by Cameron Jace
Daughter of Richard Westmacott. Remember to ask him which one is the real mask with the cat's grin.
This must be Lewis Carroll's handwriting. I am in his studio at Oxford University.
A little further down, it says: I think the Red Queen was right. The Cheshire can't be beheaded because he keeps appearing and disappearing. The only way is to steal his grin. It's got his power.
I hear sounds down in Christ Church's garden. When I look over, I glimpse someone running, but I miss them. I climb down and follow them to the Great Hall.
Inside, I come across the fireplace with the firedogs. It's not a fireplace yet, but a door leading somewhere. The door is closed but is shimmering with golden light underneath. It shakes to thuds and the sound of fighting. There are screams. I don't know what to do. It's like a war going on behind it. I wonder if Wonderland is behind that door.
Finally, the door springs open. A young man comes out. He is wearing a black priest's outfit and holds the vorpal sword in his hand, the same sword I saw the White Queen holding. He locks the door behind him with a golden key that he hangs around his head after. He is panting from the struggle behind the door. The man has that aura that makes me love him at first sight. It's the same kind of love I felt toward the White Queen. I realize what it is now. Its love shared by those who walk the white tiles on the chessboard of life.
"Alice?" he asks, still catching his breath. "What are you doing here?" He is stuttering. A small white rabbit peeks out of his pocket, nibbling on a carrot. It's a funny-looking rabbit. "Alice?" It imitates the man. "What are you doing here?"
"You see me?" I am bedazzled.
Lewis Carroll laughs. It's a delightful laugh. A laugh of someone who has not lost his childhood to the burden of growing up. I like it a lot. I only wonder why he stutters. "I see you," he says and tucks his hand gently back into his pocket. He takes my hand after. From his touch and my height, I realize I am seven years old, probably dressed in a blue dress. I still avoid mirrors wherever I go.
We walk outside and sit on the same bank I sat on with the Pillar.
"I did it, Alice," Lewis says. "I locked them up."
"The Wonderland Monsters?"
"If you'd like to call them that, yes."
"Is that the door to Wonderland?" I ask him, thinking about the fireplace in real life. It was walled up by bricks.
"One of many," he says. "I trapped the monsters behind each of the doors. They are interlinked, but they can only cross over to the world from the same door where I trapped them."
"And the Cheshire?"
"He is the only one I couldn't get, but I stole his grin," he says. "I hid it the best way I could."
"Oh," I say. I wonder what happens if I tell him I am from the future.
"Are you all right?" He holds my face gently in his hands. I nod. His cold hands feel warm on my cheeks. "I am so sorry, Alice. It's all my fault, but I didn't know things would turn out this way." I don't understand why he is sorry, and I am aware of Tom Tower dinging in the distance. I don't think he can hear it. "Here." He takes off the necklace with the key and wraps it around my neck. "This is one of six keys needed to open each door to Wonderland, where I locked them all in. I trust you can keep this one safe."
The key glitters around my neck. I realize it's the same key drawn on my cell's wall.
"Lewis," I say, "what happens on January the fourteenth?"
"Fourteenth?" he says. "I have no idea. Why?"
"Doesn't matter." I don't have time to tell him about my cell. The Pillar sent me here so Lewis could help me with my decision. "I need you to help me decide something."
"I hope I can," he says.
"If it comes down to saving one girl's life and saving the world, who should I choose?"
"You started saving lives already? I always knew you would." His smile curves like ocean waves I want to crash against. "You really want my opinion on this?"
"You really want his opinion?" The carrot-nibbling rabbit peeks out again. Lewis laughs, hands him another carrot, and tucks him back in his suit pocket. The rabbit stretches its arm out of Lewis's hand pocket. "It takes too much space in here."
Lewis laughs again then turns to me. "Like I said, do you really want my opinion?"
I nod.
"In my opinion, no one can save the world, Alice," he says. "We can save the ones we care about, the ones nearby if we're lucky enough to be able to save them in the first place. Then once we save one, we go on to the next. One day at a time, Alice. One day at a time."
"So, there are no miracles like saving the world?"
Lewis laughs. "There are two ways to live our lives, Alice. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. I like the 'everything' one."
"I like it too," I say.
"A man called Einstein will rephrase this quote many years from now, by the way." Lewis stands up and cleans his sword. "Don't tell him I said it before him. We don't want to shake his confidence."
"Why?"
"He is going to invent mad things, important things for mankind, and no one's going to believe him in the beginning," Lewis says. "That's the way with all mad people. No one believes them in the beginning."
I pull him down and kiss him on the cheek. He blushes. "You're a good man, Lewis. The world will love your madness after you die."
"You think so?"
"Your book is going to inspire millions, believe me," I say, and run back to the Tom Tower.
"What book, Alice?" he says after me. "Wait? I am going to write a book? About what?"
"If you know about Einstein quoting you years from now, you should know you're going to write a book." I don't turn around, but answer him as I run.
"A book?" I hear the rabbit ask. "Lewis, you're going to write a book? Will you write about me, please?
"A book about what, Alice?" are the last words I hear from Lewis before I reach the Tom Tower.
"Madness, Lewis. You're going to write a book about beautiful madness."
69
QUADRANGLE, CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD UNIVERSITY
I stand in the middle of Christ Church's quadrangle with the Cheshire's mask in my hand. There a few students here and there, a couple of professors, and even a mother and her little child with a lollipop in her hand. I think this is a night gathering for some reason. None of it concerns me. I am here to give the Cheshire his mask and get Constance back.
The Cheshire doesn't waste time. It's only moments before I see the old woman before me.
"I believe you have something that was stolen from me," she says.
"Where is Constance?" I say.
"With her parents. I drove her myself, and they invited me for ice cream before I left." The woman grins. "Call the Pillar to make sure."
I do. The Pillar replies with a yes. I ask him to put Constance on the phone because I don't trust him. When she talks to me, I ask her about who she thought I was before jumping from the clothes tower. She says, "Mary Poppins." Now I am sure it's her.
"Here is your stupid grin." I hand him the mask.
The woman puts on the mask immediately. This time, it dissolves into the pores of her face, like soap. She closes her eyes for a brief time, then opens them with the creepiest grin ever on her face. I can tell this is the Cheshire's real grin. It's not something you want to stare at for too long, or it will suck your soul.
"This feels good," the woman says. "If I were you, I would start the countdown."
"To what?"
"The end of the world, dear Alice." The woman's grin has turned permanent. "You don't think I had my revenge yet, do you?" She tickles my chin with her finger and walks away. I feel helpless. Although I saved Constance, I just booked the world a first-class ticket to hell.
"Nine lives aren't that hard to kill," I say over my shoulder. She stops. "I know who I am now, and I will kill you nine times if I have to."
"With what, your magic pink umbrella?" The woman turns around and approaches me aga
in. "Do you really want to see a glimpse of the grandness of my power?" She doesn't wait for an answer and gestures at a young man walking by. She taps him on the shoulder, and suddenly the man turns to me with her grin on his face.
"How do you like me now, Alice?" the young man asks me in his male voice. He waves at his girlfriend, and she approaches him. They kiss. Once they do, the grin transfers to her. "How about now, Alice?" The young girl grins at me. She leaves her boyfriend, and I follow her through the grounds, where she helps an old man find his wallet. Once she touches him, he becomes the new Cheshire. "And how about now, Alice?" the old man says. He drops his wallet again, and the kid with the lollipop hurries and brings it to him. It's only a second before she has the grin on her face. "Do you like lollipops, Alice?" She offers me hers.
I stand paralyzed. Now I know why Lewis couldn't catch the Cheshire, why his power was the evillest power in the world. The Cheshire was no one, yet everyone. It was like spreading evil through the world by the touch of a hand. I watch the girl kneel and pet a stray cat. The grin transfers to the cat. She meows at me and runs through the crowd. I trail after her. Wherever I look, someone has the grin for a moment.
I stand in the middle of the quadrangle, feeling lost. There is nothing I could ever do to catch the Cheshire.
70
THE PILLAR'S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM, OXFORD
The Pillar lies on his back on the couch. He is still smoking and listening to "Alice in the Sky with Diamonds." The butterfly in the jar is calmer now. It doesn't push its way out of the glass. I am too exhausted to be here but thought I'd tell him that I am ready for the job. I am ready to save lives.
"I see the butterfly is calmer now," I remark.
"I had to send her some of my hookah smoke to ease her," he says.
"I wonder why you keep her."
"I am a caterpillar, Alice." He chortles. "One day, I am going to be as beautiful as her. She helps me remember this."
"Whatever." I don't have the strength for another riddle. "I'm here to tell you that I'm…"
"Ready to save lives?"
"Yes."
"Ready to accept that you're Alice, even if it makes no sense?"
"Yes."
"Ready for accepting the madness in your life?"
"Yes." I am reluctant about this part.
"How about the None Fu techniques? Did you master those?"
"Not at all." I laugh. "I tried it, and it doesn't work. It's such nonsense. How is Jack, by the way?"
"We went on a date together. It was a Carrollian date, where neither of us paid because we snuck into the restaurant when it was rather late. He tried to kiss me, but he smelled of playing cards. I'm not going out with him again." He doesn't even catch his breath when he jokes like this.
"It means you haven't seen him," I say. "And he is hard to track. With all his nonsense, I was warming up to him. I mean, he is a stalker, but he just wanted a date with a mad and lonely girl like me. What more could I ask for? I hope he is all right."
"I am sure he will be," the Pillar says, "You should get some sleep. Now that the Cheshire is on the loose, I wouldn't be surprised if you and I are invited to a tea party in a few days."
"In Parliament, I imagine?"
"Or the Queen of England's palace," he says, topping my mockery. "You haven't discovered who the Red Queen is and why she always said 'off with their heads' yet."
"Please." I raise a hand. "Enough for today. I don't want to know. You're right. I have to get some sleep."
"How was the meeting with Carroll?" he says before I go. "Did he give you anything, if I may ask?"
"Not at all. He just advised me to save Constance."
I feel the key Lewis gave me in my pocket. I am not going to tell the Pillar about it. I think the Pillar shouldn't know these things.
"Since you have a writing desk in your cell, aren't you going to tell me what a raven and a writing desk have in common?"
The Pillar turns his head toward me and smiles. He knows I am changing the subject like he always does. "Not now. But I could let you ponder over an even crazier question, one that historians always skip and never investigate thoroughly."
"Oh, and what would that be?"
"What do Lewis Carroll and Red Riding Hood have in common?" he says.
"What? Are you crazy? Of course, they have nothing in common." I roll my eyes and begin to walk away. "I never thought I'd say goodnight to a serial killer, but goodnight, Professor Pillar."
"One more thing, Alice," he says. "There is something that still puzzles me."
"Puzzles you?" I raise an eyebrow.
"In the previous days, you have never tried to look up your bus accident, neither on the internet or anywhere else," he says. "I wonder why that is."
"I don't know," I reply. "I guess I was busy."
"Unlikely."
"Maybe I am just not ready to see the faces of the friends I killed. Adam told me something like that in my dream."
"Oh." He drags from his pipe. "That's most likely it."
He turns off the lights and disappears in the dark.
71
ALICE'S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM
In my cell, I put my umbrella next to my Tiger Lily and prepare to sleep. Waltraud tells me there is no shock therapy today. She thinks Ogier went overboard last time, and I ended up hallucinating. I don't even try to understand why she doesn't believe me.
When I enter the cell, Waltraud doesn't lock the door behind me. Before I check out the reason, I am surprised to see I have a visitor in my cell.
"Fabiola?" I say. "I mean, White Queen?"
"How have you been, Alice?" She smiles serenely, as usual. "I thought I'd surprise you."
"How did you get in?"
Her smile widens. It's like she's telling me she can do a lot of things like this.
"I am honored by your visit, anyways."
"I see the umbrella was useful," she says.
"Very useful. Thank you," I say. "May I ask where you got it?"
"It's one of Lewis Carroll's gadgets." The White Queen laughs. "He invented many of those later in his life. He even invented martial arts of his own. It's called None Fu."
"So I have been told." I roll my eyes. "Does it work?"
"Not with everyone," she replies. "I came to tell you something, Alice."
"All ears, Fabiola." I lower my head.
"Remember when I told you you're not Alice?"
I nod.
"I lied," she says. "I know a woman in my position shouldn't lie, but this was… a white lie."
"Why did you lie?"
"The truth is, I am still not sure if you're the Alice, but I am also not sure you're not."
"Can't you tell by my looks?"
"That's a tricky thing. Before we left Wonderland, Lewis made us drink a potion that would make us forget your face." She sighs.
"Why?"
"He wanted to protect you in case the Wonderland Monsters escaped, and we'd need you again. He cared a great deal for you," the White Queen says. "I heard you did brave things in the last couple of days." She smiles the way Lewis smiled at me. "I am proud of you, whether you're the Real Alice or not."
"Thank you, Fabiola. That means a lot to me."
"This is why I brought you a present." She pulls out a hand mirror. I back off immediately. "Don't be afraid. I am not going to let anything hurt you. But if you want to take that route of saving lives, you need to take one brief look at it."
"Why, Fabiola? You know I have a mirror phobia."
"There is a reason why you have it, Alice," Fabiola says. "Mirrors show truth sometimes. Your mind is suppressing one, and it's my job to show it to you, so you know where you stand. A strong and brave heart isn't enough. A true heart, no matter how much the truth hurts, is the strongest of all."
"You think I really should?"
"Do you know what the name 'Alice' means? It means 'the truth.' Whether you want to know or not, that's your choice." She lays the mirror on th
e floor. "It's going to be a hurtful memory, but you need it. Sometimes the truth comes along with a little pain. The pain will subside eventually, and the truth shall remain. See you soon, little hero," she tells me and walks out the door. She doesn't walk out through the wall or anything. Just the cell's door, which she shuts from the outside.
She leaves me trapped with a mirror in my room.
72
Waltraud enters my cell sometime later. I find myself waking up. I must have slept after the White Queen's visit. Waltraud puts a plate of food next to me. It's a bigger and much healthier portion than before. I wonder if that's the Pillar's effect.
"So was it you who let the White Queen in?"
"What White Queen?" Waltraud drags on her cigarette.
"I mean, Fabiola."
"Who's Fabiola?" Waltraud looks irritated with me.
"The nun." I grimace.
"There was no nun," Waltraud says. "No one entered your room after I brought you here, Alice. What are you talking about?"
"Don't keep playing those games with me, Waltraud." I feel my anger surfacing. "First you pretend you didn't see me on TV, and then this. Why are you doing this?"
Waltraud laughs. "Your situation is getting worse. I am reporting it to Dr. Truckle."
"What is wrong with you?" I snap. "Why do you want me to feel this way? Can't you see the Tiger Lily isn't responding to me? I am not hallucinating."
"The flower never responded to you in the first place." Waltraud doesn't stop laughing. My misery is her entertainment. "Why would a non-responding flower be a sign of sanity? It's all in your head, Alice."
"No, it's not." I pull the umbrella and open it. "Look at this crazy umbrella. It has a screen on it." I pull it open but don't see any of the navigational tools. There is no trigger to pull. "I can't believe this." I turn and face Waltraud. "You have to believe me. I am the Real Alice. I saved a life today."
"You're just a mad girl in an asylum underground." Waltraud keeps laughing, about to close the door. "Maybe that's what Lewis Carroll meant by Alice's Adventures 'Under Ground.'" Her laugh echoes behind the door she slams. "You know that's the book's original title, don't you?"
