“Ma,” he sighed in exasperation, all while stroking her hair back from her forehead with a tenderness that made my heart hurt.
Then with a sudden groan, she leaned over and threw up all over the side of the bed missing Axel’s boots by inches as he jerked back.
“Fuck,” he muttered, looking up to the ceiling as though searching for divine intervention. His lack of surprise made it clear this wasn’t the first time this had happened.
“I drank too much,” his mother groaned.
“Ya think?” Axel grumbled, seeming unclear where to start with the mess.
I darted from the room on a mission. I found the bathroom, a washcloth and a glass of water.
When I returned, I moved to the side of the bed that didn’t have fresh vomit on it and sat carefully on its edge. I wiped her slack mouth with the washcloth and tried to coax her up to drink some water.
“Did I throw up on you?” she asked, seeming genuinely concerned.
“No,” I replied quietly with a small shake of my head.
She threw her head back and sighed. “That’s good.”
I looked over to Axel who still hadn’t looked me in the eye.
“I’ll get a trash can,” I murmured rising from my seat on the bed.
He grabbed hold of my arm as I moved to pass him. “You are not cleaning up my ma’s puke. Go outside and sit your ass on the bike,” he growled.
I looked at his grip on my arm and then up to his eyes that were filled with too many emotions to name. But I recognized one, shame. I wasn’t about to let him feel embarrassed about this. Not with me.
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” I replied quietly. “I know something about having parents you’re not proud of,” I murmured, looking over at his mother who was now completely passed out, with her mouth hanging open. “I’m going to help you get this cleaned up. I know you’d do the same for me,” I added with conviction.
He looked at me intently for a few moments before he swallowed audibly. “Fine,” he groused as though it pained him to give in, again.
Together, we cleaned up the room relatively quickly. Once done in the bedroom, I started on the dishes in the sink. The house wasn’t in that bad a shape given the circumstances. I had a million questions about how often she drank like this, what she’d been like when the boys were young, but I held my tongue, sensing it wasn’t the time.
“Come on, Soph, we’ve been here long enough,” he grumbled from behind me as I was drying one of the plates I’d washed.
I nodded in understanding that he’d want to get out of there. “Is she…” my voice trailed off as I looked toward the bedroom down the hall. “Will she be okay by herself?”
He snorted. “She’ll sleep it off like she always does.”
“Okay,” I replied, watching his jerky movements as he shoved his jacket on. He was well and truly pissed off.
“I’ll drop you home,” his deep voice rumbled as I followed him outside the house.
I eyed him steadily for a moment, trying not to be deterred by his curtness.
“You don’t want to eat?” I asked lightly, following his long, angry strides to his bike. It was well past lunch and I was starving. We had some time yet; Kat had texted not long ago saying Mad was down for a nap.
Aggravated, he rubbed his hand through his hair and looked off to the side, helmet in hand. “My ma always puts me in a shit mood. I should just drop you home. Take care of some shit,” he shrugged. I didn’t miss the inference that said ‘shit’ would be done alone.
He was trying to protect me like he always did, even from himself.
I snorted. “When are you not in a shit mood?” I teased. “You’re like a growling bear half the time but somehow I still love you,” I smiled before realizing what I’d said.
His demeanor shifted entirely from something foreboding to a different kind of intensity altogether. He moved into my space, his large hands cupping both sides of my face. “What did you just say?” his voice was a hoarse murmur as his thumbs traced the outline of my lips.
“You heard me,” I whispered.
“I want to hear it again,” he growled. “So I can say it back,” he added, his words making my heart pound.
“I love you,” I repeated, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“And I love you, baby,” he replied, his full lips covering mine. “You couldn’t have picked a better day to tell me that,” he said between kisses.
I pulled back slightly, looking up into his face. “I’m glad. Because you know, if anyone knows we’re not defined by who we came from, it’s me,” I assured him.
He pressed his forehead to mine. “I know. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
I nodded as he took my hand, leading me to his bike. “I’m starving. I’ll even eat Mariachi’s.” I wrinkled my nose and he chuckled.
“Shit, you must really be hungry. All right, darlin’, hop up.” He nodded with a grin that warmed me from the inside out.
I wrapped myself around him as we roared off, giving him my support by holding him close as we put his past behind us, kicking up dust as we barreled toward our future.
Chapter 13
“What’re we havin’?” Ryker asked enthusiastically, already poking through the Chinese takeout we’d picked up for a late dinner. I seriously needed to learn how to cook. We ate take out entirely too much. He’d let himself in as we were getting ready to eat. Rather than be annoyed that Ry had a key, I thought it was sort of sweet.
“We’re not having anything,” Axel retorted, tossing a bottle cap at Ryker when he’d begun rummaging.
I laughed at the brothers’ antics and got Ry a plate. “Geez, at least someone is nice to me around here,” Ry winked, dropping a swift kiss to my temple.
“I think we’re going to watch something if you want to hang out, Ry,” I offered, plopping on one of the two huge sofas that made up the living room.
“Thanks, sis, but I got plans,” he replied, stuffing a huge bite of chow Mein in his mouth.
Ryker usually had ‘plans’ and they usually involved a woman. Lots of women.
“Uh huh,” I nodded with a lifted brow.
“You got that run for Cole tomorrow, bro,” Axel reminded him gruffly.
“Yeah, yeah,” Ryker mumbled, scooping Mad up from his play mat and making a ridiculous face at him. He always had Maddox giggling.
“Say good night to Mad,” I smiled, taking Maddox out of his uncle’s arms.
“Night, bud,” Ry replied.
“Night, little man,” Axel added, coming over to move his large hand over Mad’s head and back.
I took my time putting Maddox down, giving the two brothers some time to talk. I could tell Axel had more to say and probably didn’t want to reprimand Ry in front of me.
When I headed back out to the living room, Ryker was on his way out. “Thanks for the grub.” He shot me a chin lift, his mouth still full of food.
“Have fun, Ry,” I waved.
We soon heard the boom of his bike and its resonating rumble as it took off down the road.
“He can be such a little shit,” Axel shook his head, though his tone held no anger.
I continued to eat without reply, knowing he wasn’t really expecting one.
“Mad go down okay?”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
“He might sleep a little better with a real crib in there,” he hinted.
It wasn’t the first time he’d pressed me about officially moving in. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I did. I just wanted to take my time getting there. Part of me worried that this was all too good to be true. I couldn’t really have it all…could I?
“He might,” I answered vaguely.
“What do you wanna watch?” he sighed, claiming the remote.
“Vikings?” I asked with a cocked brow, knowing that’s what he wanted. It was still the only show we could agree on.
“Sounds good,” he nodded.
“You okay?” I a
sked quietly.
He turned to look at me, seeming to consider his response for a minute. “Yeah,” he shrugged.
I continued to watch him out of the corner of my eye.
“What do you want to know?” he grumbled, running a hand over his beard.
“What do you mean?” I asked with my best innocent expression.
He snorted. “You’re practically in pain over there holding in your questions.”
I blushed at how well he could read me. “I do have a few,” I admitted cautiously. “Where’s your dad?”
“Getting right to it huh?” he chuckled darkly.
I shrugged, biting my lip.
“In jail,” Axel replied without emotion as he sipped his beer.
I tried to hide my surprise – that certainly wasn’t the answer I’d been expecting. “For what?” I asked carefully.
His eyes remained on the screen as I turned to face him, awaiting his answer. “Attempted murder,” he answered curtly.
I waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t, and I wasn’t sure how hard to push. It wasn’t just a lack of desire to share – no, this ran deeper, something akin to shame. I’d do anything to rid him of that baggage even if it meant sharing some of my own.
“My mother locked me in my room every night for a month,” I blurted before I could stop myself.
That got his attention. “What?” he demanded, muting the TV.
“She…wanted me to lose weight,” I stammered. “She started me on this insane diet. I was only in middle school.” I explained pensively, uncomfortable that he was eyeing me with such intensity. “I would creep down to the kitchen to try to sneak food after dinner. She caught me.” I shrugged, my cheeks heating. “So she locked me in my room every night after dinner until I lost the weight,” I murmured. “It was never about how smart I was or what I could make of myself.” I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “It was all about my looks. I needed to be beautiful to attract a high pedigree husband.” I snorted.
“And what did you want?” he asked, his deep voice cutting through my jumbled thoughts.
I turned to him in surprise. No one had ever asked me that. “No one’s ever asked me that,” I whispered my thought aloud.
“Well, I’m askin’,” he answered.
That right there that was why Axel was so life altering for me. From the moment I’d set eyes on him, it had been about what I wanted. He’d been the first choice I’d made that was for me alone.
“I want to teach,” I told him. “Always have. Growing up, my teachers they saved my life,” I shared as he pulled my legs into his lap.
His large hands moved up and down my legs in a rhythmic fashion that soothed me. “I’m sure you’d be great at that, babe,” his deep voice rumbled.
“Someday,” I agreed. “I graduated with a double major, economics to please my parents and education for me. It wouldn’t take long to get my credential. But now with Mad…” I trailed off. “I’m not sure when I’ll have time.”
“We’ll make time,” he assured me. “If it’s what you want,” he added.
My mouth opened and closed a few times as I struggled with what to say. It felt like my heart was full to bursting; his words meant so much to me. “Thanks, honey,” I managed, squeezing his hand.
Silence fell over us as we continued to watch the show on mute. The battle scene was reaching its climax, the drama no less intense despite the silence.
“It was my ma.” His deep voice cut through the air like a whip.
I turned to him in shock. “What?”
He nodded. “My pop, he was a bastard, the likes you’ve never seen. He drank like a fish, cheated on her with every woman who flashed her tits and gambled away every cent he earned.” He made a sound of disgust.
I sat enthralled and horrified as he finally began to share. I was afraid to even breathe too loudly for fear he’d stop.
“He hit her, hit me and Ry ‘til I got old enough to stop him.”
I nodded silently, so much coming together for me with his explanation. The violence juxtaposed with his fiercely protective nature. He’d been an enforcer all his life – protecting his brother and his mother.
“One night, I wasn’t home. Ry wasn’t big enough—” his voice was so hoarse with anger and emotion I could barely make out the words. “He knocked Ry out, nearly killed Ma.” He shook his head as though to rid himself of the nightmare. “So he’s rotting in jail. It’s the next best thing to six-feet under,” he murmured, the venom in his words louder than any sound could be.
I waited silently, wanting him to get it all out and knowing he wasn’t done.
“The thing that fuckin’ killed me,” he continued quietly as his eyes stared unseeing at the TV, “was that my ma seemed to miss the bastard.” He snorted. “She never recovered after he got locked up. She’d always been a drinker, but once he went away, it got ten times worse.” He shook his head. “Having us, having her fucking life, it wasn’t enough for her. So in the end, I lost them both, if I ever had them at all,” he admitted.
I tried hard to school my expression since I knew the last thing he wanted was my pity. Now empathy that was something I could give him – on some level at least.
“Ry was lucky to have you,” I offered quietly.
“I wish you woulda had someone to protect you,” he replied as I curled myself deeper into his body. “Did Sal know how bad things were for you?”
I shook my head. My brother had taken off as soon as he could have. I often wished he’d checked in with me more – tried to keep in better touch, but I knew he already felt horrible guilt about it.
“Why didn’t you tell him? You could have gotten out of that shit so much earlier,” he demanded, frustrated.
I put a hand to his chest, leaning away to look at him. “It was all I knew,” I defended. “I didn’t have the same ability as Sal to think bigger. He always seemed to know there was something else out there for him, something better. For me, it just took longer to realize. In the end, I’d like to think the timing was perfect since it gave me Maddox – and you.”
His expression softened as he reached a hand up to stroke my neck with his thumb. “You’re right, baby,” his deep voice rumbled.
“Mad won’t have grandparents on either side,” I whispered, the regret evident in my voice. “Does your mom even know about him?”
Axel snorted. “If she sobered up long enough to understand, I’d tell her. But no, she doesn’t. Mad won’t have grandparents.” He shrugged as though the thought didn’t faze him. “What he’ll have are two parents who love him and protect him. Far more than either of us had,” he continued as a familiar warmth spread in my belly. I’d never known the sensation until Axel came into my life.
“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling into his earnest eyes.
“We’ll give him everything he needs, plus a sibling or two,” he grinned.
My eyes widened in shock. “Uh, what?” I stammered.
“Fuck, yes,” he nodded with no hesitation. “Not only should Mad have a brother or sister, but I got robbed of seeing you pregnant the last time,” he explained, his large hand splayed on my flat belly. “I want to see you get round. I want to feel the baby kick.” His lips moved to my neck and my entire body melted. “I want to learn which parts of you are the most sensitive,” he continued, his lips moving over my skin. “I want all of it. You gonna give me that?” His tongue traced the outline of my jaw.
In that moment, I would have promised him just about anything.
“Y-yeah,” I breathed, my fingers finding purchase in his thick hair. “But not anytime soon,” I found the sanity to add.
He chuckled against my skin. “No, baby, we have our hands full. But you know what they say – practice makes perfect.”
I squealed as he hauled me up over his shoulder and strode to the bedroom.
I’d say we were pretty close to perfection already.
******
Maddox and I were at the club the
following evening while Ax and the guys met. I assumed we’d be leaving soon since it was nearly bedtime for Mad. We’d been spending a lot of time there over the past few weeks since Axel refused to ever leave us home alone. I started keeping a few key baby items there rather than dragging everything around. The sight of the Pack‘ N Play against the wall in the main room still made me giggle. To their credit, none of the guys said anything about it but rather seemed to enjoy having the kids around. Gracie was another frequent visitor.
Maddox had changed in the time we’d been in Hawthorne. Aside from just getting bigger and learning new things every day, he was much more adaptable. He was now used to sleeping in all kinds of places. He was comfortable being passed around and being cared for by many different people. I loved the change. He had a huge extended family and he seemed to be embracing it as much as I was.
I heard the rumble of a bike and soon Mack walked in. “Hey, girl.” He gave me a chin lift as he ambled toward where the guys were meeting.
I smiled and gave him a little wave, turning my attention back to Mad. It wasn’t long after that I heard the roar of what sounded like several motorcycles. I didn’t think much of it until three men appeared in the doorway with Black Riders cuts on.
My eyes widened with panic. I had absolutely nothing good to associate with that insignia. Plus, I knew Axel would have told me if this was an expected visit.
I snatched Maddox up and pressed him close to my chest. My whole body began to shake as that night with Aron and Jeb came rushing back. I was afraid to move as the three men assessed me without emotion.
Cal strode out a moment later, no doubt having heard the bikes. His blue eyes gleamed as he took in the three men in his club. His gaze then shot to me and he didn’t hesitate. “Axel!” he barked loudly. Axel appeared not a moment later, his entire posture stiffening when he saw the men who’d crossed their door. “See to your woman,” Cal instructed.
Axel’s head swung toward me as he took in my shaking frame and huge eyes. His long legs ate up the space between us. “Babe,” he began, his tone low.
Axel (Ride Series Book 3) Page 11
