‘You want to spend time with Billy to see how you feel. Is that it?’
‘That’s it – to a T. D’you think I’m off my head?’
‘I know you’re off your head, but it’s nothing to do with me. You’re old enough to make up your own mind. I’ll give you one day – will that do?’
‘I think so. I hope so.’
Becky took over the boy the next forenoon; washed him, dressed him, made sure he had plenty to eat, played games with him, and after supper, put him to bed. ‘I’ll just manage the last bus,’ she said, flinging her coat over her shoulders and making for the door. ‘I’m going to say yes.’
She was gone before Emily could quiz her.
Jack Burns courted Becky properly, attentive and thoughtful, for the next four weeks before arranging for them to be married in the Registry Office in Bridge Street. Sophie organised a celebratory meal for the wedding party – the bride and groom, Millie as bridesmaid and one of Jack’s colleagues from the firm of accountants as best man, and both sets of parents. It was a really joyous occasion and as an extra surprise, Sophie had also asked the Meldrums, who brought the youngest guest of the lot. Little Billy’s presence dispelled any awkwardness that may have been between Tom and Flora Burns and their reinstated daughter-in-law, and the whole affair seemed to wipe the slate entirely clean.
In her heart, of course, Rebecca Burns realised that it would only remain clean for as long as she played fair with her reunited husband – which she was determined to do, in any case. Life returned to normal for the rest of the wedding guests, but when the bridal couple returned from their honeymoon in Pitlochry, they set up house in a rented, furnished bungalow in the Ashgrove district of Aberdeen.
Emily was in for another shock in a few months, not so drastic, nor so upsetting, but still enough to make her worry about it. Becky hadn’t been home once since her marriage, nor had she written except for the odd scribbled note to say she was well, so it set the tongues wagging again to see her turn up late one Saturday evening.
Having had no warning, her mother jumped to the most obvious solution. ‘I suppose you’re expecting?’
‘Oh, great,’ her daughter snapped. ‘No “Hello, Becky, how are you?” As it so happens, you’re right. I am expecting, and I’m not all that happy about it.’
Irritated, Emily sighed. ‘I thought you said you wouldn’t mind, and Jackie really wants a family, doesn’t he?’
‘He doesn’t like being called Jackie now, Mum. Can’t you try to remember? Anyway, it’s all right for him. It’s not him that has to grow fat and horrible and suffer all the pain.’
‘Look, Becky, I think you’re forgetting something here. If you don’t give him the child he wants – at least one – old Tom will likely throw you out again. Without any money this time. Then where would you be? Back on the streets. And you needn’t expect any help from us. Your father and I are both ashamed of you, you know that?’
For some moments, the young woman sat silently, plainly turning things over in her mind, so her mother went on, ‘Are you not happy with him? Is he not treating you like you thought he would? I’d have sworn he was a true gentleman, loving and generous. You don’t know when you’re well off, that’s your trouble. How far on are you?’
‘Just two months. He doesn’t know yet, but I suppose you’re right. Even after the terrible things I did, he’s been good to me. He’s never thrown it in my face, he’s been kindness itself. I’m so selfish, it’s not real, but I promise I’ll be a good wife to him from now on – and a good mother to his children.’ Stopping suddenly, she gave a mischievous grin. ‘However many he manages to make.’
Emily couldn’t help laughing at that. ‘It maybe won’t be as bad as you think, anyway. Some girls have no problem giving birth—’
‘And some have! Guess what I’ll be like?’
But her mother could see that she had resigned herself to the inevitable.
‘By the way, Jack’s going to pick me up when he finishes work. He should be here about six.’
‘You’ll stay for some supper, then?’
‘No, thanks. He’s taking me for a meal before we go home. Oh, I nearly forgot. He’s going to pay for driving lessons for me, and when I pass my test, he’ll buy me a car of my own.’
‘My goodness! And you were thinking of jeopardising your fine life? I don’t understand you.’
‘I don’t understand myself, sometimes. I know I could never find a better man than Jack, and I will behave myself. You’ve made me see sense.’
Becky’s next visit was exactly four weeks later, bringing her re-married husband, Jack Burns, who pumped hands energetically with his reinstated parents-in-law.
‘I’m truly happy,’ he whispered to Emily, while Jake was laughing with Becky. ‘I know everything she did, and I must admit, it gave me quite a shock, but I got over it. She has changed, and I’m sure we’ll make a go of it this time.’
‘I hope so,’ Emily said, very much doubting her daughter’s sincerity in anything. Becky had always been self-centred, and she would soon begin to tire of this marriage, second time round. Of course, having their own house in King’s Gate now – a fairly well-to-do area of Aberdeen – where she could more or less act the lady, might be all she needed to satisfy her, and if she had a couple of kiddies, that would take her mind off herself.
The following weekend brought a rather unwelcome surprise, although, as Emily told herself later, she should have been prepared for it. Pat Michie, who had got a job in Aberdeen a while back, looked quite uncomfortable as she let him in, and sat nervously on the edge of a chair for a few moments before he said, ‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’m here?’
‘You’re welcome any time,’ she assured him, even if she was desperate to know.
‘I don’t know if Becky has told you …’
‘I hardly ever see Becky.’
‘Well, in that case, I don’t suppose you do know. I’ve been going out with Millie for weeks now.’
‘Going out? As friends, or more than that?’
‘More than that. I love her, Mrs Fowlie, and I’d like to ask her to marry me, but only if you’ve no objections.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with me.’ But her heartbeats had slowed down, a pain had started in her chest.
‘It has everything to do with you. Can you bear the thought of Millie loving somebody else? Or of me being a father to your son’s child? Do you see what I mean? I haven’t said anything to her yet, and I never will if it’s going to upset you.’
She could find no words to answer him. Of course she was upset, but … had she any right to be upset? That was the crux of the matter. Millie was a free agent. She had certainly loved Willie with all her heart, but she was free now to love whoever she wanted. If she wanted this man, why shouldn’t they marry? And as for Billy? Well, he did really need a father.
‘I’m sorry,’ Pat said gently. ‘I can see your answer in your eyes, and I promise I won’t mention this to Millie. I’ll apply for a transfer to our Head Office in London, and make a definite break.’
He stood up to leave, but Emily pulled at his sleeve. ‘No, Pat, let me explain how I feel.’
The young man sat down again, a pulse beating at his cheek, and she wished that she had been able to decide quicker, and not given him the impression that she was against Millie marrying. ‘It’s me who should be sorry,’ she began. ‘I couldn’t think straight, but I can see now that this is the best thing that could happen. Poor Millie needs someone to love her, the same as wee Billy needs a man in his life, and I think you’ll be a good father, Pat, I really do.’
He took hold of her hand now. ‘Oh, thank you, Mrs Fowlie. That’s the nicest thing you could have said to me. And I do love Millie, I love them both, with all my heart. I’ll look after them, and we’ll come and see you as often as we can.’ Then he gave a nervous laugh. ‘Here am I making plans already, and I haven’t even told her I love her.’
‘She’ll know that, P
at. A woman always knows when a man loves her.’
‘But what if she turns me down?’
‘She’d be a damn fool.’
They both laughed at that, and Pat stood up again. ‘I can’t wait, now. I’m going straight to the schoolhouse to ask her. May I ask you to wish me luck?’
‘You won’t need my wishes, I’m sure, but I do wish you success.’
Pat Michie had been gone for little more than an hour and a half when Millie Meldrum turned up, and Emily could tell the girl was different as soon as she walked in, on edge, slightly uncomfortable, but not in the least guilty. When Billy came running in from the backyard, she made the usual fuss of him, though he was not quite so fond of being kissed as he used to be, then let him run outside again to play with the new tricycle Herbert had given him for his fifth birthday.
Emily had a little longer to wait to find out what was what, although she had a good idea. Millie took over making the pot of tea, filled the kettle and plugged it in. ‘You must be delighted with having electricity now,’ she smiled. ‘Having bonny, new shining kettle and pans instead of them being caked in soot.’
‘Aye,’ Emily nodded, ‘it’s much cleaner, but I miss the old way, and Jake says he preferred the oil lamps to the electric light. He’s scared to use a switch in case he gets electrocuted.’
‘That’s silly, it’s safe enough, and you waited a long time for it.’
‘Well, it wasn’t Johnny McIntyre’s fault. He was going to have it done in 1940 – that was what he’d planned – but the war started before that and all repairs, modernisation, even building, was stopped. It was a big upheaval of course, once they got started. We were all glad to see the end of it, and now there’s word he’s having lavatories put in.’
‘Just lavatories? Not bathrooms?’
‘Bathrooms, I mean. Jake says he doesn’t fancy having to go to the lavvy to take a bath, he likes having it in front of the fire, but you know him. It’ll take him a while to get used to it.’
The kettle giving a piercing shrill, Millie jumped up to mash the tea, and poured milk into the two cups sitting daintily in their saucers, as Emily always had them.
When she was seated again, the young woman looked somewhat apprehensively at the other. ‘I’ve something to tell you and I don’t know if you’ll be pleased or not.’
Having had time to be resigned to what seemed certain to happen, Emily smiled. ‘I’m sure I’ll be pleased, whatever you tell me.’
‘I’ve been going out with Pat Michie.’
Determined to plead ignorance, the older woman repeated what she had said to Pat. ‘You mean … just going out, or going steady?’ In her mind, there was a vast difference.
‘It started with just going out, for company, really, for we were both kind of lonely. Becky had her Jack, and I had nobody. Nobody tangible, anyway. I felt life was galloping past me without me getting anything out of it.’
Emily had believed, before Pat told her his side of the story, that Millie, of all people, would always remember Willie, would never try to replace him, but it seemed that it wasn’t so. ‘And?’
‘We could sense it happening, Emily, and we fought against it because it wasn’t fair to you. Pat even insisted on us stopping seeing each other and it’s been pure purgatory.’
It took the older woman quite an effort to say, ‘But you’ve your own lives to lead. You shouldn’t be worrying about me.’ Was she the only person left who would remember her son?
‘I’ll always worry about you, Emily, dear.’ Millie’s eyes had filled with tears. ‘And if it’s going to make you unhappy, Pat says he’ll find another job in London, or somewhere, and we’ll never see each other again.’
The thought of such a genuine young man, a man who had been so close to Willie for years, a man that Willie had given his life to save, giving up true love for her sake, made Emily feel bitterly ashamed. She’d had her life, had a man who loved her, still had a daughter who, although she maybe didn’t show her mother much love, did think of her now and then.
‘You must think I’m awful,’ the girl went on, ‘but it’s not a case of off with one love and on with another. I’ve told Pat that I’ll always love Willie – I could never forget him, Emily – but I said I loved him in a different way. Maybe a more adult way. Willie and I were just teenagers, in the first throes of love, and that to me is the most important kind of love. I love Pat as a woman loves a man, and not only that, I know he loves Billy. He has asked me to marry him, but I said I couldn’t say yes without telling you. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, I’ll—’
Emily took pity on her now. ‘Pat’s been here already today, asking what I felt about it, and I wished him luck. You both deserve all the happiness you can get after what you’ve been through, so marry him, my dear, with my blessing.’
Jumping up, Millie hugged her tightly. ‘Oh, thank you, Emily, dear, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And you won’t lose Billy, you know, because we’ll be coming to Burnton every second weekend to see my parents, and we’ll always give you a call too. You’re still his grandmother, whatever else happens. We’ll be going to Elgin on the in-between weeks, of course, to see Pat’s mother.
Emily’s mind took a gigantic leap forward. ‘Billy’s going to be a lucky laddie. He’s going to have three Grammas.’
‘You wouldn’t mind?’
‘As long as I’m still one, I don’t mind at all.’
Waiting by herself for her husband to come in for his supper, Emily couldn’t help thinking how this marriage would affect her. She would have Millie, a young woman she had loved for some time now, as a daughter-in-law, and Pat, who she was rapidly learning to love, as a son-in-law, or as near as dammit. And she would always have her memories of a little boy with mischievous eyes, a little boy she couldn’t find it in her heart to love properly, a boy who had turned out in the end to be a hero. She would never forget her son, who had left behind his son for her to love.
Another Wee Nickum.
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