by Nancy Revell
‘What’s it say in there about North Africa?’ Shorty asked. He, like most of the men on the ward, had served with the Durham Light Infantry and had fought in the so-called ‘Desert War’.
Percival turned to the next page.
‘Here we are,’ he said. He read for a moment, his face dropped with disappointment. ‘Looks like Jerry and the Eyeties have occupied Tunisia …’ He paused. ‘“Without opposition from the French colonialists”,’ he quoted.
‘And Jerry has also occupied Vichy France.’ He read for a moment. ‘Apparently they’re in violation of the 1940 armistice, but they’ve done it,’ he read on, ‘because the French admiral François Darlan has made a deal with our lot in North Africa.’
‘Come on, Percy,’ Smithy shouted from the other side of the ward. ‘There must be some good news?’
Tommy swung his legs out of the bed and put on a thick woollen dressing gown that had once belonged to Arthur.
He walked over to the swing doors of the ward.
‘Just need a breath of fresh air, Matron.’ Tommy smiled at Mrs Rosendale.
‘Don’t be long,’ she said sternly, pretending she had some authority over Tommy’s comings and goings. It was all show, though. She’d given up trying to keep the lad within the confines of the hospital, never mind the ward.
As was usual these days, when Dr Parker was doing his morning rounds he found Tommy’s bed empty. He didn’t need to ask where he was.
‘So, yer ready to discharge me?’ Tommy shouted out to Dr Parker when he saw him walking towards him along the shale pathway.
Dr Parker sighed as he reached Tommy and sat down next to him on the bench. Every day Tommy would ask the same question and every day he would give the same answer.
‘I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but let’s just see how you get on this week. But when you do get out,’ Dr Parker said, thinking it sounded like they were discussing a breakout from prison, ‘will you be staying at Polly’s?’
He asked not through politeness, but because it would help him decide if he could discharge Tommy a little earlier than normal.
Tommy shook his head. ‘No, I don’t think it’s proper. Not until we’re married.’ He wondered if Dr Parker would hear the lie in his voice.
Dr Parker didn’t, but he did think Tommy was a strange chap. He couldn’t quite work him out. Most blokes would have jumped at the chance of moving in with their fiancée and future in-laws.
‘Any idea where you might end up?’ Dr Parker asked.
‘Aye, it’s all arranged,’ Tommy said. ‘Major Black’s going to put me up for a while. He’s got a spare room in his flat in town.’
‘Major Black?’
‘Joe’s superior. Zone commander in the Home Guard. Sorry, I thought Joe’d told yer about him when yer met him the other day.’
Joe had caused a stir when he’d visited Tommy, joking with the other lads and saying it was about time he checked out his future brother-in-law.
‘Major Black’s the war vet who lost his legs at the Battle of the Menin Road Ridge.’
‘That’s right … Belgium … 1917,’ Dr Parker recalled. ‘Got me talking about the latest in prosthetics, I remember.’
‘So, yer see, Doc,’ Tommy said with a wide smile, ‘I’ve got my digs all sorted. I’m all ready to go.’
Dr Parker looked at Tommy.
‘All right,’ he relented.
‘Brilliant, I’ll tell the Major,’ Tommy said with a cheeky smile.
‘I didn’t mean that it’s a done deal,’ Dr Parker retorted, standing up.
‘Actually,’ Tommy said, his face serious now, ‘I wanted to ask yer something about this spleen malarkey.’
‘Oh, yes?’ Dr Parker said, curious. Tommy rarely asked questions about his health, making out that he was perfectly fit and healthy.
‘I know you’ve already told me,’ Tommy said, ‘but what exactly does the spleen do?’
‘Well, put simply,’ Dr Parker said, ‘it’s part of the body’s immune system.’
‘So, what effect will it have, me not having one?’ Tommy said.
‘It means you’re going to have to really look after yourself. The absence of a spleen makes the body more prone to infections and illnesses like pneumonia, which you have already experienced first-hand, and which you’re still recovering from.’
‘But other than that, it’s fine,’ Tommy said.
‘Mmm.’ Dr Parker was loath to sanction Tommy’s somewhat dismissive attitude. ‘Is there a reason you want to know?’ he asked.
‘Aye, there is actually, Doc.’
Tommy stood up.
‘Come on, I’ll walk back with yer ’n tell yer.’
At seven o’clock on the dot, Tommy was standing at the top of the hospital steps, waiting for Polly. He’d been given a pair of khaki trousers that were no longer needed by their original owner, as well as a thick polo-neck jumper. Both were a little on the baggy side. One of the lads had lent him an army jacket and Mrs Rosendale had given Tommy a purple woollen scarf, muttering that if he insisted on going outside all the time, the least he could do was make sure he was well wrapped up.
When Polly appeared through the darkness, hurrying down the last stretch of gravel pathway, a wide smile spread across her face. This was the first time she’d seen Tommy fully clothed.
‘Oh, are we off on a date?’ she joked.
‘It won’t be long before we are,’ Tommy said, walking down the stone steps to greet her. He pulled her towards him, and they kissed each other as though it was the first time in weeks.
‘Guess what?’ Tommy said when they finally parted. He took Polly’s hand and guided her away from the entrance.
‘What?’ Polly said as they walked to their favourite spot at the side of the hospital. She leant into him and kissed him on the cheek.
Tommy stopped and looked down at Polly, who was just a few inches shorter than he was.
‘I’m being discharged on the weekend,’ he said, his eyes dancing. He’d managed to twist Dr Parker’s arm.
Polly flung her arms around his neck and kissed him full on the lips.
‘That’s fantastic news,’ she said, kissing him again. ‘I can’t believe it!’ She stared at Tommy’s face, which was still a little gaunt but had lost that awful skeletal look. ‘I didn’t think Dr Parker was keen on letting you out of here for a while?’
Tommy gently tugged her across to one of the huge sycamore trees dotted around the hospital grounds.
‘It’s all been agreed,’ Tommy said. ‘I leave on Saturday. I just need yer to tell Joe ’n make sure it’s still all right to go stay with the Major.’
Polly looked at Tommy, a puzzled expression on her face.
‘I still can’t understand why you won’t live with us in Tatham Street. You’d have your own room. Me and Arthur’ll be there. And there’s the added bonus of Ma’s cooking.’
Tommy put his hands on Polly’s narrow waist and pulled her towards him, kissing her into silence. As he pressed her body against his own, they abandoned their words to kisses and caresses.
When they felt the first splodges of rain land on their faces, they finally pulled themselves apart.
‘Come on,’ Tommy said. ‘Let’s get a cup of tea in the canteen.’
As they hurried back to the hospital and out of the rain, Polly thought Tommy looked shattered. Reaching the canteen, she saw the relief on his face when they found a seat and he was able to sit down and rest.
‘Stay there while I get the tea,’ Polly commanded. She was gone before he had time to object.
A few minutes later, having returned with tea for two and a couple of scones, Polly sat down and looked at Tommy.
‘Are you absolutely sure about staying with the Major? I mean, you don’t know him. You’ve never even met him,’ Polly said, transferring the cups and saucers onto the table. ‘And I have to tell you, I think Ma’s a little put out that you’re not coming to us,’ she added, putting the empty tr
ay to one side.
‘Trust me,’ Tommy said, taking a sip of his tea. ‘It’ll be better all round if I’m with the Major.’ He looked at Polly. ‘And from what yer Joe says, he’s a great bloke.’
‘I know Joe thinks the world of him,’ Polly said.
‘And,’ Tommy said, picking up his scone, ‘I’ve told Joe to tell him that I’ll give him money for food ’n lodging. I’ve told him I’ve got my gratuity pay, which I know has been put aside fer our wedding, but I’m sure there’ll be a little left over.’
Polly blanched.
She hoped Tommy hadn’t noticed.
Tommy took a bite of his scone and washed it down with a big glug of tea.
‘Not that it sounds like the Major will take a penny. Says it’s the least he can do for anyone who’s risked life ’n limb for King ’n country.’
‘The army is his life, that’s for sure,’ Polly said distractedly.
‘He sounds like quite a character,’ Tommy said. ‘Joe said it was the Major who got him involved with the Home Guard after he got back from the war.’
‘Joe wasn’t in the best state when he came back,’ Polly said. ‘Not surprising really. After everything he’d been through in North Africa. And losing our Teddy.’
Polly thought for a moment.
‘And he was having these terrible nightmares. It was awful. I think the whole street could hear him screaming out in his sleep in the middle of the night.’
Tommy tensed.
‘I remember yer telling me in one of your letters,’ he said, taking another mouthful of tea.
‘It was only when the Major signed him up with the Home Guard,’ Polly continued, ‘that the nightmares eased off and then stopped completely.’
‘Really?’ Tommy said. ‘That’s interesting. I wonder why.’
‘Arthur reckons it was because he was able to talk to the Major about what he’d seen out in the desert. Them both having served on the front line.’
Tommy nodded.
‘Makes sense.’
He thought for a moment.
‘Talking about his demons rather than keeping them trapped inside.’
Polly nodded sadly.
‘Bel said that Joe has accepted that he might always be haunted by the awful things he’s seen, that the images – the memories – might well be with him his whole life. But at least his nightmares have stopped.’
‘With acceptance comes freedom,’ Tommy said quietly.
Polly looked at Tommy and thought he seemed a million miles away.
‘Are you all right?’ she asked.
Tommy rubbed his hands over his face.
‘Aye, course, I’m fine,’ Tommy smiled. ‘Absolutely fine.’
He looked around the canteen and then leant forward across the table.
‘Enough morbid talk,’ he said.
Polly saw a twinkle had come into his eyes.
‘Let’s speak about me ’n you,’ he said, taking hold of her hand. ‘Yer know what me getting out of here also means?’
Polly felt her heart hammering.
She knew what Tommy was going to say next.
‘Mmm,’ she stalled, something she had been doing a lot of lately. Particularly these past two weeks, since the subject seemed to be cropping up with increasing regularity.
‘It means,’ Tommy said, ‘that as I’m no longer confined to the perimeter of this hospital, I’m now free to walk yer down the aisle.’
Polly knew her face should be lighting up with joy and happiness.
But it wasn’t.
Worse still, she felt her forced smile probably looked more like a grimace.
Judging by Tommy’s reaction, her supposition was right.
‘God, Pol!’ Tommy couldn’t hide his disappointment. ‘If I didn’t know yer better, I’d think that yer didn’t want me to walk you down the aisle.’
‘No, Tommy!’ Polly said. ‘That’s not true. That’s about the furthest from the truth you can get.’
Tommy looked sceptical
‘So why do you keep avoiding talking about us getting married?’
He looked Polly in the eyes.
‘And why is it yer look so guilty?’
He sat back in his chair. He’d tried to ignore Polly’s reticence in talking about getting married. His gut instinct had told him to hold off, that there was an explanation. He’d thought that perhaps Polly just needed to see him get better and out of hospital before they arranged the wedding, but clearly that wasn’t the case.
‘You’ve not met anyone else, have yer?’ He scrutinised her face. The sane part of him said that this was nonsense, but the other, less stable part of his brain was pushing the case for possible infidelity.
Polly sat bolt upright.
‘Of course I haven’t!’ she said indignantly. ‘Do you think I’d be able to be with you the way I am if I had some other bloke?’ Now anger was impinging on her guilt. ‘I thought you knew me, Tommy? I thought we knew each other?’
‘So did I,’ Tommy said. His voice had hardened. ‘But I saw something in yer just now that I couldn’t read.’ His mind was now racing. ‘Every time I’ve mentioned the wedding you’ve either been a bit off, or you’ve changed the subject.’
It had come to the crunch.
Whatever it was needed airing.
‘I thought yer wanted to get married as soon as we could? We both said – agreed – that we’d waited long enough. Remember?’
‘Of course I remember,’ Polly said, her anger dying down, remembering the joy and love she’d felt on seeing Tommy in his hospital bed. Alive.
Seeing his hurt and confusion, she knew she couldn’t put it off any longer.
‘So, tell me,’ Tommy said. ‘What is it? I know yer well enough now to know that something’s wrong, but I’m not a mind-reader.’
Polly looked at her watch.
‘Visiting time’s nearly over,’ she said.
‘I don’t give a damn,’ Tommy said, his eyes searching the face of the woman he loved. ‘You’re going to stay here until I know exactly what’s the matter,’ he said.
‘Let me get another tea then,’ Polly said resignedly. ‘And I’ll explain.’
‘You know the letters I wrote to you after I learnt that you were missing?’ Polly asked.
Tommy nodded. He had asked Polly if he could keep them. Had read them all twice over.
‘Did you look at the dates?’ Polly asked.
Tommy nodded.
They were both quiet for a moment.
‘Yer stopped writing at the end of August,’ Tommy stated. ‘I did wonder why yer had stopped then. It wasn’t as though there were bigger ’n bigger gaps between the letters ’n then they just dwindled off.’
Polly put both hands around her teacup and took a deep breath.
‘When I heard you were missing, I was devastated. I remember the postwoman giving me the letter and after that it was all a bit of a blur. I vaguely remember going to work and seeing everyone, them all saying I shouldn’t give up hope – that there was still a chance you were alive.’
Polly looked at Tommy, her eyes filling with tears as she remembered that awful day.
‘And I did. I kept on hoping and praying. I think my writing you letters that I couldn’t send was my way of rebelling. My way of railing against everything.’
Tommy moved his chair around the table so he was adjacent to Polly.
He touched her hand, but she kept them both firmly clasped around her teacup.
‘I couldn’t give up on you. It was as though if I did, it would be a betrayal. As if by giving up on hope, I was giving up on you. It sounds stupid, but I felt as though my hope might keep you alive – or perhaps it was really the other way around. Believing that you were alive was keeping me alive.’ Polly’s voice started to crack with emotion. ‘Because I felt like I would die inside if you weren’t to come back.’
For the first time Tommy saw the reality of what life had been like for Polly, how heartbroken and worried
she had been. He had been so wrapped up in his own recovery, in getting himself back to normal, that he had not really thought about the hell Polly had been through.
‘Even though I didn’t hear anything, I still kept writing. It was like I was saying, “I am not going to be beaten.”’ Polly laughed sadly. A tear crept down her cheek and Tommy stopped it with his thumb. It hurt and angered him to see just a glimpse of the heartache he had caused.
‘But then,’ Polly looked at Tommy straight in the eye, ‘they sent your belongings back, and then a while later, the notification of your gratuity pay arrived. The money you had told me you were saving for our wedding. And it was … well, it was like the straw that broke the camel’s back.’
More tears began to fall down Polly’s pale face.
‘I’m so sorry, Tommy.’
Tommy saw the guilt, but still had no idea of the reason for it.
‘I feel ashamed to admit it,’ she said, relinquishing her teacup and using the sleeve of her cardigan to wipe under her eyes, ‘but I gave up hope … I gave up on you being alive.’
Polly started to cry properly.
Tommy went to put his arms around her.
‘Don’t,’ she said, moving away. ‘Don’t. Please don’t.’
Tommy sat back, hurt at the perceived rejection.
‘I don’t think you’ll feel like hugging me when I tell you what I’ve got to tell you.’
Tommy felt his heart beating faster and the paranoia started to creep back.
Had Polly been with another man? Had her grief – her lack of hope – driven her to seek solace with someone else?
‘Just tell me, Pol. What is it? What have yer done?’
Polly took a juddering breath.
‘I’m so, so sorry, Tommy.’
She sat up straight and looked at him, needing to see his reaction.
There was a moment’s silence before Polly finally spat it out.
‘I gave it all away,’ she said simply.
Tommy looked at her in confusion.
‘I don’t understand. What did yer give away?’
‘Your money,’ Polly said. ‘Your gratuity pay. Every single penny of it.’
