“No…no! Stop it. Make it stop,” she moaned, pressing her hands over her ears. No matter what she did, Burke’s screams still echoed in her mind, mixing with her own muffled cries the night of the rape.
“Hold still, you little bitch. You know you want it. You know you love it.”
Sophie balled her hands into fists and pressed them against her eyes, trying to push away the memories. Her mind felt brittle—like it might snap at any minute. Snap the way Burke’s bones had snapped…
“Sophia? Are you all right?”
She looked up to see a huge dark figure looming over her.
“No!” She scrambled to get away. “No, please—leave me alone!”
“It’s all right.” The man reached for her and she shrank from his touch. “All right,” he repeated. “You just had a bad dream.”
A dream. Just a dream. Her fragile mind latched on to the idea like a drowning man grasping a life preserver. That’s right, it was just a dream. Sylvan didn’t really go down there and do all that. And everything that happened with Burke is all in the past. I should let it go—bury it again.
But it was still so sharp…so fresh. After years of pushing it down and trying to forget it, the night of her attack was once more vivid in her mind’s eye. Sophie didn’t know why her bad dream had brought it back in such detail. Seeing Burke’s face again must have triggered it. Whatever had caused it, she just wanted it to stop. Wanted to not think about it ever again…
“Baird? Sophia? What’s going on?”
Sylvan’s deep voice echoed in the small tiled bathroom and Sophie looked up hopefully. Sylvan’s here. He’ll make everything all right.
“Are you all right?” Sylvan shouldered Baird aside and knelt beside Sophie. “Why are you crouched on the floor like that?”
“I heard her crying and moaning,” Baird said. “I came in here to find out what was wrong but she didn’t seem to recognize me.”
“Sophia?” Sylvan reached for her, his blue eyes concerned. “Come here.”
Sophie wanted to go to him. More than anything else she wanted the feeling of those strong arms wrapped around her and the warm press of his body against hers.
But as she reached for him she saw it…three crimson spots like freckles across one of his high cheekbones. Only they weren’t freckles. They were…
“Blood!” She pushed away from him abruptly. “It wasn’t a dream. You really did it! You really broke his arm.”
Sylvan frowned. “I had to—he hurt you. But how did you know?”
“Dream sharing,” Baird said from behind them. “Sophia was sleeping when you left to do your ‘errand.’ She must have seen the whole thing.” His voice dropped. “Brother, what did you do?”
“Only what any male would do for the woman he loves,” Sylvan protested. He reached for Sophie again. “Please, Sophia…”
“No.” She shrank away from him. “Please, just…just don’t touch me.” She wrapped her arms around herself and shook her head. “I want to see Liv and Kat. Can’t we go now?”
“We can leave as soon as you’re ready,” Baird said soothingly. He put a hand on Sylvan’s shoulder. “Come, Brother. Let’s give Sophia a little space.”
“But…” There was anguish in Sylvan’s eyes. A yearning so deep it would have filled Sophie with pity if she’d been able to see it. But at the moment she was blind to anything but the past.
I just want to go home, she thought as hot tears filled her eyes. Just want to go back to the time before any of this ever happened. Before Burke hurt me. Back to when Mom and Dad were still alive and Liv and Kat and I were still in school. Back when everything felt safe.
Curling into a ball, she pressed her cheek to the cold tile floor and wept.
Sylvan felt like his heart was being torn to shreds by an animal with very sharp teeth. The look on Sophia’s face when she’d seen the blood on his cheek, the fear in her eyes when he reached for her…
“It’s worse,” he said aloud, rubbing a hand over his face. “Worse than it was before. I tried to avenge her and instead I traumatized her.”
“Sylvan…” Baird put a hand on his shoulder but Sylvan shrugged it off angrily and began to pace. There wasn’t much room for it in the small hallway that led from the bathroom to the bedrooms but he did his best.
“I wanted to kill him for what he did to her. But I didn’t, Baird—I didn’t. That has to count for something.”
“Of course it does,” Baird said soothingly. “Sophia’s just upset right now. Seeing what you did must have brought back her past. I, ah…” He cleared his throat. “Assume she was attacked in some way?”
“Yes,” Sylvan said briefly, still pacing. “Gods, I should have left him alone. But I couldn’t…I couldn’t. Not after what he did to her.” He looked up at his brother. “Can you understand that?”
“I would feel the same way if Olivia was attacked,” Baird said quietly. “I would seek out her attacker and make him pay. Any warrior would.”
“I didn’t know she was watching. Didn’t know it would affect her this way.” Sylvan ran both hands through his hair. “And now I’ve ruined everything. Everything. Sophia will hate me forever.”
“Let me show you something.” Baird caught him by the arm and stopped his frantic pacing.
“What?” Reluctantly, Sylvan allowed himself to be dragged down the hallway to the far bedroom. “What is it?”
“This.” Baird threw open the door to the room and pulled Sylvan in.
“What?” Sylvan asked again.
“Look,” Baird said quietly. “Just look.”
Taking a deep breath, Sylvan forced himself to do as his half brother asked. The room had one long window with no shades on it. Sunshine poured through it in a brilliant flood. There was no furniture anywhere—just an artist’s easel in the center of the room. Finished and half-finished canvases were stacked against the walls.
“Paintings,” Sylvan said, frowning. “Yes, Sophia’s an artist. She told me so.”
“Look,” Baird said again. “All these paintings are of you, Brother.”
Sylvan looked around in wonder. It was true—from every painting and canvas, he saw a piece of himself. Ice blue eyes, blond hair, stern mouth…Does she really see me this way? “She told me she had painted me,” he said aloud, still looking. “And I saw it in a dream, too. I just didn’t know she’d done so many.”
“There’s enough to fill a museum in here.” Baird sounded amused. “The Sylvan Vii museum of fine art. We could sell tickets.”
“Very funny,” Sylvan said sourly. “I don’t see your point.”
“The point is that the female who painted these pictures, cares for you,” Baird said earnestly. “Cares very much, I believe. And I can see you care for her as well. Just give her time to collect herself and tell her so, Sylvan. Apologize for frightening her and declare your love. Then when you get back to the ship, go to the sacred grove and ask to be released of your vow.”
“I’m going to the sacred grove, all right,” Sylvan said grimly. “But it won’t be to renounce my vow.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to ask for a cleansing.”
Baird uttered a surprised curse. “A cleansing? You’ll willingly let a priestess dig around inside your skull just to be rid of some unwanted emotions? You know how much that’s going to hurt?”
“I know how painful it is,” Sylvan said stoically. “I had it done once before after we left Tranq Prime, remember? But I can’t help it, Baird. These feelings I have for Sophia—I can’t have them anymore. They’re eating me alive.”
“Well, at least you admit you have a problem,” Baird said. “But I would urge you to reconsider, Brother. A cleansing is so—”
“Excuse me.” Sophia’s soft voice cut him off and both brothers turned to face her.
“Sophia?” Sylvan asked tentatively. She was standing in the doorway looking fragile and pale. Clearly she’d washed her face but her eyes were still red…still haunted. Gods, how he wished
he could wipe that look of sorrow and pain from her lovely face. But he didn’t even dare to go to her.
“I’m ready,” Sophia said quietly, looking at him. “Ready to fly back to the Mother ship. Please, can we get going?”
“Of course.” Baird nodded. “We’ll go at once.”
“Thank you. I’ll wait in the living room.”
Sylvan opened his mouth to speak her name again but she was already gone, slipping out the door as silently as a wraith.
Twenty-Three
Sophie was miserable on the ride back to the Kindred Mother ship. A cleansing—he’s going to have some kind of emotional cleansing and all because of me. Because he doesn’t want to feel for me anymore.
After she’d finally managed to break the grip of the dream and calm down a little, she’d decided she wanted to talk to Sylvan. To apologize for freaking out and explain why she’d gotten so upset. “I never let myself really remember it. Never let myself face what he did to me that night,” she’d imagined herself saying. “I know you were just trying to do what you thought was right. It just brought everything back so strongly…” Of course Sylvan would understand. He would hold her, tell her everything would be all right. And maybe they could find a way…a way to be together after all.
But after she heard Baird and Sylvan talking, that dream had been shattered. A cleansing, she thought again and wrapped her arms around herself with a shiver. She’d never really believed that there could be anything lasting between herself and the big warrior. Not with her traumatic past and his vow in the way. But she’d never dreamed he would go so far as to purge her from his system completely the minute they got back to the Mother ship.
He hates me now. She watched the viewscreen, seeing the distant stars rush past as the vast, sleek form of the Mother ship grew closer. He’d rather endure horrible pain than feel anything at all for me.
But who could blame him? After all, it wasn’t as though she was some kind of prize. Emotionally damaged, that’s what I am. What happened with Burke, what he did to me, ruined everything. Everything.
She wished she could talk to Sylvan, to try and explain. But he was staring woodenly ahead, barely speaking even when Baird asked him a question or made a remark. His eyes were still red and his fangs were still elongated but he wasn’t displaying the ferocious aggression he had earlier at all. The very fact that he was so withdrawn worried Sophie. But what could she do about it? Nothing but hope that getting back to the ship would make him feel better.
If he can just forget me, loose his feelings for me like he said he would… But it was hard to think that, so hard. Even though she knew it would be for the best if Sylvan could rid himself of his need for her, the idea of him moving on with his life and never thinking of her again was almost unbearable. But what else could she hope for?
It’s for the best, she tried to tell herself. Even if I didn’t have the past haunting me, I’m still afraid of his fangs. I could never give him what he wants…what he needs. He should try to forget me.
“Sylvan,” she began as the shuttle began its descent. But either he didn’t hear her or didn’t want to hear her. The moment the shuttle landed in the docking bay, he was up and out like a shot.
“Well, here we ar—” Baird started to say but Sylvan was gone before he could finish. Baird frowned. “Guess he’s in a hurry.”
“I guess so.” Sophie looked down at her hands, not wanting to meet her brother-in-law’s golden eyes. She was afraid of what she would find there.
“Are you all right?” Baird’s voice was gentle.
Sophie looked up in surprise. “I think so. I’m just sorry I upset Sylvan so much.”
“He’ll come around,” Baird said confidently. “He just needs a little time. I think you both do.”
“Maybe.” Sophie didn’t want to tell him what a hopeless case it was. “I hope so,” she added listlessly.
“Sophie? Sophie!” Her sister’s voice made her look up with a start. She was overwhelmingly glad to see Liv and Kat standing there in the large docking bay. They were flanked by Baird and Sylvan’s second brothers, Lock and Deep.
“Oh!” she gasped, practically throwing herself out of the shuttle and into her sister and friend’s arms. “Thank God you’re here!”
“We could say the same thing about you.” Liv pulled back from her tight embrace to examine her with a critical nurse’s eye. “You look terrible. Multiple contusions and puncture wounds. Not to mention your ankle—what in the world did you do to it?”
“Twisted it trying to get away from mutant cyborg bloodhounds,” Sophie said, half laughing, half crying. “What else?”
“Judging from the look on Sylvan’s face, I’d say there’s a whole hell of a lot of ‘what else,’” Deep rumbled.
“Which is none of your goddamn business,” Kat snapped, glaring at the big Twin Kindred. “So why don’t you get lost and leave her alone?”
“Leave her alone, or leave you alone, little Kat?” Deep gave her a mocking smile.
“You’re impossible!” Kat put a hand to her head. “And stop feeling at me like that. I don’t want to know how horny you are every minute of the day.”
Sophie looked at her friend in surprise. It wasn’t like Kat to get so ruffled. And what in the world was she talking about when she said Deep was ‘feeling’ at her?” She looked at Olivia for an explanation but her twin just shrugged. Apparently events had been almost as strange aboard the Mother ship as they had been for herself and Sylvan back on Earth.
“Forgive him, my lady Kat.” The blond haired twin, Lock, swept Kat a courtly bow. “As you know, Deep tends to speak without thinking.”
Sophie looked at Olivia again and mouthed, “My lady?” but again Liv just shrugged. It was clear she was as much in the dark as Sophie.
“Come on.” Kat took them both by the arm and turned away. “We’re going.”
Olivia looked over her shoulder. “Sorry, hon—looks like you might have to do supper without me.”
“That’s okay.” Baird nodded and gave her a lascivious smile. “We’ll make up for it later.”
Olivia blushed and shook a finger at him. “You—” But by then Kat had dragged them almost out of earshot and into the long metal corridor which served as the back entrance to many of the Kindred suites.
“Ouch, not so fast,” Sophie complained as her hurt ankle twinged. “Walking wounded here, Kat. Be careful.”
“Sorry.” Kat threw a glance over her shoulder, apparently checking to be sure they weren’t being followed. When she saw nothing, she slacked her rapid pace a bit. “I’ve just had it up to my eyeballs with those guys. Them and their stupid feelings.”
“What in the world are you talking about?” Sophie demanded. “How can you possibly feel their feelings?”
“My question exactly,” Olivia chimed in. “And now that Sophie is home safe you have no more excuses, Kat. I know you did something with those two but I want the dirty details. Spill.”
“Okay.” Kat sighed and ran a hand through her rather messy auburn hair. That in and of itself was completely unlike her—she was always meticulous about her personal grooming, Sophie thought uneasily. “But let’s get inside and get settled first. I need some of that klava tea to calm my nerves.”
“What?” Olivia looked at her in real alarm. “You’ve been drinking klava to calm down?”
Kat frowned. “Why not? It tastes exactly like Sleepy Time tea.”
Olivia frowned. “Well it’s not. In fact, it has more caffeine than Cuban coffee. And I don’t mean café con leche. I’m talking about those little espresso shots they serve in the teeny, tiny cups. The kind that’s so bitter you can barely stand to drink it.”
“Really?” Kat raised her eyebrows. They were standing in front of one of the ubiquitous silver doors now and she stroked the door switch and waited for it to open. “I was given a guest suite since I seem to be stuck here—at least until the Earth is no longer under lock down,” she explained when Sophie
looked at her in surprise. “Now come on, let’s go in and I’ll get you a drink and explain.”
“Not klava,” Olivia said sternly.
Kat sighed. “No, not klava. Damn, and here I was thinking I’d found the perfect energy boost with no side effects. Not that I need side effects with all the crap going on inside my head lately.”
“Which you’re going to tell us about right now,” Olivia instructed firmly, bustling around the food prep area and locating cups. “Unless Sophie wants to go first?” She looked at Sophie with a raised eyebrow.
“Who me?” Sophie felt like her stomach had just dropped down around her ankles. “Uh, there’s really nothing to tell,” she said weakly, but the other two weren’t buying it.
“Sophie,” Liv said kindly. “You’re my sister and my best friend but there is no denying you are a terrible liar.”
“Liv’s right. You can’t lie for shit,” Kat said candidly.
“So we’ll give you until Kat spills the beans about tall, dark, and scary and tall, light, and polite to get your act together,” Liv said. “And then it’s show time whether you want to talk or not. Got it?”
Sophie nodded miserably. “Okay.” It wasn’t so much that she minded talking, telling them what had happened between herself and Sylvan—although some of the details were super embarrassing. No, what bothered her was wondering what they would say in return. Would they think she was a coward for freaking out after dream sharing with Sylvan? For not trying harder to explain how she felt? But what good would that do? He didn’t want to have feelings for her. In fact, he had probably gone straight to the sacred grove in the center of the ship to have the cleansing done.
She only hoped that for his sake it worked, even though the very thought of it made her feel sad and depressed. But I want him to be well again. Not to hurt inside. I want that more than I don’t want to hurt myself.
“You can start with the whole ‘my lady’ thing,” Liv said, breaking her train of thought. “What’s the deal with that?”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 65
