by Ari McKay
“No, I figured out my limits pretty quick,” Finn said wryly.
“Good. You need to rest up and heal.” Joe squeezed Finn’s thigh lightly, as though afraid of hurting him with too much pressure. “I’m sorry I… we… haven’t been here to help you. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this without us.”
“It’s okay,” Finn said, heartened anew by Joe’s use of the plural. “I don’t blame you. For anything,” he added with a pointed look. “I know you would’ve stayed if I’d asked you to, but you would’ve been miserable, too. You felt like you needed to go after these guys. I get it. I’m just glad Drew was there for you since I couldn’t be.”
“I’m sorry that any of this happened at all.” Joe sighed, again. “But it’s over now. Really over, I promise. We’re all safe. And I’m telling Herc I’m done with undercover assignments. Not that I think he’ll try to talk me out of it, but I can’t do this anymore.”
Finn felt as if a huge weight he hadn’t been aware he was carrying had been lifted. “Thank God!” He blurted out the words before he could think better of it.
Drew laughed. “Thank God, indeed. I’m getting too old to be running after stubborn young’uns all the time.”
Joe smiled ruefully. “You kept up all right, old man,” he said to Drew. “But I never want danger to follow me home again.” He looked at Finn, and his smile faded. “I could have lost you, and that would have killed me, too.”
“But you didn’t.” Finn curled his fingers around Joe’s and squeezed gently. He watched Joe in silence, thinking about things Drew had mentioned in recent texts and calls. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I wasn’t there when you needed me after that first mission. Instead, I made things worse. I have a lot of regrets about that.”
“It’s not your fault.” Joe shifted slightly so that he faced Finn more directly, and he returned the pressure of Finn’s fingers. “You didn’t know. You couldn’t have. I didn’t even know how much it was going to affect me, or I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. It just happened, okay?” Joe drew in a breath. “Besides, it’s not like I was honest with you about how I felt about you. Maybe that would have changed things. Maybe not, but it’s not like you had any reason to think I’d feel so… jealous.”
Finn gazed down at their joined hands and rubbed the back of Joe’s with his thumb. Joe’s absolution helped, but he still felt remorse over not providing the support Joe had needed. “We both have to try to communicate better, but I think we’ve learned from it. I have, at least. I know you’re still having a rough time, and I’m going to help you get through it. I promise.”
“Thanks. That means a lot,” Joe said quietly. He looked past Finn at Drew and smiled crookedly. “Speaking of communicating better, I guess that’s our cue?”
“Sounds reasonable.” Drew gave a little huff of amusement. “Do you want to tell him, or should I?”
“Tell me what?” Finn looked back and forth between them, a little flutter of hope in his belly. He didn’t want to hurt either of them, and he didn’t want to go back to feeling torn and guilty about loving both of them, either.
“I guess I should start.” Joe looked back at Finn, his expression growing serious. “I’m going to be completely honest here. I know I’m still messed up, and I’m going to need to get some therapy to help me get past the issues I still have. Things that have been around since I was a kid and led to all the stuff that messed me up when I went to Pakistan on that first mission. Drew… well, he helped me put a lot of things in perspective. He’s been there for me, and it’s changed the way I look at things between the three of us. Before you were kidnapped, I was seriously thinking about leaving, letting the two of you be together and just… going away. I’m not saying that to hurt you, but I just want you to understand where my head was.”
“Do you still feel that way?” Finn asked, tightening his grip on Joe’s hand. “I know we have different perspectives on love, but I do love you, and I don’t want to lose you.”
“Like I said, my viewpoint has changed a bit,” Joe replied. “Drew has been a rock, which I didn’t expect, to be honest, and I’ve come to trust him. We talked a lot.”
“We did.” Drew agreed. “I could understand a lot of what he was going through, because of what I went through when Stack died. I could see how much he was hurting.”
Finn offered Drew a grateful smile. “I’m glad you were there,” he said, and then he turned back to Joe. “And I’m glad you let him be there.”
“I almost didn’t let him, but… he’s a persistent bastard.” Joe shook his head. “He’s helped me get past the first hurdle or two in dealing with my issues. But….” He looked at Drew again. “I think this part is on you.”
Drew rolled his eyes. “I keep telling you, you don’t have to worry about it. Finn, what Joe is being so cagey about is that I’ve come to feel that he really is our dumbass. God knows why, but I’ve fallen for the big lug.”
“There’s just something about him,” Finn said, unable to hold back a wide smile. “What can you do, right?” He gave an exaggerated shrug.
“Yeah, well, he pressed all my buttons,” Drew grumbled, but there was a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “Go on, Joe, tell him the rest.”
“I needed Drew, and he was there,” Joe admitted. “We slept together.”
“Wait….” Finn closed his eyes as he tried to process what he’d just heard. Given Joe’s perspective on love and sex, Finn never dreamed Joe might have actually slept with Drew already. “My mind is officially blown,” he said as he opened his eyes so he could stare at Joe. “Does that mean you’ve fallen for him, too? Please don’t tell me you’re wallowing in guilt over it, because I’ll kick your ass if you are, cast or no cast.”
Joe looked a little uncomfortable. “I can’t honestly say I’m in love with him, no. But I do care about him. He’s not… he’s not what I thought he would be. It took me a long time to really accept that he wasn’t trying to come between us, and that he really does love you.”
“I’m not entirely sure he’s completely accepted that I love him, too,” Drew said, looking at Finn. “We’re going to have to work on him, you and I. I think he’s only accepted that you love him because you’ve been there for him for so many years. But I’m going to do my best to convince him he deserves to be loved.”
“He does.” Finn nodded and swallowed hard, scarcely able to believe Joe and Drew had come so far. He didn’t want to celebrate prematurely, but he finally had some hope for a future that wasn’t divided and compartmentalized. “We’ll prove it to him,” he added, no longer feeling reticent about reaching for Drew’s hand as well and squeezing it tight.
Drew squeezed back. “We will. See, Joe? I told you it would be okay. He was worried you’d be hurt, Finn. Not about us sleeping together, but about me loving him and him caring about me.”
“Yeah, well….” Joe shrugged uncomfortably. “I guess I’ve got a sort of blind spot when it comes to Finn. But there are a couple of other things we need to discuss. All three of us.”
“Whatever you want to talk about, I’m open,” Finn said, trying not to sound overeager. The last thing he wanted to do was make Joe feel rushed or pressured into something he wasn’t ready for. “We’ll go at your pace. You know that, right?”
“I know.” This time Joe nodded. “Drew and I talked on the plane home. If you want, we’re willing to work out a way for the three of us to be together. Maybe share a house or apartment, something where we can each have our own space if we want. Everything will be out in the open, so there are no misunderstandings. If we’re all honest with each other about things, even about feelings like jealousy or neglect, then we might can make it work. Are you interested in that?”
“Yes!” The word burst out of Finn, verging on an excited shout, and he squeezed Joe and Drew’s hands hard and tight. “Yes, I’m interested. I love you both so much, and if the three of us could be together….” His voice caught in his throat, and his eye
s stung as he looked back and forth between them with a watery smile. “It would be a dream come true.”
“There’s a condition,” Drew warned. “And this matters to Joe a lot. Like, deal-breaker important.”
Finn turned to Joe, wide-eyed with curiosity. “What is it?”
Joe’s expression was pensive. “I’m willing to work on this if it’s the three of us, and only the three of us, but I can’t deal with you having hookups, too. I’m sorry, and if you can’t accept that, I’ll understand. This is going to be complicated enough, trying to find a dynamic that works for all of three of us, especially with me in therapy and you still recovering from your injuries and having to undergo physical therapy for months. Neither Drew nor I are interested in any outside action, so to speak. If we’re going to settle down, it’s got to be all of us.”
Finn sagged with relief. “No, that’s fair, and I’m willing to forego outside action. In fact….”
He released their hands and leaned forward to grab his phone off the coffee table. He opened his dating app and went to the settings. Holding out his phone so they could both see the screen, he went through the steps to delete his account, before closing the app and deleted that as well.
“Done,” he said as he tossed his phone back on the coffee table. “The two of you are worth it.”
Joe’s shoulders slumped, and it was only then Finn noticed how tense he’d been, and how hard it must have been for Joe to make that condition. Joe had never, ever given Finn any kind of limits before, and he had probably been dreading Finn’s reaction. “Thank you.”
“Damn right we’re worth it,” Drew said. “Wise choice.”
“I think it’ll go down as the best decision I ever made.” Finn’s smile was wide and happy as he rested one hand on Joe’s leg and the other on Drew’s. “Anything else? Any other ground rules or conditions?”
“Just that we all be honest.” Joe smiled slightly. “I know I’ll have to work on my communication skills, but I’m going to try.”
“So will I,” Drew nodded. “I’m sure it’s going to take some adjustment, but I love you both. I want this to work. I’m sure it will, if we’re all on the same page. But what about you, Finn? Any requests or rules you want to toss into the pot?”
“I can’t think of anything right now,” Finn said, shaking his head. “But this’ll be an ongoing process. Let’s start with honesty and open communication as the foundation and go from there.”
“That sounds reasonable.” Now that everything had been settled, Joe seemed to relax. He slid an arm around Finn’s shoulders and hugged him. “So now you’ll have the two of us to take care of you. Think you can stand both of us hovering over you?”
“You hover, I supervise,” Drew corrected him. “I was an XO, after all.”
At that, Joe stuck out his tongue at Drew. “Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that!”
Finn nestled between them, far happier and more content than he had ever thought possible. Drew was exactly what he and Joe needed to complete their little circle, and to Finn, a white-picket-fence scenario for three sounded just about right.
29
“There. That’s perfect.”
Joe surveyed his handiwork with satisfaction. The table was set, the candles were lit, and in the kitchen, a big pot of jambalaya simmered in a crock pot. He’d already made cornbread to go with it, and all he had to do was pop it back in the oven to warm it. Beer, wine, and iced tea were available, and for dessert he’d picked up a positively sinful chocolate cake from a bakery in the French Quarter. Now all he needed was for Finn and Drew to get home, and they could celebrate the first night in their new home.
There had been a lot of changes in the last six months, but they were good ones, for the most part. Joe had started therapy with a psychologist associated with Hercules Security, and talking about his problems honestly to someone was helping him deal with both his past trauma and his more recent ones. It hadn’t been easy, but Joe had forced himself to go to every appointment and be as open as he could. The work had definitely helped him make peace with a lot of the things he’d been through, to put them behind him and move on.
It had also helped to have the support of both Finn and Drew. Either or both of them had always been there after the therapy sessions to help Joe decompress, and Joe had learned quickly that having two lovers for support and comfort really was better than just one. In fact, it hadn’t taken long for the three of them to all end up having sex together, and while there had been moments of doubt and jealousy, things had ended up working out and settling into a relationship that was both warm and comfortable for all of them. Drew and Finn had been careful to move at Joe’s pace, but they’d never made him feel that they were impatient with his naturally cautious approach to things, and the result, he thought, had been worth the wait.
The biggest change, however, had been when Herc had approached the three of them about leaving field work behind and starting up a branch of Hercules Security in New Orleans. With the enormous numbers of tourists and conventioneers that rolled into town on a regular basis, as well as the work available in the rest of the southeastern states, having a satellite office to coordinate things with the main office in Raleigh was not only logical, it had become necessary. It hadn’t taken much to convince them to do it, either. Drew and Joe were more than ready to leave field work behind to handle administration, and Finn’s caretaker tendencies and charm made him a natural to handle clients and agents alike. So they’d left Raleigh behind, and with the money of the three of them pooled together, they had been able to afford to build a house on a lovely piece of land outside the city, surrounded with live oaks dripping with Spanish moss. Everything about the house was scaled for three large men, including a huge bathtub and shower in the master bedroom, and a custom-made bed that would hold all three of them. There were also separate, smaller bedrooms, so that they each had their own space and privacy when needed. They’d gone to settlement that very morning, the house being in all their names, and afterward Finn and Drew had gone into the office to deal with business while Joe had come home to finish the last of the unpacking and make dinner. He’d also had an errand to run, though he hadn’t mentioned that to the others—it was a surprise that he hoped they would welcome.
The front door opened, and the sound of Drew’s deep voice followed by Finn’s hearty laughter drifted down the hall, punctuated by their footsteps on the hardwood floor.
“Honey, we’re home!” Finn called out.
“Something smells awful good,” Drew added.
“Come on back to the kitchen!” Joe called out as he picked up a towel to wipe his hands. He couldn’t help the wide smile that curved his lips, and his heartbeat sped up in anticipation.
“Dinner’s almost ready!”
“What about dessert?” Finn asked as he entered the kitchen and made a beeline for Joe. “Got anything hot and sweet for us?” He grinned playfully and slid his arms around Joe’s waist.
Joe enveloped Finn in a bear hug. “That’s second dessert.” He kissed Finn’s smiling lips, then lifted his head to leer at Drew. “First dessert is chocolate.”
Drew came up behind and sandwiched Joe between the two of them, stretching out his arms so he could reach Finn as well as Joe in the embrace. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tempted to skip straight to second dessert,” he said, nuzzling the back of Joe’s neck.
With a happy hum, Joe leaned into the nuzzling. He’d quickly come to enjoy being in the middle of Finn and Drew, to feel himself enveloped in their warmth and strength. There had been more than one night when he’d come back from therapy completely raw and aching, and the two of them hadn’t hesitated to sandwich him in a supportive, comforting embrace.
“I could be persuaded, since the food can wait.” He raised a brow at Finn. “What’s your vote?”
“You know what they say. Life’s short. Eat dessert first.” Finn leaned in and nibbled Joe’s earlobe.
Chuckling, Joe s
lid his hands down to Finn’s ass and squeezed it. “All right! Second dessert first, since we do have something to celebrate. Maybe a couple of somethings, actually.”
Finn wriggled happily against Joe’s hands. “New house… and what else?”
Joe turned to look over his shoulder at Drew. “Why don’t we adjourn to the bedroom? I have something to ask you both.”
Drew’s eyebrows climbed almost to his hairline, but he didn’t ask any questions, only nodded. “Sure, let’s go.”
“Nothing’s wrong, is it?” Finn asked, a flash of concern in his eyes.
“No, not at all!” Joe hastened to reassure Finn, smiling and shaking his head. “It’s a surprise.” He glanced back at Drew again. “One I hope you both will like.”
“If it involves you and the bedroom, I’m sure we will.” Drew’s answering smile was wicked, and he rocked his hips against Joe’s ass.
“Definitely,” Finn said, relief suffusing his expression.
Laughing, Joe pressed back against Drew’s crotch, wriggled, and then released Finn. “Okay, let’s head to the bedroom.”
Once they were in the big master suite, Joe directed Finn and Drew to sit down on the bed. He crossed to the dresser and picked up a long, flat black box. Holding his breath, he took his place between the two of them. His heart hammered in anticipation, but he thought—hoped—that this was something they would both be happy about.
“Since we’ve started a new life here together, I wanted to do something to begin it in a special way.” He looked at Finn, gazing into his familiar, beloved green eyes. “I love you, Finn. You’re my first love, my joy, and my light. You know that, don’t you?”
“Yeah, I know, you big smooshball,” Finn said, but his eyes were warm with affection, and he slid his arm around Joe’s waist and squeezed him tight.
“Good.” Joe leaned in to kiss Finn on the forehead. “I wanted to make sure.” He turned his gaze to Drew, taking a moment to admire the strength he always saw in Drew, the steady, unwavering support. “Drew, it’s probably taken me far too long to say this, but I love you, too. I was a jealous idiot for far too long, and you have the patience of a saint. I fell in love with your determination, your compassion, your commitment. You’ve become my rock, my shelter, and my source of strength when my own seems lost. Thank you.”
