After everyone left, I spent the day nesting. Mom had offered to help, but I needed to do it by myself. I took my time filling the china cabinet, hanging some art, but only my absolute favorites. While staying at my parents I had read a book about decluttering. The essence of the book was—if something doesn’t give you joy, get rid of it. That’s a little oversimplified, but you get the drift. So I’ve decided if I don’t love a piece of art or furniture, then it doesn’t belong in my home. Same goes for my clothes.
Josh brought takeout Thai food for dinner, and we ate in my living room. It was the first alone-time we’ve had since Nicole told me the truth about her cancer.
After several spicy bites, I asked, “Has Nicole said anything more to you about her prognosis?”
“Yes. She has. Just this afternoon, she told me about her talk with you.” He leaned toward me, taking my hand, absently twiddling my fingers. “Thank you, Katy. I should’ve been told what I was letting myself in for. I think she needs to tell her father to come home and....”
He let that last line hang in the air, so I finished it. “And take care of her?”
“Yes.” Josh shook his head, looking desolate. “I’m not her husband.” He dropped my hand. “God, Katy. I don’t know what to do. I care about her. Always will. But we’re divorced. I’m not the one who should be doing this.”
“Did you tell her?”
“No. How can I?” He paused, staring at the fireplace. “I owe her for what I did to our marriage.”
“Josh, I have to ask.” I pulled a deep breath while my inner voice screamed, Don’t do it! “Do you still love her?”
Josh vehemently shook his head. “No. Absolutely not.” He paused a moment and sighed. “All right, yes, but only as a friend. A good friend. God, we go way back, so how could I not? And to be honest, I feel a deep obligation to her. Maybe it’s guilt.”
I felt horrible pressing him like this, but I had to know where we stood. “When she said she was leaving you, what did you do?”
He shifted to the edge of the sofa cushion, leaning his forearms on his knees and hanging his head.
I wanted to take him in my arms and say, It’s okay, baby. Forget I asked. Instead, I moved closer, touching his arm. “You can tell me, Josh. And you need to be honest about this. For both our sakes.”
He leaned back, raking his hands through his scruffy blond hair. “I begged her not to go.”
“Because you loved her.” I took his hand, pressing it between mine, feeling like I might throw up. “It would be understandable if you’re still in love with her, you know.”
Josh looked me square in the eyes. “Katy. It took a long time, but I got over her. What I feel for her now is not that kind of love. Not like I feel for you.”
“I think I love you too, Josh,” I whispered, feeling my heart swell.
He reached for me and I shook my head, weighing my next words. “Do you think she’s still in love with you?”
“Yes. I do.” His eyes shimmered, and a tear slipped down his cheek.
That tear did me in. I love my Viking. Oh, how I did not want to say my next words. “Josh? I don’t want to say this, but I think we need to put us on hold—”
“No!” He flicked the tear away.
“Just for a little while so you can concentrate on helping Nicole get well.”
“I don’t want to take a goddamned break.” He turned away from me and groaned. “I’ve ruined everything. Again.”
“No, you haven’t, honey.” I placed my hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good man trying to do the right thing, and I get that. But right now you have enough on your plate without worrying about my feelings.”
A shroud of silence dropped over us, and I could barely breathe from the weight of it.
Finally, Josh said, “I guess it’s time for me to go. Nicole wasn’t feeling too good when I left.” He stood, bending to pick up the food cartons.
“Don’t worry about that. I’ll clean up later.”
“You sure?”
No, dammit! I’m not sure about anything. “It’s no problem. In fact, maybe I’ll have a little more wine and nibble a bit.” I was talking like a hyper cheerleader. “The food is great. Thanks for bringing it over. Oh! Do you want to take some home with you?”
“No. Nicole can’t stand the smell of food, so I better not.”
I walked Josh to the door, and we shared an awkward, lackluster kiss. I was so torn. I wanted him in my bed, and I wanted him out the door.
Chapter Thirty-Six
COINS AND CADAVERS
TUESDAY • MARCH 3
Posted by Katy McKenna
Needless to say—no sleep last night. At least I wasn’t fixated on Erin for a change. It’s funny how everything else moves to the backburner when your heart is breaking.
I have to know if Nicole is still in love with Josh. Then I’ll know what I’m dealing with instead of my imagination running amuck with all the what-ifs.
I was nursing a cup of tea on my porch swing when Josh’s sports car growled into life. I waited until he drove by, then walked to his house and knocked on the door.
Nicole called, “Who’s there?”
“It’s me. Katy. Got a minute?”
“Sure. Come on in.”
I found her resting on the living room sofa, bundled in a fuzzy blanket. A Sunset Magazine lay open on her lap.
“How’re you doing?” Oh, God. Stupid question.
“Pretty good today, although I know I look like hell.” She shivered and drew the blanket closer. “Josh won’t be back for a while. He went to the office to meet a client.”
“Actually, I came to talk to you.” I sat across from her in a leather recliner. “I have a serious question to ask, and I want this conversation to remain between you and me.”
She set the magazine on the coffee table and tugged the brown blanket to her chin. “Now you’ve got me worried.”
I clenched my hands in my lap praying this wasn’t a terrible mistake. “It’s something that I need to know. I mean, maybe I’m being paranoid, but I need to know if....” I took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “Are you still in love with Josh?”
Her eyes shifted away from mine and she nodded. “Yes.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry, Katy. I know that’s the wrong answer, but it’s the truth. I thought I was over him a long time ago, but when I got the cancer diagnosis, all I could think about was how much I needed Josh.”
“Have you told him?”
She shook her head. “I want to, but spending time with you has made it difficult. I really like you, and Josh says he loves you, so it would make things very awkward around here if he knew how I feel.”
“I think he deserves to know.”
“Why?”
I stood. “I just do. Even if it means I lose him.” I went to the door, then turned to her. “And if I lose him, then I never really had him, did I?”
After a long, hysterical cry on my bed, I drifted to sleep, cuddled next to Daisy. The doorbell woke me at 11:45.
Oh, crap. What if it’s Josh? I checked the doorbell app on my cellphone and saw a UPS truck out front. I set the phone back on the nightstand and closed my eyes. Then I remembered the porch pirates that have been stealing boxes in the neighborhood and got up.
In the kitchen, I slit the box open and found a pretty, flowered toilet plunger nestled in bubble wrap. I had completely forgotten that I’d ordered it, so it was like getting a present. After setting it behind the hall bathroom toilet, I stepped back to admire it. Who knew a toilet plunger could lift my spirits?
I brewed a strong cup of dark roast, and Daisy made me go outside to soak up some vitamin D. The bird feeder hanging in the pepper tree was empty so I filled it. After I had hung it up, a blue jay landed on it and screeched, “What took you so long, Food Lady?”
“Sorry, buddy. Been a little distracted lately.”
He gave me the stink eye, then selected a sunflower seed and flew a
way.
Daisy and I sat under the tree, and I sipped my coffee, waiting for Jay to return. I finally gave up and went to the front porch to see if Josh’s car was in the driveway. It wasn’t, so that meant Nicole hadn’t spoken to him yet.
What if she breaks her promise not to tell him? I imagined him banging on my door to have it out with me for butting into their personal business.
“Even if I don’t answer the door, he’ll know I’m home. Unless...I’m not.” Mind made up, I dashed inside and threw some things into a suitcase.
I called Mom and told her I was heading up the coast to Cambria to spend a few nights.
“Honey, this is so unlike you. You never used to be spontaneous about anything. I remember when you were seven or eight, I gave away your baby wading pool and got you a bigger one, thinking you’d love it. But instead—”
“I remember. I had a major meltdown.”
“Did you ever.”
“I’ve never liked change, and yet everything keeps changing, so I’m trying to be more carefree and go with the flow, plus, I think I need a timeout from Josh.”
After I told Mom what was going on, she said, “Well, now your sudden spontaneity makes more sense. You going to drop Daisy off here?”
“I’m going to take her with. I have a travel app that lists all the dog-friendly hotels in California, and it’ll be an adventure. But could you check on Tabitha?”
“Of course, sweetie. Don’t forget to take dog food for Daisy.”
The first two hotels I called had no vacancies, then I tried an Airbnb and got a room. The owner said the room is booked tomorrow, so I’d need to check out by eleven, but I took it anyway. I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
COINS AND CADAVERS
WEDNESDAY • MARCH 4
Posted by Katy McKenna
After a leisurely beach stroll with Daisy, I ate breakfast at an outdoor cafe while my girl snoozed under the table. I splurged on Eggs Benedict with smoked salmon on a homemade English muffin. Amazing. Afterward, I made calls to book a room for the night.
Several calls later, it became apparent there were no rooms at the inns. I didn’t want to go home, so I headed up the coast toward Big Sur.
Fifteen minutes out of Cambria, we passed by the Hearst Castle perched high on a hill overlooking the Pacific. I stopped to photograph a herd of zebras grazing in the field along the two-lane highway. When William Randolph Hearst built the castle in the early 1900’s, he imported exotic animals from around the world. At one time there had been camels, yaks, bison, giraffes, lions, tigers, and bears. Now only zebras and cattle roam the ranch.
Further up Highway One, we climbed into the Santa Lucia Mountain Range that runs along the coast of central California. I’d forgotten how scary those hairpin turns can be, especially when a mega-huge RV was heading in my direction. After several mini-heart attacks, I pulled off at a view point to take a breather and give Daisy a potty break. I crawled out of the car, unclenched my stiff muscles, then opened the back door, expecting her to go nuts. Instead, my girl lay sprawled on the seat with a thick stream of drool hanging from her lips.
“Baby? What’s the matter?”
She gave me a bleary look, raised a paw as if to say, “Farewell, cruel world,” and heaved her breakfast onto the floor mat.
I helped my feeble girl hobble out of the car, and the breezy ocean air instantly revived her.
“Are you all right now, baby?”
Tail wagging, she lobbed me an air kiss.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” I lifted the floor mat out to drain her spew. “Thank you for hitting the rubber mat instead of the seat.” I threw a few handfuls of dirt on the mat, rubbed it in with tissues, then shook it off. “There. Good as new. You ready to get going again?”
I rolled down the back window so she could hang her head out, and we resumed our journey. Along the way, we passed a couple of small hotels with the No Vacancy signs lit up.
At last! A place with rooms available. The Mantra Motel. I parked and checked their rating on Trip Advisor. Only one review from a Melvin Schwartz. One star.
On the lobby porch, an aging hippie dude sat in a willow twig rocking chair, strumming a beat-up guitar. “Greetings, sister. You gotta a reservation?”
“No.”
He nodded a moment, stroking his long gray beard. “Cool.”
“Do you have any rooms available?”
“Let me check our reservations.” The man set the guitar aside, and I followed him inside to the lobby desk. He flipped open a leather binder and scanned the page with his finger. “Looks like you’re in luck.”
“Do you allow dogs?” I said.
“Depends.”
“On what?”
“If I like it.”
“It is a girl. A very sweet, well-behaved, quiet girl. You wanna meet her?”
“Groovy.”
At the car, I opened the backseat door, and Daisy leaped out to greet Mr. Hippie.
“Nice pooch.” He crouched to pet the wiggle-worm.
“So, what’s the verdict?” I asked.
“Tell you what. You two can have our deluxe suite. It’s sweet.”
Daisy and I followed him back to the desk. “I doubt I can afford the suite. A regular room will do.”
“Not for my new friend, Miss Daisy. You get the suite, no extra charge. Here’s the key.” He handed me a real metal key attached to a leather peace symbol. “Down at the end and around the corner. If you’re hungry, there’s a vending machine. The restaurant across the road,” he pointed at a ramshackle building, “is closed for the winter. Bummer. Awesome organic vegan fare.”
“Thanks. Don’t I need to do some paperwork?”
“Naw. First names are good enough.” He held out his hand, and we shook. “Name’s Mel, as in mellow, although that wasn’t my mother’s intention at the time.” He chuckled. “Melvin. Can you dig it?”
“I’m Katy. Do you need a credit card number?”
“Nah. Don’t take cards.”
“Uh, oh. I don’t have much cash on me.”
“No worries. You can send a check when you get home.”
“Seriously? Don’t you have problems with that?”
“Not often. I figure if someone doesn’t pay, they must need the bread more than I do.”
“I promise to send you a check as soon as I get home. What time’s checkout?”
“Anytime before noon, but if that’s too early, no worries. Sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs bite.”
I expected the room to be shabby and full of bedbugs. Instead, it was charming and well appointed. King-size brass bed, stone fireplace, claw-foot tub in the bathroom, and a wide screen TV with an impressive collection of DVD movies. To top it all off was the vending machine. I had anticipated candy bars and stale corn chips, but instead, got a nice selection of fresh, organic delights.
Final catch-up on today’s blog
Halfway through a good movie I’d never heard of: Red Rock West—an offbeat mystery with Nicolas Cage and Dennis Hopper, I realized I’d had my phone off all day. Should have left it that way.
There were three texts from Josh.
First one: Hey, cupcake, where are you?
Thirty minutes later: Everything all right?
Then a couple hours later: We need to talk
“Oh crud. I knew that was coming. Thank goodness I’m not home.”
A text from Mom: Josh called asking if you’re all right. Are you?
One from Samantha: Road trip helping?
And Ruby: Where the hell are u?
Now that reality had shattered my mellow mood, I replied to everyone. I won’t bore you with the silly auto-correct misspellings.
To Josh: I’ll be back soon. In Big Sur with Daisy. I needed a little “me” time with my girl.
To Mom, Sam, and Ruby: I’m fine. Daisy and I are staying at a great place in Big Sur. The Mantra Motel. More later.
I admit it
was pretty chicken of me, running away like I did. But I wasn’t ready for Josh’s knock on the door and the, “We need to talk,” conversation.
Yes, it’ll happen, for better or worse, but we both need time to think. I do not want a man whose heart still belongs to someone else. Even if it’s just a little piece of it. For me, it’s one hundred percent or nothing. I’m selfish that way.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
COINS AND CADAVERS
THURSDAY • MARCH 5
Posted by Katy McKenna
This morning, after coffee and a cranberry muffin, I headed to the lobby to fetch my bill. Mel was sitting in his rocker, reading a book. I peeked at the title. A Dog’s Purpose.
“Oh, I love that book. It’s one of my all-time favorites.”
Mel glanced up, teary-eyed, then blew his nose on a red bandana. Daisy licked his hand, and his tears welled up again.
“The story has a happy ending, Mel.”
“I hope so. I don’t know how much more I can take.” His gravelly voice broke, and he cleared his throat.
“Hang in there. Trust me, it’s worth it.” I waited for him to compose himself. “I’m here for my bill. I enjoyed my stay, and I’m going to post a glowing five-star review on Trip Advisor, Yelp, Google, and anywhere else I can think of.”
“Whoa, girl. I appreciate the sentiment, but please don’t. Word of mouth works fine for me and the missus.”
“I just think that—”
“I know. Everyone always thinks that, but we make enough to get by, and we’re content. All we need is a roof over our heads, enough bread to pay the bills, and good vibes from kind folks like you. So please, no reviews.”
Murder Blog Mysteries Boxed Collection Page 70
