“No,” she said, her breath freezing in her chest.
He turned to her and smiled, but the expression waned when he saw her consternation.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Mare…”
“Saddle up!” Adam hollered, splashing back to shore.
“Talk to me, Jill.”
“That means you two,” Evelyn said, placing a hand on Mare’s shoulder.
“Give us a minute,” he said.
“We’re wasting time,” Adam said. The others were leisurely working their way back to where they’d parked the motorcycles.
“Jill…”
“It can wait,” she said, looking away and grabbing her shoes and socks from the freshly birthed grass beside her.
“Jill!” he called, but she was already hurrying to her bike.
Mare could only stare after her, confused, wondering what could possibly be troubling her so…fearing that whatever she had to tell him would irrevocably change his world forever.
V
RAY WAS LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT. MAYBE NOT EVERY MINUTE, WHATEVER those things had been back in the burning forest had scared the tar out of him, but he reveled in every sight. Every scorched tree trunk that blew past to either side of the road. Every skeletal limb attached to them. Every gap that opened between the upper reaches that revealed the gray sky. The drivers ahead of them, weaving along the path. Even the back of Mare’s head: the curvature of his ears was fascinating. Granted, this was a poor substitute for the physical sight he had once known, and he had to be careful not to lean too close to Mare for fear of singing his hair with the flames from his eye sockets, but it was beyond his wildest dreams only days ago. So the sun was merely a luminous nickel in the sky. Big deal. Maybe he only saw the world in shades of gray, but he’d never heard a dog complain, and he certainly wasn’t about to start. He’d grown accustomed to seeing the white-hot cores of his friends’ hearts and minds, the gray waves of blood flow that defined their appendages. It was wonderful, mind-boggling, and while it wasn’t the showcase of colors and hues he had experienced through the first twenty years of his life, it was a miracle he would never take for granted again.
Mere days ago, hours really, he had accepted his uselessness. He had been as blind as a bat and could hardly walk a dozen paces without falling. He was the albatross hanging around the necks of each and every one of the others. A burden. He had entertained other notions. Had he been able to find a rope and a tall tree, he would have happily released his friends from the obligation they felt to him. The thought had even crossed his mind to wade out into the Great Salt Lake and just swim until he could no longer move his arms, sinking peacefully into the murky depths. Now that he thought about it, why hadn’t he? No one would have been able to stop him. Once they were all asleep around the fires, he could have slipped out into the night and paddled off toward the horizon. Was it the fear that they would find his bloated corpse washed up on the beach? No. He despised the prospect of hurting them, but they were no longer strangers to dead bodies, especially those of friends. So why—?
Jake.
The boy had never left his side. He had slept right beside him, and quite often sprawled across him, every night. He had been right there every morning when Ray awakened, and had been there to hold his hand all day every day.
He craned his neck to see over Mare’s shoulder to where Jake clung to Evelyn from behind, leaning his head against her back as though trying to sleep.
“I guess we’re even now,” Ray said, knowing that Jake had saved his life. Maybe not in the dramatic fashion Ray had saved his, but in a very real way nonetheless. Ray loved that little guy. For a moment, he almost thought he felt tears streaming down his cheeks.
“You say something?” Mare shouted over the rumble of the engines and hum of the wind.
Ray smiled and leaned forward. “Wanna let me drive?”
“Not on your life!”
“Come on.”
Mare could only shake his head. Ray wasn’t sure if he really would take the helm if he had the chance, but right now he felt invincible. All of the feelings of futility had vanished, and for the first time in a long time, the old Ray resurfaced from the fugue that had hung over him since Tina’s death… Sweet Tina. God how he missed her.
A twinkle caught his eye off to the left, winking at him from afar through the black stumps and tangled branches of fallen trees. At first he thought it was a river the way the surface glimmered white against the lighter background, but the edges were too clearly defined to be banks, the curves too smooth. The path wound to the left, granting him a vastly superior view past a section of fractured trunks, their upper halves having snapped free to tumble down the rocky cut toward what he now recognized as a highway. The white speckles he had mistaken for diminutive waves, were actually small, flat pebbles in the pavement heated by the sun, which was now working its way down toward the mountains behind. It would be nice to ride on some smooth asphalt for while. His rear end felt like one large bruise after all of the bouncing on the uneven path. Maybe they could even gain a little ground on the setting sun.
The trail bent back to the right, tracing the topography of the hillside, the highway vanishing from view. Ray continued to watch, hoping to get a good view of the roadway before broaching the subject. There was no telling if the thoroughfare was clogged with wrecked cars or barricaded by boulders chased down the mountains by burning trees. It appeared only as the occasional sparkle, growing farther away until the trail wended back to the left and—
There was something beside the highway in a glittering sea of asphalt. It drew gray contrast against the smoldering forest behind, one steep gray wall still standing to lord over a mound of rubble. A corrugated metal roof stood before it, perched on tall concrete pillars. He thought he saw a car parked beneath, and then it was gone, stolen from sight by a granite outcropping.
“Down there!” Ray shouted into Mare’s ear. “There’s a gas station!”
Mare, who had been nervously watching the little orange needle dip below the E, breathed a sigh of relief. A moment later he could see the scorched remains of a brick building and the fueling bays in front. The main roadside sign was melted and black, the bulbs shattered all over the pavement from where it had fallen. Somehow the roof over the pumps had bowed upward and there were sections where it looked as though something had smashed through from beneath. Long metal slivers stood from the wounds.
Flashing his headlights and revving his engine, Mare caught the attention of the others ahead. Evelyn slowed and eased off to the side, the tread of her tires turning the black soil over to leave tracks of brown earth. Mare eased past and stopped beside Adam. He had to shout to be heard over the combined grumble of their engines.
“There’s a gas station!”
Mare pointed down the hillside through a gap in the deforestation.
“It looks like it’s burnt to the ground.”
“Yeah, but maybe there’s still gas in the pumps. I don’t know about you, but my tank’s almost dry.”
Adam didn’t have to glance at his gauge to know he was in the same boat.
“So?” Mare said.
“Worth a try.”
Ray stared down the slope, his mind reassembling the fallen structure into what it must have looked like before. Maybe it was his recent thoughts of Tina, but in his head he could only see the truck stop where his girlfriend had been butchered in the bathroom. His newfound sight faded back to black, but this time he was thankful for it.
VI
MISSY FELT LIKE A PASSENGER ON A HIJACKED FLIGHT. SHE HAD NO IDEA where they were going, only that very bad things would happen when they arrived. The fact that they were in such a hurry to get there was maddening. She wanted the motorcycles to run out of gas to slow their progress, but at the same time, she certainly didn’t relish the idea of having to hoof it through the mountains on foot. That would at least prolong the inevitable, though. Of course, it would also leave them at t
he mercy of whatever beasts now roamed the forest, while the bikes potentially allowed them to outrun pursuit. The bottom line was she didn’t know what she wanted outside of just turning around and heading back to the lake where they had been safe. Perhaps it was because deep down she was certain that if she survived whatever lay ahead, she would be making the return trip alone.
It isn’t fair! she screamed in her mind. What did any of us do to deserve this?
The sensation of Phoenix’s arms around her waist bound her to reality, but exposed her to its dark underbelly as well. She could feel his bones through his skin, the hard knobs where his wrists crossed. They had become even more pronounced since they had first set out. His face had become gaunt, shadows taking to the hollows of his eyes and the sharp cut of his cheekbones, even under the midday sun.
Phoenix was dying. Slowly and visibly, his life force drained steadily from him with each passing mile. She had been able to fool herself for a while. They were all under an enormous amount of stress and sustaining themselves on a staple of seaweed, after all. No one could stave off physical deterioration for long under these conditions, but this was different. Phoenix was fading and there was nothing she could do about it. Nothing. Nothing!
He squeezed her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder so he could speak directly into her ear.
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll always be with you.”
Her chest hitched as she stifled a sob. His courage enraged her. Why couldn’t he just turn around and flee with her, start anew someplace far away where none of the bad things would ever be able to reach them? She knew why, of course. This was his destiny, the whole reason he’d been placed on the earth. He was a firefly, his light blazing brighter and brighter until his biological imperative was fulfilled, and only then could he pass on—
Missy shook her head to rattle the thought away. None of this was fair, but she needed to at least act strong, if only for Phoenix’s benefit. The last thing he needed was for her to make things any harder for him, any harder for herself.
Adam coasted out of the rut they’d been using as a path down the steep slope and across the highway, the sun reflecting from the pavement as though diamonds had been embedded in the asphalt. The gas station loomed over them past the far shoulder. Or at least what remained of it, anyway. The aluminum canopy over the fuel stations still stood on concrete posts, bowed to the sky and scorched black, but the pumps were now only tangles of metal marking the black pits where the gasoline had once flowed. The underground reservoir to the right was now a crater that had swallowed half of the parking lot, while beyond, gasoline swirled in amoeboid shapes, reflecting the colors of the rainbow on a retaining pond from which the tail end of an Accord stood like a monument. The guardrail at the side of the highway was shredded and rent, marking the vehicle’s high-speed passage.
The building itself was in ruins. The half that had once served greasy burgers, eggs, and hash slung by even greasier men who’d never heard of hair nets, had flattened under the weight of the fallen roof. Now only a mound of black bricks topped by a melted air conditioning unit remained in the midst of a sea of melted glass from the windows. The convenience store side had fared little better, the left wall the only part still standing. The front grille of a car poked out of the rubble, upside down where it had been thrown by the explosion.
Adam slowed the bike in front of the remains. His shoulders slumped visibly.
“I was hoping there might still be some gas remaining,” he said. “I guess I should have known better.”
“It was worth a try,” Evelyn said, rolling up beside him. “We could have gotten lucky.”
Adam could only shake his head. The prospect of finding luck on their side was comical.
“Hey,” Mare said. “I have an idea.”
He stopped the bike and kicked down the stand. Climbing down, he walked over behind Jill and untied the bundled satchels behind her, rummaging until he found the supplies they’d had the foresight to bring along with them.
“There isn’t a drop left here,” Missy said.
He gave his sister a sly wink. “Oh, ye of little faith.” He struck off toward the monstrous hole in the earth, skirting the ragged asphalt edges. “Better bring those tanks along.”
Mare continued walking, past the crater and across the singed ground to the edge of the small lake, pausing only long enough to hang the tubing over his neck like a snake. He waded into the water, splashing toward the rear end of the Accord. Reaching the handle of the rear door, he opened it beneath the water and used it as a stair to climb up onto the slanted trunk, bracing his feet on the jagged edges of the shattered rear windshield. He leaned around the side and popped open the cover of the gas tank. Unscrewing the cap, he fed the hose in and started to suck on the opposite end. It was only a moment before he was coughing and vomiting petrol into the pond. Gas poured out of the hose, but Missy was right there, waiting with one of the reserve tanks, taking the hose from him and pointing it down into the red plastic drum.
“Who’s the man?” Mare asked triumphantly.
Missy smiled and shook her head. As soon as the tank was full, she pulled out the hose and passed it to Adam, who was beside her with another empty vessel.
Mare jumped back down into the water and splashed back to shore with his sister, passing Evelyn, who was just stepping down into the pond.
“Hey, Missy. Remember that time we were almost out of gas and someone used his brilliant powers of deduction to find more?”
“That was two minutes ago, Mare.” She rolled her eyes.
“And who was the man who saved us all?”
Missy groaned.
“I said, who’s the man?”
“Give me a break.”
“Come on, Miss. Who's the—?”
“Mare,” Phoenix interrupted.
“Finally,” Mare said. “At long last someone acknowledges that…” His words trailed off. He could tell by the grave look on Phoenix’s face that he hadn’t been playing along.
“I need to talk to you.”
“Sure,” Mare said hesitantly. Then to Missy, “I’ll be right back.”
Phoenix took him by the elbow and guided him around the one standing side of the convenience store, glancing back over his shoulder repeatedly until he was sure that they were out of sight. He released Mare’s elbow and took him by the hand.
“There’s something I need to give you,” Phoenix whispered, locking those pink eyes on Mare’s.
VII
MARE STILL WASN’T QUITE SURE WHAT HAD HAPPENED BEHIND THE REMAINS of the gas station. The whole event was an enigma he tried to unravel as they rode eastward. When Adam had called for them, they had been standing in the rubble, staring into each other’s eyes as they had been for several minutes while he waited expectantly for Phoenix to say something. He had called him back there, after all. Never once did Phoenix make a move to reach into his pocket for whatever gift he had claimed he was going to give. Instead, Phoenix had simply stood there, looking into his eyes and holding his hand. It hadn’t been a comfortable moment. It was as though Phoenix were looking through his eyes to read his soul, if such a thing were possible. He had grown increasingly unsettled, but had been unable to break eye contact. Eternities had seemed to pass, the world standing still around them, before something finally happened, and he still wasn’t precisely sure what. All he clearly remembered was Adam shouting for them to get a move on, and now here he was, astride his freshly fueled motorcycle, speeding down the rugged black soot path with Ray clinging to him from behind.
The sun was setting in the sky, preparing to slink silently behind the rugged peaks, lengthening their shadows ahead of them, the ground to either side marred by dead tree trunks. They would only be able to go so much farther before having to set up camp and calling it a night, for he could only imagine the lack of contrast between the singed earth and the night sky. Even the shade was forcing them to slow.
His thoughts returned again t
o the mysterious moment he had shared with Phoenix, his mind replaying it for the umpteenth time. He had been drawn into the other boy’s eyes, faded pink like an abandoned stretch of asphalt, streaked with crimson, red rays from the black sun of his pupils. The sclera had been bloodshot, the rims of his eyelids irritated to the point it appeared as though blood welled like tears, preparing to spill down his cheeks. Maybe it had been his protective brotherly instincts, but there had always been something about Phoenix, a feeling he couldn’t quite pin down, that made him nervous around the other boy, an ant beneath a magnifying glass with the cloud cover preparing to part. Missy loved him, though, and she had seen too much misery in her life for Mare to intervene and deprive her of whatever happiness she could find. Missy was entitled to at least that much, but if Phoenix even thought about hurting her, he would do what brothers did to protect their sisters, whatever that may entail. And perhaps there had been a point where he had thought himself physically able to protect her from heartache, but staring into Phoenix’s eyes, he had felt as insignificant as a gnat buzzing around a giant’s head. It was as though Phoenix’s eyes were windows to vast universes beyond his comprehension.
“Your greatest fear is becoming your father,” Phoenix had said after that interminable moment of staring.
Mare hadn’t known how to respond. Or if he even could.
“You need not worry. You have more than enough courage to face the demon.”
Had he said “the demon” or “that demon”? Mare’s memory was hazy, his recollections suspect.
“She will be beautiful and strong. Strong enough to breathe life into a dead world,” Phoenix had said, his eyes receding into vacuous pits that had made Mare feel like he was falling. A wan smile had crossed Phoenix’s lips, but Mare hadn’t been able to grasp the emotion behind it. Had it been contentment? And who was “she”? He didn’t understand. “You should be very proud.”
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