“I want to hang out with you. I’ve been here before.”
“Really, it’s no big deal. I’d feel bad if you didn’t swim just because of me. Seriously, swim.”
“Really, I want to hang out with you.”
I could sense that I was protesting too much and I didn’t want to come across as “difficult.” I looked at Alex, then at the water. I wanted to be that carefree girl who jumps in without a thought of her clothes, her hair or her bra showing through, who just swims around enjoying the moment and not worrying about what happens next or what other people thought. I knew I wasn’t that girl, but part of me wished that I was.
“Why don’t we just go down to the edge?” I suggested, walking forward and slightly tugging at Alex’s hand.
I got the impression that swimming was probably not encouraged (there were no park rangers or official employees around to help should something terrible happen). I jumped from rock to rock to make my way to the edge. It wasn’t easy, especially since I was trying not to step on the muddy grass and ruin my new flip-flops. I stopped on a large, black rock near the surface of the pool and Alex halted on the one behind me. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck.
“Mariana, come on! You have to come in!” Lilly shouted as she splashed in the water. It was only waist high where she was standing, but the spray off the falls had soaked her white tank top straight through. She was leaving very little to the imagination.
“¡Ay, que pecho bonito!” yelled Javier as he stared at Lilly’s breasts.
It seemed to be the American equivalent of “Hey, nice rack!” but Lilly smiled in response. She was happy with the compliment, and I would have been too. No one had ever commented on my boobs. But I guess I had to grow them first.
“Mariana, get in here!” Vince yelled as he dipped his head back in the water and began to float with his toes pointed up.
It was one of Vince’s true talents. He could float better than anyone I had ever seen, straight as a board.Whenever I attempted it, my arms flapped wildly under the water, my butt dropped, and my toes barely broke the surface. It took every ounce of strength in my abdomen not to sink, and I thought floating was supposed to be easy.
“Really, I don’t want to,” I replied, shaking my head.
I wasn’t staying out of the water for attention, though it probably looked that way. I really didn’t want to get wet. I was the type of girl who sat on the beach all day without venturing into the ocean. I just wasn’t a big swimmer, unless the water was chlorinated.
“We’re on vacation!” Vince yelled, splashing water from where he stood. Thankfully, the distance prevented the drops from hitting me. “Live a little!”
“Seriously, I just don’t want to. I like it here. It’s pretty.” I waved my hands at the scenery around me.
Just then, Javier lost his balance on an algae-covered rock and his leg jutted out from under him. His arms flapped as he caught himself, and I could see the rocks were slimy and green. Lilly, however, was maneuvering well. She slowly inched her way toward me with the look of a football player about to toss the cheerleader into the pool.
“Lilly, don’t!” I ordered when she got within a few feet. “I really don’t want to get wet.”
“It’s fun! Trust me!” she shouted, inching closer.
Alex tightened his grip on my hand as if to reassure me that he’d protect me from the attack. I turned my head and smiled.
“Lilly, I believe you. I just don’t feel like being wet and cold the rest of the day,” I said as I swiveled back to face her.
“It’s Puerto Rico! It’s, like, ninety degrees.You can’t possibly be cold!”
She shot out her hand and I instinctively lifted my foot to move away. As I tried to shift my weight, I felt my other leg give. My flip-flop slipped on the edge of the rock and my entire body jerked hard toward the surface of the water. I felt a sharp ache as muscles I didn’t know I had clenched to try to stabilize me. I knew I was going to fall—like a driver suddenly realizing it was too late to stop the accident about to happen. I closed my eyes, preparing myself for what was about to hit: water, rocks, algae.
And then, unexpectedly, I felt a strong pull on my arm, my waist, and my shoulders.
I opened my eyes and saw Alex bent over me—one arm wrapped tightly around my back and the other cradling my head in a dip that was almost elegant. Before I could react, he lowered his mouth and kissed me. I didn’t see it coming—my first kiss.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let the weight of my body fall into his arms. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. Did I keep my lips closed so I wouldn’t look easy? Or was I supposed to make goldfish lips like actors in the movies? Could he tell I hadn’t done this before?
My mind raced until I felt a flick of his tongue. I could taste him, but not in a way I could describe. Not like pizza or toothpaste or coffee. It was just his natural taste. Prior to this I thought sharing someone’s drink was gross, but now I had someone else’s saliva dripping in my mouth. And I wondered if I was supposed to be thinking about this, or about anything at all, and whether it was making my kissing worse.
I felt his fingers dig into my hair. He tugged gently at the locks above my neck, and of everything I was feeling, that gesture felt the best. His hand in my hair. It made me feel pretty.
Slowly, we pulled apart and he looked at me from inches away. We had been this close before, on the dance floor, but it had been dark. He couldn’t really see me. Now the air was full of sunshine and every freckle, every imperfection, was visible. I felt a desire to pull away, but I didn’t have to. He gradually stood up, his arm guiding me out of the dip. When we were standing upright on the rock again, face-to-face, no longer kissing and with no imminent threat of falling, that’s when I remembered we weren’t alone. That’s when I heard them screaming.
“Woo hoo!” yelled Javier.
“Dude, that’s my sister! That’s disgusting! Stop, please! Ugh!” groaned Vince as he pretended to gag.
Lilly didn’t say anything. When I looked at her, she smiled. She was happy for me. I was happy for me.
Chapter 37
He wasn’t my boyfriend. How could he be? I’d be leaving for Spring Mills in a few weeks. But at the same time, I didn’t think it was a fling, either. Our attraction wasn’t fleeting, or momentary, or a mistake, or superficial. I didn’t know what we were. But I saw him almost every day for ten days straight.
The day after El Yunque, he stopped by the hotel. Lilly was still stripping beds and I didn’t have any guests to check in, so Alex and I took a walk. We held hands as we strolled through the campus of UPR. It still amazed me that this was a university. The buildings were pink, canary yellow, and tangerine, and the grounds were lush, green and trimmed with exotic flowers. All the college campuses I’d seen back home were dark, historic stone facades lined with oak trees—and they in no way resembled a vacation resort.
We stopped at a bench and before Alex even settled onto the wooden slats, he reached over and touched my face. Maybe it was because I was more prepared—or maybe because I had a kiss’s-worth of experience under my belt—but when his lips touched mine, I felt chills tickle my skin. He was warm and familiar. It was perfect.
I opened my eyes and realized we were still in the center of campus. Any number of people passing might have known him or his family. I would have been mortified to kiss anyone in such a public arena in Spring Mills, and the fact that he wasn’t embarrassed made me feel special. He wasn’t hiding me from anyone.
We walked back to the hotel. Lilly and Vince had already left for lunch without me. I didn’t expect them to wait, but their absence still made me feel unwanted. It was like finding out all your friends went to a movie without you because they thought you were sick. Even if you were, you still wanted the invitation. And when Alex left for work (he was a cashier at a local bookstore), I ate lunch in the hotel bar, alone.
After that, Alex stopped by the house to see me almost every eve
ning. He, Lilly, Vince and I would lounge on the porch, listening to the frogs.We’d talk about everything—from what we wanted to be when we grew up to why women’s clothing designers sold pants in “long” but not shirts.
The one night Alex couldn’t make it, because he had to work late, he actually called to apologize. Since I’d been in Utuado, the only other person I’d spoken to on the phone was my mother. She called every other day, mostly to make sure I didn’t hate her for shipping me off. I briefly told her about a boy named “Alex,” but didn’t hint that he was more than an “amigo,” even though he was. My new extended family had taken to calling him “mi novio,” despite my protest.
Alex was coming to dinner. My Uncle Miguel had extended the invitation despite my panicked attempts to explain the delicate complexities of “talking” versus “seeing each other” versus “going out.” Either I didn’t possess the sufficient Spanish language skills or he didn’t possess the sufficient pop culture know-how to comprehend the situation.
The dinner was going to happen.
I convinced myself that it wasn’t a big deal. Vince, Lilly, her parents, my aunt and uncle, Alonzo, José and I would all share some food with Alex. Big whoop.
But when Lilly and I pulled up in front of the house, after two hours of work at the hotel, a raging party was in full swing.
“What’s with all the people?” I whispered to Lilly, assuming that there was a holiday, birthday, or some celebration no one remembered to tell me about.
“They’re here for you,” she grunted, as we walked across the lawn.
“For me? Didn’t I already meet everyone?” I muttered as I saw the dozens of figures inside moving to the booming salsa beats.
“They’re here to meet you and your boyfriend.” She snorted.
“What? He’s not my boyfriend!”
“Whatever. It’s an excuse to throw a party, not that they really need one,” she said, shaking her head.
We stepped inside the house and Lilly immediately disappeared into the crowd. I hadn’t seen any of these relatives since Lilly’s Quinceañera. I hated that feeling of being surrounded by strangers in a place you shouldn’t feel strange—like when the only person you know at a party is the birthday girl. I didn’t even have Vince to keep me company. He was still back at the hotel downing beers with Uncle Miguel, which seemed rather inappropriate given that my Aunt Carmen had clearly spent the day slaving in the kitchen.
I had stepped two feet into the house when a crowd of women engrossed me. Distant aunts and cousins, whose names I couldn’t remember, rattled off a million questions in Spanish—of which I could comprehend about every other word. I tried to explain that the boy coming was Alex, Lilly’s friend, and that he was not my boyfriend but that I liked him more than a friend. They burst into laughter at my explanation like I was some cutesy girl playing hard to get. I continued professing, in a voice like a concertgoer shouting over the crowd, that he was a nice guy and I really liked him but we weren’t technically boyfriend and girlfriend, until the room suddenly fell silent. Everyone stopped speaking simultaneously and my lungs clenched.
“Buenas tardes,” Alex said, from somewhere behind me.
I didn’t turn around. I considered slowly slithering into my bedroom so I could pretend like what he’d overheard was a figment of his imagination. But my relatives parted like a well-rehearsed marching band and I heard Alex’s footsteps halt at my back.
“Hola, Mariana.”
“Hey,” I said sheepishly as I turned around.
Chapter 38
Just like when we’d first arrived, the seats at the dining table were reserved for the guests of honor. I was seated in my usual high-back wooden chair with the yellow cushion, with Alex on one side and Vince on the other (he and my uncle got back from the bar about five minutes before dinner, with alcohol radiating from their pores). Lilly was seated across from me, flanked with her parents on one side and her grandparents on the other.
Everyone else ate either with their plate poised on their lap or seated at the kitchen table. From the way people kept approaching Alex and me, one could have thought we were the bride and groom at our wedding reception. The whole soirée seemed like a lot of trouble for nothing. My aunt had cooked enough food to feed half the island and before dinner had started, a group of relatives pushed back the furniture in the living room, turning the area into an impromptu dance floor. Now, with drinks in hand, they swiveled their hips and shuffled their feet like they were in the Quinceañera tent. That was something I would never, ever, see in my parents’ house; my mom would be too worried about damaging her hardwood floors.
“Mariana, this is the most I’ve ever seen you eat,” Vince whispered.
My plate was filled with Spanish rice, chicken and sweet plantains, and I had a bowl of asopao. There was an entire pig on the table that I refused to look at, which my aunt and uncle found hysterical. I had nothing against eating meat, but seeing the “meat” in its animal form was a bit much. It was like picking a lobster out of a tank. It was one thing to have a lobster tail placed before you—it was dead already, you couldn’t stop that—but it was quite another to be responsible for ordering the murder of that specific lobster.
“Does this mean that Mom won’t have to force you to eat roast beef when we get home?” Vince teased, raising his eyebrows.
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“You’re not a big eater?” Alex asked.
“I eat enough.”
“Oh, please! My grandmother’s been making you a plain chicken breast almost every night since you got here!” Lilly mocked from across the table.
“That’s not entirely true,” I mumbled. I had begun to expand my taste buds in recent days. “I ate at your Quinceañera.”
“Yeah, one night,” Lilly huffed. “Other than that, you complain about how the food’s so different here. Because back in Spring Mills . . .” Lilly mimicked in a high-pitched tone, mocking my voice.
“I don’t sound like that.”
“Sure you do,” said Vince, joining the fun.
“Whatever, Vi-cen-tay,” I snipped.
“Yup, that’s my name.”
“Please, you’re such a poser.”
“I am not! Just because I like it here—”
“I like it here!” I interjected.
It was the first time I had said it out loud. Sometime during the past few weeks, my mood had changed. Sure, I wasn’t about to give up my cell phone, my queen-size bed or my unlimited spending cash any time soon, but even without all that stuff, this life had begun to fit. I now could see myself here, with these people, in this culture—in my culture.
“Sure you like it here now.” Vince stared directly at Alex as he said that.
“Don’t start,Vince,” I spat under my breath.
Vince and I fought all the time. It wasn’t something I was ashamed of, but it also wasn’t something I wanted to share with a guy I was still trying to impress. If I threw verbal jabs at my brother, Alex could think I was mean or immature.
“Sorry about that,” I whispered to Alex.
“It’s okay, I fight with my sisters, too,” he replied, as he lifted a plantain to his mouth.
“You have sisters?”
“Three of them, all younger.”
“Wow, that’s gotta make the bathroom situation interesting.”
Alex chuckled. “Well, my dad and I are outnumbered. We’re lucky if we can pee in the morning.” His dimples flashed as he took another bite of his food. “So how much longer are you gonna be here?”
“Three and a half weeks.”
“You must miss home,” he said plainly.
“I do, but I’m getting used to it here,” I answered, my eyes smiling.
“Yeah right!” Lilly shouted.“I seem to remember you being a mess not that long ago because you missed your friend’s party.”
“She has a point,”Vince added.
I was getting the distinct impression that Lilly was a
ngry with me. It’s not like she was shooting me snotty looks or cursing me out. It was more like up until dinner she was utterly avoiding me. Even after Alex arrived, she didn’t talk to either of us. And since we’d started eating, she had done nothing but subtly attack the tiniest comments I made. She was undermining me in a way that only a girl could, in a way Emily or Madison would, only I couldn’t figure out what I’d done to upset her.
“Lilly, of course I’m homesick. I’ve never been this far from home before.”
“That’s understandable.” Alex reached his hand under the table and squeezed my thigh. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I saw Lilly’s gaze instantly follow to where Alex’s hand was concealed. She rolled her eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders as if to ask, “What?” But she ignored me.
“If I moved to the East Coast, I’m sure I’d miss home too,” Alex said.
“Do you wanna move?” I asked, slightly shocked
I couldn’t comprehend how people had the strength to move so far away. If my parents moved from Philly to Jersey, I’d throw a fit. But my dad had done it and so did a lot of Alex’s relatives, so I guess the idea didn’t seem that foreign to him.
“I’ve thought about going to college there after I graduate next year. My goal is to be the first in my family to get a degree.”
“My dad was the first in our family to go to college. Well, actually his brothers went to college first, but he was still the first generation.”
“It’s weird that your dad grew up here, and now here you are. You’re so different. Not in a bad way, but for being only one generation removed, you’re very . . . American.” He looked at his plate as he said that.
He was right. And I had thought about it a lot since I’d come to Puerto Rico. This is where my dad was from—this exotic, tropical, Spanish-speaking mountain town. And now he’s a suit-wearing corporate executive in a major U.S. city living in a fancy suburb and speaking without a hint of an accent. I wondered if he missed home, or if he’d stopped considering this his home a long time ago. If I left Spring Mills, would I eventually stop feeling connected to it? That was hard to imagine, but so was spending the rest of my life speaking a different language. My dad did it. And because he did, I am who I am. My grandparents’ decision to take that leap across the ocean to seek a better life radically changed the future for the rest of us. If they had made a different choice, a safer choice, I wouldn’t be here or, at the very least, I wouldn’t be who I am. I could be Lilly, or some variation of her, in some alternate reality where I called Utuado my home.
Amor and Summer Secrets Page 17
