Madison leaned against Ryan. “Hard to eat with a boot in your mouth,” she noted. “Yvette’s not mad. If you want to assure your friend of that before he hurts himself trying to untangle this mess.”
“Maybe he deserves to have to work to untangle it,” Ryan whispered back.
But when the opportunity rose, he followed her lead and passed on the comment, feeling a little like they were back in middle school, passing notes with do you like me, yes or no on them.
Time with Madison was never boring.
* * *
They made it back to the house shortly after noon. Madison was glowing from the time spent with good people.
Even Alex. Poor guy. He should have stuck with “save a horse, ride a cowboy.” That at least had tradition behind it.
“You’ve got good friends,” she told Ryan as they slid into the living room, and she collapsed on the couch. Propping her feet up on the coffee table, she undid the button on her jeans and gave herself a little more room. “And you’ve got way too much good food happening for me. Excuse me. It’s either this, or I’m gonna go put on my slouchy sweats.”
“My home is yours,” Ryan told her. He sat in the chair beside her, leaning back slightly and groaning. “I shouldn’t have had that last cinnamon bun.”
“What? You mean four was too many? Aww, poor baby.”
“Shut up,” he told her with a grin. Then his expression went serious. “I’m sorry the topic of your brothers came up.”
She hesitated. “What part of it?”
He looked confused.
“What part are you sorry about?” she asked. “Because it’s not a problem. Really.”
No longer relaxed, Ryan stepped forward. “Madison. You don’t ever complain, and I can admire that. But you having to quit school and go home to help raise your brothers is not something that most twenty-year-olds would do.”
“So?”
“So it’s okay for you to—” He stalled. Looked confused.
Madison stretched her arms over her head, twinging a little at one of the remaining bruises on her ribs. “Yeah, that. See, when I mention things like I quit school to go home and help raise my brothers, people assume I’m heading one of two ways. Either I want sympathy, or I want cookies. But Ryan?” She met his gaze. “I don’t need either of those things. Dad died, and mom got broken for a while. They’re my family, and they needed me. That’s all there is to it.”
He was on his feet, pacing.
They both stayed silent, Madison because she’d said everything she needed to say, and Ryan because—
Maybe he was dealing with his own baggage. She wasn’t going to assume.
When he stopped abruptly and sat on the couch next to her, there was moisture in his eyes.
“I need a hug.” He said it softly. Reluctantly even.
She opened her arms.
A moment later he’d hauled her against him, wiggling until they were side by side and she was resting against him with one hand over his heart. Tangled together just enough that it was the laziest hug ever, and yet precious and perfect.
Her ear rested on his shoulder, and under her palm, his heartbeat slowed. Evened out. She patted him gently. “We’re just two people trying to get this right. Trying to do what’s right with the hand we’ve been dealt.”
“I don’t like what I’ve been dealt,” Ryan whispered against her hair. “I think that, and then I want to slap some sense into myself. Because even though my time with Justina was short, it was precious. It gave me Talia. How can I wish that away?”
“I get it. Oh, boy, do I get it.” Madison was shocked to find her voice shaking. “If my dad hadn’t died, my world would’ve been so different. I would’ve finished college with you. Who knows what I would be doing for work right now?”
Ryan ran his fingers through her hair, petting her. Quieting her.
This was one chance in a million for her to actually say these things, because he was the only person she could talk to about this.
She took a breath. “If my mom hadn’t had a breakdown, my world would’ve been different. I could’ve gone back to school. I might’ve had a boyfriend. Maybe I would’ve fallen in love.”
They were all the what if’s she had dreamed about in the tough moments, but every time, she went back to the one truth she refused to let go of.
Madison tilted her head back until she met Ryan’s gaze. “Instead of those worlds, I have this one. I have the joy of knowing my mom is pretty much one hundred percent again. I have two brothers who in that original alternate universe I probably wouldn’t even know because I would’ve been gone. With the difference in our ages, I would’ve been off doing grown-up stuff instead of helping with first days of school, packing lunches, and teaching them to ride bikes. And while it’s an odd thing to say because I can’t change the past, I wouldn’t change it knowing where we’ve landed.”
Ryan was nodding slowly, considering.
Madison tapped his chest for a moment then wiggled away, heading to the kitchen to grab a tissue so she could wipe at her eyes and blow her nose. Great conversations that left you a watery mess needed to come with a warning label to have cleanup close by.
She smiled as Ryan grabbed a tissue himself.
They stood there in the kitchen, taking deep breaths and pulling themselves back together.
“I’m glad you have Talia and all these great friends. I am really happy for you,” Madison said honestly.
Ryan dipped his chin, gazing somewhere near their feet. “I was angry for you sometimes,” he admitted. “That you were off taking care of your brothers instead of getting to live your life.”
“But it was my life,” Madison pointed out. “There’re a lot of people in this world doing ordinary things because it’s the right thing to do. Like you, raising Talia on your own. Taking her to ballet class. Making sure she had a tutu.”
“A pink tutu,” Ryan clarified.
Just the way he said it made Madison laugh. She could picture Talia, hear her voice as she insisted on the colour. She could see Ryan patiently making sure that it happened.
Madison caught hold of his hand and held it between them. “And all those ordinary things line up to be something extraordinary when it comes down to it. Ryan, none of us are trying to be heroes. We’re just trying to be happy and keep our families growing. One day at a time.”
He brushed his knuckles against her cheek. Wiping away another tear that had fallen. “You’re very smart for a university dropout.”
She inhaled sharply, a laugh and a reset. “You’re very smart for a bartender.”
They stood there, the truth of the past moments tangling them together hard and fast, just like their friendship had started so many years ago.
Something changed. Turned, like a key in the lock.
They stared at each other, only inches away. Madison felt the heat pouring off his body. Even without contact, he affected her.
She couldn’t move.
She had to move. If she stayed here, she was going to do something she’d regret.
Ryan’s fingers dropped to curl around her arm, squeezing before letting go. She took a deep breath, simultaneously disappointed and thankful that at least one of them hadn’t completely lost track of reality.
But then his hands slid over her skin. Off her arm and onto her back. His big palm dropped to her lower back as his gaze stayed fixed on hers.
No wait. He was looking at her lips, and she couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t make her lungs expand farther than halfway, which was already too far because the pressure at her back had erased that inch between them.
The entire front of her torso and his made contact. Firm muscles pressed against her breasts, her abdomen, her hips. It seemed her nipples were equally eager to get into the action, tightening and pressing against the inside of her bra.
Mind whirling, vision spinning, Madison still thought maybe nothing would happen.
He caught her chin with his free hand, holdi
ng her immobile. “Say no if you don’t want this.”
Nothing registered except a dull pulse low in her core. “This?”
The fact he had her befuddled seemed to amuse him, and his lips curled upward. “A kiss, Madison. I’m going to kiss you.”
His statement should’ve seemed dry or amusing, but the only thought echoing in her brain was simple. “Why on earth would I not want this?”
She wasn’t sure who moved first, but his lips were on hers, she’d curled her arms around him, and they both dove in like a parched man after a drought.
Ryan slid the hand at her jaw around to cup the back of her head. He held her still as he deepened the kiss, nipping at her lower lip before teasing their tongues together.
A second later Madison found her back against the wall, pinned in place by his muscular body as the kiss went on and on. It was all teeth, lips, tongues, and gasping breaths, and it was so damn good.
She had no idea why it had taken so long for the two of them to finally take this step.
Fisting the fabric of his shirt, she jerked upright to pull it free from his jeans. The instant she had room, she pressed her palms against his heated skin, curling her fingers slightly to press her nails into him.
Ryan groaned into her mouth, adjusting his stance so one leg pressed between hers, making contact with her aching sex and drawing a gasp from her lips.
He didn’t stop kissing her, but now his hips rocked, sending deliberate pressure against her clit through the layers of fabric dividing them. Madison curled her hands around to his back and down, sliding under the back edge of his jeans. Every time he flexed his hips, his ass muscles contracted under her fingertips.
Dear God, she wanted him naked so she could watch those muscles. She wanted to be the one naked so the connection between them would be even more intense. Skin on skin, teasing even as they took the pleasure to a whole new level.
Ryan’s fingers tightened in the hair at the back of her head, pulling their lips apart. He was breathing so hard that each harsh exhale made the small hairs on either side of her face wave.
Lust and want and need painted his expression. Madison was pretty damn sure that everything on his face was reflected on her own.
She went to lean closer, wanting to continue. Craving another taste.
Something dark and confused flashed in his eyes. Ryan let go.
Not only that, he seemed to step away, not just physically, but a huge wall rose between them on another level as he dragged a hand through his hair and paced silently across the room. “Fuck.”
She was lost for words. She hadn’t forced him. He hadn’t forced her.
He’d asked, and she’d been—
Ryan grabbed a coat out of the front closet, jamming his feet into his boots. He didn’t look at her. “I’m going to pick up Talia.”
He was out the door a second later, cold air reaching icy fingers toward her in a ghostly caress, frigid against her heated skin.
Madison walked away, breathing still out of whack, pulse uncertain. For a few minutes, she couldn’t do anything except work to keep vertical as she paced around the house.
For one beautiful moment, everything in her world had lined up. Kissing Ryan—being in his arms—hadn’t just been the right thing but the only thing. It was as if there were no other possible paths to follow.
Then he’d walked away.
What the hell, Ryan?
She shook her head, chastising herself for the moment of annoyance. She didn’t really blame him. Not for this part. This part she knew. He hadn’t walked away from her. He’d been attempting to escape from what he didn’t understand. Trying to deal with the shock.
Heck, she was shocked as well. Didn’t mean it shouldn’t have happened.
Understanding came out of the blue, crystal-clear. She stopped in her tracks and clutched the back of the kitchen chair beside her. The pure revelation gave her a solid place to stand, and as her heart and body settled back in something near normal, Madison breathed in fully for the first time in minutes.
She’d experienced this sensation before. That moment when something was absolutely right, when she’d known absolutely the thing that needed to be done in order to fix the problem.
This thing burning between her and Ryan—it wasn’t wrong. The friendship they had, and what had pulled them together in the beginning, had been exactly what they’d needed then. Him falling in love with Justina had been right. It’d been exactly what he was supposed to do in that place and time, and that’s why she’d never felt any jealousy.
But here? Now?
If she was going to make a list of the people Ryan should consider dating, there would be only one person on it.
Her.
She wandered through the house for a few minutes, cleaning up a little bit here, flipping through books there. The whole time, her mind raced.
Ryan had felt something. As her friend, though, he probably thought they shouldn’t get involved. He assumed she was headed to some wonderful new start in Toronto where she would finally get to do everything she wanted instead of being stuck.
What if what she wanted was right here in Heart Falls with him?
It was what was best for her, she was sure of it. Best for Ryan? Oh, that was pretty certain as well. She’d loved him as a friend forever.
It would be a change of mindset to become more than friends, but she was sure they could work their way through that together. She just needed to let him know she was willing to change her plans in order to be with him. In order to stay with him and Talia.
So they could be a couple. Fall deeply in love.
Be a family.
She caught herself smiling, and the innocent expression of joy felt…
Sweet. Encouraging.
She had a lot of practice at the family thing, and it was something she truly loved. She’d never dreamed that what she’d done in the past might have laid the foundation for now.
Madison sat in a straight-backed chair at the small kitchen table and stared over the snowy fields, praying for wisdom to make the future she was dreaming of come true.
11
Ryan was well outside the town limits of Heart Falls before his heart rate dropped and his brain clicked back online.
He was smart enough to realize he’d fucked up in a million ways, not the least of which was leaving at high speed like a scared rabbit being chased by a dragon. What must Madison be thinking right now?
Although that was part of the problem. Neither of them had been thinking.
The moment of physical weakness had been brought on by the sharing they’d done. Ryan couldn’t regret that part. Just the bit where he lost control afterward.
Dear God, Madison must be furious.
He shook his head.
Only…
Amongst the spinning information in his brain, one point slipped in hard. Madison had shared she hadn’t had a boyfriend recently. Did that mean not once in ten years? Because, fuck.
Neither of them had been celibate during their high school or college years. Teasing each other about their dates had been an amusing pastime, at least until he’d been introduced to Justina, and then Madison teased him about how hard and fast he’d fallen.
There wasn’t anything funny about not having been intimate with someone for a long period of time. Ryan knew.
His thoughts warped, sliding into his first memory of Justina. It’d been early December, and Madison had not only hit him with the ugly sweater debacle, she’d waited until he’d worn it for the first time before making her move. She’d sneakily arranged a meeting between him and this woman she’d just happened to be doing a group project with. This woman she just happened to think Ryan would be into.
That day, meeting Justina’s gaze, Ryan felt as if he’d smacked into a wall. She was petite, beautiful, sunshine in her laughter—and she’d looked at him as if she felt just as gobsmacked. Just as tangled up in falling into him.
Up until then, if anyone had m
entioned love at first sight, Ryan would’ve totally laughed and said that was something for fairy tales.
Then he’d felt it. Experienced it. Considering he and Justina were engaged in under a month, falling in love had been one of the simplest and most perfect things in Ryan’s life.
If he were being truthful, what he felt right now for Madison wasn’t the same as that magical moment with Justina. He had all sorts of memories and emotions tied up in the time he and Madison had spent together over the years. Heck, he would even say he did love her, but he wasn’t in love with her. The two sensations were nothing alike.
But the fact that he cared about her, that he wanted to do things to make her happy, those were things that a good friend—
No, he was just a fucked-up bastard, because he was trying to come up with a way to justify getting her into his bed. No matter how logical it was, no matter that they were both adults with physical needs, he shouldn’t…
Still wanted to.
Oh, hell. If he hadn’t been driving, Ryan would’ve laid his head on the steering wheel and closed his eyes.
He couldn’t deny—it wasn’t only lust he felt. Somehow the pulse of sexual need was tangled up in all the emotions he had from their years together. Still, Madison had plans that would be taking her away, so there was no use in worrying about anything beyond this holiday season.
But while she was there, while she was staying with him. Maybe they could—
If she wanted—
Ryan all but rolled his eyes at himself. He was a grown-ass adult, and there was no reason to try to sugarcoat the words or deny them. When he got back, he would straight-up ask if she was interested in getting involved for the duration of her stay. Give to each other, make each other happy.
Satisfy needs that had been denied for a long, long time.
The images that came to mind were not ones he wanted to deal with while driving down a remote section of highway. Picturing Madison close enough to touch, slipping off that soft, slouchy top she’d worn the other day. Helping peel the yoga pants down her legs, caressing and teasing every bit of skin that he bared.
A Hero’s Christmas Hope: Holidays in Heart Falls: Book 3 Page 11
