“The fault was not yours.” He shook his head, frowning. “It was all mine. I can’t control my Scourge nature, my urges are too dominant even with the human DNA I got from you. I…I came to tell you that, Lauren. That I can’t trust myself with you so I need to go.”
“No, don’t go!” she exclaimed, grabbing his arm. The thing he was holding, which had looked at first like a scrap of black fabric in the dim light, shook itself and made a sleepy, inquiring sound. “What’s that?” Lauren asked, almost surprised enough to forget her anxiety.
“A puppy.” He sighed. “I know I’m no good for it—any more than I am for you. But its mother—the black dog you fed at lunch—died after being struck by a car. I’m sorry but I had to take it. I…was unable to leave it behind.”
“Of course you couldn’t leave it!” Lauren tried to take the puppy from his arms but it growled and snapped at her finger with tiny white milk teeth. Then it nuzzled closer to Xairn and leaned up to lick at his cheek. “Oh my.” She laughed. “Looks like this is a one person puppy and I’m not the one. He’s bonded with you already, Xairn.”
“It’s a she,” he said wearily, sitting down on the couch as he cradled the puppy in his arms. “And she does appear to have poor taste in masters.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Lauren sat beside him, careful not to touch, and looked earnestly into his eyes. “Please don’t go, Xairn. We can work through this—I know it.”
“How can I work through what I almost did to you?” he demanded. “I had you pinned to the table, Lauren. I was about to rape you—do you understand that?”
Lauren felt a rush of heat go through her at the memory of being pinned and helpless beneath his big body but she pushed it away. Surely what had almost happened between them shouldn’t turn her on, so she refused to think about it.
“No you didn’t,” she said, shaking his head. “You never would have done that—you stopped yourself just in time. And anyway,” She felt her cheeks grow hot and she had to look down at her hands. “It…it wouldn’t have been rape. Just, uh, really rough sex.”
“You weren’t ready for me. You were frightened.” He looked at her. “Don’t try to deny it, Lauren. I heard it in your thoughts.”
“You…you did?” She put a hand to her throat. “But how…?”
“I don’t know. Just as I don’t know how I was able to make that stupid male you used to employ stop in his tracks and come back to me when he was intent on running away this afternoon.”
“You made Lorenzo do that?” Lauren whispered. “I thought he just didn’t want to lose face. That he came back to prove he wasn’t afraid of you.”
“He was afraid all right,” Xairn said grimly. “I could feel the fear coming off him in waves. But he had to obey my spoken command—he had no choice.”
Lauren shook her head. “But how? Why? I don’t understand. The only other person I know of who can do that is—” She stopped abruptly but Xairn finished for her.
“My father,” he said grimly. “I appear to be growing more like him every day. Just as my dominant urges are growing stronger and stronger every day.” He ran a hand over his face wearily. “I’m changing, Lauren, and not for the better. Which is why I need to leave now, before I hurt you. Before I do something we’ll both regret forever.”
“You’re not going to do that,” she insisted, trying to keep her voice firm, trying to make herself believe. “And besides, you can’t leave—not now.”
“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow at her. “And why not?”
“Two reasons.” Lauren ticked them off on her fingers. “First, a local girl was taken not far from here. I saw it on the news tonight.”
Xairn frowned. “I’d forgotten about that but I saw it too, this morning. She looked—”
“An awful lot like me,” Lauren finished for him. “Xairn, what if your father is still searching for me? What if he thought that girl was me?”
He shook his head. “That thought crossed my mind as well but there’s no way he can find you—your DNA has been altered.”
“But what if he’s looking?” she insisted. “Please, Xairn—you can’t leave me with this fear hanging over my head. Who else can protect me? Who else will even believe me when I tell them what’s going on?”
She looked up at him hopefully. She hated to play the ‘please protect me, I’m a helpless girl’ card but there didn’t seem to be much choice if she wanted to keep him. And God, how she wanted to. She couldn’t let him go—just couldn’t.
Xairn sighed deeply. “You’re right. I can’t leave while you may be in danger.”
Lauren felt the knot of anxiety, which had been building since he first ran out of the Sweet Spot, loosen in her chest. “Thank you,” she said in a trembling voice. “Thank you for giving us another chance. And I swear we can work this out.”
“No.” Xairn shook his head. “That’s not going to happen. I’ll stay here with you and protect you on one condition—no more physical contact between us. At all.”
“None?” Lauren felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under her. “Seriously, not even casual touching?”
“Casual non-sexual touching doesn’t work for me.” Xairn looked away from her. “I can’t help myself, Lauren. If I touch you—in any way—I want you. And, as I think I proved to both of us this afternoon, I can’t be gentle in my desires.” He shook his head. “If I can’t touch you gently then I don’t want to touch you at all. Do you understand?”
“Yes.” Lauren’s heart felt like a brick that had sunk to the bottom of a muddy pond. Well, at least he’s staying, she reminded herself. And as long as he’s here with me, there’s still hope. Hope I can change his mind. Hope we can work through this and still be together. “I love you, Xairn,” she said, looking into his eyes earnestly. “If this is what it takes for you to stay with me, I’ll agree. I can’t promise to never touch you again but I’ll try not to, uh, provoke you the way I did this afternoon.”
A look of mingled relief and regret filled his ocean-colored eyes. “Thank you. And thank you for not…not hating me as I hate myself.”
“You shouldn’t,” Lauren said softly. She wanted to hug him, to take away the pain she saw in his face. But that was forbidden now, so she contented herself with looking into his eyes. “I could never hate you, baby. And you need to be a little easier on yourself. You can’t change what you’ve always been overnight.”
“I’m afraid I’ll never be able to change,” he said darkly. “Though the Gods know I would if I could.” He sighed and shook his head. “You told me there were two reasons I couldn’t go. What is the second?”
Lauren smiled at him. “Because you can’t housebreak a puppy in space.” She pointed at the furry bundle in his arms. “Look, she’s proving my point right now.”
“What? Oh!” he exclaimed, looking down at the spreading wet spot on the front of his shirt. He looked up at Lauren ruefully. “I guess you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.” She nodded. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll see if there’s a PetSmart still open. We need to get some food and a flea collar if this little girl is going to stay.” She looked more closely at the puppy that was still snuggled comfortably in his arms, apparently unaware that she’d just wet all over the one who had saved her. “What are you going to name her, anyway?”
“Little One.” For a moment Xairn’s face lost its look of misery and he almost smiled. “Her name is Little One.”
Twenty-Nine
“You’re sure about this?” Sophia looked at her uncertainly but Nadiah nodded her head firmly.
“This is the only way. I need to see the dream through to its conclusion or that stupid Detective Rast will never believe me.”
“I just hate to leave you to have, well, nightmares.” Sophia twisted her fingers together in obvious agitation. “It seems wrong to leave you alone when I hear you screaming.”
“I’m sorry.” Nadiah laid a hand on her arm. “If it bothers you
I can get a guest suite tomorrow. But I feel really strongly that this is what I need to do.”
“No, no—we don’t want you to leave.” Sophia shook her head quickly. “I just…have a hard time letting someone be in any kind of pain if I can stop it.”
“Just think of the pain that poor girl will experience if we can’t get to her in time,” Nadiah said darkly. “My fear is nothing compared to what she’s going to be going through if I can’t stop her abduction.”
Sophia nodded reluctantly. “I suppose you’re right. Well, if you’re really sure…”
“I am,” Nadiah said firmly, even though her heart was drumming behind her ribs. “Truly, Sophia.”
“Okay then. Good night.” With one last uncertain look, Sophia closed the bedroom door, leaving Nadiah in the dark.
She sank back on the warm, comfortable bed and stared up at the shadowy ceiling. She couldn’t explain where her sense of certainty came from—she just knew this was the right thing to do. Even if it meant suffering through horrible nightmares, she needed to see what the Sight was trying to show her. She had to give in to her gift, even if it meant giving herself up to the terrors of the night.
Of course, it was going to be hard on Sophia and Sylvan to hear her yelling in the next room. Nadiah promised herself that she would move into a guest suite as soon as possible. The idea of waking up in a strange place all alone in the dark after a horrible dream was awful but it wasn’t fair to ask them to put up with her bloodcurdling screams.
She’d been sure she wouldn’t be able to sleep but before she knew it, Nadiah’s eyelids drifted closed and her breathing became soft and even.
Then she had the dream…
She was flying in the high, blue sky of Earth but not in body—in spirit. She knew because she couldn’t see herself when she looked down. Just lots of green trees and grass and those strange man-made outcroppings the humans lived in called “houses.” Nadiah still thought it must feel strange and exposed to live on the surface of the planet instead of safely underground in a grotto, but she was intrigued by their dwellings just the same.
Soon she found herself hovering over an especially large white house with a neatly trimmed lawn. There were expensive looking cars in the driveway but it was the back yard that drew Nadiah’s attention. There, two children were playing. Or rather, a child and a young woman, she realized after looking more closely.
The young woman had long auburn hair that was blowing in the warm summer breeze. It sparkled like rubies in the sun. She was pushing the little boy—who looked to be eight or nine—high into the air on some kind of play set.
“Higher!” the boy cried, pumping his legs as he soared toward the sky where Nadiah hovered, watching. “Swing me higher, Jessie!” His eyes were bright green in the sunlight and his hair was golden brown and tousled as though he’d been playing hard.
“Any higher and you’ll flip over, kiddo,” she said, laughing. “Mom’ll kill me if you break your neck.”
“Sing the song then. Sing and swing. Sing and swing,” the boy chanted.
“All right.” Jessie took a deep breath and began, singing to the rhythm of the swing.
* * *
“Swing me up a little bit higher,
Obadiah, do.
Swing me up a little bit higher,
Say you love me too.
Swing me over the garden wall,
Tie me up so I’ll never fall.
Swing me up a little bit higher,
Obadiah, do!”
* * *
Nadiah was enchanted by the quality of the girl’s voice. It was rich and melodious—utterly enthralling. It was no wonder the little boy liked hearing her sing.
He loved her voice and her long red hair, she thought, watching the two of them together. She smelled like fresh cut flowers. She meant everything to him but she’s gone now. She’s been gone for years. Somehow she knew that the scene she was viewing wasn’t something that was happening now, nor was it something that was yet to come. No, the vision that was coming to her at this moment was of the past of more than twenty Earth years ago.
At last the boy gave a wild yell and jumped off the swing just as it reached its highest arc. Nadiah’s heart leapt up into her throat—she was certain he would break his neck! But he rolled on the neatly trimmed green grass and came up laughing in the bright sunshine.
“You’re crazy! If Mom saw you do that it would give her a heart attack.” But Jessie was laughing as she said it. She slung an arm around her little brother’s skinny shoulders and he looked up at her adoringly.
“Jessie, why can’t I come with you tonight? I went to all your other birthday parties.”
“Yes, but this is a grownup party. I’m eighteen now—you know that.”
“I don’t see what’s so great about being eighteen,” he grumbled. “You’d just rather hang out with your stupid friends than me. Especially that dumb Mark Hains.”
Jessie blushed, her creamy cheeks going pink. “Don’t be a brat. Besides, Mark is nice—I like him. And…and I think he likes me.”
“He likes you all right but he’s not a good guy.” The boy’s mood suddenly turned dark. “Stay away from him, Jessie. I get bad feelings when he looks at you. Really bad.”
“Don’t talk like that.” She frowned. “You know it freaks people out when you talk about your ‘feelings’.”
“You’re the only one I talk to about them,” the boy protested. “And besides, you know I’m right. I’m always right.”
“Not this time.” She ruffled his hair. “C’mon, let’s get something cold to drink. It’s too hot out here.”
“Okay.” The boy leaned against her side and she gave him a squeeze as they walked toward the back door of the big white house. “Just be careful. I love you, Jessie.”
“Love you too, kiddo.” She dropped a kiss on the top of his head and they went into the house and disappeared from Nadiah’s line of sight. Suddenly a voice spoke in her ear.
“Remember. Remember and tell him all you have seen. Then he cannot help but believe.”
Then it was gone and Nadiah felt herself drifting deeper, into the darkest reaches of sleep where there are no dreams.
“Do we really have to do this again?” Adam Rast ran a hand through his hair and glared at her. It had been a week since their last encounter and Nadiah hadn’t been sure he would meet her at the HKR building again, but she’d decided to take a chance. To her surprise, he had actually shown up when she called.
“Thank you for coming,” she said coolly, straightening her tharp which had shaped itself into a close approximation of an Earth skirt and blouse today. She wanted to look calm and collected—professional.
“I only came to tell you one thing,” he growled. “Stop bothering me, Nadiah, I have work to do.”
“Because another girl has disappeared, right?” She arched an eyebrow at him and he glared at her.
“Yeah, good for you. Did you read that on the NewsFeed this morning or did you have another vision about the missing girl?”
“I have had a vision.” She gave him a level look. “But not about the girl you’re looking for. Last night in my dreams I saw a girl who’s been missing for the past twenty of your Earth years.”
“What? Now you’re having visions about cold cases?” Rast shook his head. “Seriously, I don’t have time for this! Goodbye, Nadiah. Have a nice life and don’t call me again.” He turned away, striding over the grey carpet of the HKR building, heading for the double glass doors.
“Her name was Jessie,” Nadiah said, raising her voice to be heard over the murmuring of the Earth brides and the Kindred warriors who had called them. “She had long, auburn hair.”
Slowly, Rast turned to face her. “What did you say?”
“She smelled like fresh cut flowers,” Nadiah continued. “And she had a beautiful singing voice.”
“What?” He strode over to her and grabbed her by the arm. His face was white with fury. “How dare you? H
ow fucking dare you bring her into this?”
“She meant the world to you, didn’t she?” Nadiah looked at him, realizing that he had been the boy in her vision. “She pushed you on the swing and called you ‘kiddo’ and—”
“Stop right now. Just stop.” Rast dragged her over to one of the dark grey couches and pushed her down. Then he stood there, looming over her with a terrible expression on his face. “I don’t know how you dug up my past and I don’t care. But you stop talking about Jessie right now or—”
“She sang to you when she pushed you on the swing,” Nadiah interrupted. What she was saying was obviously upsetting him deeply and she would have liked to stop but somehow she couldn’t. Her lips went on moving, forming words whether she wanted to speak them or not. “A special song,” she said. “One only the two of you knew.” Suddenly her throat was filled with the dead girl’s voice and she sang.
* * *
“Swing me up a little bit higher,
Obadiah, do.
Swing me up a little bit higher,
Say you love me too.
Swing me over the garden wall,
Tie me up so I’ll never fall.
Swing me up a little bit higher,
Obadiah, do!”
* * *
“My God!” Rast sank onto the couch beside her, his face suddenly ashen. “How…what…?” He looked at her wonderingly. “I haven’t heard that song in twenty years. And that was her voice—her voice exactly. How did you do that?”
“I don’t know,” Nadiah said honestly. “Just as I don’t know why I see the things I see. I only know they’re true.” She touched his arm lightly. “She was your sister, wasn’t she? What happened to her?”
“She was murdered,” he said, his voice grating harshly over the ugly word. “Abducted the night of her eighteenth birthday party and murdered.”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One: Books 1-4 Page 156
