“I always trusted you,” I assured her. “It was never about that.”
She squeezed me briefly before stepping back. “Welp, my man’s right. Let’s lighten things up a bit. Where’re we eatin’? I’m starved.” She winked at me.
I could have kissed her for taking some of the heat off me.
Not half an hour later, we sat in the back room at Giovanni’s. Dwayne nearly had a heart attack when we’d all paraded in.
“If I’d known you had access to so many beautiful men, I would have camped out at your place!” he exclaimed after we were settled.
I gave him what I knew was a stiff smile. Even Dwayne couldn’t break my worried mood. I wanted to demand an explanation of what would happen next. What did there being here mean?
“Let’s order,” I suggested instead, handing Mad a plastic spoon to chew on while we waited.
“How is it that you’re so thin having a six-month-old?” Scarlet accused with a smile as she scooped out some baby food for Gracie.
“I can feed her, babe,” Cole offered, taking the jar from her and delivering a swift kiss on his wife’s cheek.
“She’s probably too busy to eat,” Connie put in, throwing me a wink.
I shrugged and offered her a shy smile, trying to ignore the tension I noticed in Axel’s posture at Connie’s flippant remark.
Cole shot me an appraising look, his expression guarded and I knew I was far from being out of hot water with him. I didn’t know Cole well, but as Vice President of the Knights’ MC, I knew he was not a man you messed with. He was also kind and the most devoted husband and father I’d ever seen. My gaze swung to Sal, sitting at the other end of the table, the anger rolling off him as Kat spoke in his ear. I knew she was trying to calm him down. He hadn’t said a word to me or to Axel since we’d left the apartment.
My stomach ached knowing I’d caused all this hurt, all this anger. I couldn’t eat a bite of my delicious-looking meal when it came. I was so overcome with worry that I felt sick. “Would you mind feeding Maddox for a few minutes?” I asked Axel who sat to my right.
“Yeah, you all right?” he asked, his tone concerned but distant.
I nodded and scooted my chair back, beelining for the bathroom as the tears escaped their prison and fell in an unrelenting onslaught.
I sobbed as quietly as possible in the bathroom, trying unsuccessfully to pull myself together, wiping my face and taking breath after breath, each as shaky as the last.
When a swift knock sounded followed by the door swinging open, I looked up in surprise as Sal strode in.
“You hate me,” I rasped in despair and he surprised me by pulling me into a hug, holding the back of my head as I sobbed into his chest.
“I don’t hate you, Soph. I’m just pissed you kept all this from me. Why?” he demanded, his chin resting on my head.
I hiccupped and wiped my eyes. “I didn’t tell you about Axel because you were so adverse to him spending time with me at all. I wanted to figure out what was between us, if anything, before I told you about him or the baby,” I explained. It was a weak excuse but it was the truth. “I always intended to tell you. I thought I had time. It was never my intention to leave Hawthorne. Regardless of what happened with Axel, I was planning to stay if you’d have me.” I saw his expression soften some and knew he believed me. “Please don’t be mad at Axel. He never wronged me. He just didn’t want me.” I shook my head.
He sighed in resignation. “I don’t think that’s true, Soph. I’ve known for a long time there was something between you two. It was obvious to everyone. I just had no idea you had any type of history.”
“I wouldn’t call it history,” I muttered. “More like one night he regretted.”
Sal pulled me away from him. “That’s between you and him. But based on how he’s been since you left, I don’t think that’s true either. He and I will work our shit out,” he replied tensely. “Don’t worry about that. As long as he does right by you and my nephew, we’ll be straight. What I want to know is why you left and I want to know right now.”
Sal never did beat around the bush.
“I’m afraid of what you’ll do,” I admitted, looking off to the side.
“You should be,” he replied without hesitation.
“Not helping,” I muttered.
The bathroom door swung open followed by a girl who gasped in surprise at seeing us in there. “Sorry,” I apologized hurriedly. “We were just leaving. It’s all yours,” I told her, pushing through the door with Sal at my heels.
“Soph, you’re not getting out of this,” he warned.
I sighed. “I know but can we not have this conversation in a bathroom?”
He looked down at me and nodded once, throwing an arm over my shoulder as we walked back out to our table. I could have cried again with relief at knowing even though I still had a long road ahead with Sal, we’d be okay. He’d forgive me. Eventually.
He wasn’t the one I was really worried about.
Axel took in my expression when I returned to my seat. “Okay?” he asked gruffly.
I nodded simply and offered him a wan smile.
After dinner, everyone went back to their hotel rooms except for Sal and Kat who came back to my apartment. Kat was helping me put Maddox to bed while Axel and Sal exchanged words in the parking lot. Well, I hoped it was just words anyway.
I’d moved Mad’s small crib into my room for the night so we could sit in the living room and talk. The very idea of that talk was giving me yet another stomachache.
“He’s so beautiful, Soph,” she smiled as she cradled my son in her arms.
“Thanks,” I grinned, my heart swelling with being able to share him with the people I loved.
“He and Gracie, and our little peanut, will all be so close in age,” she smiled fondly, rubbing her belly.
Tears filled my eyes as my heart twisted. My emotions warred with wanting my son to grow up around so many people who loved him and not being willing to put those I loved at risk.
“We’re gonna figure it out, Soph,” Kat soothed, observing my internal turmoil.
I bit my lip, hoping desperately she was right as I placed Mad in his crib.
Kat and I were getting situated on the couch when the guys returned, both looking unscathed, thank God.
Axel dipped into the fridge, pulling out three beers for Sal, himself and me. I wasn’t sure where they’d come from, but I took mine gratefully.
I saw him scan the room. “I put Maddox in my room,” I explained.
“You moved the crib by yourself?” He seemed affronted.
“It’s small,” I shrugged. I was so used to doing everything by myself it hadn’t even occurred to me to ask for his help.
“How have you done this by yourself?” Kat marveled, picking up on my line of thinking.
I shrugged, embarrassed at the attention as they looked to me. “I had some cash I’d taken out of my trust fund before it got cut off. That got me through until I could start working,” I explained softly.
“Your trust fund got cut off?” Sal demanded, looking angry and perplexed. “I don’t see how they could do that, Soph. Wasn’t that trust set up for you by Pop?” he asked, referring to our grandfather.
I nodded. “I don’t understand it either, but when Mom and Dad found out I was pregnant, they threatened to cut if off if I didn’t follow their orders.”
“Which were?” Sal pressed.
I looked over at Axel finding his expression grim as he waited for me to continue.
“They wanted me to get rid of ‘it’” as they said. They were horrified I’d sullied my ‘pristine’ reputation. They said no one would want me,” I murmured, looking down at my hands. “They already had me virtually married off to some senator’s son. I’d never even met him.” I laughed without humor. “So I took as much cash as I could from my fund and I was on the first bus to Hawthorne,” I explained.
“Fuck,” Axel clipped, his head in his hands. “How
could you not have told me?”
“I needed to know where we stood first,” I explained quietly. “If I told you about the baby right away, I know you would have done the right thing. That might have included being with me and I didn’t want to always wonder if you were with me out of obligation. So I decided to wait.”
Out of everything I’d done, I knew that was the most selfish but I just couldn’t stand the thought that I’d always wonder if he really wanted me. I didn’t want my child to grow up with two parents in a loveless relationship. I’d grown up with it and I wouldn’t make my child do the same.
I sipped my drink and pushed on, ready to get it all out. “When it seemed like there wasn’t going to be anything between us, I knew I had to tell you. It was so hard. I kept wimping out.” I wrinkled my nose and pushed on despite Axel’s growl. “But I knew I’d start to show soon and every day I told myself it would be the day. I’m sorry. I waited too long.”
“You were planning to stay?” he asked, seeming surprised.
I nodded. “If you wanted to be in the baby’s life, I wanted him to have both parents, despite what our circumstances might be.”
“Why did you leave?” Axel demanded.
I rubbed my temple. “My parents were incensed that I’d left. That I’d run to Sal. I think they thought cutting off my trust fund would bring me straight home. They were horrified I’d let my child be raised by ‘low-lives.’ When nothing they’d said after a month was working to get me home, they turned to threats,” I whispered as every set of eyes in the room narrowed.
“The hang-ups?” Axel demanded. He’d been with me a few times when my father had tried to reach me.
“He only hung up when you answered. Every other time, he had plenty to say,” I assured him dryly.
I sighed, knowing I needed to continue but I was wrung out. In one sense, it was liberating to get it all out but it was exhausting at the same time.
“When he called that last time,” I swallowed against the sudden lump in my throat, “he had information on the club. He swore he could send every single member to prison.” I pushed past the sudden, overwhelming tension in the room. “He knew your grandmother was in a nursing home,” I rasped, turning my eyes to Axel. “He said he could cut off funding immediately.”
I looked down at my hands, my knuckles white around the bottle I held.
“He told me if I stayed, he’d make sure my child’s father rotted in jail. That if I went through with it and had the baby, that they’d t-take him from me.” Tears fell in earnest as I continued. “I never knew he could be so evil.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “So I told him I’d leave town and that I’d get rid of the baby if he’d leave everyone alone. The night I left, I bought a new phone, used a different last name and tried not to look back.” I expelled a breath, leaning back against the couch cushions, relieved to have it out.
“Fuck, Sophie,” Sal grunted, at a loss for words.
“I believed him, Sal. I still do. You guys should go back to Hawthorne and pretend you never saw me.”
“Like hell,” Axel growled, rising to pace the room. “First of all, I doubt he has jack shit on any of us,” he bit out. “We run the club clean, except when we don’t, and if any motherfucker I’ve jacked up has something to say, then it’s their fucking funeral,” he growled. “As for my gran; he cuts off funding, the club will pay for it. I don’t give a fuck. What I care about is that your parents are twisted enough to pull this kind of shit. I want you back in Hawthorne where I can take care of you. I don’t like that you’ve been alone this whole time. I want you with us where nothing can touch you or Maddox,” he decreed. “No one threatens my family.”
I felt my eyes widen at the ‘his family’ part.
“He’s right, Soph,” Sal spoke up as Kat put a steadying hand on his back. She was always so good in these situations. So calming for my brother. “I understand why they scared you. But even if they had anything, I’m going to dig up enough shit to bury them both.” His eyes glowed with emotion as he spoke. He put a hand on my knee and squeezed briefly. “Come home. You belong with us.”
Tears once again filled my eyes. Could that really be true? Could we really go back?
“I’m so sorry, for everything,” my voice cracked.
“You were trying to protect us and Maddox. I get it,” Sal replied. “But, Soph, no more lies. No more secrets, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I sighed.
“All right, we gotta jet. Kat’s tired,” he spoke up, and for the first time, I noticed she looked exhausted.
I smiled at her sympathetically, remembering those days well.
“We’re flying out tomorrow. Let’s get with Cole in the morning before we leave.” Sal shot a look at Axel.
“Right,” Axel agreed.
“It’s gonna be okay, Soph,” Kat whispered in my ear, giving me a reassuring squeeze. “Love you, sis.”
“Me, too.” I squeezed her back.
Then they were gone, and I was left alone with Axel.
“I’m kind of talked out,” I warned when I got a look at his pensive expression.
“There’s just one thing I need to get straight,” he replied, sitting close to me on the couch.
Great. I had a feeling I wasn’t going to like that ‘one thing’ whatever it was.
“When you said you didn’t think there was going to be a you and me, what the fuck did that mean?” he demanded.
Exasperated, I sighed, “Axel, what else would I have thought? We slept together and you were freaked.” I winced at the memory.
“You should have told me it was your first time!” he growled. “Christ, Soph, you deserved so much better than me. You’re so innocent and sweet and you’re my buddy’s sister. I had no business going there. None.” He shook his head.
“Yeah, well, you did,” I grumbled.
“You think I forgot? That night, it’s been with me ever since. I can still smell you. Still feel the softness of your skin. I can still taste you.” His eyes turned dark as they swept my face.
Heat blazed across my cheeks as I forced myself to stay calm, outwardly at least.
“Then why? Why didn’t you want me when I came to Hawthorne?” I demanded heatedly.
“Not want you? Fuck, I’ve never wanted anyone more. But I still thought you deserved better. You’re younger than me, Soph, and on top of that, you were so damn sheltered. No matter how much I fucking wanted you,” he emphasized his words as his eyes lit. “I wasn’t sure I could be good for you. You’re Sal’s only family. He loves you. I knew I couldn’t just fuck around with you, so I acted like an ass.” He admitted. “But when you disappeared, I was haunted by it, Sophie. Haunted.” His voice grew hoarse with his declaration. “I knew I may not deserve you, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re mine. That’s why I came here. I came for you. The second Henry found you, I was on the first flight out. Maddox is just a big, unexpected bonus.” He looked over at me, his eyes shining with sincerity.
Well, hell, that just about rocked my world. But I couldn’t trust it – not yet.
Overwhelmed, I replied quietly, “This is all just so much to take in. I’m still so worried, and things with you and me…they were always so confusing,” I sighed.
“I get it. You’ll see it with time.” He shrugged as though this were a fact not to be disputed. “And during that time, you and Mad are gonna be under my roof.”
“Uh, what?”
“We’re on a flight day after tomorrow. We can have your shit shipped out. Anything you need in the interim, I’ll buy you. We’ve wasted too much time. Mad needs me and whether or not you know it yet, so do you.”
Apparently, we’d moved into full Alpha territory with a capital A embossed in bright red letters.
“I have a job here!” I huffed. “An apartment. Jill!” I shook my head, rising from the couch to glare down at him. “I can’t just abandon my responsibilities and leave.” I pointed an accusing finger at him. “I’m not that same scare
d girl you knew. I spent my life under my parents’ thumb, and for the past year, I’ve called the shots. I’ve been in charge of my own destiny,” I shot out. “I’m not going to start taking orders.”
“I hear you, baby,” he allowed with a nod, watching as I stood over him with my hands on my hips, trying hard to not let the endearment turn me to mush. “Judging by all that finger pointin’, this is a sore subject,” he noted wryly. “But if your parents weren’t still pulling the strings, you wouldn’t be here in the first place.”
Oh, hell, he was right. Dammit!
“The way I see it, the way to be free of them is to live the life you wanted all along and I’ll be damned if that’s not with me.”
“I have to go to bed,” I blurted. I was in no form to go toe-to-toe with him, though I doubted a little sleep would change that much.
He chuckled, his mood lightening. “All right, baby. I’ll help you get packed up in the morning.” He shrugged as though the subject was closed.
I groaned in frustration at his assumption that he’d win this argument, and stomped off to bed.
Chapter 5
“You’re quiet,” Axel observed as we began our descent into Reno. He’d held Maddox for nearly the entire flight, leaving me my space to gaze out the window and hope like hell I was doing the right thing.
The decision to leave Texas hadn’t been as easy as I would have imagined. Though I never loved the place, I’d created a life there, albeit an isolated one, and it had been Maddox’s only home.
Plus I was downright terrified my parents would carry out their threats, despite Axel’s constant reassurances.
Leaving Jill had been the hardest. She was my closest girlfriend and I owed her so much. The guilt was eating at me. I kept thinking about having to say goodbye to her.
“Your life has been on hold,” she said firmly as we’d both wiped our eyes when I’d taken Mad over to say goodbye. “I’ve always seen that in you. It’s time to start living.”
I nodded and squeezed her hard.
“When that man is in the room, your eyes light up like I’ve never seen,” she grinned. “I see good things.” She gave me an assuring wink.
Axel (Ride Series Book 3) Page 4
