Felice, Stina, and David. Thank you for taking the time to read our book and for helping us make it shine. And for your friendship. I feel so lucky to call you friends.
Jessica and Hope, as always thank you for not blocking me on Facebook. LOL. I know I message a lot but I can’t help it! And thanks for your mad editing skills. You ladies rock.
Manda and Vanessa thank you for your mad editing skills as well. LOL. I appreciate you helping us make this book shine.
Rachel Haueter thank you for naming The Male Box!
To my family. You are my rock. You keep me sane. Thank you for putting up with me.
Michelle you are a million times more organized than I could ever be. Thank you.
Bloggers, reviewers, and readers I couldn’t do this without you. I am thankful for you all every day of my life.
Excerpt from The Deepest Blue
Roadmap to Your Heart Series
Dean
I lugged my bike through the door and propped it against the wall. Sliding my messenger bag over my sore shoulder, I sank down on the couch, attempting to take a load off.
Spring semester had finally kicked my ass. I was working tons of hours at one of the labs in the biology department in addition to coping with my regular coursework for my master’s program. But I only needed one more intensive summer class to graduate early.
I rummaged around in my bag for my laptop, but when I found it I didn’t bother to turn it on. I was too beat to work on any more homework tonight.
A couple minutes later, my roommate, Cassie, hustled through the door. She was juggling an armload of textbooks and I sprang up to help.
“He keep you after class again?” I smirked as I placed her books on the table that we used as much for storage as for eating. Though lately, between both our schedules, there wasn’t even enough time for us to share a meal.
“Nope.” She strode to the refrigerator to retrieve a cold drink. “I asked if he needed help.”
Cassie was a professor’s assistant and refused to admit her crush on the handsome and neurotic Dr. Rebol. She’d graduate early as well, but not until winter break.
I braced my hands on her shoulders to give her a quick massage. She rolled her neck as my fingers worked her tense muscles. “The kind of help that involves you being down on your knees?”
She laughed, elbowing me lightly in the ribs. “That’s your fantasy, not mine.”
“Probably right.” I sighed and settled back on the couch.
Maybe I needed to get laid. It’d been a few weeks. But I didn’t have the energy to change out of my khakis and button-down to head to the club tonight.
“Let’s open a bottle of white.” Cassie set her water container on the table and headed to her room to change.
This had become our routine on the nights we were both home. Otherwise, we’d end up on opposite ends of our two-bed and two-bath apartment. We’d been living in this refurbished building in Cameron Village for more than a year, while we finished up at NC State. She wanted to teach business to undergrads and I was eager to be more than a research assistant.
On some base level, I also hoped to earn my father’s approval. Maybe then he’d actually give a damn. He would’ve preferred for me to follow in his footsteps. I could’ve had a marketing job waiting for me upon graduation. Though he never admitted it openly, he questioned whether I could make it in a field that relied heavily on grants and donations, all in the name of science and improving the earth.
“That’s better.” Cassie had thrown on her favorite pastel pajamas with bold red hearts, the only time she showcased her love of bright and puffy designs. Having grown up with three brothers on a game preserve in Florida, she was definitely a tough cookie, but I liked when her softer side showed.
I handed her a glass of chardonnay and we got comfortable on the cushions. We’d become good friends these past few months, having met last year through a roommate posting board in student services. Both transplants from our hometowns, our families were conservative in different ways.
Her brothers were hunky country types who rode around on ATVs—I’d seen photos and some of the images still got my pulse pumping. My family was just plain stuffy in comparison with their dinner parties and charity events. Except for my half-brother Felix, who I connected with when I’d gotten my undergraduate degree.
We shared the same mother but that was about all we had in common. He was part of the Disciples of the Road motorcycle club and I’d admit to being nervous upon meeting him for the first time. But he was only rough around the edges, with a soft center, and we continued to remain in regular contact.
“I have a favor to ask,” Cassie said, biting her lip.
When she got that look in her eye it meant something important. “Lay it on me.”
She heaved one of the couch’s throw pillows onto her lap. “We’ve got summer break coming up.”
“Right.” I took a hearty sip of my wine. I had a feeling I was going to need it.
“Have you decided if you’re going home in June?” Her eyes darted to the wall calendar we kept in the kitchen to keep track of our overlapping schedules.
“My parents won’t be around. They’re taking some cruise,” I said. “Besides, I’ve got to put in lab hours and prep for my final class in July.”
“My cousin’s getting married at Shady Pines,” she said, letting more of her southern twang slip through.
Cassie had grown up in the small town of Roscoe. Shady Pines was the name of her family’s game preserve. Guess the property was large enough to host a family wedding.
“Is this some big shindig with moonshine and kissing cousins?” I was more than curious about her upbringing, having only heard random stories here and there.
“Very funny,” she said, her lip twisting into a reluctant grin. “This might be the way to squash those crazy ideas in your head once and for all.”
“What do you mean?” She’d been trying to convince me of the preserve’s charm and apparently pictures didn’t do it justice.
“I wondered if you’d be my date.” Her gaze was deadly serious.
“Date?” I nearly choked on my wine. “What’s the catch?”
“If I bring somebody they’ll lay off how right Jerry and I are for each other,” she said, using air quotes. “My father has been persistent—even Grammy can’t rein him in.”
“Jerry?” I scrunched up my nose. “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about this guy?”
She threw her arm dramatically across her forehead. “Because I rarely think about him unless I need to visit my family.”
My eyebrow quirked. “They’re trying to set you two up?”
“Been trying for years,” she said, her hands turning into fists. “His family’s property aligns with ours and our businesses intersect at times. They have some insane notion that if we finally got back together, we could expand.”
“Holy shit, it’s like that reality show—Swamp something or another—but Florida style,” I said. “So I take it you’re not very fond of Jerry?”
“Can barely stand him anymore,” she said. “We tried dating once and it was decent for awhile. He’s handsome but also has traditional ideals about men and women. Believe me, I have enough alpha males in my own family.”
The thought of all of that testosterone might fuel my imagination for several months. But it also explained why Cassie dated plenty of brainy geeks in this campus town, the type of guy who was in direct contrast to the men she’d grown up with.
And showing up with me? It was as if she was intentionally trying to prove a point.
“You do realize I’m gay, right?” I asked and she chuckled. “Your family doesn’t know your roommate likes boys?”
“No, I never mentioned that.” She cringed. “Actually I never even mentioned that you were a guy at all.”
My mouth fell open. “Are you for real right now?”
Thinking back, I couldn’t remember a time I’d even heard her recit
e my name in the brief phone calls with her father or grandmother.
“This is a completely different way of life,” she said, motioning to our apartment and probably the city of Raleigh in general. “My move to a different state was enough of a shocker for them.”
I sighed and reached for my reading glasses on the table. I only needed them for the smaller print on my phone, which was pretty much always. I noticed a new text from my friend about some hot guy he met at our favorite gay club in the triangle area.
“Let me guess,” Cassie said. “Tate?”
“Begging me to come up to The Nickel,” I said, typing back that I was in for the night. “I can’t imagine what your family would think of our flamboyant friend.”
“My dad might have a panic attack. He’s always stressed as it is.” She shook her head grimly and balanced her slippers on the edge of the coffee table.
“Especially if Tate wore one of his screen-print designs. The pink one with the rhinestone tiara,” I said, suddenly thankful that Tate lived in this fairly diverse town, amongst friends who accepted him.
“So you can pretend, right?” Cassie asked, steering me back to her original request.
“To like you?” I asked. “I already adore you…but not in that way.”
She rolled her eyes. “Just hold my hand and kiss my cheek every now and again.”
“Suppose I can do that.” I imagined all those times as a kid, wishing I could be normal. Acting like it for a long while. And now I was being asked to fake it again. Piece of cake.
“The townsfolk will be swooning over you,” Cassie said, reaching over and running her fingers through my coarse black hair. She always said she had thick hair envy, even though her finer auburn locks were gorgeous. “Even I can admit you’ve got amazing sex appeal.”
I scrunched up my face. “Not sure I get it.”
“Fresh meat,” she said and I wanted to point out that there was plenty of hunky flesh in her brothers. And on the preserve. I nearly felt faint. What the hell was I thinking agreeing to spend time with people who hunted animals?
“Plus, you can see the pretty countryside,” she said, still attempting to convince me of her inane idea. “We’ll show you around.”
“You mean there are other things to do besides shooting wild boars?” I failed to mention how petrified I was of any kind of swine after one nipped me on a family trip to a farm. Even having it served at the dinner table didn’t give me the satisfaction, only made me want to puke.
Cassie grinned. “I hope your misconceptions are blown through the roof, my friend.”
“Will there be any vegetarian options?” I asked, thinking about my mostly raw-food diet. The thought of any kind of wild meat left me practically dry heaving. “You know me and my high-maintenance eating habits.”
“We have a large garden and Grammy’s a great cook,” she said. “By the end of the week, you’ll never want store-bought produce again.”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was a hint of nostalgia in those eyes,” I said, smirking. “I think Backwoods Betty is glad to be going home.”
“I guess I can hate on my family all I want until someone from the outside tries to mess with them,” she said, and I thought of how my younger brother and I would fight tooth and nail as kids. “Besides, I miss Billie. Callum, too.”
How could anybody forget Cassie’s hot ginger brother from those photos?
“So you’ll do it?” she asked, pouting for effect.
I stood up and stretched before heading to the window to check on my vast assortment of herbs and potted plants. I pulled off a couple of dead brown leaves, as I thought her idea through.
I supposed I could beg Tate to keep my indoor garden watered while I was gone.
“Not sure I can handle a whole week, Cassie.”
“How about we drive your car down for the trip?” she said, looking earnest. “Then you’re free to ride back straight after the wedding. I plan on staying longer. Deal?”
It would be nice to get away from the city. I happened to enjoy wide-open spaces, along with some peace and quiet. Though I wasn’t sure how quiet it would be on a game preserve.
“Does this mean I can ask you to one of my family’s boring events in the future?”
My parents chose to ignore the topic of my being gay whenever it came up. Having Cassie around for some comic relief would be like a breath of fresh air.
“Of course,” she said around a yawn.
A devious grin graced my lips. “When do we leave?”
Excerpt from A Hundred Thousand Words
Chapter One
It was my best friend’s older brother who made me realize I’m gay. Sure, I’d wondered before. I mean, a part of me had to have known, but it was Levi who made me admit it to myself. Or rather, it was the fact that when I really started jerking off on the regular, it was to thoughts of him. It didn’t matter that he was an asshole—a straight-as-straight-could-be asshole—he was the star player in a whole hell of a lot of my fantasies growing up.
But then I went away for college and made all of those fantasies and more come true. Not with Levi because of the whole being a straight asshole thing, but once I was out of Coburn, the small town in Oregon where I grew up, I didn’t need to pine after the guy I’d never have. I was in San Francisco for fuck’s sake. Home had a shortage of gay guys to choose from, but San Francisco was an all-you-could-eat buffet.
Now it’s winter break and I’m home from college, so of course the Levi-factor is in effect again. His family is throwing a holiday party and I’m sitting on their living room couch watching Levi do what he does best: charming a group of women. He must be telling some kind of joke or something because they’re laughing and smiling, all eyes pinned on him. He was always the golden child—straight A’s in school, popular, good at sports. Maybe that’s why I wanted him so much. He was everything I wasn’t. Not that I want to be those things, because I don’t, but on him they’re sexy as hell.
He flashes a smile at his admirers that gives me a tingle in my balls. Groaning, I try to look away but can’t. He’s always had this magnetic energy that sucks me in.
His hickory-brown hair has grown out since I saw him last. It’s hanging in his face, almost blocking his dark eyes. When he grins, big and bright, his thin lips stretched wide, the group does the same. It’s like when someone yawns and you’re powerless not to yawn yourself. Sometimes it’s as though he lends you some of his confidence, or at least I tell myself that. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who feels that way as everyone looks at him like he’s teaching them to hang the moon. But then he has to go overboard when he puts his arms out, flexing his biceps. That’s when I roll my eyes and look away.
“What a fucking idiot.” My best friend Chris sits next to me on the couch. We met in fifth grade and we’ve been tight ever since. I was the quiet kid before I met Chris. Take after my dad that way, I guess, but Chris pulled me out of my shell.
We were always doing something stupid when we were kids. Nothing too outrageous: got caught drinking and smoking a few times, missing curfew. He stole two Playboy magazines for us to jack off to, which was when I first realized there was something different between the two of us. Naked girls and tits did nothing for me. I pretended to come as hard as he told me he did, and then a few months later, I was forgoing the magazines in favor of mental images of his brother.
“Eh,” I reply, because talking about Levi with Chris never goes well. He’s always had issues with his brother.
“Watch them, though—women eat him up. I don’t fucking get it. I swear to God if Gemma falls for him I’m going to beat his ass.”
Laughing, I look at Chris. His hair’s the same shade of brown as Levi’s but it’s shorter. Chris has always had this jealousy thing with his brother, which I guess is probably normal. I don’t have siblings so I wouldn’t know. His concerns aren’t too farfetched, though. Every girl who spends more than five minutes with Levi ends up fall
ing for him. I can see why Chris would be jealous, especially because Chris had been in love with some of them. Or at least, he’d wanted to screw them. There was one girl in particular who Chris had been into. They’d fucked around a few times and the next thing we knew, Levi was taking her out. Chris hasn’t forgiven him for that one.
“I’m sure your girl isn’t going to fall for your brother.” If I don’t change the subject, he’ll go off on all the ways he can’t stand Levi, and I’ll want to stab my eardrums so I don’t have to hear it all for the millionth time. Nudging him, I say, “It’s kind of good to be home for winter break. I missed this.”
This being his family. My dad was around and he tried his best, but it wasn’t easy for him to support us. He worked all the time to make ends meet, and Chris’s family let me pretend like I belonged there because Chris and I were close. It made things easier on Dad. He misses Mom more every time he looks at me.
“When will Gemma be here?” I ask. Chris went and fell in love our sophomore year of college. Since I’m in San Francisco and Chris’s school is back East, this break will be the first time I meet her.
Before he replies, loud laughter erupts from the other side of the room and I glance over to see Levi sitting by the table with his head tilted back, letting out belly laughs. I watch his throat move. He has a really sexy throat I wouldn’t be averse to kissing…and I really need to shut my goddamned brain down and stop lusting after Chris’s brother. Even if there was a chance in hell I could bang Levi, I’m pretty sure Chris would lose his fucking mind if I did. Chris is the best friend I’ve ever had, my only real one, and I wouldn’t sacrifice that for anything.
“A few days. She’s incredible, Toby. You’ll love her. I can’t wait for you to meet her.” Chris nudges me the same way I nudged him a minute before, so I pull my attention away from Levi and back to him. “What about you? You said there were all kinds of dudes to choose from at school.”
Touch the Sky (Free Fall Book 1) Page 20
