Each time, Ryan stopped himself. It wouldn’t be right. She’d done it before without anyone asking. Simply given up everything she was working toward to give to others, and while she’d said it was what she truly wanted, he refused to put her in that position again.
He tucked the ugly sweater into the chip box high in the pantry cupboard in the hopes they’d have one final laughing discovery before she said goodbye.
One last shot at their sweet, wild tradition, and he let the sadness rise but felt contentment at doing what was right. He’d miss her. Talia would miss her. But Madison deserved her chance to bloom.
Monday he had day duty at the fire hall. Madison hadn’t joined him this time. Ryan had to admit that he’d woken up on the grumpy side of the bed. Which was wrong on so many levels.
He had time alone with Madison, and yet here he sat, grumbly as a bear that’d had his honey taken away. It was just not right.
Alex paced into the large common room of the fire hall, took one look at him, then collapsed into the nearby chair with a grin. “Did you get a lump of coal in your Christmas stocking?”
Ryan blinked. “What?”
“So sad.” With a shake of his head, Alex rose to his feet and went to the fridge, returning with two water bottles. He dropped one in front of Ryan then cracked open his own and took a long swig before pointing the top toward Ryan. “You have it bad.”
Okay, now Ryan was edging past cranky and into full-out pissed. “Stop with the cryptic bullshit.”
“Hey, no need to get snarky. I’m serious. Although, I suppose the phrase should actually be you have it good.”
“Alex, I’m going to hurt you.” Ryan said it as dryly as possible even as he considered if, for some reason, a down and dirty fistfight was what he needed right now.
His friend’s expression changed. Amusement slid away and was replaced by…confusion. “Tell me you’re smarter than this. Tell me you aren’t ignoring the fact that you’re in love with Madison.”
A dry hack escaped Ryan’s lips. “Excuse me?”
“You know, the curvy redhead who’s been your shadow for the past month? The woman from your past who brightens your every day. Yada, etc., blah, blah, blah.”
If his water bottle had been only slightly emptier, Ryan would have hurled it at Alex’s head. “Stop with the nonsense. Madison and I aren’t in love.”
“Sorry, not nonsense.” Alex shrugged. “You’re not that good of an actor. I know you two have been hitting the sheets for at least a couple weeks. You walk around with a perma-grin instead of being Mr. Calm, Cool and Barely Breathing.”
It was none of his friend’s business, but for some reason, Ryan needed to admit part of that was true. “Yes, we’re having sex. Great sex, which if I seem to remember, you’re currently not enjoying.”
“Ouch, low blow, man.” But Alex still wore a grin. “So the hormones are hopping enough to make you ignore the other bit that’s happened to fall into place when you were otherwise busy…and you can take that busy any way you want.”
“We’re not in love,” Ryan insisted, truly exasperated now. “Love hits hard and fast and makes you dopy and light-headed—”
Alex cut him off with a snort. “You’re lucky you didn’t walk into traffic if that’s what falling in love the first time did to you.”
“There is nothing other than the first time,” Ryan repeated. “That’s what I’m telling you.”
“Yeah, right.” Alex glared at him now. “You know what? Lie to yourself all you want, but maybe you should think about Madison. Considering she’s supposed to be your best friend, you really shouldn’t treat her like this.”
“I’m not in love—” Ryan cut off in the middle of his shout. Because yes, that’s how bad it was. He was shouting at a friend while inside, his gut ached and all he wanted was to take Maddy into his arms and tell her to stay with him. This thing was making him all fucked up inside, but somehow, he and Madison would figure it out.
Damn. Ryan had said that last bit out loud, and now Alex was staring at him. Total judgement on his face.
“Ha—hard to figure it out when the woman is headed a couple thousand kilometers away from you.” Compassion slid into Alex’s face. He lifted his chin. “Hey. I’m sorry. Maybe I’m picking up something that’s not there because I know I can’t start something right now with someone I’m interested in. So interested that I hope it might lead to forever, but my hands are tied. Yours aren’t.”
The shift was enough to knock Ryan off denial and into a spiral of truth. He knew he wanted Madison to stay. He’d admitted as much to himself.
Was it…love?
Alex cleared his throat. “Well, now that I’ve firmly put both boots in my mouth, let me finish with this. Maybe you don’t know that you’re in love. Maybe you don’t know if she’s in love with you, but one thing can’t be ignored. It’s easier to figure that shit out when you’re in the same area of the country.”
His friend rose, pausing only long enough to place a hand on Ryan’s shoulder and squeeze firmly before walking into the back of the hall.
Ryan couldn’t move. Was he…in love…with Madison Joy?
He shook his head. Couldn’t be. He’d fallen in love before, and it hadn’t been like this at all. This time there’d been no rush of energy, no babbling or wanting to stare into her eyes every moment…
It wasn’t the same as it had been with Justina. Maybe he should ask Madison if she knew—
Ryan collapsed back in his chair. Right. Ask Madison. His first response was so not a good idea.
The warning siren went off overhead, and all mental wrangling was pushed aside in the rush of emergency response.
Hours passed as they worked to contain a fire at a nearby ranch. The outbuilding that had gone up was old and shaky, and far too close to the new barn full of animals.
Icy-cold wind and a pumper truck made for a freezing battle mixed with hellish heat as they moved between the flames and outside, helping the owners get the animals out of danger.
Ryan had no time to be distracted, but strangely, the peace he felt every time he pictured Madison at home, waiting for him, was what made it through his thick head.
It wasn’t giddy, bubbling love like the first time, but it sure was more than friendship.
The instant he got back to the fire hall, he grabbed his phone.
A voice mail waited from Madison. Somewhere between her phone and his reception, the message was crap.
“…trouble. Don’t worry, I’ll take……hit the road now. Heard about the fire……later.”
Ryan stared at the phone, shocked. Hit the road? She was leaving now? What the hell?
He shoved past Alex. “Sorry. I can’t stay for cleanup. I gotta go.”
“Uh.” Alex caught his arm. “Hey, everything okay?”
“No, but it will be.”
It had to be.
Ryan tried calling three more times en route home, and every time he went to voice mail, he hung up.
Her car wasn’t in the driveway. Fuck. She wasn’t supposed to leave for days. How was he supposed to fix this if she wasn’t there to help him?
Jamming the truck into park, he called her again, but this time left a message.
“Maddy, when you get this, call me. I know you’ve got plans, but I love you.” He snorted right into his phone. “And that was me being very subtle and blurting it out, but it’s true. Call me when you’ve stopped for the night. Let me come and join you so we can talk about this. Please, let me find a way to make it so we can be together and you can still have your dreams. I love you, Madison Joy. I need you in my world.”
He didn’t want to hang up. Just sat there staring at the phone until the message stopped recording.
Somehow he made it to the front door, pushed it open, and—
“Daddy!” Talia slammed into him like a bomb, squeezing tight then pushing away with an ick noise. “You’re very stinky.”
“You okay?” It was Madison.
It…was Madison?
She was there in his front foyer, bright-purple socks on her feet, the ugly sweater on her body. The entire house was lit up and smelled like pumpkin pie spice.
Ryan kissed her. Caught her by the hand, jerked her against him, and put every bit of what he felt—even if he wasn’t able to name it—into the motion.
Right there in front of Talia, who giggled madly.
When he finally released her, Madison eyed him cautiously. Her gaze darted to Talia then back up before she wrinkled her nose. “You do stink.”
Oh God. Laughter wanted to rise because she was still there, but—
“What happened? Why is Talia home?”
“Yéyé got sick, Daddy.” Talia slipped her hand into his and tugged to get his attention. “Madison came and got me.”
“I left you a message,” Madison said. “Your dad’s okay. His blood levels spiked or something, so they wanted to keep him at the hospital overnight for observation. Your mom called and asked if I could get Talia. She’s doing okay but didn’t want to have to worry about Talia as well as your dad. I offered for her to come home with us, but she wanted to stay close.”
Ryan’s heart rate was slowly coming back to normal. He held Talia’s hand and still had an arm around Madison’s waist. “Okay. Okay.”
“You should grab a shower.” Madison nudged him toward his bedroom. “Really.”
“Not yet.” He was going to do this now before he missed his chance. “Talia, I need to talk to Madison. Can you go play for a little while?
His daughter looked up at them, calculated for a moment, then asked, “Are you going to kiss her again?”
Madison glanced up at the ceiling, her lips pressed together like she was trying hard not to laugh.
“Because if you’re going to kiss her, you really need a shower first. That’s what Crissy’s mommy says when her daddy comes home after a fire.”
Talia said it bluntly then stole away to the living room and went back to building the 3-D puzzle they’d obviously been working on while they waited for him to come home.
That was it. This was home, not because it was where he lived, but because it was where Talia was, and now, where Madison was.
If he could convince her to stay.
Right or wrong, he was going to do it. Somehow he’d find a way to make her happy.
Ryan pulled Madison toward the hallway, stopping in clear view of his daughter. “I need to tease my boss about what things are being said in front of little ears.”
“You kissed me.” Madison ignored his smart comment and went for the main point. “What’s going on?”
He hesitated only for a second before diving in. “You’re my best friend, and you always find a way to fix what’s broken. I need your help.”
She frowned. “What broke?”
“Me? Maybe?” Ryan took her fingers and pressed them to his chest. “I don’t know how to tell you how I feel without maybe messing up your plans. And I never want to be the guy who stole your dreams.”
Her cheeks were turning pink. “How do you feel?”
“Confused, but I’ve been informed all the signs are there.” Ryan took a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, Madison Joy.”
Her eyes widened, and her smile—not just her lips but her entire face and body—glowed with happiness. “That’s very convenient, because I happen to be in love with you as well, Ryan Zhao.”
A small body slammed into the two of them. Talia, no longer on the far side of the room but clinging to both his and Madison’s legs. “Is Madison staying? Are you staying?”
The words were muffled as Talia pressed her face to them, but clear enough.
Ryan started, “We weren’t done talkin—”
“Yes, I’m staying.” Madison bent and hugged Talia, dropping a kiss on her nose. “Now, please, your daddy and I need grown-up talk time. I promise we’ll tell you everything you need to know once we’re done.”
“Okay.” Talia wrapped her arms around Madison in a chokingly tight embrace. “I’m glad you’re staying.”
When they were alone again, Ryan pulled Madison against him. He had no choice, simply had to hold her.
“You have a job to go to,” he reminded her.
“It was a job they gave me because my last job vanished. I’m not frothing at the bit to go or following some dream opportunity. I’ll explain more, but I’m pretty sure I can sweet-talk the local barkeep into hiring me, if I decide that’s what I want to do.” Madison stroked her hands over his chest as if unable to believe they were there, holding each other.
“I thought you wanted a new start. A brand-new life.”
She laughed softly, shaking her head. “What do you think this is? Falling in love with you, moving to Heart Falls. Making friends, helping you raise Talia. Those are all new, wonderful adventures I want to have. Perfectly ordinary things that are extraordinary because they’re the right things for me. For us.”
“Really?”
“Really.” She leaned up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips. “Please, go shower.”
He grinned. “Sorry.”
17
That night, after Talia had been convinced sleep was not an optional activity, Ryan led Madison into his room and locked the door.
She eyed him. It seemed once he made up his mind, he was able to be very decisive. Still…
“Nope.” He brought her to beside the bed. The one it turned out she’d bought for them. “Not waiting. Talia is old enough and has enough friends with two parents to know that people who love each other sleep with each other.”
“Not a problem. Just a heads-up that the ‘sleep with each other’ questions are going to get more explicit during the next few years, and I’ve already explained the birds and bees once. In duplicate.”
Ryan moved in close and undid her first buttons. “Then you’ll be a great assistant when it’s needed.”
There and then, Ryan needed zero assistance. He took his time, baring them both and bringing up the need between them. She’d come once before he pulled her into his lap and joined them together.
Intimate. That’s what the act was. Also, sweet yet dirty, need and aching trust. And at the core, always, laughing friendship.
Pleasure spiked as Ryan rolled them to the mattress and pushed into her again. Madison clutched the bedsheets and let out a soft moan.
“So good,” he breathed quietly then paused, skipping a beat. “Oh, hell, too good.”
His gaze never left hers, but the tightening of his expression said he was on the edge. Her too. Madison clenched around him and watched him tumble over. A moment later she joined him, pleasure stretching through her. This was her best friend, her lover.
Her love.
They ended up flat on their backs, the bedsheets a mess. The quilt was on the floor, the top sheet barely clinging to a corner of the mattress.
Fingers tangled between them.
Madison rolled, admiring the lean, muscular beauty of the man she planned to spend the rest of her life with.
Which was not the official agenda a few hours ago.
She stroked a hand over his hard thigh. Because she wanted to, because she could. “There’s a lot to do tomorrow. Check on your dad. I’ll need to call my job and tell them I quit.”
“Talk to both my parents. And your Mom. And your brothers.”
“What are we supposed to tell them?”
“That we’re madly in love, and we’ll be getting married, so we should save a date.”
Madison blinked. “Married?”
Ryan’s smile was slightly cocky but very satisfied. “When it’s right, it’s right.”
Well, she could agree with that, but…
She eyed him. All the long, sexy length of him barely covered with the sheet. “You know, sometimes it’s a good thing to ask before you blurt out announcements everywhere. Just in case.”
He teased his fingers up and down her bare arm, the back of his knuckles
casually caressing the side of her breast. “Okay. You’re right.”
She waited, but he didn’t say anything else.
A grin slipped onto her face. “Do you want me to propose? Or are you going to set up a fancy evening and do it then? Just wondering, because that okay kind of threw me.”
Ryan pulled her fingers to his mouth. Kissed her knuckles then spoke softly. “This holiday season has been one revelation after another for me, and I need you to know that I’m grateful.”
“Are we still talking about getting engaged?”
“A little.” He curled upright and brought her with him, hands together. Still naked, like the truths he shared. “I thought traditions were there to keep us happy. But you’ve helped in so many ways by messing up traditions on every level.”
She wanted to laugh, but his expression was so serious, she held it in.
Ryan shook his head and raised his hand, two fingers in the air. “In one fell swoop, you combined a ballet recital and a fundraiser. The Not-So-Nutcracker was perfect for our community and made a lot of money in a short time. The Hope Fund is full for this coming year because of you messing up tradition.”
He lifted another finger. “Talia’s untraditional birthday party. I enjoyed our Christmas Day/birthday celebration more this year than I have any year since Talia was born.” Another finger. “You made me buy a bed.”
This time the laugh did escape. “Beds aren’t traditional?”
“Actually, this was the reverse. What I was sleeping on wasn’t traditional. That single bed was the right thing for me for a long time. But here’s where I need to make a confession.” He met her gaze. “I think part of the reason I never got a new bed was I’d have to move on. Did I want somewhere I could bring a lover? A potential love? I wasn’t ready for that.”
Now she was torn between laughter and tears. “Justina will always be a part of our lives.”
“A good part,” he agreed. “But she’d be the first to tell me you’re who I need to focus on now. Alive, and sexy, and so willing to give to others—you give me hope.”
The sentiment sent her heart pounding.
She caught his hands and pressed a kiss to his fingers. “My NDA—if you and I are officially an us, I can tell you now. I caught my boss embezzling. Found a way to let the bar owner know, and it triggered a bunch of stuff that basically means the CEO gave me my notice plus three months’ pay and a job in Toronto.”
A Hero’s Christmas Hope: Holidays in Heart Falls: Book 3 Page 17
