  " What! Oh my God Trendi are you OK? Of course you're not OK what a stupid question! Why didn't you cal me! Who did this" Deja asked starting to cry herself." I can't believe someone would do this!" " Did they catch this guy?" Deja asked.

  " They caught him. I found out today he's out on bail though. Deja' it was Marcus who raped me." Trendi said wiping away the tears streaming down her face.

  " WHAT! Your Marcus did this to you!" Deja' screamed " Oh hell no! Where does this muthafucka live Trendi it's on. You know al we have to do is call up a few people we know and we can handle this shit right now!" Deja' raged.

  " Girl no! I don't want anyone I know anywhere near this crazy muthafucka! The night he raped me I found out I didn't know a thing about this man! Deja' he's married, on drugs, has a child and never saw me as a woman, out of his own mouth." Nigga we two dudes fuckin" is what he said to me Deja' " Trendi said breaking down in tears. Deja'

  hugged Trendi while she cried it out in shock not quite knowing what to say but relating to Trendi's ordeal more than she wanted to. Deja' and Trendi bonded six years ago as two gay men who felt they were born to be women.

  They met at at community col ege where they both happened to be taking business classes. Trendi had already graduated top of her cosmetology class and had her mind set on owning the top salon in the city. So Trendi knew in order to do that she had to take her education to another level and obtain a business degree. Deja just knew she needed an education to get up from under the thumb of her conservative,catholic Mexican American family. Their bond was so tight Trendi convinced Deja' after they graduated from business school to enroll in cosmetology school so that they could work together and she could manage the shop. Trendi insisted she would have to know to do hair as well. Within six months of the shop opening, Trendi's dream of owning one of the top salons in the city was a reality. With her best friend by her side.

  Trendi relayed the events of the entire night to Deja' from Marcus standing her up at Jazzlyns dinner party until his phone cal that very day."Trendi I can't say enough how sorry I am this happened to you. I really wish you had let me know what was going on so I could have been there for you." Deja' said wiping her eyes.

  " Girl you know it wasn't because I didn't trust you enough to tell you. I do. But to be honest, what he said to me hurt me way more than the rape, the beating and the stitches. It was the humiliating things he said to me Deja' that I can't forget. That disgusting piece of shit pursued me! You know for a fact I avoided him because he was too thugged out for my tastes and he wore me out sending flowers over here and dropping in to bring me lunch during the day!

  I was open and honest with him about everything about myself and the way I feel and for this son of a bitch to tell me I'm not a real woman? "Don't let the store bought titties fool you!" Trendi exclaimed.

  " Oh no he didn't girl!" Deja' said rubbing her hands over her store bought 36 DD's.

  " Yes he did Deja' " Trendi said " Deja' the past few days it's just made me think about if all we go through just trying to live our lives and be us is even worth it in the end?

  Who wants this life ? We could easily be like the other down low men out here. You know what I mean? This isn't an easy life you and I both know it. I mean I want a family one day, kids of my own and I could have it all if I lied like some of these men out here."

  Trendi said softly.

  " What are you saying Trendi? Talk to me." Deja' said grabbing Trendi's hand." I don't know Deja' I just know this whole ordeal is making me wonder if being Trendi instead of Trenton is really worth it."

  Going In Circles

  Kita had taken special care picking out her outfit that morning. Two days ago when Tyson called suggesting they meet for lunch to talk she'd been shocked. Had her flowers,card and candy worked or was he pissed? I've just started speaking to Sherica again so I damn sure can't ask her if Tyson and Jazzlyn are stil together. Besides if that bitch Sherica wants to set up all kind of rules on what we can and can't talk about, the less she knows the better. Kita pul ed out her pocket mirror and checked her makeup before leaving to meet Tyson. " Hey girl !" Sherica said walking over to her desk " Do you have lunch plans today? We could grab something together." Sherica said.

  " I wish I could Sherica but today I have a lunch date!" Aww shit! Kita girl you cut those locks off the other day and now you have lunch dates? I guess it real y was time for a change." Sherica said laughing." Have a good time."

  Kita grabbed her purse and keys and left to meet the love of her life for lunch. Tyson James.

  Tyson walked into the restaurant praying his lunch date with Kita would go smoothly.

  Jazzlyn hadn't wanted him to meet with her at al at least not by himself but he let her know things would be fine. I think she just needs some type of closure. Though he had a hard time wondering about what since she was the one who threw the relationship away. The waiter approached him " Sir are you ready to be seated ?"

  " Actually I'm meeting someone here. I don't think I see her yet." Tyson said.

  " Here I am" Kita said walking in the restaurant behind Tyson. Tyson turned around and looked at Kita not saying a word for a few seconds before a smile crossed his face "

  Hello Nakita,nice to see you." Tyson said.

  " It's real y nice to see you too Tyson" Kita said with her heart beating in her chest. I can't believe he's actually close enough to touch. Tyson and Kita slid into their booth seats and looked at each other for a moment before Tyson spoke.

  " I'm glad you could meet me today Nakita, you look good. I can't believe you cut your locks off. " Tyson said smiling. Kita's hands flew to her face " Does it look bad? It was kinda an impulsive move." Kita said nervously.

  " Kita if there was any woman who could cut all her hair off and still look beautiful it's you. It fits you really well you, look good." Tyson said.

  " Thank you Tyson " Kita said with a huge smile on her face." I was surprised you wanted to meet with me ?"

  " Wel Kita did you really give me much choice? Sending all the stuff to my job Kita?

  You know I don't get down like that especial y when not too long ago I had a restraining order on you. But don't get me wrong, I don't have you here to argue and fuss. I just want us to settle any loose ties between us so we both can let the past go." Tyson said sincerely. " I have someone really good in my life right now and if you haven't met anyone special Kita I know it's going to happen for you...as long as you've made a few changes. How are your mom and sister doing by the way ? " Tyson asked.

  Kita sighed " Don't even ask. You know Tyson I want to final y say something to you I should have said a long time ago. I'm so sorry for everything I put you through when my mom and sister came here to live. I took you for granted and abused our relationship and your love for me." Kita said bringing a napkin to her eyes to dab the tears starting to form. " Believe me when I say it's a mistake I li
ve with everyday. I spent so much time trying to get you to get over the mistakes I made, I never took the time to just say I'm sorry. " Kita said.

  " I accept your apology Nakita, I aint gonna lie .You had me fucked up for awhile. I never saw our relationship ending the way it did...truth be told I didn't see us ending at al . Everything happens for a reason though, so who are we to question it?" Tyson said.

  " That's bullshit Tyson. You know it and I know it. Everything that messed up our relationship happened because I let it. There was no divine intervention." Kita said bitterly.

  Tyson laughed " You do know me. I was thinking that myself but I wasn't trying to make you feel bad. I didn't ask you to meet for lunch to make you feel bad." Tyson said smiling. " Nakita all the flowers,candy and cards have to stop. I don't need or want any of that." Tyson paused when the waiter came and took their orders. When the waiter left the table he continued.

  " What we had is in the past and even though a lot of shit happened that could make me feel negative about you I'm choosing to remember the Nakita I first knew. I know you're not all bad regardless of how we ended. If I chose to just see the bad in you that wouldn't be saying much about me and the women I choose to associate myself with would it?" Tyson said.

  " Tyson can I ask you something?" Kita said

  " Yeah go ahead" " If you weren't seeing this woman...,"

  " Her name is Jazzlyn" Tyson said.

  " If you weren't seeing Jazzlyn right now do you think you and I could have worked things out?"Nakita asked.

  " Not at al . Jazzlyn has nothing to do with me not giving you another chance. I'd never want to be with you again. Too many lies were told Nakita. I'll never live my life with a woman I can't trust. Till this day I don't know if you ever were really sleeping with another man …,”

  " I wasn't" Nakita tried to interrupt and Tyson stopped her.

  " Stop Nakita. You're missing the point and at this point it doesn't matter if you did or didn't. It was not knowing that was tearing me up. Wondering if every word that came out of your mouth was a lie. That's worse than the actual act...at least for me it is. In addition to the other things you did, stealing money from me Nakita?" Tyson said shaking his head " So for me it wouldn't matter if I was single Nakita, I'd never go back to you. So don't even think about coming at Jazzlyn sideways and getting it in your head thinking she's standing between us OK ? I know how you can get. Which is why we had that restraining order before." Tyson said.

  " OK,OK! I believe you Tyson...I had to ask." Kita said laughing. "I'm done. It took me just recently to accept it Tyson but I have. I do know you, your right about that. I realize this is a good bye lunch and you don't keep ex-girlfriends as friends so I accept responsibility and thanks for this talk...and lunch. I'm officially over wondering what could have been. " Kita said " Now let's eat before I start thinking about it all and go into a depression. You know something Tyson? This would be so much easier to take if you showed up here today and had suddenly turned ugly. Why aren't you losing your hair already like a lot of other white men your age? Hold on wait...are you at least having to take Viagra now Tyson ?" Kita asking leaning in seriously wanting to know!

  Tyson started laughing" Nakita don't try and jinx me just because we're not together anymore. I'm good and gonna stay good in all areas." Tyson said." You never would call me Kita like everyone else did." she observed " Back then I didn't feel about you like everyone else did, You were my Nakita."

  Tyson and Kita finished up their lunch and he walked her to her car and wishing her well with everything. As he was walking back to his car he couldn't help but think about how well things had gone. I guess that was just something we needed to do to clear the air completely. We went from loving each other to fighting and restraining orders and nothing in between. I'm glad we got things settled between us once and for all ,Tyson thought driving back to his office.

  I'm so glad it's Friday I don't know what to do Jazzlyn thought to herself walking into the lobby of her building. Jazzlyn stayed in building A which also housed the leasing office. Anytime there was a community meeting for the residents or any other get together the complex was hosting, fortunately all Jazzlyn had to do was take the elevator down to the lobby. As she walked in she noticed a booth set up with a sign that said Kuts and Kurves Fitness Center. Jazzlyn saw two employees who were in great shape signing some of the residents up. Hell let me see what this is al about. I've been working out at the community center but last week when I came in, there was a homeless man harassing me for change when I was on the el iptical machine!Jazzlyn thought to herself with a frown.

  " Excuse me Miss, do you work out? I know you're doing something to keep yourself looking so good" Jazzlyn looked at his name tag, it read Bishop.

  " Actually I do. I was just going to start looking into finding somewhere new to work out. Are you al here because you're giving discounts to the residents? If so sign me up !" Jazzlyn said with a smile. By the time Jazzlyn made it up to her apartment she had free two week passes for herself and Tyson. Bishop the Kuts and Kurves guy looked a little disappointed when she said she wanted it for her boyfriend too...that brotha was fine though! Jazzlyn changed into something comfortable and then started cleaning up her place room by room. May as well get it done so I can spend my time with Tyson this weekend. Jazzlyn was just about done when her cell phone rang.

  " Hey Antonio" Jazzlyn said when she saw her brothers name come across the screen.

  " Hey babygirl I'm downstairs on my way up" Antonio said.

  " OK, I'll see you in a minute." Jazzlyn said hanging up. I'm glad he stopped by even though this is a rare surprise. Show up to dinner with a white man and I guess my brothers want to check on me now? Jazzlyn thought shaking her head. Jazzlyn heard the doorbell ring and went to answer.

  " Hey Antonio" Jazzlyn said giving her brother a hug and a kiss.

  " Hey girl I came over here to check on you. What you have to drink in here?It's hot as hel outside."

  " Soda,juice or water?" Jazzlyn said" Antonio you know I love and appreciate all you and Rashads advice, you're the best brothers anyone could have but I have to be honest I have never been so embarrassed of you two in my life! What was that show you two put on ? Even daddy was acting up. I couldn't believe you al . I'm glad you're here so we can talk about it. I already spoke to mommy about it but come on, you guys were out of line! " Jazzlyn said.

  " Wel what did you expect us to say when you show up to dinner with some random ass white boy? My sister? I aint even gonna lie, I don't like that shit at al . It makes me sick to think about my baby sister over here laying up with some white man. You do know if you two don't work out ...aint no decent black man gonna want you after he's had you. I don't give a damn how "down" you think his ass is!" Antonio said.

  Jazzlyn stood there in shock." So what? I'm your sister who you're supposed to love but I'm trash now Antonio? I'm dirty now? Is that what you’re saying?" Jazzlyn asked in absolute shock.

  " Look Jazzlyn I'm your brother, and you know I love you. All I want is for you to be happy. I'm just trying to be honest with you. How long have you been dating this guy? A few months? I'm telling you what some people wont and even if you're mad and don't like it I'm going to tel you. He's a smart ass to! I wanted to knock his fucking teeth down his throat sitting at my mamas table!" Antonio said." You're a beautiful, talented ,smart queen. Why would you lower yourself to be laid up with a white man? You grew up with your father in your house loving you everyday from the day you were born!

  You're gonna slap dad in the face by laying up with some white man? Even with me and Rashad, you aint never seen us laid up with no white women!Hel I dated that Mexican chick for a hot minute but that was it!" Antonio said standing and pacing in front of her. " I know some of these brothers out here leave a lot to be desired for good black women but damn Jazzlyn ,what you're just giving up on black men? There are plenty of brothas out here that would jump through hoops to be with you. I love you babygirl but on tha
t note I'm leaving because I can't lie, I'm real disappointed in you right now. I know Rashad and dad are too" Antonio said as he walked out the door.

  Jazzlyn sat there with a million thoughts running through her head. Was Antonio right? Was she selling out?Only dating Tyson because of what she'd gone through with Darien? Jazzlyn thought about everything she'd always envisioned for her future and one thing was true...all of it included a black man just like her father. Children that were chocolate brown just like her. If things went the way she had a feeling they could go with Tyson, she would never have the black family she always envisioned herself having . I know I'm the one who has to live my life but I'd be lying to myself if I said I'm not real y bothered by what my brothers and especially my daddy think of me. I do care a little what people think. Jazzlyn walked into her bedroom to take a shower.

  Tyson stepped off the elevator and headed straight to Jazzlyns place. I guess I'll use my new key Tyson thought to himself laughing." Jazzlyn!" Tyson heard the shower going and smiled taking off his clothes and walking into the bathroom.

  " Baby it's me" Tyson called out pulling back the shower curtain and stepping in." Hi baby" Jazzlyn managed to mumbled not wanting him to see her crying.

  " Oh I aint seen and barely talked to you al day. You better come better than that!"

  Tyson said laughing. Jazzlyn turned around and put her arms around his waist holding him close. It wasn't until then Tyson noticed she was crying.

  " Baby what's wrong? What is it?" Tyson said looking her " Jazzlyn! Why the hell are crying? Nobody did anything to you did they ?"

  " No I'm OK. I was just thinking about some things. I don't want to talk about it right now."

  " Jazzlyn I get home and you're stand in the shower crying what the hell do you mean you don't wanna talk about it?" Tyson said turning off the shower and getting out. Tyson handed her a towel and wrapped one around his waist.